Chapter Text
Izuku flashes one of his many smiles. He has always known when to display them, a truly wonderful thing his face was.
Sometimes he just wants to press his own face against it just to see what sort of reaction its owner would have.
He realizes what he just said out loud in his own brain. He halts in his step and freezes. His whole body turns stiff and his eyes blink rapidly for a few seconds before turning his head towards the boy ahead of him who genuinely looks concerned.
No way that was a thought that he had right now. There’s just no fucking way.
His face looks like he saw someone blink out of existence in front of him and then appear back and have their head implode into a million confetti’s.
Confusion was in order, right? It’s not like he has ever thought that consciously nor willingly ever until then. There were no signs, so, as he said before, confusion was definitely in order.
Why did he suddenly think he wanted to kiss Deku? Is his brain going to answer that question because he needs some real good fucking reason for thinking that, when he is barely rekindling their once childhood friendship (well, they've been friendly for about 12 years, even more so in the last months, but brain come on!).
He must've snorted some crack yesterday and he's still processing shapes and colors, no way that was a thought that he actually had.
He's definitely kidding himself, isn't he? Fuck.
Since the last month or so (they've been friends since he's apologized, which is eleven years ago, as he is now 29 years old, but he swears he hasn't felt anything like this until now, which is kind of a lie), they’ve been more affectionate, affectionate as in terms that yes, they’ve been communicating without fighting or insulting each other, and they sometimes, only and only sometimes sit next to one another closer then platonically needed, ruffling each other’s hair and that sort of shit… yeah, they’ve also held hands a couple times, but he could count all these times with one hand .
"A lie", his mind supplies as if amused with his struggle that comes with denying his feelings. He never thought he’d get to do too much about their relationship after all the crap he has given him back in high school, but wasn’t Deku known for his heart made of gold. He smiles and tries his best when it comes to anything, he is genuinely the nicest person he has ever encountered.
“Kacchan, are you alright?” he feels a gentle squeeze of his shoulder, and he looks up with a frown, staring at Deku’s face like he moved him across the park bridal style in front of reporters. “You seem troubled. Are you dizzy? Is it the heat?? Should we go inside? Maybe we should go inside…”
He looks again, a scowl forming on his face, annoyance gripping at him tightly “Do you think some fucking 31-degree weather can make me pass out?! ”. He stares at his face, who had been only seconds ago smiling as bright as the entire goddamn sun and now he looked unsettled, a little reticent and hesitant to speak something that seemed to be on his mind. ‘What were you thinking about, then?’, like he’d ever answer that fucking question.
He tries again, this time calmer, even if it still is somewhat passive aggressive and sarcastic “No, Izuku, I am not having a heat stroke at the moment. You can breathe now. As you may have forgotten, my quirk is based on literal explosions that come from sweat. If I were to get a heat stroke, you would’ve been sent to the hospital right about now. We may continue.”, definitely passive aggressive and sarcastic.
Deku nods “Okay, if you say so, then I trust you.” and starts walking along with Katsuki again, holding his hand lightly against Bakugou’s back, as if he was guiding a lost kid who just tripped over a rock on the road. He let it stay there, even if he felt like he should not do so.
“But please do say if something troubles you.”, he flashes him a quick look, a tiny frown on his face and goes back to looking at the road ahead, lost in thought, smile from earlier still gone, fucking dammit. Yeah, that’s him alright.
He’s just nice, to absolutely everyone, even a shitty pigeon in the middle of the fucking park, he just gives a shit like that, so much so that you are impressed he chose his own job and also not surprised at all about it.
Being a hero comes with its fair share of sacrifices, as it is time consuming and emotionally draining, which, once again, confusing as all hell, because he looks like he uses human emotion to inhale and exhale on a daily basis. He is entirely devoted to each and every life he saves, which is his greatest advantage and set back because when he fails and he does so once in a while, as all humans do, he is devastated and heartbroken for weeks or even months. He saves to win, but if he doesn’t save a life in a hundred that he has got out unscathed, then he doesn’t consider it a win.
