Archive of Our Own

With a heavy sigh, Aubrey stared down at the earrings Kel had just given to her. If she hadn’t had too much spiked eggnog at their annual holiday party, she would probably have had a better appreciation for them. She had never seen earrings in the shape of baseball bats before, and Kel had been so excited to give them to her. But… Aubrey sighed. Looking at them now made her chest grow tight and a lump form in the back of her throat. Even after all these years, was that really how Kel saw her? Was she always just going to be “bat girl”?

Aubrey supposed that there were certain things in life that a person could never really come back from and, if she had to guess, picking a fight with somebody in church with a nail bat was one of them. It was a wonder that she and Kel were even still friends after that, but it had been over a decade since then. She had changed. Her feelings towards Kel had also changed, but maybe she had been wrong to think that his feelings towards her had changed too. They still bickered and teased each other, but at the end of the day, she knew they cared about each other—at least as friends. It seemed wrong to hope for anything more than that, but that didn’t stop Aubrey from hoping, as much as she didn’t want to admit it… And that made it her fault—her fault she was irrationally upset over a pair of earrings, tipsy from too many glasses of spiked eggnog, and sitting alone in the cold on the deck watching the blinking icicle lights wondering if she’d be alone like this forever.

The idea of being alone had never used to bother her—or least she had pretended it didn’t, but then Sunny had gotten engaged, and, surprising as it was, it had gotten her wondering: would that ever happen for her and did she even want it to? She knew she wasn’t the only one. As happy as everyone was for Sunny, these big life events of friends had a way of making a person take a step back and wonder “what am I doing with my life?”

If Aubrey had to guess, Hero was likely the most affected. With the exception of possibly Sunny who was much more quiet about such things, Hero had the most domestic dreams of anyone in their group…or at least he had had them before Mari had passed away. In a rare moment of vulnerability, Hero had once told Aubrey that all of his dreams of settling down and having a family had died with Mari and he couldn’t even imagine that life for himself anymore, but Aubrey wasn’t sure that was entirely true—and not just because he had been sleep deprived and a little inebriated at the time he had told her.

Even so, he didn’t talk about it, and she certainly never brought it up, but it had been “the year of weddings” for Hero as many of his friends from college had all started settling down and it was clear it had taken its toll on him. Aubrey was sure that Hero had to be wondering “what am I doing with my life?” and “will this ever happen for me and do I even want it to?” more so than even she was. Perhaps he was completely desensitized to it by the time Sunny had announced his own engagement, but Aubrey doubted it. Hero had done what he always did—congratulate Sunny with a hug, pop a big bottle of champagne, enthusiastically tell him how happy, excited, and proud he was of him, and celebrate with him for hours. Then, he picked up multiple extra, extremely long shifts at the hospital in the following days. No one had seen him in two weeks—not even Kel.

Aubrey could tell Kel was a little worried about his brother, but he had been so busy himself that Aubrey wondered if he was just letting it go by necessity. Aubrey couldn’t be sure, but she wondered if Kel was also going through some sort of existential crisis or introspective evaluation of his life and his dreams for the future thanks to Sunny’s big news. Up until this point, she had never known if Kel even wanted to settle down one day. It was something they just never talked about, but ever since Sunny had gotten engaged, Kel had started saying things like “when I get married, I want to have a huge wedding with tons of people” or “when I get married, I want to have a buffet so people can just eat whenever they want” or “when I get married, I want to give everybody bubbles instead of rice because I think it’ll kinda hurt to get hit by rice.”

It was strange to hear Kel talk so nonchalantly about getting married one day. Aubrey supposed she should have expected it or at least expected that it was something he wanted, but what surprised even more was how it stung a little to imagine it, to imagine Kel settling down and spending the rest of his life with someone that wasn’t her. Aubrey sighed. But it wouldn’t be her…She was “bat girl.” She would always be “bat girl.”

Aubrey’s attempts to resign herself to this fact and pretend it didn’t bother her had all been complete and utter failures. It seemed that every time she even got close to a relationship with somebody else, she always found herself reaching for the phone to call Kel or thinking of a silly story he had told her recently or wishing he was there with her instead. Needless to say, none of these “almost-relationships” had gone anywhere, and after a certain point, Aubrey had to admit that she didn’t want them to. Kel was the person she wanted to call with happy news, the person she turned to whenever she was sad, the person she wanted to share everything with. She knew—no, she had known for a long time, that Kel was the one person she wanted to be with. Sunny’s engagement had just been the final nail in the coffin, forcing her to realize that not only did she want a relationship, but she wanted a relationship with Kel.

