Archive of Our Own ^beta

There's blood running down face, stinging his eyes as he stumbles backwards dropping the sword in his hand. It took a few seconds before castiel realized what he'd done.

This war was killing him. Eating him from the inside out. And everytime he had to point his blade at one his brothers it ruined him further.

"It had to be done" he told himself. No matter how much he believed in the power of freedom, the solider that was bred into him since the moment he was conceived could not resist a fight.

Battle was all he knew, all he was made for.

Most days, he thought, worse than the war in heaven, was the war in his mind. But every single thread in this Web was linked to one, single hook

Dean Winchester

And he still couldn't decided whether the notorious hunter was to blame or to thank. After all, if he had never pulled Dean out of hell, none of this would've happened and he wouldn't be standing over the body of his brother, bruised and battered- hazy in his own mind

But if he had never touched Dean this feeling in his heart would've never appeared. This thumping whisper that fills the empty pit in him where his soul would've been had he been human. If he had never met Dean, he'd never know of the feeling of having deans warmth pressed against his body , or the bliss that comes having his mind finally be silent everytime Dean is around.

So when he finally comes to his senses and notices the large-nearly bone deep gash on his right arm all he can think about is the throbing pain in his- well- everywhere. There's only one place he wants to be right now. Only one face he wanted to see.

He closes his eyes and it feels like he's lost his balance. He's in and out of consciousness and somewhere in the middle of it he hears it, the panicked voice of the soul that saved him

"Woah-woah hey! Cas! What...: Dean worried. Castiel was winded, he atumbled forward, fell into deans arms, and that was it. Lights out

"What the hell happened, cas"

When he comes too, Dean is hovering over him with a wet wash cloth and a warm bowl of water.

"Welcome back sleeping beauty" dean smiled wiping an open cut on castiels forhead.

"Dean- ugh" he tries to push himself off the bed but fails almost immediately

"Okay slowdown there, you're still hurt pretty bad Cas" he said gently helping him sit up on the bed.

Cas winces and uncomfortably lays back down with his back resting against the headboard. He closes his eyes taking a moment just to breathe

"So" Dean starts "you wanna talk about it?"

Cas's eyes flutter open and he tilts his head to look at Dean with a blank look that clearly screams 'hell no'

Dean sighs shrugging with his hands up before he gets up off the bed walking towards the bathroom. It's only then that cas notices how late it is. The clock on the wall chimes 2am and when Dean walks out the bathroom with a perfume bottle and some fresh gauze, cas notices that he's shirtless and his hair is a proper mess

"Where's Sam?" He asks as Dean plops back down on the bed

"Bobby's" he says matter-of-factly as he sprays heaps of perfume on to a folded piece of tissue

"Oh" cas responds but doesn't inquire further. They probably faught

"Show me your arm" he says and cas stretches it out laying it in deans palm. He watches the way dean dabs the wound clean with the perfumed tissue, his movements are seamless, like he's done this a thousand times. Cas winces at first but the sensation is easy to bare after a while "it's antiseptic. So the wound won't get infected and what not" he explains before tossing the now bloody wad of tissue onto the side table. He unravels the gauze and slowly starts wrapping it around the angels arm

"I'm an angel I don't get infected" cas reminds him

Dean snorts "Yeah well you're bleeding like a man right now, so I think it's safe to assume you'll heal like one too"

Castiel opens his mouth to object but decides against it after watching deans seamless focus on tending to his wounds. Once the last bit of gauze is wrapped and taped securely on castiels arm Dean finally looks up and The deep seated worry in his eyes becames more apparent

"Thank you..." castiel says as he pulls his arm into his chest

Deans eyes linger on him for a moment before he eventually averts his gaze on to the dark hardwood floor.

"Sorry" cas offers, for lack of better talking points "I did not mean to wake you, truth be told I didn't even realize I was coming to you until I got here"

"Its fine cas" Dean sighs. It takes a second but he finally looks back up at the angel, eyes lighter, a distant whiff of a smile on his lips "I'm glad you did"

And there it is. That whirlwind sensation that he gets everytime he's close to Dean. The feeling that his heart is beating a mile a minute. It's work trying to get himself to snap out of it "well- I uh" he starts, taking in a sharp breath "I should really get back to business now" cas says trying to get up off the bed which takes way too much energy and changes deans calm expression to that of bewilderment