Katsuki stated this fact numerous times in his own colorful way and he always seemed startled to hear that from him. He’d nod in understanding, but that didn’t stop him either way.
Hell, he knows that applies to him sometimes, just occasional breakdowns because even after so many years of living on this fucking planet, he still can’t get his shit together (he'll never admit it as long as he lives).
For someone as happy and cheerful as Izuku is, you’d consider he looks at the bright side more often than not, and he does, most of the time. But when it comes to him and his performance in the field, he’ll always see that the glass is indeed half empty. Yes, this gives him room to improve as a human being and as a hero and all that bullcrap, but it brings down his self-worth and self-esteem making him say shit like “I am not good enough”.
He swears to all the mighty gods above that he bursts a vein every time he hears him talk shit about himself.
Motherfucker, like he has any right, after all the good deeds he’d done for the world that they live in right now.
His beating heart is living proof that on the battlefield, Deku stands taller than everyone (they've talked about it, but it's still a very sensitive subject, even after all these years).
Today was just another day, but they decided to take a walk in the nearest park to cool off after the events that took place just a few days before.
They don’t usually go for walks, mostly for jogs, but they both know that if they want to clear their minds completely, they have to think and lay out their feelings so they can decipher them and then slowly accept them and let go of them.
Katsuki isn't usually up for sappy shit like this (the 'feelings' talk is always harder than any kind of talk, including the 'sex' talk you get from your parents when you're 14, though they sometimes switch depending on situation), but he knows that Deku worries for them both and he really doesn't want to drive him into an early grave just because of his fucking feelings. So he'll just do it.
5 days ago
“I ask all of you for your attention. A villain attack has taken place on street A nr.5, around an area full of apartment complexes of civilians. We were called in as back-up for the evacuation of the nearby area that has started to collapse. The quirk that villain seems to be possessing is a vibration quirk that is of similar strength to that of an earthquake. Watch your step and evacuate as many people as possible before the buildings collapse completely. I'll be going to the third apartment complex on the left to search for the remaining civilians. Try and locate the villain while doing so on the other apartment complexes you'll be assigned to.”
It was Mirio that came in and announced while he was already at the scene he spoke of. Everyone started getting ready as fast as they could, all while talking about the severity of the attack and other matters, such as:
“Really? On a Friday evening? Can’t villains decide they want to take over the world or bring OFA back to life during working hours?” Denki says, exasperated, next to Kirishima who is already in his costume, waiting for him so they could leave together.
“Shut the fuck up dunce-face, lives are at stake and you’re thinking about your fucking Netflix TV shows that're waiting for you at home.” Katsuki says, full on growling, with a face that did not portray the usual scowl, but a sense of urgency and worry. He was high strung because he himself had hoped of catching a break since this week of work has been as draining as any other.
But when there are lives to be saved, there are no complaints coming from anyone in his presence.
He knows Kaminari doesn’t mean to show indifference to the danger that that villain possesses over the common-folk, just exhaustion.
Being a hero is a very stressful and time-consuming job. Yes, he has said this before and yes, he will say it again to get the point across. Without a doubt, it does mean saving lives and getting recognition for it, as well as a shit ton of money after gaining experience in the field and earning a certain reputation, but you risk your life on a daily basis and that sometimes (most of the time) have to accept the fact that you won’t be getting home tonight, because of paperwork, meetings or being stuck in the hospital for some serious wounds that usually scar both the mind and the body, leaving you out of work for weeks or even months at a time.
Heroes that are in the top 50-100 resign or need to resign after around three decades of working in the field (and that’s Deku-like optimism), or take breaks for extended periods of time before returning because the stress and the unhealthy but necessary weekly hours of working take a toll on the person, on their life outside of their job or both.
He doesn’t want to talk about the percentage of divorces between heroes and their partner that isn’t a hero happen every year, or about the children that grow with their nannies instead of their own parent/parents, surrounded by luxury but no one at home to enjoy it with, the parents trying to compensate their lack of time spent with the kid through more fucking expensive and fancier objects than most people have.