Letting out a heavy sigh, Aubrey bit her lip and stared down at the bat earrings.  She knew that was never going to happen. She was too cold, too harsh with him—too “bat girl.”

She sighed again, shaking her head and burying her face in her hands. “What is wrong with me?”

Aubrey hadn’t realized she had said those words aloud until she heard a voice humming beside her. She jumped—practically dropping the earrings and the cup of eggnog she was holding. Calming herself with a deep breath, she turned to find Sunny taking a seat next to her on the deck with a twitch of a smile.

“Sunny, you can’t sneak up on people like that,” she sighed. Sunny nodded apologetically. Aubrey wondered how long he had been standing there, but she decided not to ask.

“Are you okay?” Sunny asked quietly with a slight tilt of his head. Aubrey’s face flushed, but she nodded, shrugging her shoulders.

“Yeah…I just needed some fresh air for a minute.”

Sunny blinked at her, and Aubrey fidgeted. He was always so unreadable, but if she had to guess, he probably saw through her lie. He was one of her best friends after all. Shifting uncomfortably in her seat, Aubrey decided to change the subject. “Congratulations again.”

Sunny’s face seemed to light up as he quietly mumbled with a bright smile, “Thank you.”

“Do the holidays feel any different now that you’re engaged?”

Sunny pursed his lips thoughtfully but shook his head. “Not really.”

“You’ve got a big year ahead of you though. Lots to look forward to with the wedding and everything. Must be nice…” Aubrey’s voice trailed, and she felt Sunny’s gentle hand on her shoulder.

“It’ll be you someday…” He paused, then quickly added. “If you want.”

Aubrey chuckled, but her face felt warm. Was she really so transparent? “I don’t know, Sunny. I’m not sure all that domestic stuff is for me.” Despite her attempts at a shaky laugh, she could tell from the look in Sunny’s face that it had not completely masked the twinge of sadness in her voice. “Can you imagine ‘nailbat girl’ settling down?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t be silly,” Aubrey snorted a shaky laugh, but she swallowed hard as she caught sight of those earrings. It seemed that Sunny had also caught sight of them—tilting his head curiously before he asked in his quiet and matter-of-fact way.

“Is this about Kel?”

With flushing cheeks, Aubrey choked, “What? No. Why would it be about—?”

She stopped abruptly, met with Sunny’s blinking eyes. There was no way he was going to believe anything she said except the truth, so she merely sighed—tightening her grip around those earrings. She swallowed hard, then quietly asked, “Does everybody know?”

“Kel doesn’t.”

Aubrey sighed. She supposed that was something at least—a small comfort given the circumstances, though she suspected that was only because Kel was oblivious or just didn’t want to see it.

“Good,” Aubrey mumbled. “I’ll try to be more subtle.”

“No.”

Aubrey’s brow furrowed, and she whipped around towards Sunny in surprise. It wasn’t like Sunny to argue or really even talk much at all. She tilted her head. “What do you mean ‘no’?”

“You should tell him.”

“Sunny,” Aubrey groaned with a somewhat affectionate sigh. “I know you mean well, but it’s never going to happen, so…” Her voice trailed off, and she ran her hand through her hair. Her head was starting to ache from the haze of alcohol reminding her exactly why she never drank. As her blurred vision came back into focus, she caught sight of the earrings again, and her insides twisted. “I’m just ‘bat girl,’ remember?”

“No,” Sunny repeated a little more forcefully though the look on his face was kind and gentle. He, somewhat awkwardly, patted her shoulder with his hand, making Aubrey chuckle breathily in spite of herself before Sunny’s mouth twitched into a slight, affectionate smile.

“You’re strong, but you’re soft too—kind. You really care about your friends, even if you don’t show it all the time…but you have shown it to me and to Hero too. You’re even soft with Basil sometimes.” He let out two heavier breaths which Aubrey knew meant he was chuckling lightly at the thought before he sighed. “But with Kel… I know you care about him, but…you don’t really show him that part of yourself as much.”

