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October 1975.
Remus really thought that it was going to be a normal Tuesday morning. Sure, he spent Sunday's night alone in the Shack tearing himself to pieces, but that, for him, was a monthly occurrence.
He was still pretty torn up from the full moon, Madame Pomfrey tried to convince him to stay in the Hospital wing another night, going as far as threatening to tie him up to the bed, but Remus had successfully snuck out and he'd been avoiding the woman ever since.
Poppy, as she insisted she'd call her, could be scary, he knew that the next time he saw her he'll have to listen to God knows how many hours of lecture.
He ignored Marlene as she went to sit to their table for what he guessed her and James's daily gossip morning session. It was only when he heard the words werewolf and last night and full moon in the same sentence that breakfast wasn't his priority anymore.
"What did you just say?" His head snapped in Marlene's direction.
"Jesus Christ, weren't you listening?" Remus just stared at her.
"Basically, yesterday night the seventh years were partying and some Ravenclaw boys got dared to sneak in the Shrieking Shack, you know the one in Hogsmede?" She started explaining and Remus suddenly forgot how to breathe.
She seemed to be unaware of his distress, she smirked before continuing the story.
"So anyway, there were like a shit ton of wards, but they managed to get in and- holy shit you will not believe what they found".
I can fucking imagine what they found.
" It looked like a beast had been in there. Anyway one of the boys that was there, smart little shits, figured out that it was a fucking werewolf. That's not all, by the size of the marks on the wall, they think it's completely possible that it's a young werewolf, meaning it could be frequenting Hogwarts".
"Come on Marls, how could they be sure what it was?" Peter asked, his eyes not leaving the potion assignment he had forgotten to do.
"They weren't, until they checked the lunar calendar. The blood on the walls could not have been more then a couple of days old and guess when was the last full moon?"
She waited for any guess from the four boys, except that were all frozen for different reasons.
Sirius and James with thrill.
Remus with fear.
Peter was just focused on his potion homework.
Seeing as none of the boys would even try to guess, she just answered to her own question.
"Last Sunday" She smirked once again as James and Sirius kept pressing for details.
Remus couldn't breathe. Probably the whole Hogwarts now knew about the secret he tried so hard to hide, and the place he'd spend the full moon tearing himself in had become some sort of a laughing stock.
"So it's here? Right now?" Sirius asked.
Remus didn't know what hurt more, the fact the boy didn't even consider him a person, or the fact that it was Sirius who asked. He started having feelings for him the moment he knew what having a crush was, and how could he not?
In his mind, Sirius was this perfect person, always helping others to try to prove his last name didn't define him. So when he asked that question in that tone almost hurt more then the whole situation.
He wanted to cry, scream, anything except being there.
Even Peter was now interested, his essay forgotten, asking questions and partecipating.
He excused himself from the table and rushed into his dorm.
His friends didn't even notice he was gone. It made him angry, for once he just wanted to be seen. Even an "are you ok" would have been enough.
He just wanted someone to care.
He skipped classes that day. He dismissed his friends, saying that he felt sick ( which wasn't technically a lie ) and the teachers didn't bother him, probably imagining what had happened.
Time passed, the rumors did not die down.
November 1975
That month went by quicker that Remus would care to admit. They had celebrated Sirius's sixteenth birthday with the usual party James threw.
"It's dumb I know but-"
"Rem"
"I know you like expensive shit and all but you know that's the best I could do and-"
"Remus"
"You don't even have to wear it it's fine-"
"Remus!" Sirius snapped cutting off Remus's self pitying monologue.
"I love it" He smiled as he held the necklace he'd gotten as a gift.
Remus could never afford nice gifts for his friends, given neither of his parents were in the picture and he was saving the little he had for when he'd be inevitably kicked out of the children's home.
Sirius's birthday was the only good thing about that month. Everyone, literally everyone was counting down the days to the full moon and organizing study groups to have an alibi to not risk being accused of being the werewolf.
The dreaded day eventually came, and Remus woke up exhausted and with a migraine. He took one of the pain potions Poppy gave him ( she did end up scolding him for sneaking out the month earlier) and prayed that everything would go smoothly.
All his friends ( and the whole school) could talk about was the upcoming full moon and it was driving him insane. He shoved a toast into his mouth to not risk snapping at someone and say the wrong thing.
He'd never been the best at controlling his anger during that particular period. His friends would notice if only one of them would notice him and ask him if he was fine, which wasn't going to happen-
"Are you feeling good, Rem?" Fuck his stupid crush.