Most of the heroes fall in love with other heroes because let’s be honest here, they don’t fucking have the time to actually meet a person outside of their own work. And still, some of them still don’t end up with a happy ending, one of them losing their life on the battlefield or letting their stress-inducing job consume them and change them into a work alcoholic, caffeine and adrenaline-addicted prick. Give them more days off than usual and you’d see them stressfully pacing around their home trying to engage in something and not knowing what, since 10 or 14 hours of that day you have you spend it working and now, all of a sudden there’s so much time on your hands you might fucking collapse holding it.
Those in the top 10 or top 20 retire when they’re too old to fight or have kicked the bucket with honor and dignity.
As if dying can be dignifying in any way, shape or form.
And also, from what he’s seen, those special cookies never do end up in long lasting relationships.
He’s in the top 3, specifically number 1 along with Deku, who’s also number 1 with him, Wonder Duo as they’re called now. Those rare little prodigies are specifically known for retiring when they’re in the grave, nothing more and nothing less.
Well, All Might made it, with half a stomach and skinny like the dead, but he made it.
That’s why he isn’t keen on starting a family even though he’s already at the end of his twenties (not that he'd have anyone, but any old fucktard thinks about this once in a while, even if they despise the idea or love it). He doesn’t want to have children nor a partner if it means calling them all on a Friday evening telling them he isn’t going to make it to the dinner or fucking hell, even the next morning, while also being unsure if you’re going to make it without a rock hitting your head and getting severe amnesia or worst-case scenario (and one thinks is not fucking dumb enough to fall into), dying.
No one deserves that.
Even as he returns to his big, cold and empty apartment sitting alone at the dinner table (since that is the only proper meal he has time to eat at home) thinking he’ll fucking die on that impeccable fucking couch in the living room holding papers from work.
And that’s if he doesn’t die while on duty.
You'd think, from the way he has explained the job of a hero as of yet, he has grown to despise it to his core or some shit similar. But no way in hell is that close to the truth. He has bitter feelings about, after the not so fun experiences that he doesn't like to get into, but every man, woman and fellow non-binary person has grown to hate a tiny bit of their job that they once dreamed of doing, when discovering the cons of it. Look him in the fucking eyes and ask him if he loves his job and he'll answer hell yeah without hesitation because he does love his job. He loves saving and he lives for winning. He's never imagined his life any other way and he doesn't feel the need to imagine.
He'd never give up his job, not on anything, ever.
But sometimes, he visualizes himself coming home to somebody, even as his job is the very same.
Maybe even coming home with somebody.
But now isn’t the time to think about his non-existent family members. He has his parents still alive and well, for fucks sake!
“Are you fuckers ready? We need to get going!” and he exits the building without looking back to actually see if they’re ready. He's always done this if Deku wouldn't be working that day, he doesn't wait for anyone but him.
He knows the building he's been assigned to, he needs no one wasting time behind him.
He propels himself into the air, going to the exact location that Mirio has given all of them and arriving in around 3 to 4 minutes, which seems to be crucial considering the sight before him.
Or he doesn’t exactly see it. It’s brimming with dust, but he can see the structure of the buildings and overall panic that is clouding those structures, still having civilians inside of them even as they are ready to collapse, though there isn’t much else to see with his dust-impaired vision.
He feels the aftermath of all this, him dusty and coughing like an alcoholic bastard who smokes a packet of cigs a minute and that destroys his liver and lungs for a living. He does that for the next 2 days to clear out the dust that got stuck in his lungs.
He feels the vibration surrounding the area in his bones, the slight tremble of the ground and the cracks forming beneath it. He, without any doubts, hears the cries of children, the whispers, the talking, the shouting, and inevitably, the weeping.