Aubrey could only blink at him. It was one of the longest speeches Sunny had ever spoken to her in one sitting, but even more than that, she knew it was all true. She loved her friends, but it had never been easy for her to be vulnerable—to be soft with them and with Kel most of all.

Sunny was right. She was more openly kind and affectionate with him or Hero or even Basil than she ever could be with Kel. Perhaps, she was scared of opening up to him most of all because she knew that he was the one who could hurt her the most, because he was the one that she cared about the most. He was also the one who had left her behind.

Even all these years and all these apologies later, the weight of him leaving her alone and their friendship falling apart after Mari’s death hung heavily like a dark cloud over their relationship. She knew it wasn’t entirely Kel’s fault, and she wasn’t blameless herself. They had apologized to each other and tried to make amends for everything that had happened a very long time ago, and she didn’t hold it against him anymore. Still…she could feel herself gripping tightly onto the walls she built around her heart so she would never be hurt like that again. And even now when what she wanted more than anything else in the world was to open up to Kel and let him in, she couldn’t bring herself to do it.

“You really think I’m too cold to him…?” she asked quietly though she was sure she already knew the answer. “There’s not really anything I can do about that now, is there? I hit him with a nail bat in a church—there’s no coming back from that.”

“If Kel can forgive me and Basil, he can forgive you too.” Sunny paused with a slight smile. “But…that’s not really what I meant. I just meant…he’s probably afraid that if he asks you out, you’re going to say ‘no’… You’re one of his best friends…He wouldn’t want to risk messing that up unless he was sure you were interested.”

Aubrey scoffed with a snorted laugh. “You think Kel actually wants to date me?”

Sunny shrugged. “He thinks about you all the time.”

“You’re a mind reader now, Sunny?” Aubrey teased with the twitch of an affectionate smile, but Sunny just shrugged again and took a deep breath before he started singing, a little monotone but it got the point across.

“‘And Aubrey was her name…’”   

As Sunny started humming what Aubrey could only presume was the rest of the song, her brow furrowed. “What?”

“Kel listens to this song all the time… Hero lent him the record. It’s a love song to a girl named Aubrey...” He paused then added, “It’s sad.”

“Sad?”

Sunny nodded and started singing quietly again, “‘For a love that wouldn't bloom…For the hearts that never played in tune.’”

Something panged in Aubrey’s chest. There was something hauntingly beautiful about it. The hearts that never played in tune…was that really her and Kel?

“It’s sad,” Sunny repeated, his face falling. “Whenever Kel would listen to it, I’d feel guilty for being so happy.”

“Oh Sunny…” Aubrey wrapped her arm around his shoulder and gave him a side hug. “You don’t have to feel guilty about that. We’re all really happy for you—Kel especially. He wouldn’t want you to feel guilty for being happy. Nobody wants that.” Aubrey sighed, staring down at her hands. “And you know, Kel might just like this song. It might not mean anything. I mean locking himself in his room and listening to sad music is kind of Hero’s thing, isn’t it?”

Sunny shrugged, but Aubrey was sure that having been both of their roommates he’d have to concede that she was right. “Hero has been listening to this one song recently too… It goes ‘She’s got a way about her…’”

Aubrey’s brow furrowed. “Is it love song?”

Sunny nodded. “A really pretty one.”

“Do you think…?”—she stopped—“Do you think he’s still thinking about Mari?”

With a tilt of his head, Sunny thoughtfully pursed his lips—his brow furrowing in concentration before he finally admitted, “I don’t know.”

“You know he has that one friend of his…” Aubrey tilted her head at Sunny with a knowing smile, sure he would know exactly who she was talking about. “I know it’s probably not ever going to happen, but I always thought they’d be really good together.” Aubrey paused as Sunny shot her a pointed look. “What? You don’t think so?”

Sunny blinked at her. “No, I think so… She’s wonderful. I’ve had multiple recurring dreams about their wedding… and only some of them were in Headspace.” He paused. “I added her there, and they’re married with three kids now.”

“What?”

