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She let her gaze wander around the room, searching, feeling, for what it once held. Signs of warmth, of life, a home. A woven tapestry of two lives connected, each thread different but complete together. It appeared at times chaotic, serene, complicated, simple. It made no sense looking at it all, but the contrast had only made it more special. It was utterly unique, there was nothing like it, and there would be nothing like it again.
Now those signs were gone.
The room was empty, the walls were bare, holding only memories of what had been. It was sweet to see, it was painful to see; a torrent of untold conflicting feelings that only grew the more she stared.
So she did the only thing she could. She turned and left, the lights going dark behind her.
The rest of the hab was much the same. Empty, lifeless, a pale reflection of what had been. The corner where the TV once sat lay bare. Hours of games and shows and laughter left only as memories and little marks on the carpet from the couch. The kitchen, where warm things were made and meals were shared, where breaking bread had drawn two souls together, sat empty.
It was too much.
The grief overtook her. The rage overtook her.
She wanted to scream most days, to pour every bit of hurt out of her in a primal, uncontrolled flood in the faint hope that it would help her. That if she got it all out, tomorrow wouldn’t be quite so hard.
This was her grief, the cloudy companion that stormed around her. It never really left. Some days it was calmer, but it was always there. And it was better than her rage. She hated her rage.
Her rage was ugly. It wanted pain. It wanted to cause hurt. It hoped for suffering like she had suffered. It wanted revenge. And in her darker moments, she revelled in it. She never acted on it, and never would, but that didn’t stop her from embracing the ugliness and relishing in it. And oh how good it felt. It made her want silly things, foolish things.
Cheating wasn't a domesticable offence within the Compact, and even though it made no sense, the animal part of her that wanted revenge wished it was. Maybe then they’d really feel how she felt, understand the depth of what they had done. Maybe then she could find solace, a bit of peace.
She shook her head and cleared her thoughts. She couldn’t spiral down this hole again. Causing pain and hurt would get her nothing, and she’d only look back on anything she did with shame.
So she turned toward the door that would lead out of the hab and away from it all. A path to somewhere new. She slowly put on her boots and coat, the simple act calming her mind just a bit. It was cold outside this time of year, and her new home was on the other side of the city so it would be a long walk. The affini who had taken her things to move them had offered to come back and escort her, but she declined. She needed to be alone sometimes, and the crisp air would clear her head.
With a single deep breath she turned to the ceiling. One last thing to take care of.
“Hey Habby?” she called, “You’ll be there when I arrive right?”
“Of course.” came the soft reply, the voice was always soft these days. “Once you finish here I’ll begin transferring myself over to your new hab. I’ll be waiting for you.”
She nodded. Where she was going she wouldn’t be alone.
So she stepped toward the door, feeling the rush of cool air pour in as it opened silently in front of her. It would be a long trip, and dark for most of the way. She’d be cold, and even though she knew where she was going, she didn’t really have a plan on how to get there. She’d stumble, get lost, see new things, find her way, and when she got to where she was going there would be warmth. It wouldn't be easy, but she'd have somewhere new to call home.
She found herself outside, the lights going dim and the door sliding shut behind her. Someday everything that lay within would fade into a memory. Never forgotten, but no longer living in her head. She looked forward to that day.
She began to walk, casting one last look at the door growing slowly distant behind her.
“Goodbye.”