"Yes don't worry" He knew Sirius didn't believe him, but let it slip anyways. Remus absolutely did not have butterflies in his stomach right now.
That evening was probably one of the worst in his life. It didn't matter in what direction his head turned, a shot of pain hit him almost making his lose his balance every time. He didn't think anyone noticed, everyone being too busy trying to catch the beast red handed.
Except him.
People talked and looked at him.
Sirius looked at Remus.
Remus had an existential crises, but he looked at Sirius as well.
"So gals, what are you doing tonight?" James asked loudly. He had been happier and more carefree for the past few months. Remus's guess is that he's met someone, and that they are making him sneak out a lot.
"I'm just going to study for the History of magic exam, and so should you" Remus lied his way through. It was a very believable lie, since he usually spent hours studying anyway.
"Oh no, dear old Jamie here is probably going to meet his lover girl, probably having a romantic date under the moonlight" Sirius laughed and Peter made kissing noises before James eventually threw a piece of cake at him.
"Oh Sirius, you know I only have eyes for you, my brover" James replied.
"Brover...?"
"A mix of brother and lover, come on Rem you're supposed to be the smart one!"
"That's not a word" Remus said at the same time as Sirius replied:
"I love you my brosoulmate"
"I love you more, we are Bromeo and Julmate"
"No I love you more my-"
"Ok, that's enough" Peter snapped doing everyone ( mostly Remus) a favour.
"You two have an unhealthy co-depency, you know that right?" He continued
"Well if you consider that-"
"Sirius please think if what you are saying is not going to get you a broken nose. "
"I'll shut up. "
Weirdly, Remus was the only one with the rare and majestic power of keeping Sirius quiet.
The rest of dinner was uneventful, except for an announcement from Dumbledore that anyone who would get near the Shack that night would make loose their house two hundred points, and nothing motivates teenagers more then a meaningless competition.
And even when Remus started going to the hospital wing to meet with Pomfrey like every month, Sirius's eyes never left him.
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Remus had always thought that his second full moon had been the worst, and oh boy he was wrong because this one definitely got first place.
"Dammit!" He winced as Poppy fixed his leg.
"If you even think about running away, I will tie you up to the bed"
"Poppy please, if I miss breakfast they'll know something's wrong" His voice was hoarse but that didn't stop him from trying to convince her.
"You'll have plenty of time to think of something and rest, because you are not leaving this room until you heal, got it?"
"Yes, Madame" Absolutely fucking not.
He, in fact, did not keep the promise and got up as soon as she was on her way to help another kid, quidditch injury Remus reckoned.
He made his way to the Gryffindor common room to an...interesting sight to say the least.
All of his friends we're gathered in a circle with papers scattered around the room.
Peter and Lily were chatting on one of the couches while Marlene, Mary, James and Sirius looked like detectives trying to solve an unsolved case from thirty years earlier.
"What the hell are you doing?" He half laughed.
"Remus! Finally someone with a brain that can help us" Marlene started picking up papers that fell on the floor.
"This two geniuses" She pointed at the two marauders sitting with them "somehow managed to steal the attendance record of every Gryffindor from McGonagall's office."
"And they want you to help them see if any Gryffindor could be the werewolf, checking their attendance record to see if it matches with the full moon." Lily finished "which I think it's stupid, and we should forget about this story"
Remus was never more glad that Lily was his friend.
"Come on Lils, if I'd been sharing the dorm with a werewolf I'd like to know." Peter said mindlessly "Not that I think any of you lads is actually a werewolf...to be clear" The irony made Remus want to curl up into a ball and cry.
"Did you study all night? You look like shit" It took him a second to realize that Mary was talking to him.
"Yeah uhm...for the Transfiguration exam" He then panicked for a second, remembering he said that he'd study History of magic. He hoped no one noticed.
But he did, Sirius did.
"Classic Remmy, always pulling all nighters" James said trying to lighten up the mood.
"God I thought we left that stupid nickname in first year."
"Never Remmy."
"How didn't Madame Pince catch you?" Shit. Sirius was smarter then people gave him credit for, unluckly for Remus.
"Come on Madame Pince loves him, you really think he'd kick him out?" Lily, if I were straight I'd marry you. Remus thought.
"Hey Remus, can you help me with this Astrology assignment?"
