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“I should punch you.”
Dick glanced up, fingers still twisted in his own hair as he recognized Jason standing over him, over the corner booth of the coffee shop Dick had found for them. He smiled as he flopped back, dropped his hand to the table as Jason sat across from him.
“You know?” Dick whispered. “I think I’d probably let you.”
“Oh fine, just take all the fun out of it, why don’t you.” Jason drawled, but it was good-natured, as he sipped at the tea Dick had ordered for him. “No point in beating up an incredibly self-aware guy who’s already down – even if he does deserve it.”
Dick pursed his lips, lowered his head again, stared into his own drink.
“I know I do.” Dick sighed. “I know I deserve that punch in the face and then some, Jay.”
“Mhm.” Jason let the tea sit in his mouth. Hot, a little spicy, a lot sugary. Jason couldn’t help but wonder how much help Alfred was in assisting his older brother set this little meet up. He swallowed, let the liquid burn his throat as it went down. “So, I mean. Okay. I know why you deserve it, but. Humour me, ‘Wing. Why do you think you deserve it?”
Dick glanced up, looking ever like the kicked puppy he was. “What?”
Jason smacked his lips, kept the large teacup in his hands as he gestured to Dick with his pointer finger. “Why the human embodiment of gloom and doom?”
Dick sighed again, slumping even more. “I lied. Yeah, it was Bruce’s idea, yeah, Bruce forced me to. But I still went along with it. I still lied. To everyone. To everyone I love.” He looked up. “To you guys.”
Jason stayed silent.
“I let you guys grieve.” Dick murmured. “After…after everything. All we’ve been through, both collectively and apart…I willingly hurt you.”
“Damn straight you did. And you’re going to be paying for that for the next…forever. Because that was a shit thing to do, and honestly, I’m still struggling in believing you actually did it. We all are.” Jason countered, letting his true feelings – his true fury, his true pain – seep, just a little, into his words. They were masked again almost instantly, though, as he leaned forward, hand inching to the center of the table. “Now, tell me, what’s the real reason for your moping?”
“I…” Dick blinked. “What?”
“You’ve got your guilt, you’ve got your remorse. That’s all fine and good, but there’s something else.” Jason clarified. He took another sip of his tea, but seemed to abort halfway through. “And don’t you dare try to lie again, because if you do I will give you that punch you deserve, and a couple more for good measure. So.” He finished his gulp, slammed his cup back down, and leaned back. “What’s really getting you down, Dickie?”
Dick stared at him for moment, and Jason could see the gears moving in his head. But finally, after what seemed like an hour, Dick exhaled for a third time, flopped back against the booth seat and looked up to the ceiling.
“He won’t let me see him.” Dick hummed. “Won’t let me see either of them.”
“He who-” Jason started, but it clicked immediately. “Ahhhh.”
Dick twitched his lip in a mockery of a grin. “He won’t answer the phone. Won’t answer the door. I can hear him on the other side of it, shooing Damian to his room. Making him promise to stay away from the doors and windows until he knows I’m gone, like I’m some kind of… some kind of natural disaster. Hell, Jay. I think Tim’s stopped patrolling, stopped letting Damian patrol, just to avoid me.”
“Actually, that was my suggestion.” Jason quipped. “And enforced by Cass.” A hesitation, as if it was a big secret Jason wasn’t supposed to tell. “…Tim’s mad, dude. Madder than anyone’s ever seen him. And it’s not so much we’re trying to make him avoid you, but…well. When he sees you or Bruce on patrol, even if you’re a mile away, he goes mental. Turns into…well, me, at my worst. Takes the bad guys out, punches them into oblivion, like there’s no tomorrow. It’s…really kind of freaky, how terrifying little Timbo can be, if I’m honest.”
Another stop, to sip at his tea.