“It was a beautiful wedding,” Sunny continued. He either didn’t hear her or didn’t acknowledge that he did. “Captain Spaceboy cried… so did Basil… He did all the flowers. And the ghost of Mari was there…She was really happy.” He paused and turned to look her squarely in the face. “But you just changed the subject. This isn’t about Hero.”   

Aubrey huffed but affectionately rolled her eyes. “I don’t want to talk about me and Kel, Sunny. It’s not going to happen.”

“But that song…” Sunny began to protest, but Aubrey caught him off with another huff.

“I don’t care what songs Kel is listening to. It’s just a song. It doesn’t mean anything.” She tried her best to shrug it off, but even without that knowing look on Sunny’s face, she knew it didn’t sound convincing. “I mean…by that logic, Hero would have a girlfriend or want one, and as I much as I wish he did, I think that’s just about as likely as Kel wanting to date me.”

When Sunny didn’t respond, Aubrey’s eyes narrowed. Curiously, she tilted her head at him. Sunny, it seemed, had completely zoned out—staring intently at something over Aubrey’s shoulder.

“Do you hear that?” he asked. With a deep breath, Aubrey tried her best to focus. There was a low roar of chattering and the clanging of dishes coming from inside the house and some holiday music playing in the background. Before she could ask Sunny what specifically he was talking about he added, “The piano.”

Aubrey whipped around to follow Sunny’s line of vision through the window into the house. She couldn’t hold back her gasp or the breath that got caught in her throat as she stumbled in disbelief, “Hero?”

They hadn’t been expecting him. After all, he had told them a week ago that he had to work late tonight and likely wouldn’t be able to make it to the party, but there he was seated at the old piano in the living room which had been thoughtfully decorated by Basil with evergreen garlands and holly. His hands were gently gliding up and down the keys playing Christmas music for the first time in years.

While Hero had often played carols for them when they were younger, Aubrey couldn’t remember the last time she had heard him play piano at all. She had always just assumed it was one of those things he couldn’t bring himself to do without Mari. Sunny had told her that he knew Hero still played sometimes, particularly if he was asked or just to keep up a little bit of practice, but Aubrey couldn’t remember the last time she had actually seen Hero sit down at a piano and start playing on his own. More shocking than that, however, was the look on his face as he played. He kept glancing up over the top of the piano at something in the corner of the room that wasn’t visible from the window with a bright, beaming smile across his face. For the past decade, his smiles had been tight, metered, and bittersweet. They hadn’t ever reached his eyes, but now…Now he…

“He looks happy,” mumbled Sunny with an expression almost as stunned as Aubrey felt. As they glanced at each other, she knew they were thinking the same thing. Neither of them could remember the last time they had seen Hero look that happy. Something ached in Aubrey’s chest. She hadn’t realized how much she had missed his smile until she had seen it again after all these years. The look on Sunny’s face said he felt the same way.

“What do you think he’s…?” Aubrey began to ask though she wasn’t entirely sure how to word her question as she tilted her head, shifting and fidgeting trying to get a glimpse of whatever it was Hero was smiling at.

Her attention was suddenly pulled away from Hero to Kel who came bursting through the sliding door onto the deck with a bright smile on his face. Aubrey felt her face flush and a swooping sensation in the pit of her stomach as he met her eyes. Did his smile widen just a little when he did?

Despite her best attempts to convince herself she was just seeing things, her mind suddenly went blank—empty except for a wistful, lovesick ‘Oh…’ she felt deep in her bones. He had such a lovely smile, and his dark eyes were so warm and so kind…

When she heard Sunny somewhat playfully hum beside her, her blush deepened. She realized she was staring. With a sigh, her mind filled with a string of curses, mentally kicking herself. What was wrong with her today?

Swallowing hard, she looked away abruptly before Kel could see that embarrassing redness in her cheeks. Luckily it seemed he didn’t notice as he practically bounced up and down in excitement.

“Hey guys, guess what,” he exclaimed exuberantly. “Hero’s here, and he brought a girl with him!”

Sunny gasped, covering his gaping mouth with his hand as Aubrey’s eyes widened, blinking in disbelief. “No way…” she mumbled, but Kel nodded.