He goes inside the building he's been assigned to trying to spot the culprit while also getting some of the people stuck beneath the rubble out and seeking out medical help for their injuries. He does this for what feels like an eternity and also nothing more than a second. Even as he has done this time and time before, it always felt like time was moving by him, and never with him. But he continues helping, because that was his job and he’d be damned before he’ll succumb to the panic and adrenaline.
And so, he evacuates. Where could that motherfucker be? Who was he with, an injured hero, a civilian, more culprits to the incident?
He couldn’t see out of all the dust that overwhelmed the buildings on the inside and on the outside and he couldn’t make out a voice filled with rage, resentment and vengeance out of all the cries and coughing, and screaming, and whimpering.
He could spot with great strain Kirishima and Denki guiding people to safety out of the shattered window next to his face, the stairs half collapsed. No sign of the fucker there.
All of this, homes and lives of hundreds are altered irreparably and/or destroyed because of one person.
A selfish prick, filled with a sense of all-righteousness, who wanted to prove himself and force his beliefs or establish dominance onto innocent bystanders by making them feel the most powerful emotion known to man: fear.
It made him seethe with anger, it made his hands clench into fists, dirty from sweat combined with the dust all around, it made him breathe hard through his nose which made him cough violently. He looked in front of him and there was a woman shaking and desperately looking around for something, or someone, while holding both hands clasped together onto her chest, coughing and crying. She finds his gaze and screams, pressing her back against the wall while the building shakes and the stairs under her begin to collapse.
He made her scream.
He must’ve looked terrifying in her situation, all full of dust, teeth grinded against one another and a deep scowl across his face, unrecognizable in her state of shock (he doesn't like bragging, well, he likes it a little, but people recognize his face quite a fucking lot).
“I am here to help you, please come down the stairs. This entire floor is going to collapse, we need to get down as fast as possible.'' He doesn't swear because he knows better than to be aggressive to people in shock. She must’ve recognized him, because she relaxed, but only for a second, before looking around in despair again. She looked at him again then.
She hesitated for a long second, but when she started hearing the cracks of the stairs under her she came forward and he took her straight out the window before the whole floor collapsed.
He let her go once on not-so-safe-but-definitely-safer-than-before ground, studying her for any grave injuries that would need treatment. Nothing too serious, just some minor scratches, but the look on her face had the terror and uncertainty of someone that was dying. Her mouth was trying to form out words, but she wouldn’t say anything, she’d just flail her arms around her body uselessly.
“What is it?” he asked, while he guided her to somewhere safer, far away from the vibrations and the dust.
“I-I-I don’t- Where is- I don’t know where my daughter is-s.” and she started sobbing, loudly. He only now noticed that her eyes were bloodshot, knees trembling under her like the ground underneath her was spinning (it kind of was, but hey, shut the fuck up). Her bottom lip wobbled, trying to say something again. But this time she didn’t manage anything out. He nodded rapidly and harshly in understanding.
"What does she look like?" he asks impatiently. "I must know what she looks like so I can bring her back to you specifically." He looks at her for answers and he can see her struggle through the sobs to form out an answer that makes any grammatical sense.
"Her hair i-is bro-brown. Brunette, like her f-father and her eyes are-" and she stops abruptly and makes a choking sound, sobbing even harder than before. He decides not to push it and waste time a second longer.
It made him see red for a second, just thinking about that fucker that caused all this made him want to scream bloody murder. But then he calmed down for the woman’s sake.“I will find her and bring back your daughter, but you’ll have to promise to not follow me, wait here, and I will bring her to you. I promise.” He pointed to the place where she intended to get her to before and went back into the dust filled area to look for the missing child.
You never make such promises when it comes to these cases. Never. It is rule, “I will try, but I cannot guarantee” is what he should’ve said, but he let his emotions get the better of him. He had as much hope as she had to find her alive.