Sorry Peter, I can't because I'm too scared of you finding out my darkest secret, the one I hate myself for. Also homework is the last thing I wanna do since my leg hurts like a bitch a I feel like passing out any second and—
"Yes of course Pete"
February 1976.
December's full moon happened during the Christmas holidays, so that was good. January was a nightmare, his friends and everyone else tried even harder to catch the beast, Remus had used his ill mother as an excuse.
Sure, he had not seen his mother since he was five, but they didn't need to know that.
Now it was only a few days before the full once again, and by far it was the most Hogwarts has been focused on. Poppy assured him that after a while people would get bored of it, except they didn't.
Remus wanted to vanish, it was the third time in a row since the whole thing that nobody saw him on the full. His friends had made an attempt to discover his identity a couple weeks earlier, that completely failed.
They had replaced every fork, spoon and knife in the school with ones made of silver and steel, thinking that the werewolf would not be able to eat. What they didn't know is that silver only burns werewolves if it's completely pure and not mixed with other substances, so Remus was able to eat in peace.
There had been a loud clatter at a certain point but it only turned out to be a bunch of second years starting a food fight.
He just hoped he could make it, just this month he didn't want anything to happen, just to his secrets not do be revealed.
They got revealed, of course.
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The first time Sirius Black met Remus Lupin, he makes it his life mission to be his friend. He was different from James and Peter, whom he'd become friends with immediately, he kept to himself, didn't talk unless talked to.
It was a slow process, but eventually they'd become the best of friends.
The first time Sirius Black realized he had feelings for Remus Lupin, he was thirteen and listening to him rant about the latest book he'd read.
Even nowadays he could recite word for word the plot of that book.
The first time Remus Lupin ever got a girlfriend, Sirius Black cried himself to sleep.
He tried to get that boy from his head, he really did. He failed miserably.
He felt selfish every time he watched them together and hope they'd just break up, when they actually did he threw a 'consolation' party ( which really was for joy for him).
He had always known that Remus wasn't like everyone else, but when he started acting more distant then usual, he worried.
He was now at the astronomy tower with the only person he thought could help him. He had also brought a bottle of firewiskey, of course.
"I just don't know how to help him"
"Have you tried, I don't know, talking to him?"
"You don't know him like I do Reg, he won't just talk to me" Sirius replied as he chugged down another sip.
"How can you drink that stuff?" Regulus pointed at the bottle in his older brother's hand.
Sirius shrugged and handed him the firewiskey and watching as his little brother Reggie, who had not have a sip of alcohol in his entire life, drink it like it was water.
"Holy shit" Sirius laughed "How the hell did you swallowed it so easily?"
"Practice" He said without missing a beat. There was an uncomfortable silence for a second.
"Oh- Reggie!" Sirius pretended to gag dramatically
"What? I'm fifteen."
"Exactly, you're a baby. "
"You lost your virginity at fourteen."
"Not the point, and I'm the older brother, I'm allowed."
"You're ridiculous" Regulus sighted as he drank more from the bottle.
"I'm sleeping in your dorm tonight, so you better save me some space" Sirius stated firmly.
"What? Why?"
"So I can help you with the killer hangover that will eventually hit you tomorrow morning."
Regulus had no intention of fighting his brother on this.
"I hate you Gay-ffindors" He smirked.
"I love you too, Slyther-shit."
Pause.
"But seriously, who did you f—"
"Sirius."
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Sirius decided he was going to talk to Remus the night of the full moon, maybe he's use his werewolf research as an excuse to get him alone and talk to him.
In his delusions, Remus had been acting weird because he realized he'd been in love with Sirius and they'd live happily ever after in a small cottage in London.
That wasn't going to happen of course, but a man can dream, right?
The four marauders had been talking in the common room, doing absolutely nothing except laugh. All of them except Remus who was on the couch with three pillows covering his head.
Remus suddenly stood up, mumbling something about going to the library before Sirius stopped him.
"Sirius please, I have to go."
"Why don't you stay here?"
"I just wanted to stay at the library, that's all."
"Ok then, I'm coming with you, you look ill."
"I'm fine."
"Come on Rem, you can help me with the werewolf research, it'll be more fun of we do it together."
"Jesus Christ why are you still hung up on that?" Remus snapped. For some reason unknown to the other marauders, he had never shown much interested on the thing, but Sirius was sure that he could be able to figure it out if he'd put in the effort.
"Well, excuse me if I want to know if I'm going to school with a dark creature."
