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Violet is awake and her eyes are filled with fire when I return to our room after visiting Jack-fucking-Barlowe. Fuck. I meant to quietly pack my things and leave before she woke, but it's too late now, and she's obviously guessed my intentions because every word is full of soft fury as she stalks over to me. "I'm going to ask for the same thing I've been asking for years: I need you to listen to me. I need you to trust me and trust our friends so we can figure this out. It's hard to be vulnerable, and you might lose people you care about if you trust them and they reject you. But you sure as hell will lose everyone if you insist on shutting us out of your life."
She grabs the sides of my flight jacket, pulls me into the room, and slams the door. There is nothing I can say to make this better so I anchor my shields as strongly as I ever have and wrap my arms around her, pulling her against my chest.
I can't tell her how terrified I am. It would have been better if I had died because at least then I wouldn't be capable of hurting Violet anymore. Fuck. Sgaeyl hasn't spoken to me since the battle but I know she agrees. Better to be dead than to be this. An abomination.
