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Cody had always been... different. Something was wrong with him.
He tried to keep up with his brothers, he tried to listen and stay still. He tried to keep his feelings to himself.
But inevitably they would all spill over.
He was just wrong .
The only reason that he wasn't taken away from his batch, away from training, was that he scored perfect scores more often than not on his best subjects (the ones he could focus on), and even when he didn't, his averages were above everyone else's, sometimes even in line with their outliers.
He had too much potential to just waste.
There was a reason he remained with the command class.
But it was hard. He was learning to hide all his problems, to pretend they didn't exist.
Something had gone wrong in his tube. He was different from all his brothers.
He hated being different. He hated being the one everyone talked about. He hated seeing the trainers whisper about him like he was difficult on purpose.
He was trying so hard, but he just didn't understand what was wrong with him.
When he was six, the longnecks took him for experiments, trying to cure his problems.
He explained some of the issues, but nothing came of it.
Just scars from the surgeries they conducted, trying to fix him.
Some of his problems were worse after.
The only good thing that came of it was that it turned out some of his problems came from insulin resistance- diabetes. He needed to be careful with sugars.
He was allowed the equipment needed to control it because he was still the one with the most potential, based on his high scores in several areas, and his average scores in others. He only had one or two below average.
They needed him more than they needed to remove someone imperfect.
It was when he screamed and threw a fit at seven that Prime stepped in and asked some questions.
He had some suggestions for the longnecks and trainers. A compromise was reached.
Cody could have material most comfortable for him under everything he needed for training, and once they were at war. They would leave him alone and stop trying to force him to be a perfect soldier when he wasn't needed for training. If it was just a basic learning module, no need for soldier behavior.
This meant that things went a lot smoother for him.
Cody felt a lot more comfortable with looser but heavier clothes as his default. It didn't help much when he had to practice with armor but it was still an improvement with nicer, smoother material.
As time went on, the changes led to him having less meltdowns (that's what Prime had called them), and he was able to focus a lot more.
It was still hard, he still found his thoughts wandering in weird directions, and he could go off on tangents if people let him, but with a lot of the pressure off, he found everything so much easier.
His scores rose further, especially in his academic lessons where he didn't need to wear armor.
When similar problems cropped up in younger clones, Cody was both an example and a mentor. He claimed several of them as his younger brothers and made sure that they knew they could always ask him for help.
It wasn't a very common problem, most batches didn't have even one person with what Cody dealt with. But it was common enough that Cody was busy during his downtime.
By the time the war arrived when he was ten, Cody knew how to hide his problems, and he knew what he needed during the time people weren't watching to be able to keep hiding it without signs of meltdowns.
The medics were aware of his problems with diabetes, along with all the usual triggers, and how to approach him for injury, depending on how close to meltdown he was.
Cody braced himself for his general, for some natborn to be in charge of him, to question everything the way the longnecks did, Jedi or not.
He was not prepared for General Kenobi.
The Jedi was so calm and kind. He wanted to know names. He cared about them.
He made good tactical decisions, but they were not the brutally efficient tactics that Cody was taught.
General Kenobi, beyond very compassionate and not wanting to feel anyone die if he could help it, pointed out that if they only used those tactics, they would quickly be out of clones old enough for the war.
Cody's heart dropped at the thought of any of his younger brothers being shoved into the war before they were ready.
He worked well with General Kenobi.
General Kenobi was kind and compassionate, and the few times Cody's strange habits broke through his mask, he didn't react badly. He just went with it, sometimes offering his own strange habits.
It was weird.
But at least they had a good general.
Cody relaxed, but he still hid his true self, he still hid his diabetes problem. He still hid the scars from the attempts to fix him.
While he knew that General Kenobi wasn't cruel and wouldn't cast him aside, Cody still didn't want to trust him with his secrets.
After all, Cody was broken and could not be fixed.
As long as he did his job and no one else knew, he could handle it. He would be fine.
After General Kenobi went on the mission to hunt Ziro with General Vos, General Vos kept appearing after missions to bother General Kenobi.
General Vos was... weird. He was like no Jedi Cody had met.
But General Kenobi seemed to more than tolerate him, he seemed to be friends with General Vos.
General Vos just seemed to like being obnoxious and messing with everyone as much as General Kenobi pretended he didn't.
They picked up General Vos from one of his missions, and he was to join them on their next mission.
When both Jedi expressed bad feelings, Cody braced himself.
He still wasn't prepared to end up in a rockslide, for Quinlan to get him out, only for them to end up trapped in a cave.
.
Quinlan checked the cave entrance, frowning. "There's air pockets so we shouldn't have to worry about lack of air, but there's no way out unless they find us. Too many rocks that could shift around and make things worse if I move the wrong one."
He turned when there wasn't an answer from Cody.
Cody was yanking his armor off of him, panicking, and muttering about it being too loud.
Quinlan pulled out some noise canceling headphones and put them on Cody's head before stepping back and sitting down nearby.
He started looking over his own injuries while he waited, then pulled out his medkit and started treating himself.