He’s back and now he can hear the voice, the anger, the hatred, everything easier to hear when civilians weren't flooding the area as much as they were before, and he feels them too, as he sprints towards the voice and stumbles upon Deku. Fucking Deku. What in the ever-loving fuck was he doing here? He didn’t stay overtime today and even go a little bit earlier, like he usually did because Katsuki encouraged him to try chilling for a second and-
“You should be taking your own advice once in a while too, Kachhan.” Deku says and he mimics his voice like the prat that his mother always tells him he is, telling him he has the paperwork from yesterday to complete because he hates doing it, which is half true. Yes, he hates doing it, but he has already done the paperwork from yesterday, he was just doing extra work and staying there so he doesn’t have to go to his cold ass apartment.
He knew he would’ve been welcomed at Dekus’ place, but he never dared ask unless he was invited. “So much for being ballsy and shameless, Katsuki.”, his mother says in his head.
But now he thinks that cold ass apartment might be best out of all the options he has right now and he doesn’t even have that option.
Deku could've made himself dinner, watch a movie, take a fucking bath, anything relaxing, which it damn well did not include doing this. Betting on his life that he went out to buy fucking groceries because he has been cooking as much as a dead fucking rat and his fridge had been empty for weeks. Why eat healthy at home when you can overwork every single day and chew on Katsuki’s ‘spare’ homemade bentos (he makes them for him because he knows the bastard is capable of getting food poisoning from his own food).
He was with the villain, fighting for God knows how long, head bloody. One of the hands limps, dirty and bruised, but it was still slightly moving so he could hope it wasn’t broken. He looked exhausted. And then he saw him, that goddamn piece of motherfucking shit and he saw red again and didn’t try to get himself to calm down.
He knows that being emotional while fighting an enemy can have various disadvantages for the one letting their heart control the way they fight, but to be honest, the enemy wasn't much of a fight, not because he wasn't strong, but he was blinded by the dust he created and deafened by the sound he caused only seeing what was in his proximities (and in his proximities was fucking Deku because he just can't catch a fucking break).
Basically, he got himself killed in the stupidest way possible.
He picks up a whole brick in his hands and starts sprinting towards him (it would’ve honestly been a funny image if he weren’t fuming from all ends). The stupid shit doesn’t see it coming, too emersed in looking at Deku tired and worn out while talking about what he thinks is his genius plan to do God fuck knows what, not getting enough out of his misery.
***
A shadow forms behind the villain and Izuku recognizes it immediately. It seems to grow as it approaches silently, those soundless steps of his contrasting to the buzz he feels in his ears and the voice of the villain. He sees something in Kacchan’s hand then the villain’s on the ground.
He wasn’t even that badly injured, he would have definitely taken the villain down if he had had a better view of him and if he wasn’t so tired.
He doesn’t know why he’s tired, he’s never been this exhausted while fighting someone so physically weak. Usually, no matter how much work he had done the days before, the adrenaline just kicked in and he fought flawlessly. Now, he just seemed out of breath, but he wasn’t breathless, nor was his breathing ragged. Well, not the unusual levels for his dust filled surroundings.
Kacchan moves towards him one step and Izuku can see his face.
He always comes to his rescue. He’s eternally by his side, even when he wasn’t supposed to be there. They’ve been through so much, he has always been surprised the duo hadn’t somehow been severed by the dangers they encounter everyday on the field, but he keeps these thoughts to himself.
He runs to him and he would’ve stopped with his lips on his face if it weren’t such a bad time to open that can of worms right now.
Across the years he has had thoughts similar to these, but this year it has become unavoidable and painful to repress.
It hasn’t been the first time he thought this in who knows how long.
***
Katsuki slaps the brick across the guy’s head and he passes out instantly and Katsuki hopes he hits him hard enough to paralyze him for the rest of his damned life.
He didn’t deserve to get blown upside down by his quirk, he didn’t deserve to see who did this to him.
He needed to pay.
And he considers that as much time spent in bars that could be possibly gotten from a good lawyer and a severe concussion is enough punishment from him.
Deku notices him then. He speeds towards him in a second and in that second debris falls from above, crashing behind them as they hear a scream, thin and childlike. His heart drops and starts beating loudly, still somehow in his chest, even as he feels it in his throat. It’s booming in his ears like one of his own explosions. It makes his body vibrate and echo the sounds of his own heartbeat as if the earthquakes were going on inside him all along, not shaking the earth he was standing on.