"What?! Cas are you crazy? You can't just- CAS!" Dean calls out as cas tries to get up bit as soon as he pushes of the bed he falls right back down on the floor "you need rest Cas, you can't just go out like this! you'll get yourself killed!" Dean scolds

Cas rolls his eyes but leans into Dean when he pulls him off the ground "you don't understand Dean. I am fighting a war here and I-"

"Yeah, yeah, civil war in heaven. Captain America versus a ninja turtle- we get it! but news flash angel, I don't give a crap what you're doing upstairs. Right now, you're with me, and you're bleeding in all sorts of places so you're staying until i say youre okay, do you understand?" Dean's voice goes hoarse as he lays cas back down onto the bed, all while telling him off

"But dean-"

"Listen you don't wanna tell me what happened that's fine but don't show up at my doorstep barely conscious, and then expect me to let you go back. Just like that." Dean's voice is stern and spoken through gritted teeth. There's no changing his mind

Truth be told castiel was well and capable of zapping himself out of there but something stopped him. Maybe it was the desperation in deans eyes. Maybe it was just that he didn't really want to leave.

He blamed the cut on his hand. It still needed tending too. "Alright..." he started, fiddling with the loose threads on the bandage."I suppose a few ours won't hurt"

"Exactly, so just relax," and the faint smile was back on his face. "Kick off your shoes, get some shut eye"

"I don't sleep dean"

"Yeah yeah whatever just do whatever you do to take a break" he retorted. He helped cas pull of his coat. He undid his tie and loosened the collar buttons then placed it all in a folded pile on the floor

Cas looked around for a second "There's only one bed"

"It's alright. I'll just make do with the coach," Dean said before he reached for the extra pillow from under the covers.

Cas doesn't know what urged him to do it, but he reached for deans hand before he could pull it out. "You paid for the room. You have more right over it than me"

"Cas it's no big deal" he appeased

"I insist" cas answered. He slowly started getting off the bed again but Dean was by his side at rocket speed

"Cas your arms practically broken" Dean rolled his eyes "I'd feel bad if you took the coach"

Cas sighed looking up at Dean with pursed lips. He narrowed his eyes and darted them across the bed. He scoots over and lightly pats the empty space next to him Before looking back in at Dean.

It takes Dean a second to catch up, but "no" rolls off his tongue quick enough

Cas let's out a sharp breath "we've been in more- compromising -situations before dean"

Dean let's out a laugh shaking his head in disbelief "that's not-" he stutters "listen I was-" he stumbles over his words a little more before finally finding them "we were drunk and I was curious and also- that was three months ago!"

"And were your curiosities not satisfied?" Cas asks. The words come out slower than he intended. That veil of innocence that we wear's so proudly shinning bright over features

Dean opens his mouth to argue, but castiel is leaning on his palm, looking up at Dean through his lashes. his lips are slightly parted, and it's all the more apparent that he has no idea of the effect he has, Dean. "Okay... Alright, fine, it's just a bed this time"

"There was a bed last time-"

"Shut up, cas"

Castiel smiles as Dean crawls under the covers and lays down next to him.

Cas watches as he adjusts into the bed. They're barely a breath away and cas can't help but focus on the contours of his neck and the perfectly smooth curves of his collar bones

His gaze travelled down to his bare chest and lingered onto his impossiblely Broad shoulders, all the way down his arm- that's when he notices it. A strange bright red scar in the shape of a hand...

"What happened?" he asked faintly tracing the scar with his finger

Deans eyebrows knitted together in confusion "you don't remember?"

Lost in his thoughts cas laid his hand on the scar realising it was a perfect fit. "I did this?" He looked up at Dean in shock

"I'm pretty sure" he replied simply, eyes fluttering shut "I've had it since you "raised me from perdition" as you so nicely put it"

"I didn't know it would leave a scar" his voice was barely above a whisper And if Dean wasn't so close he wouldn't have caught the way it cracked

Deans eyes shot open at the sudden change in mood "its fine cas, don' even hurt anymore" he tried to save the situation

"It used to hurt?!" But that only seemed to make it worse

"I mean- just barely and then it was fine-"

"I hurt you" castiel was tored, and nothing was getting through to him

"No cas-"

"I didn't mean too, I'm sorry" he whispered again pressing his hand into the scar that fit him like a puzzle piece

"Dude seriously-"

"I can remove the scar if you'd like" cas hovers his hand above the scar. Dean felt a twinge of energy prickle on his upperarm and suddenly it felt like his heart had sunk to his stomach. He doesn't think he's ever reached for anything faster than he does for castiels hand to pull it away