He didn't trust anyone he didn't know to follow the notes on his files, so he had taken enough healing classes to qualify as a healer knight. That way he could handle his own injuries until he could get to someone he did trust.
Once he finished he pulled out his stress ball and squeezed it while he waited.
Cody calmed down and blinked in confusion, hands going up to the headphones. He started taking them off, then winced and put them back on.
"Sorry," he whispered.
"It's okay." Quinlan smiled at him. He knew that the headphones wouldn't block out his voice, just cancel out the loud sounds he couldn't stand in the background. There was a reason he had them, after all.
Cody looked down at his body and winced.
"Can I look?"
Cody hesitated.
"I actually do have the credentials to treat injuries," Quinlan explained. "Here's my medkit." He showed Cody.
Cody sighed and nodded.
"Alright." Quinlan moved closer slowly, making sure to stay in Cody's line of sight.
He started talking, explaining what he was doing before he did it and narrating everything he found.
Quinlan was pleased when this worked to relax Cody.
He paused briefly when he realized that the material in Cody's undersuit was different than the norm- stretchy, soft, and smooth.
He didn't comment on it. He didn't comment on the scars he saw when he had to get the shirt off of Cody in order to wrap his ribs.
He just focused on making sure each injury was taken care of, ending with the bleeding on the back of Cody's head.
He stayed calm and soothing the whole time.
When he finished, he moved to sit near Cody, but not too close. He leaned on the wall, relieved to get some relief from the pain. "How do you feel about hugs?"
Cody looked at him and shrugged. His brothers didn't really hug much, and it was always hard to guess if things would bother him when he had never experienced it.
Quinlan hummed. "Alright, do you mind if I hug you?"
Cody blinked at him then nodded hesitantly.
Quinlan moved slowly and pulled him into a gentle hug that was so different than the hugs Cody had seen him using.
Cody leaned in and closed his eyes. He sighed.
Quinlan held on for a bit, closing his eyes and relaxing just a bit. Then he let go and returned to leaning on the wall.
Cody watched him for a bit with a puzzled expression.
Quinlan had his eyes closed as he breathed, though he wasn't meditating. He was just trying to regain his bearings and process what had happened.
Once he felt steadier, he opened his eyes and checked on Cody, who was still staring at him like he could solve a problem.
Quinlan smiled, though the lack of noise was bothering him.
Cody frowned.
"How do you feel about me talking right now?" Quinlan asked after a moment.
Cody shrugged.
Quinlan hesitated then decided against talking.
The silence stretched out.
Quinlan started fidgeting with his broken comm. No way to let anyone know where they were. They just had to wait.
Obi-Wan would be able to find him because of the Force, but that didn't mean it would happen immediately, and they'd still have to wait for the rocks to be cleared.
Quinlan shifted and hissed at the pain. But he couldn't help it. Sitting in one place with no distractions was a recipe for disaster for him.
Cody was still watching him with an intense stare.
Quinlan wasn't actually bothered by that; Obi-Wan could get that way at times. It was best to just wait it out. Obi-Wan would eventually say something.
Maybe Cody would, or maybe his training prevented him from saying anything.
Quinlan tapped his fingers on the ground next to him and then pulled out a pop-it and started popping the bubbles in and out absently.
He had flipped it over several times when Cody finally spoke, startling Quinlan.
"Why?"
Quinlan looked up, Cody was holding his headphones out.
It was quieter, no wonder his head felt better.
"Why what?" Quinlan asked gently.
"Why let me borrow these? Um, thank you," Cody added shyly.
Quinlan slung the headphones around his neck rather than put them away.
"I know what it's like to be overwhelmed by everything. It's hard."
Cody stared at him.
"I have these headphones for a reason."
"...you do?"
Quinlan nodded. "Awful combination of things. ADHD, which was a pain to determine since so many of the symptoms have overlap with the way Kiffar are naturally, but got the executive function issues and we proved me more inattentive than the average Kiffar sooo…” He shrugged before continuing. “ Also autism. And sensory processing disorder as an additional diagnosis... oh, and let's not get into how loud things are in the Force, adding extra sensory input when I do not need it, and psychometry is another sense the way I have it, I can't turn it off, so if I have any bare skin? Could be experiencing echoes all the time. I don't need to be dealing with too much with hearing, I got sunglasses for light for that reason, and... yeah. Sorry. I talk a lot. I know that can be overwhelming. I'm just not good with silence and when I sit in silence for too long it all comes spilling out and I-I'll shut up now," Quinlan finished rambling sheepishly.
Cody stared even more intensely at him. "I've heard of those before... um. But I don't know much about them... I don't have that, I'm just broken."
Quinlan frowned. "You're not broken for having different needs. But I can tell you about what it's like, or I can just answer questions."
"How did you know what to do? You?"
"Partially, but you reminded me a lot more of Obi, honestly."
"What?" Cody blinked. "I've never seen him act like that." Cody wondered why he suddenly felt so comfortable talking to Quinlan. Maybe it was just the quiet, understanding way Quinlan acted, followed by Quinlan spilling more of his secrets than he probably intended.