“And when Tim gets like that, it scares all hell out of Damian. Crazy, right? He either completely freezes or puts himself between Tim and the baddie – and I don’t have to tell you that when Tim gets like that, it’s not a safe place to be, so. Just for the general good of the both of them, we suggested benching themselves. Going normal for a while.” Jason explained, and Dick could hear him trying to be nonchalant about it, but knew that deep down, it wasn’t only Damian who was worried. And it wasn’t only Tim he was worried about. “And, to the surprise of all, Damian agreed to do it first. Almost instantly, actually. And wherever baby goes, slightly larger baby follows. No matter what.”
“That’s…quite a change.” Dick admitted softly.
“You’re telling me. Those two are tighter than two peas in a pod now.” Jason snorted, but it devolved into a sigh, as Jason looked away, stared out the far window, and into the Gotham street. “But. Tim’s a good brother. Good…fake-dad, really. Was the only one who even gave Damian a thought, after this all went down. Protects the brat like he’s his own.” He glanced back towards Dick. “You’d be proud of him. Him and kiddo both.”
“I am, Jay. I always have been.” Dick promised, sounding near desperate. He, too, turned to stare out the window, watching as a bus sped by. “…I just want to apologize.”
“I know. They know.” Jason pushed. “Just as they also know that you and Bruce both have a habit of doing something stupid, apologizing, and then going off and doing it again. Just like they know they love you both too much to ever not forgive you the second the words ‘I’m sorry’ fall out of your mouth, whether you mean it or not.”
“I do, Jason, I swear to you I-”
Jason held his hand up, closed his eyes. “And they just don’t want to be played again, Dick.” Jason opened his eyes, and for the first time since their meet started, he looked sad. Disappointed. “They’re hurt and they feel betrayed. We’ve all done shitty things to each other before, yeah, but this is the straw that broke the camel’s back. Like you said, you let us grieve. After everything we’ve all lost, after all our traumas, you still faked your death and let us believe you were gone forever. You who, honestly, even more than Bruce, was sometimes the only reason any of us ever came back to this stupid town.”
Dick looked down, stared into his coffee. Didn’t dare to cut Jason off now.
“You were there when Tim lost his dad, when he lost his friends. You were there when I…well, let’s be honest. When I was in a real shitty place. Fuck, Dick, you were there when Damian had nothing. When Talia kicked him out and Bruce was considered dead the first time. When he had no family and no home and when, let’s be real, no one really cared about him at all.” Jason huffed, suddenly finding himself not taking many breaths between sentences. “Now me? I got it. You were my big brother, and yeah, I loved you. But. I got it. I get it. Shit happens and the world’s a mess, but. Damn, Dickie. Those two? They worshipped you. You were their whole world.”
Dick closed his eyes. Wanted to throw his face into his steaming coffee and drown himself in it.
“And then, you let them believe you were dead. You, who kept them together when everyone else was dead. You were immortal to them, so when you ‘died’? They had to adapt to a world without you. You were their world and you were gone, so they had to find a new one.” Jason shrugged. “A new, sad, empty normal.”
Dick pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes.
“So for you and Bruce to just waltz back in like nothing happened, proclaim how much you love them and missed them. For you and Bruce to show back up and prove to them that all their grief and pain and heartache was for literally nothing?” Jason asked. “Well. I hope you can understand why Tim wasn’t exactly chomping at the bit to let you back into their lives like nothing happened.” A second. “To let you back into Damian’s life, like nothing happened.”
Dick didn’t look up. Tried to keep his breathing even.
“Now, will they get over it? Yeah, sure. Damian will, at least. He adores you far too much to avoid you for long. You were his favorite, and not even Tim – the only one who gave a shit after you were gone – can fill the planet-sized hole you left in that little fart’s heart. And Tim knows that. He loves that kid so much – as much as you did. As much as you do – and it kills him that Damian’s so…so gullible, about you, but, well. He knows.” Jason hummed. “As for Tim? I honestly can’t say. He’ll forgive you, eventually. He always does, for everyone. Even me. But I don’t know if that’ll take his bitterness away. I don’t-” A sigh. “Dick, I honestly don’t know if you two will ever be close again. If nothing else, he might tolerate you for Damian’s sake, act like the estranged ex-wife when he allows you to see Damian again, but.”