He doesn’t want to go; he doesn’t want to see. He looks at Izuku for a nanosecond and snaps himself back fast enough for his neck to hurt more than any injury on his body, before he can fully grasp his figure. Izuku shouldn't get to see his face, in a state where he doesn't trust himself enough not to break.
Izuku grabs his hand and squeezes it in his, as if saying ‘We must go and face the truth’. And the truth was ugly indeed.
There on the ground, lay a bunch of rubble and all that they could see, was a child’s hand. They moved the rubble, faster and more desperate by the second. The child’s face was revealed and it was indeed a girl. A daughter. Her green eyes open wide, terror being the last thing imprinted on her face. Brown, short and curly hair filled with dust and blood; its naturally beautiful color nearly unrecognizable. Slim body, bruised and frail. Her eyes…
Her eyes were green.
Those green eyes reminded him of someone. They reminded him of…
Izuku.
Back when he was a… vigilante. Nothing was the same after that, something dark settling inside him to rest forever. Whether in Izuku or Katsuki or both it was not something he knew the answer to.
Those eyes were a dark green, the green Izuku possessed when Katsuki found him and apologized to him..
His hands trembled. He checked for the pulse in vain, finding nothing there. He checked for the heartbeat and nudged her to see some sort of reaction. He started doing the basic steps that you do when you find someone that is in cardiac arrest.
It felt like blowing into a few humid branches expecting them to catch on fire.
Deku looked at the scene before him, still and unmoving. Katsuki looked at him and stopped what he was doing, feeling idiotic.
He reached out for her and took her in his arms and felt defeated. Even though he saved so many lives, this one, so young and with so much time left, did not get to find her mom, neither did the mother get to find her. They didn’t get to say their goodbyes, and there shouldn’t have been any in order in the first place.
He hears a very quiet whimper. Izuku is standing beside him, whole body trembling.
“I met her mom. Rescued her. I promised her that I would bring her back. She looked… hopeful when I left... "So was I, he thought. Izuku let out a sob, choked, it was loud and it made him feel nauseous, but he didn’t know what to do to comfort him. He felt that if he started reassuring him, he would start crying too and he did not want that to happen.
They still needed to do their jobs.
And he had to keep the promise he made.
“We need to bring her back to her mom, but first let’s check on the villain.” He said, his tone collected, but not fully calm and Izuku nodded and they went on their way to him. Still on the ground, perfectly still and breathing, because they always survive while the others don’t. Izuku started dragging him by the arms in an unkind and ferm way, with the possibility that if he fully woke up, he'd have his arms broken if he tried to force Izukus’ grasp.
He felt exhausted. His bones felt heavy in his own body, pressed on by a superior force to his own, a feeling that he has to carry himself, as if he were a burden on his own shoulders. He understood what Kaminari was saying now.
Parting from the dusty buildings felt like a punishment, knowing who was waiting for whom on the other side.
The mother starts running the second she sees him, full of light and of such happiness, that he feels himself get dizzy with something akin to doom.
It was a punch to the gut, so strong it left him out of breath, his lips dry. It was gut wrenching, his heart throbbing as if pointing out his mistake, making him glare at its consequences in the face.
He sees her slow down as she realizes her daughter is limp in his arms and not beside him running towards her.
He sees the look of terror and despair come back on her face tenfold. It made her look destroyed, because she was.
She gets near her daughter, hands shaking violently, spasms wracking her body as she gazes at her with so much love that the world could crack in two right now and she’d still be here, beside her, even as her daughter is not alive anymore.
“Darling? Haru? My little star, please get up.” She goes next to Katsuki and takes her into her arms carefully and with precision, while slowly rocking her back and forth. Watching the scene was terrifying and he held onto Izuku’s arm for dear life, gripping at it while he knelt down next to the devastated woman.