“No seriously. It’s…pretty unbelievable. I mean he called first and asked if it was okay and I said ‘sure’, but I guess I didn’t really get it until he walked through the door with her and…”

“Someone we know?” interrupted Sunny, seemingly startling Kel. Sunny glanced at Aubrey who offered him a pensive but knowing smile. They both had someone specific in mind, and the toothy, lopsided grin that curved across Kel’s face as he nodded in response seemed to imply that he had been thinking of the same person.

“Yes,” he answered practically beaming at them, and it was all Aubrey could do not to race for the doorway back into the house. She took a few deep breaths to calm herself—gently reminding herself that they needed to play it cool and not make a big deal out of it. Unfortunately, it seemed Kel did not get the memo on this point and sped through the sliding doors.

As Aubrey turned to do the same, she felt Sunny’s hand reach out to stop her. It clutched onto hers with a gentle squeeze, and she turned to look at him perplexed. He didn’t say anything but the look on his face—the smile tugging at his lips said more than enough. Aubrey fidgeted, knowing exactly what Sunny was thinking, knowing how her words had so immediately come back to bite her.

“This doesn’t mean anything,” she huffed, but the bright red blush on her face implied otherwise.

*-*-*

Despite her continued insistence to the contrary, the truth was it did mean something. No, she didn’t think it was a sign from the universe that she needed to actively pursue Kel or confess to him, but she did decide that she should probably take Sunny’s advice and be a little softer and a little more openly affection with him. Over the next week, she made a conscious effort to treat Kel more like she might treat Sunny or Hero or even Basil. She tried her best to be more openly supportive and didn’t tease him for the stupid things that he did. That last one was growing increasingly difficult as Kel seemed to be doing more and more outlandishly ridiculous things as the week went on to the point where Aubrey almost wondered if he was acting that way on purpose. The thought made her insides twist. Had Sunny told him about their conversation?

Aubrey swallowed hard—pushing the thought away as she tried her best to focus on what Kel was saying now.

“Gosh, I can’t believe I had my sweater on backwards the whole time,” he laughed. “I am such a scatterbrain sometimes.”

Aubrey sighed, but she bit her lip and shrugged her shoulders, trying her best to reassure him. “That happens sometimes. It’s okay.”

She could have almost sworn she watched his brow furrow just barely before he mumbled, “Uh…okay, I guess.”

After a few moments of awkward silence, Kel asked, “So uh…you looking forward to the holidays?”

Aubrey nodded. “Yeah. It’ll be the first year I don’t have to work on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. I finally have some seniority around the hospital.”

“That’s awesome,” Kel replied with a smile. “Hero has to work Christmas Eve this year, but I think he has Christmas Day off. That’ll be the first time he’s off on a holiday, I think. It makes sense that doctors and nurses have to work on all the holidays, but it kind of stinks sometimes.”

Aubrey sighed. Kel did not have to say that again. While she loved her job as a nurse and found it very meaningful and rewarding, it was a bummer to have to work holidays. Up until a week ago, however, she would have almost sworn Hero felt the exact opposite. He was often purposefully picking up shifts on major holidays if he wasn’t working already, but now that he was bringing someone home for Christmas, Aubrey was sure he felt differently and was grateful to be off work on Christmas Day for the first time ever.

“You should stop by on Christmas, you know? Our extended family won’t in town until Día de Reyes this year, so it’ll just be us and you know my mom is going to make way too much food.” With a bright smile, Kel chuckled, but Aubrey sighed.

“I don’t know… I don’t want to impose.”

“You wouldn’t be imposing. Besides, Hero is bringing a girl home—don’t you want to see that?”

Aubrey sighed again. The honest answer was yes, but she didn’t think it was her place to barge into their family’s holiday celebrations.

“It’s all anybody’s been talking about. Heck, it’s all I’ve been talking about,” laughed Kel. “I mean it’s really big, right? Hero putting himself back out there.”

“Has he said anything to you about it or just…?” Aubrey’s voice trailed. She was trying her best not to pry.

“No. He’s really secretive or just—I dunno—shy or something, but she’s really great. I’ve…”—he paused, fidgeting with his hands—“honestly been hoping for this for a long time.”

“Me too,” Aubrey admitted. “So has Sunny. We used to talk about it all the time when we were away at college—hoping that the two of them would eventually go out. Sunny said he has actually had dreams about their wedding.”