"Woah hey just- calm down" Dean panicked. He pulled castiels hand into his chest and held it close "its okay Cas, I promise"

But cas is still giving him that big eyed helpless puppy stare

"Honestly, I've grown kinda found of it." Dean smiled, unconsciously gripping Cas's hand tighter. "It's kinda like a reminder, you know? That an angel," he looks down at Cas with half lidded eyes "really is watching over me"

And Cas finally seems to calm down. A light pink haze flushing his cheeks as he looks back up at Dean. He doesn't know what to say. His heart is beating out of his chest, and he has no idea what to say. So he did the one thing he could think of

He wriggles his hand out of Dean's grip and brings his hand up to caress his face. Castiels touch was cold like always, but Dean couldn't help but lean into the touch. Deep green eyes hypnotise him as he moves forward and presses their lips together.

The kiss is soft and chaste and overflowing with longing. It takes deans breath away and fills deans senses with a vitality he can't quite explain, like a buzzing comfort that reaches his very soul. Dean doesn't realize when it happened, but his hand is gripped on to Cas's like he's begging him never to let go

But the feeling is gone just as abruptly as it started

Cas is slightly out of breath when the words leave his mouth and his eyes are glazed over with an emotion he himself doesn't even fully understand yet "how I've missed you dean" he all but mutters

And Dean chuckles in that same hushed tone, "I missed you too, angel"

Cas would never admit it out loud but he loves when Dean uses angel as word of endearment.

Deans eyes flutter shut again as a testament to his tiredness and cas thinks its best to just let him fall back asleep. He would be gone before sunrise anyway.

But right as he makes the decision, he notices the small pale brown spot that appears on deans bottom lip. He strokes it with his thumb unconsciously trying to figure out what it might be.

In his half asleep state, Dean smirks, "It's a freckle" he says. Cas doesn't question anymore how Dean is always able to read his mind. "They appear every time we uh... Well, you know"

"Kiss?" Cas finishes, still bubbling with curiousity

"Yeah" Dean answers

Cas moves closer and places a kiss on deans cheek. Dean watches as his eyes light up when he sees the bundle of freckles appear across his face. The angel gasps in amusement and Dean can't help but bask in his smile

"Last time" Dean started

Cas planted another kiss on his face, this time right in the curve where his nose meets his cheek. Then he moved back to watch them sprout

"You left them all over"

Another one on the tip of his nose, then two more on his other cheek. They looked like stars that appear after a midnight stormcloud is cleared

"Everywhere..."

Two more right above his brows and one on the stubble on chin before he starts travelling further downwards. They were beautiful. Dean was beautiful

"Cas," he breathes gently digging his fingers into the hair on the nape of castiels neck

That finally seemed to pull cas out of his stary trance. He pulled back to look at his work. Proped up on his good arm. He brushed the stray piece of hair that curled over his forehead. Bedhead really was a good look on Dean, but then again, everything was a good look on Dean

"Where have you been cas?" Deans Hand slowly stroked the curve of Castiels waist.

It feels like cas never knows what to say anymore. But that question breaks him in a small way. He hates going behind deans back, he hates lying to him. Every second of it is agonising but he knows what he must do in order to save heaven and humanity. Freedom comes with a Price after all.

Some days he wishes he didn't have to be the one to pay it. But then he looks into deans evergreen eyes and all his doubts vanish. Maybe when this is all over Dean will understand the necessity of winning this war against Raphael.

Maybe when this is all over Dean won't leave him. Maybe he'll see through all the deception. Maybe Castiel will get to keep feeling this ever growing warmth in his heart...

Maybe

Cas inches forward and plants one last kiss on deans lips. This one's more passion, More want, more... promise

When their lips part they're both out of breath and Dean let's out a low rumble of a laugh

"What was that for?" He asks as Cas lays back down and fits himself in the crook of Dean's neck. Deans arm snakes around up Cas's back and rests his fingers in his hair. Softly stroking the curls on the back of his head

"It was a deal" cas replied. He inched in impossiblely closer, taking up every breath off Dean that he could like it was the last time he'd ever see him.

"Deal with an angel huh?" Cas couldn't see it but he knew Dean was smirking "so, what did you do me in for"

"That's a secret" is what comes out, but what he really wanted to say was a bit different

Promise you won't le ave me

Deans husky laughter vibrates through castiels bones and for the first time in a long time Cas is finally calm again