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A fox was about the forest. To hunt outside at all was to put a cat in danger, yet here Brambleclaw was, hissing at the most annoying, most obnoxious kittypet he’d had the displeasure of meeting to date. And Squirrelpaw’s enthusiasm for strangers was really not helping.
“You’ve never tried a fresh kill before?”
“No, I don’t eat dead mice. You lead a sad life, little cat. I bet you’ve never even had lasagna,” the orange tabby said.
“What’s lasagna?”
“Oh it’s the most delicious thing ever.”
“Like a mountain of catmint? I never tried it but I heard it’s the best tasting thing ever but Cinderpelt and Leafpaw- that's my sister, she’s a medicine cat in training- say we can't because we need to save it for cats that get greencough.”
“Oh, even better,” the cat says in that droning voice. “If I could get lasagna everyday I’d eat it everyday.”
“I can tell,” Brambleclaw says, eyes flicking to the frankly large belly that the orange tabby has. He doesn’t even know why he’s entertaining this conversation.
“Yeah, I don’t normally share food, you know, but I can get you some. You’ll never want anything else again.”
“No, thank you,” Brambleclaw juts in. “We don’t need anything from a kittypet.”
“My name is Garfield.” The cat raises a paw. He doesn’t even look offended.
“My name is Squirrelpaw!” She says, and at Brambleclaw’s panicked glare she adds, “And this grumpy guy here is Brambleclaw, don’t mind him, he’s actually a super softie!”
“Hey, what’s catmint?”
“Nothing that you need to know about,” Brambleclaw retorted. “And I think it’s time for you to scurry back to where you came from. Don’t you have,” Brambleclaw grimaced. “Lasagna waiting for you?”
“Probably,” The kittypet said, and proceeded to stay exactly where he was.
“What are you doing? Scram!”
“I would,” The cat shrugged, and even Brambleclaw wasn’t able to explain how a cat pulled that motion off.
“Oh I know this one! You got lost,” Squirrelpaw said gravely.
“Yeah I got lost,” The cat admitted easily.
Brambleclaw closed his eyes in a motion of are you serious and lashed his tail.
Squirrelpaw gasped.
“What are you thinking of now-”
“We should absolutely-”
“No, no we shouldn’t,” Brambleclaw caught on, which did nothing to dash the excitement in her eyes.
“Why not?”
“Just- no. Not this one.” Brambleclaw jerked a paw at the kittypet.
“I resent the way you said that,” Garfield said.
“But Firestar was a kittypet!”
“And that’s a special case, we are not making him a clan cat.”
“Woah, woah woah, are you saying that I should go with you guys?” The orange tabby reared back a little. “Hold your horses, señor. Thanks, but no thanks. You guys don’t have cable, and I’m not really into dead mice.”
“See, he agrees. Now we chase him out.”
“Ooh no, I don’t do physical exercise well.”
Suddenly, the wind changed. The scent of fox.
Both Brambleclaw and Squirrelpaw stiffened.
Garfield just squinted.
“Oh, is that an animal? It smells really bad- hey, what are you doing-”
He took hold of Squirrelpaw by the small flap of skin above her neck and flung her towards the tree, where her claws dug underneath the bark and she launched herself up the trunk with a burst of speed.
Brambleclaw followed, quickly doing the same. He perched himself on a high branch, where the strong smell of fox was carried to him. If the wind had been blowing the other way the whole time, that meant that the fox was already well aware of the presence of the cats.
“Quick, get up here!”
Brambleclaw swiveled to see who Squirrelpaw was talking to. The kittypet still stood at the bottom of the tree, looking nervously between the two cats and where the waft of fox emerged from the thrush. Squirrelpaw was leaning dangerously to shout words of encouragement at the kittypet. Brambleclaw shook his head at his partner.
Squirrelpaw didn’t seem to have heard. “Use your claws! Climb the tree!”
“I’ve never climbed anything in my entire life!”
“This is ridiculous,” Brambleclaw muttered.
Squirrelpaw leapt off the tree.