Kel laughed, and the way his face lit up—bright and warm, made Aubrey’s face flush. She could only hope he didn’t notice. “That’s awesome! Too bad Sunny’ll be out of town this year and miss it. But that just means you have to come for Christmas now. Then you can tell Sunny all about it and how happy they are.”

“I…I don’t know…” Aubrey stumbled. Yes, she had been trying to be much nicer to Kel but agreeing to spend Christmas with him and his family, especially for the main purpose of prying into Hero’s business, seemed like a step too far. Kel, however, seemed determined, and he suddenly took her hands. Even though they were gloved, she was still so shocked by the gesture that she practically jumped backward in surprise.

“Please…” he whined, dragging the word out far longer than it needed to be.

Aubrey’s face blushed a deep red, but luckily, before she could say anything, it was their turn to order at the Burger Boys’ food truck they had been waiting in line at for the last twenty minutes. Aubrey sighed. She had not expected this walkthrough Christmas light display to be so busy, but she had to admit she was glad there were so many food vendors there. They had been waiting to eat until the rest of their friends arrived, but after Sunny, Basil, and Hero all had to cancel at the last minute, they decided to just eat without them.

“Yes, uh…hi!” Kel began to order. “I’d like two fish tacos, a spicy chicken burrito, and a chimichanga. And…whatever she wants.” As he turned towards Aubrey, she resisted the urge to press her palm to her forehead.

“Uh…” stumbled the food truck worker. “This is a Burger Boys. We only sell…uh…burgers here…”

“Wait…what? No way. I thought this was a Taco Time.” Kel laughed before motioning over his shoulder. “Oh that’s over there…my bad.”

Aubrey gritted her teeth. She had known Kel for most of her life. There was no way he was this stupid. Had her affection for him really blinded her this much?

Kel blinked as if waiting for her to tell him off for making them wait for twenty minutes in the wrong line or for her to tease him about getting the lines mixed up in the first place. And, sure, on another day she might have motioned to the big, glowing, neon sign that said “BURGERS” in bright red letters directly above their heads, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that that was the problem—that she had been too harsh with him all this time so instead she just shrugged her shoulders as Kel asked her, “Hey Aubrey, do you want burgers or tacos?”

Aubrey’s stomach rumbled, but she managed a tight smile. “Whatever you want, Kel.”

Kel blinked at her but ultimately, thankfully, decided, “Burgers are fine. We’re already here.”

When they got their order and finally sat down at one of the folding picnic tables to eat, Aubrey caught Kel staring at her with a curious expression. “Hey…Aubrey…is everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” she quickly replied. “Why?”

“No reason…” Kel mumbled turning his attention back to a packet of mustard he was trying to open on his hamburger. It quickly exploded all over his coat, sweater, and the table. “Shoot!” he muttered as he quickly tried to clean it up. Aubrey huffed—reaching up to wipe off the mustard that had splashed onto her cheek, but she held her tongue. “Sorry,” said Kel with an apologetic shrug of his shoulders.  

“Don’t worry about it.”

Kel stopped wiping up the table and stared right at her. Keeping his eyes transfixed on her, he reached for his soda, took off the lid, and poured the whole thing directly onto his coat.

What the heck?

Unable to even process what had just happened, Aubrey could only blink at him in astonishment. Quite without thinking, she immediately reached out to hand him some napkins, but Kel swatted them away with his hands.

“Oh come on!” he exclaimed in exasperation. “What is wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with me?” Aubrey shot back—the words tumbling out of her mouth before she could even think to stop them. “You just poured a whole soda on yourself.”

“Yes, I did, and you didn’t tell me off or laugh or tease me or say, ‘Gosh Kel you’re such a moron’ or ‘Why in the world would you do that?’ You’ve been acting weird all week. It’s freaking me out. I’ve been trying to do more and more ridiculous things hoping that I’d get some sort of normal response from you, but you’ve been acting…” He paused as if he couldn’t think of the right word before finally deciding on, “really weird.”

“Hold on…” interjected Aubrey. “You’ve been doing these things on purpose? So your backwards sweater and making us wait in the wrong line and trying to order tacos at a burger truck…and that thing with the mustard—?”