"Did you forget that's an actual person, with feelings? I bet they'd feel like shit if they'd know what you're doing.
"Why are you defending it? I'm sure whoever it is probably tricked Dumbledore and they're a horrible person in general—"
"And what if it was me?!" Remus almost yelled in desperation. Time seemed to freeze.
"You're so fucking oblivious you can't even see what's under your nose." Remus seemed to have to idea of the impact of his words so he just kept going.
"Tell me, what did you think you'd do once you found out? You'd burn me with silver, that's what the forks were for, weren't they? Or did you just hope I'd drop dead in the middle of the bloody Great Hall?!"
It took Remus a couple more seconds to realize what he'd just said. He couldn't move, couldn't breathe, couldn't do anything except look at the ground in horror.
He did not dare to look at anyone of his friends,especially not Sirius. He just left ignoring the voices calling his name.
He could feel that this moon was going to be absolute shit.
---------------------------
Sirius Black didn't beg, that was a known fact, so it was a surprise for everyone when they saw him trying to bribe Madame Pomfrey to let him in the Hospital wing.
"I know he's in there, come on Poppy let me in!"
Yeah, it was useless.
Mostly because Remus wasn't awake yet.
And he wouldn't be until late that night.
He didn't even warn Madame Pomfrey before going to his dorm room. The plan was simple: heal his injuries by himself with dittany, pack his things and get the hell out of there.
Because there was no way in hell he was staying at Hogwarts a day longer. The others probably already told the whole school anyway.
He took everything off except his grey sweatpants ( that's had red stains of blood, so not completely grey), sat on his bed and started frantically applying the dittany wherever there was a cut or claw mark. He was glad he was the only one in the dorm.
"Can I help you?" A voice came from behind him and of course it was him.
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Sirius couldn't sleep.
He was just shuffling in his own bed trying to get comfortable. Peter and James were out on his request, wanting to talk to Remus alone.
He never felt more stupid. Looking back, it was so obvious what Remus was trying to hide, there were so many signs: him randomly getting sick and going away once a month, his short temper and the random scars that randomly appeared on his body.
Just as he thought he was starting to fall asleep, he heard soft whimpers of pain from the bed next to him.
Remus's bed.
He shook himself awake immediately and drew the curtains open, and there he was. Bleeding, hurt but still alive Remus. Sirius walked up to him silently, watching as he was trying to heal himself up so fast his cuts weren't even started to scar.
"Can I help you?" He said in a quiet tone. Remus turned to look at him. He seemed so scared Sirius almost wished to scoop him up into his arms and never let him go.
Seeing as the boy was too shaken up to talk, he just sat next to him in silence.
"Is that what you use?" He pointed at the dittany in Remus's bloody hands.
"I-" Sirius gently took the small bottle from his hands and started healing a huge scar on Remus's left shoulder.
They stayed silent for a couple of minutes while Sirius took care of every scar the werewolf had.
"I'm sorry." Remus whispered to him.
"I'm sorry too." There wasn't much to say after that.
"Here." Sirius landed him some clean clothes.
Remus mumbled a quiet 'thank you' as he went to the bathroom to change.
He looked at his reflection in the mirror, scars covering his whole body.
I can't believe he had to see me like that.
He dressed up as fast as he could just to find Sirius waiting for him on his bed like a puppy waiting for his owner to come back from work.
He sat down next to him, mimicking the action Sirius had done earlier.
"Why didn't you tell us?" His tone wasn't accusatory, he was just trying to understand.
"Why do you think? I already see myself as a monster enough, I didn't need you to pry." He tried not me make his voice break but failed miserably.
"You're not—"
"Please don't finish the sentence."
There was an uncomfortable silence after that.
"You're only saying that 'cause it's me. You wouldn't have said that if I was a stranger."
"The reason I'm saying that it's exactly because I know you. You're— the best of all of us, and I was wrong before, I'm sorry." Remus desperately wanted to kiss him.
He had not realized they'd become closer, their foreheads almost touching and— was Sirius staring at his fucking lips?
So, Remus did exactly what a Gryffindor would do, he leaned forward and kissed Sirius.
It was a peck, more than a kiss but it's the thought that counts.
Before he could start profusely apologize, Sirius just cupped his face and really kissed him.
They stayed like that for a while before Sirius said breathlessly:
"You should sleep in my bed tonight."
Remus just nodded, thinking that had talked enough for the day.
From there on, Remus hated himself a little less.