What mousebrained-
And that annoyance quickly transformed into horror when the scent of fox grew stronger, and a small red tinged snout came out of the underthrush, sniffing, sniffing, and raising in the air, before cold, beady eyes locked onto Squirrelpaw’s form desperately pushing that kittypet up the tree.
“Oh, this does not bode well,” The kittypet said.
Brambleclaw launched himself off the tree and onto the head of the fox, who thrashed as Brambleclaw furiously dug his claws in to scrape his eyes.
Like a well practiced dance, Squirrelpaw wrapped around the rapid stumbling of the fox paws and jumped on it’s back, before biting into the throat.
“Holy cheese,” The kittypet said.
For a sudden moment, all Brambleclaw saw was air, and the slightest glance of teeth. Then, he collided with something hard. Ah, he’d been thrown off the fox.
And now Squirrelpaw was in danger. She dug in her claws for her life, but with the way the fox was thrashing in pain, it wouldn’t be long before she was thrown off, and, Brambleclaw realized with a terror, that the sharp teeth would be sinking into her throat.
“Hey, I may have never played baseball, but catch this!”
A rock, of all things, hit the fox square in the eye. As Brambleclaw shook off the dizziness, the fox yowled as it pressed its paws into its snout. Squirrelpaw was safely out of range and ignored.
Then, if Brambleclaw’s day wasn’t horrible enough, a new scent came along, the scent of a hound, wet and full of drool and clogging up Brambleclaw’s nose. A beige paw trotted out, and a creature with tongue stuck out poised itself in the middle of the clearing, momentarily confusing fox and cat alike.
“Oh, don’t worry guys, It’s just Odie. Odie, pick us up,” Garfield said.
The dog responded by drooling. The fox growled at the new presence.
“I overestimated you, Odie.”
“What is it doing?” Brambleclaw couldn’t help but blurt out.
“You can control the dog?” Squirrelpaw looked awed.
“Sure I can. Odie, fetch,” Garfield sat back on his hind legs, and mimed throwing something from his paw.
The imaginary thing must have been something only Odie could see, because the dog’s head swiveled in fascination, and he bolted after the imaginary thing, tripping over the fox, who comically spun the air at the speed and fell on its head. Brambleclaw could not fathom how a creature so terrifying was reduced to a belly up position by a mere kittypet and a dog.
A loud thump was heard as the dog collided with something else, and Brambleclaw barely had the sense of mind to register the scent of one of the Twolegs when-
“Watch out!” Brambleclaw’s hairs raised.
The fox pounced. Squirrelpaw just barely managed to drag Garfield out of fox biting range(“Oh, my hip!”) when a Twoleg burst out of the bushes, one “Odie” clutched in his arms, and in the other he brought a strange metal pole with spokes at the end.
He made loud, yelling noises at the fox, whose ears pressed back. It quickly fled, thankfully not towards the direction deeper into Thunderclan territory. Brambleclaw noted with a flick of his ears that Windclan might meet some trouble in the near future, though.
And then the Twoleg was picking up the kittypet, who Starclan willing Brambleclaw would never have to meet again.
“Oh, thank you for saving my life, Jon,” Garfield said to the Twoleg. “I’m starting to feel bad for all those times I locked you out of the house now.”
“You can control Twolegs too… wicked,” Squirrelpaw whispered.
Then the Twoleg’s attention was on the two clan cats. The way he bent down on his knees had all of Brambleclaw’s fur picking up.
“Time to go,” He said, waving his tail. Squirrelpaw, friendly as she was, also edged backwards at the sight of a large Twoleg. “And don’t come back.”
“Never again, señor,” Garfield said, doing a strange motion where he raised his paw to his head and bent it at an angle.
Brambleclaw didn’t quite care anymore. Kittypets had strange customs.
He picked up their fresh kill as Squirrelpaw waved goodbye with her tail. “See you Garfield! It was nice meeting you!”
“Oh, man, you would not believe the day I had,” came the droning voice behind him, coupled with the murmur of Twoleg speak and barks of a dog. “I think I need lasagna.”