“Oh that was an accident, but the other ones were on purpose,” Kel admitted. Then, he sighed. “Look, Aubrey, are we fighting or something? ‘Cause whatever I did, I’m really sorry. Could we just hash it out like normal? You’ve been really quiet, and—I dunno—it just feels wrong.”

“You think we’re fighting? You think I’m mad at you?” Aubrey shook her head in disbelief. “I’ve been trying to be nice to you, you goofball.”

“Thank you! Yes!” exclaimed Kel, throwing up his hands. “I’m a goofball. It feels really good to hear you say that again.”

Aubrey sighed. Kel was unbelievable.

She shook her head and buried her face in her hands. “Kel…” her voice trailed. She didn’t know what she wanted to say. “This…isn’t a joke.”

Kel’s expression softened, and he reached across the table to take her hand. “So something is bothering you…” he said in a quiet voice.

With a sigh, Aubrey shrugged her shoulders.

“You want to talk about it?”

No, thought Aubrey, but she knew she didn’t get that option, so she took a deep breath. “I…I’ve just been really worried that I’m too harsh with you. We bicker and tease each other, but that doesn’t mean I don’t—”

She stopped abruptly. A flush of rose filled her cheeks as she pursed her lips. She thought of Sunny, engaged to be married and happier than she had seen him in a very long time, and she thought Hero putting himself back out there after all this time, even when they had all thought it was impossible. But mostly she thought of Kel—his warm kindness, his unwavering loyalty to his friends, the way he always tried to make her laugh whenever she was feeling down, and how he’d stop the world to make someone happy again, even if that someone was her. Maybe Sunny was right after all. He deserved to know.

“Kel…you’re one of the nicest people I know. You’re kind and cheerful and you always choose to see the best in people…and you go out of your way to try to make them happy—to make them laugh or smile, because that’s when you’re happiest too. You…have a really big heart and have been such an incredible friend to me. I feel like I don’t show that—or say that enough.”

As he tilted his head at her, Kel’s dark eyes widened in surprise. His jaw fell slack, but he somehow managed a breathy chuckle and a teasing, “Wow…tell me what you really think of me.”

Despite the blush in her cheeks, Aubrey let out a breathy chuckle before she somehow mustered the strength to look him in the eyes. “I think you’re really great, and I don’t want the fact that we bicker or tease each other sometimes to hide that. You’re…”—she paused and stared down at her hands again—“really important to me. I just wanted you to know.”

The next few, silent moments were some of the longest of Aubrey’s entire life. She couldn’t bring herself to look at Kel, let alone even begin to imagine what he must be thinking, but after what felt like an eternity, she felt the picnic table shift as Kel got up from his seat, walked over to her, and pulled her into a tight hug.

“Thank you,” he said. “That’s one of the nicest things you’ve ever said to me.”

“Not the nicest?” she quipped, her voice shaking as he pulled her against his chest. He didn’t answer that—just held her for a long time.

Even so, it wasn’t long enough before he let out a long and heavy sigh and whispered in a quiet, serious voice, “You know, don’t you?”

As he pulled away from her, Aubrey tilted her head at him in confusion. He looked flustered—almost guilty.

“This is exactly why I wasn’t going to tell you,” he began sheepishly rambling. “I didn’t want to make things weird, but I guess it was pretty obvious, huh?” He paused, chuckling as he rubbed the nape of his neck. “Look, I appreciate all of this Aubrey, but you don’t have to use the kid gloves with me. I’m okay. Like I said, I wasn’t even going to mention it. I mean, I know it’s not going to happen, and I didn’t want to make things awkward for you or anything so—”

“Kel.” Aubrey bit her lip. He looked almost relieved when she interrupted him. “I don’t…what do you think that I know?”

Kel paused and audibly swallowed, but he shrugged. “How I feel about you.”

The sincere look in his eyes made Aubrey’s face burn—her stomach erupting with butterflies, but somehow she still couldn’t believe it. “What? What do you mean?”

Unexpectedly, Kel’s face fell, and Aubrey’s insides twisted at the pained look in his eyes. The helplessness of his stumbling, “Please, Aubrey…That’s…not fair…just forget it,” was enough to make her heart ache.

Still, she somehow managed to say what was probably the worst possible thing she could have said at the moment, “No.”

“No?” choked Kel, and Aubrey’s face flushed.