Izuku looked at him with a sad softness as he grabbed his hand and intertwined their fingers while they both stood by the woman. Seeing that woman’s face contort into the worst possible expressions, hearing her scream and sob endlessly and shake as the girl lay there with her green eyes open in her arms made him feel like he was about to collapse, even as he was not standing, but kneeling. Izuku’s hand went to his cheek and he whispered “Stay with her, I’ll get him to the place where he deserves to be.” And, as if he read his mind, he added “I will be back, I will not leave you.” He started walking towards the policemen that had been called a little while ago to be able to assist the arrest of the villain.
"Tell them to look at your fu- wounds too…" he says as he remembers that the matter here is very sensitive and that foul language could light a fire he doesn't know how to extinguish.
He nodded in understanding. "Come to me after this." And he left with the villain without making a single sound.
A peaceful quiet in this noisy place filled with sadness and dust.
Yes, he was like that. Izuku-to-the-rescue-Midoriya. There are not enough words in this world that could make him explain what he felt when he said that. Safe? Yes. Loved? Absolutely. Grateful? No doubt.
Did he feel worthy?
Right now, he didn’t feel worthy. No, not at all.
So, he stayed by her side, until her sobs quieted down, her hiccups stopped making her hyperventilate and until her tear-straked cheeks dried. He stayed there and wept silently with her, for an innocent life that had too much time life left to live, for a daughter, for a mother that never got to say goodbye to her child. What could he have done to change it? Why didn’t he already know the answer to that question?
Why had he gotten so attached? Since when did he care so much for the casualties and their relatives?
He should’ve been under that rubble, not that girl who hadn’t got to see all the things that life had to offer. He’s already lived through the days of glory of his life, she had too much left to experience to go out like this. She paid with her life for a scumbag that he took out with a damn brick. Why? Just why?
“I ask for your forgiveness. ” he said, and bowed down, knees under his whole body, face facing the ground.
“You tried…” she wipes at her eyes and then sheds some more tears. They say that the love of a parent is endless, and this woman right here was full-fledged proof. “You looked just as c-convinced as me… that she would… you know…” she hiccupped and trembled. She tucked a strand of hair behind her daughter’s ear and said “Live.”, and took a big swallow. She looked into Katsuki's eyes and he could only gulp as well, since he didn’t know how much longer he would last. Something heavy pressed against his chest, made it hard to breathe, swallow and stay still.
“Will you- Will you come at the…” Then she started sobbing again. He was not ready for that word either. He did not want to hear that word out of her mouth.
“Would you want me there? I think it would be better for her to be surrounded by loved ones, friends and family. I wouldn’t - I would rather not intrude.” He got up, ready to call the medics. The woman didn’t say anything, just looked at her child, lost in her lifeless gaze, before lifting two fingers up and closing her eyes. “Sleep tight, my little star.”
With lightning fast urgency, he put his own hand across his mouth and turned away from the woman, leaving with noisy steps, his heart etched with a sorrow that had nowhere to go. He went towards the medical staff that were near an ambulance. A sob nearly escaped his lips.
“Not now.” he said.
He called the doctors and left.
He did not wait for Deku to return. He knew Deku always kept his promises, but he also knew he wasn’t going to be able to keep himself together if he were to meet up with Deku. He hid, for the first time in so many years, driven by his fear of opening up and being considered weak. His oldest friend: that bubbling feeling of worthlessness that caused him so many problems he could barely count them. He knew he would lash out if he were to be by his side. Deku deserved better than his worst.
And he did not show it. To anyone. Took a grand of three days off work (including the weekend because he does go to work on weekends), even as his bruises were insignificant enough to be confused with little patches of dirt than actual painful, purple bruises. And he stood here, him and his thoughts, endless after endless possibilities playing out in his head day in and day out. He knew it wasn’t healthy, but he couldn’t help himself from imagining. Him dying, buried under the rubble and those sweet tiny green eyes filled with tears as she hugged her relieved mother.
Brighter, because that’s how they should fucking be.