"He's good at hiding it. Even if there's no problem with how we act, true selves are for family and friends. Too much risk of being burned."
"Burned?"
"Yeah, like you heard me word vomit? When I'm not careful, I can really upset people and then they hurt me by laying down a hard boundary, and often rejecting me... and because ADHD and autism, it really hurts. So I learned to be careful with strangers."
Cody stared at him. "Then what's all the..." He waved a hand.
"Oh, that. That's my mask. You know how most Jedi act calm and serene? Since I'm not a diplomat, I don't need to humor people so much. I use it to get people to underestimate me, so that when I do my job it's a surprise, which really helps in some investigations. And it also shows me who I can give a chance with my true self. If they aren't completely put off by me at my most obnoxious, then maybe they can handle me at my normal."
"Oh. Why tell me all this?"
Quinlan shrugged. "Obi trusts you. He's got better instincts on that than I do. He doesn't usually get burned. But he does still hide himself 'cause of some incidents when we were younger. And you're a bit like me, and that means we're likely to run into less conflicts when communicating and you've never gotten angry at me. You've tolerated me, which is more than most."
Cody blinked a few times, then his eyes widened. "Please don't tell General Kenobi about this."
"Alright, I won't. He won't judge you, but that's still your call to make, not mine." Quinlan nodded.
Cody let out a relieved breath. "...did you see the scars?"
"I did. Surgeries?"
Cody nodded. "They were trying to fix me until Prime told them to stop trying and to do some things that would help instead... if I wasn't top of class for so many lessons, and hardly ever below average, I don't think I'd be here right now."
"Oh. That sucks, I'm sorry. Fett say anything about what he noticed?"
Cody shrugged. "I don't know exactly what he told them. But that's why my armor is a little different, and I have softer clothes. And my bucket has sound dampeners. Oh, and I have blood sugar issues."
"Diabetes or something else?"
"Diabetes... But it's under control now."
"Oh... I'd hate to have to deal with that."
"Why? It's not that hard with all the artificial sweeteners."
"I get migraines from artificial sweeteners," Quinlan said quietly. "Natural are fine, but artificial? Can't risk it. It can knock me out for days. There are natural sweeteners that don't add carbs but they're hard to come by depending on the part of the galaxy."
Cody grimaced. "Yeah, I'm glad I don't have to deal with that." He paused. "Getting it under control helped a lot. I didn't realize how much worse everything felt until we got it under control, and then it was all easier to deal with. I didn't feel so much like I was broken, but I am."
"You're not." Quinlan said quietly. "It's possible you have sensory processing disorder, or that you're autistic, or both. Maybe ADHD too. Who knows? When you're ready I can help you find someone who can look into that."
Cody shook his head. "We're not supposed to come out like this. We're not supposed to have trouble with insulin, or blood sugars. We're not supposed to be unable to sit still, to scream and thrown things when there's too much going on. We're not supposed to be like this..." His voice broke and he rubbed his eyes.
"Can I give you another hug?"
"Why are you asking? Never stopped you before."
"Before, I didn't have a boundary that it was not okay, and I didn't know it might contribute to distress," Quinlan explained gently.
"...oh." Cody sighed, then thought about it. "A hug would be nice..."
Quinlan smiled and hugged him gently.
Cody leaned in, closing his eyes. "I didn't realize hugs felt so nice... most don't really hug. We're supposed to be soldiers, we don't need this. But... it feels..."
"Safe and secure?" Quinlan offered quietly. "Like everything is going to be okay somehow?"
"...yeah. That. Thanks."
"You're welcome. What are friends for?"
Cody's eyes popped open, and he smiled at Quinlan.
Quinlan grinned back. "Now, just say the word, and I'll stop."
"Alright... I like these hugs, not the enthusiastic ones."
"Alright, got it. Gentle, friendly hugs, not overexcited hugs."
Cody smiled.
They passed the time talking about less serious things. Lighthearted stories, mostly.
When Obi-Wan finally found them and helped remove the rocks, he assumed that Quinlan had struggled a lot more than he had, because of the headphones still around his neck.
Quinlan chose not to correct him.
.
Cody looked forward to when Quinlan visited.
He did some research into what Quinlan had mentioned as his diagnoses, and was surprised by how well that fit him.
Clones weren't supposed to be born with imperfections.
But, he wasn't broken... Not when so many natborns shared the same issues. Not when they could go on to do great things with people unaware they had those issues.
He never would have guessed that Quinlan or Obi-Wan struggled with similar things.
But once he knew to look for it, he saw the signs everywhere.
Cody picked up new ways to cope and to mask his symptoms.
He looked forward to every single friendly hug from Quinlan, ignoring all the glances and questions.
Though the ones about if he and Quinlan were dating made him feel quite hot and wish to hide.
He wasn't ready to face those feelings yet.
And anyway, Quinlan was just that nice.
Maybe one day, after the war.