Jason stopped then, when the waitress appeared. Her voice was gentle and sympathetic, and Dick knew she was looking at him. He didn’t even register what she asked, only knew Jason answered for them both and sent her away as quickly a possible.
“But then again, I could be wrong, and Tim might welcome you back with open arms and a lot of tears, when he’s finally cooled off.” He heard Jason slurp at his tea. “But look. What I’m saying is…you have to give them time. You know, keep trying. Keep texting them and calling them and whatever. Let them know that you’re not going away, that you want to make this right – because I know you do, more than anything – but give them time. Maybe a little space. Don’t expect this all to happen over night. Because it won’t. Forgiveness doesn’t work that way. And really, our brothers deserve you to think better of them.”
Another pause, another silent few seconds. Jason just kept sipping at his tea, watching the world around them. Let Dick wallow in his guilt for a while, completely undisturbed, before:
“…And what about you, Jason?” Dick whispered. “Do you forgive me?”
Jason thought about it. Held his cup to his lips as he hummed, and debated.
“No.” He decided, lowering the mug. “No, I don’t. You or Bruce – and fuck, that’s a whole other can of worms, for the squirts and me both.” And when Dick glanced up, he saw Jason biting his lip in uncertainty. In concern. But when Jason met his gaze, he popped his lip back out, steeled his face. “But I’m probably a lot closer to it than the others are.”
And it wasn’t a lot. Hell, it was more than Dick deserved. But still, he smiled. Crooked, sad, and too awkward for the handsome face of Richie Grayson. “Thanks, Jay.”
“Oh, save it, Goldie.” Jason drawled. Then a shy smile of his own. “At least until after I convince Timbo to, minimum, answer your phone calls. Then, I’d prefer the thanks coming in kissing my feet.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” Dick laughed. “But I’m serious, Jason – Thank you. For agreeing to meet with me, for being willing to forgive me, for…taking care of them. While I was gone.”
“Eh. I didn’t do shit.” Jason shrugged, though Dick caught the quick blush to his cheeks. “I just…listened. Helped bratski move some boxes from the manor to the apartment. Taught the computer king how to cook for two, cook healthily, and with more than just the microwave.”
“Better than I did.” Dick admitted, almost disappointedly. “You turned out to be…a pretty great big brother, Jay.”
“What can I say? Guess I learned from the best.” Jason flashed a grin, pulling his cup back up to his lips. But as he went to take another sip, there was a light buzz, and the melody of a quick ring tone. Jason shifted, pulled the phone from his pocket and stared at the screen. “Speaking of, it’s the kid. Promised I would go over some new vehicle blueprints with him, and he likes to throw a fit if I’m late.”
“Yeah, go on. I’ve wasted enough of your time.” Dick waved off, not mentioning that reviewing new blueprints was a thing he and Damian used to do. Used to really enjoy doing, back in the day. Was a thing just for the two of them, just for their Dynamic Duo. “Tell him and Tim I say hi, if you don’t think they’ll punch you in the face or something. Even try to kiss ‘em for me, if you’re feeling brave.”
“Will do.” Jason nodded, answering whatever Damian’s text said as he gulped down the rest of his tea and stood. “Thanks again, Dickie.” He murmured as he walked away. But as he passed Dick he clapped his hand down on his shoulder. “And remember ‘Wing – give it time. Give them time.”
He didn’t wait for Dick to respond, dashing out the door and down the street. A few minutes later, Dick watched him speed by on his motorcycle, heading in the opposite direction.
“Yeah.” Dick sighed, for the first time picking up his own mug and taking a sip. He sat back in the booth, and pulled out his own phone. Tapped at the screen until he was years deep in his photo archive, until he found an old selfie – of him, Tim and Damian, smiling and actually enjoying themselves, with Jason and Cass making faces in the background, at one of the rare Wayne galas they were all present for. He smiled again, once more a sad sight. Once more, a lonely sight. “Just some time.”