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There will never be a positive outcome when a god falls in love with a mortal.
Rex Lapis knows it all too well. He had witnessed numerous times of his foes and friends crumbling under the cruel fate they had chosen themselves called, 'love.' No one is perfect yet no one is born with a tremendous flaw that is unrepairable. But this weakness called, 'love'-
As love brings out the best of you, you can't conceal the pathetic ugliest self that you wish to hide. Greed, sorrow, bliss, solitude, heartache- all kinds of emotions tend to overflow when you're in love. For a god, showing your true self, both weakness and strength means naive. A god should be the epitome of perfection. A holy being that holds an absolute authority on their throne. Perfection comes naturally to Celestia's children. She detests those who can't conceal their own emotions. Maybe that's why heaven was never kind to mortals who are known to be weak and emotional.
Falling in love was already a huge crime by the laws of the heavenly court. And the worst of them all was falling in love with a mortal- Celestia showed no mercy towards beings who would break the taboo and granted a living hell by her own hands mercilessly. Alas, that still couldn't forbid beings from falling in love even now.
He could not understand why beings would choose to indulge in such a fragile thing willingly knowing the outcome would be anything but positive. What's the point of this short amount of bliss when it will be the reason for your downfall? He had once asked his closest friend who was sick in love with a mortal.
"One cannot comprehend the reason why- how can you describe love as a blessing when it's killing you?"
Guizhong only smiled and simply said, "You do not need to comprehend the meaning behind it, Rex. You will understand my words one day."
But then he simply frowned and took it as her dodging his question cleverly as always. He had given up on persuading her at that point, he knew no matter what kinds of adepti arts he would use, no matter how much Celestia intervened and threatened her godhood, Guizhong's heart would never stop beating for that one mortal woman. She had already accepted her fate as a disgraced god fallen for a mortal and she smiled gently embracing her downfall.
He detested love. It took away almost all of his closet aids and left him rotting all alone in Teyvet. How dare they look so peaceful and contented while speaking of their affection? How dare they leave him for a fleeting affair?
It used to sour his senses whenever he thought of her. The image of his closet friend smiling from the bottom of her heart while waiting for the blow that would end her immortality burnt permanently in the back of his mind. Her expression showed everything but misery and regret.
How is it that she looked alive in her last moments more than him who was unscathed?
When Guizhong said one day, he had no idea that it would mean centuries later. His dreadful fate had arrived in the form of a wild, young Snezhnaya man in his 20s with fiery auburn hair and mesmerizing ocean-blue eyes. The realization was dreadful and for the first time in centuries, Rex Lapis couldn't find a solution to such a problem. A problem within his heart.
Oh, someone please do tell him the way to silence his heart when it screams for his name. He didn't bash an eye during a bloody war. He didn't shed a tear when she left.
So why was it that it hurt when a mortal conveyed his dislike openly to him? Hurt was an understatement. It felt like he had been poisoned by a fatal dose in his heart. He couldn't think straight, his senses starting to blur and he couldn't breathe without his lungs aching and his eyes burning while the overstimulated feelings suffocated him. It took him barely seconds to crumble down completely at the hurt expression on the young man's face. Oh, how deep has he fallen? He would never know the answer and he did not wish to know.
A harbinger serving for another archon who was supposedly bringing harm to the Teyvat. Out of billions of people, he had to fall for the hardest challenge with the most complicated puzzle to solve.
Ajax was like a storm wrecking into his repetitive life.
He was like a beautiful rainbow awarded after a horrendous thunderstorm.
He was like a poison sucking all of his life forces dry slowly but surely.
And how is it that his affection was both toxic and an antidote to Zhongli?
3 years duration was nothing more than a fleeting memory to an immortal like him yet these 3 years he had spent with the harbinger would continue to shine like gold in him. He had never felt alive more than then. Guizhong was never wrong after all. When you know, you know. It kind of made him laugh, finally able to come to terms with an answer he was holding all along yet couldn't see for centuries.
He fancies this mortal. He loves him. That is just that, there is no reason behind it. He doesn't need to know why- he just does. He loves Ajax.
Oh god, he loves Ajax, a mortal.
Once again, there will never be a positive outcome when a god falls in love with a mortal.
Ajax's life thread was supposed to be longer than that. Though he had already retired from his throne, he could see whether a mortal's life span was short or long. Ajax was brutally sabotaged by heaven, he had so much potential to achieve greater things in life. Zhongli truly believed that if it was Ajax then maybe world domination wasn't an impossible deed after all. But he didn't even have the chance to grasp the opportunity all because of a foolish, selfish god who chose to indulge in his desires.
For the first time in his tremendously long journey as an immortal, Zhongli wished he could turn back in time. Then maybe- maybe he could seal his disobedient greedy heart away, far away from this kind-hearted young man.
Celestia wasn't forgiving. Naturally, the chance to redeem never came to either of them.
No matter how many times Zhongli would rip off his immortal heart in agony, Celestia wouldn't bash an eye. On the contrary, she rejoiced at his misery.
Every single time, he would go through the pain of losing a loved one in front of his eyes yet would not be able to do anything but watch. A curse by the heaven upon these two beings in love.
He halted his steps in front of a little coffee shop hidden away in a dark alley with no one in sight. It was calling for him.
"After 500 years, once again..." He muttered under his breath. After meeting with numerous reincarnations of his, Zhongli could feel when the time had come. He had attempted to avoid it so many times yet he hadn't succeeded even once. Sometimes, Celestia let him loose for a while playing with his emotions then brutally stabbed his back. He could never escape from encounters with him. It was as if she was mocking him saying Zhongli was nothing more than a plaything in her palms. He then entered the shop with a heavy heart.