“Sorry. I…I didn’t mean it like that,” she quickly added. “I just…I know I’m not hearing you. I…I can’t be. You’re…you’re the one that doesn’t…” She stopped.  “I—I’m…just ‘bat girl.’ That’s why you got me those earrings, right? Because I’m the girl who picked a fight with you with a bat in a church, and there is no coming back from that.”

“Aubrey…” Kel sighed, almost as if he didn’t know what to say. “Yeah…you’re right—you are the girl who picked a fight with me with a bat in a church…and also in the park and at our secret hangout spot by the lake…”

His voice trailed, but he expression softened. “But you’re also the girl who sat out by that lake with me for hours the summer after we learned the truth and several years after that. The girl I could talk to about anything, even things that were too difficult to say to anyone else because I knew you’d never judge me. You’re the girl who I always want to make laugh because even though you don’t smile all that much, whenever you do, it feels like everything is going to be okay. You’re the girl who always teases me but I know you’ll always be there if I need you. The girl I always want to call if I have good news or bad news or any kind of news at all—the girl who is one of the best friends I’ve ever had, who I think about all the time—when I’m at work or on a run or listening to this song that makes me think of you…even when Basil drags me to some craft fair in the middle of nowhere and I find those earrings…”

Kel sighed. “That’s why I bought them—because I was thinking about you, because I’m always thinking about you…And not because you’re ‘bat girl’ but…because you’re Aubrey…and I…I uh…”

He stopped, but the light flush of red in his cheeks said everything that he couldn’t say. Aubrey swallowed hard. Her hands began to tremble. She had no idea what to say—what she even could say to follow up all of that.

“I’m pretty sure I’m the moron, here,” she teased with a light, self-deprecating chuckle. “I honestly had no idea you felt that way. This whole time I thought I was… that you were… that after everything…” She sighed heavily. She was completely butchering this, but thankfully, Kel cut her off with a playful laugh.

“Seriously? It was pretty obvious. Everybody knew about it. Heck, even Basil called me out on it at the Christmas party.”

“Really? Sunny called me out then too. Do you think they planned that?”

 Kel shrugged. “Dunno. I mean, Hero mentioned it a couple of times too, so maybe they’re all in cahoots.”

“Well they didn’t show up today, so it wouldn’t surprise me.” Aubrey paused with an affectionate roll of her eyes. “Though to be fair, I think they were exaggerating…I mean I don’t think we were that obvious…” She twisted her mouth to one side. “I mean, you didn’t know how I felt about you either.”

“And how’s that?” teased Kel with a lopsided grin.

Aubrey’s face flushed, but when she looked up into Kel’s eyes, they were so kind, so affectionate, and so sincere that she realized… “You…you really don’t know?”

With a helpless shrug of his shoulders, Kel smiled just slightly at her, and she reached up to gently cup his face in her hands, then leaned forward and kissed him. It was a brush of their lips—they were in a public place after all, but it was enough to make Aubrey blush bright red.

When she pulled away from him, she mumbled, “Does…uh…that make it clear enough?”

“I’m not sure I really got that,” he quipped with a bright, bantering smile. “You wanna try again?”

“Not here,” she laughed, playfully patting his cheek as he leaned towards her again.  

“How about when you come for Christmas?”  

Aubrey stopped. “That was a real invitation? I thought it was one of your purposefully ridiculous things.”

“No, that was real, and the offer still stands if you want it.”

As Aubrey met Kel’s eyes, a smile spread across her face. She reached out and took his hand, giving it a gentle, affectionate squeeze. “I’d love to.”

Kel laughed before he playfully poked her in the arm. “But just one thing…you’re gonna have to leave your bat in the car.”

As Aubrey laughed in spite of herself and tried her best to stifle it, Kel winked at her. With an affectionate roll of her eyes, she playfully tapped him on the back of the head. He really could be such a moron sometimes, but he could also be a confidant, a pick-me-up on the worst day, her best friend, and the person that meant most to her in the world. She supposed Kel could be a lot of things, and as he had pointed out, she could be a lot of things too. But as Kel’s face softened into a warm, affection smile and he intertwined their fingers as they began to walk together through the Christmas lights, Aubrey knew there was one thing that she would never be again...and that was alone.