"Welcome, dear customer!!!" A cheerful voice greeted him almost immediately as he stepped foot inside. It was a familiar voice painful to hear.
There he was grinning delightedly behind the counter, with his handsome face which never once changed in centuries, and a silver name tag showing AJAX on it. He was still looking as lovely as ever.
Zhongli could feel his heart going wild once again at the sight of his love after 500 years. How is it that even after centuries he was still bewitched by this young man?
He approached the counter slowly, and Ajax looked very excited at his arrival probably since he was the first customer for the day. He skimmed through the menu displayed on a huge screen above, his eyes moved back and forth a few times yet nothing rang a bell to him. Probably due to the existence of the man in front of him.
"I will have a..."
"Earl Grey?" (Ajax) finished the sentence confidently as if he were a regular customer having the same items numerous times. For your information, this was the first time he had been here.
Zhongli closed his mouth with a bitter taste lingering on his tongue. Oh Celestia, how cruel you are.
The young man saw his solemn expression and immediately turned flustered, afraid to have offended the only customer he had.
"You just look like the type to drink such a thing, y'know?" The ginger-haired man sheepishly added. His expression fell further knowing that even sounded worse. Zhongli's heart skipped multiple beats. How was it that his beloved is so loveable in every life?
"Oh- I'm not calling you old! I mean you do look quite umm...m-mature! Yes! you look quite mature so I just technically assumed." He rumbled animatedly.
Zhongli chuckled softly, "You're right." Ajax suddenly stopped all of his rumblings and blinked at him confused.
"I do want Earl Grey right now," Zhongli simply smiled at his adorable confused face.
"R-really? You really don't have to go out of your way to drink what I said on a whim-" He scratched the back of his head, clearly relieved since his recommendation was chosen.
Zhongli shook his head and leaned onto the counter. "You know me better than I do anyway," he mumbled under his breath. Ajax looked at him confused for a few seconds but he brushed it off and started to do his job.
He sat at a table near the counter and he could see the back of a hardworking barista preparing his tea. Zhongli smiled to himself. Ajax was a talented being in every single life he lived. He wouldn't be surprised if he showed up as a president of a country next. While he was busy daydreaming, a cup of tea had arrived on his table. Ajax stood still looking extremely nervous, waiting for him to take a sip. Zhongli elegantly picked up the cup and inhaled the smell before savoring it. The young man looked quite anxious by his dull face even after the first sip.
"It tastes wonderful." Ajax looked visibly relieved.
"You used lemon instead of milk. Why is it that? Though such a method isn't nonexistent, it's still quite extremely rare around this area," he questioned knowing the answer.
Ajax scratched the back of his head, feeling awkward by his question. He then sighed and stepped closer to him.
"I do not know, sir. I-...Something in my head told me that you liked having it with lemon and sugar since it would taste crisp and sharper than with milk. I'm so sorry if you prefer the other way, I can fix it up right away."
"No need," he paused, "you were right. I do like my tea this way."
"O-Oh you do?" Their eyes met still for a moment and Ajax was the one who broke it with maroon-colored cheeks.
"I will leave you be then, enjoy your tea!" The young man moved behind the counter in stiff movements shyly.
During his brief stay in the cafe, he could feel the curious stare on him occasionally. Zhongli found it extremely endearing. Ajax went away in the back for a moment and he took this as a chance to slip away. After his tea cup had been emptied, he left the money together with an enormous amount of tips then left the shop silently. When he stepped out of the cafe, he noticed the dull weather stealing the sun's time to shine. He sighed and walked away slowly.
Ajax seemed like a young man who was passionate in his career. Zhongli felt extremely uncomfortable and the guilt was consuming him slowly. He couldn't even feel delighted properly before the thoughts of how he would destroy his bright future once again killed him. Centuries ago, Zhongli ascended to heaven by himself and kneeled pitifully then begged Celestia to take him instead. To take away his immortality, his godhood, or she could even torture him in hell relentlessly. He pleaded with her to stop intervening in Ajax's fate and to let the mortal live his life properly without him. Celestia scoffed and banished him permanently from stepping inside heaven.
He could destroy mountains and slash through oceans. He could wipe off a country from the map immediately but how was it that he couldn't even protect a single mortal every time? He felt helpless.
After walking for a few moments, the sky started shedding tears onto the earth. Zhongli was soaked from head to toe, but he wasn't sure whether his face was wet from the rain or his tears. Something grabbed his arm from behind all of a sudden but he already knew who it was. Still, he turned his head slowly.
Ajax was catching his breath while holding an umbrella. He must have run all the way to him judging by how he was panting for air. "Wait-" He gulped and looked up at him desperately.
"I have something to tell you. I know this might sound extremely weird but have we met before?" He looked at him intensely, reading his emotions. Ajax has always been good at reading him as if he was an open book.
"No." Zhongli looked down, not wanting to see the other's expression fall. Ajax's shoulders fell and he blinked profusely, clearly flustered by the turns of events.
"Right of course. Umm...I don't even know why I grabbed you, he whispered, "I suddenly felt like I have to hold onto you before you fade away-"
Zhongli looked up to his face at that, his trembling hands betrayed his poker face. How was he supposed to even reply to that? He had met Ajax so many times before, but he could never get used to it.
"I'm sorry. I know I sound really creepy right now but I-...I'm not lying. Ever since you walked in, I have been feeling this sense of deja vu, and m-my heart has been aching so much that I thought I was dying. My head has been telling me so much information about you for no reason and I freaked out so bad that I needed to step away for a moment. And when I came back, you weren't there anymore. I immediately panicked and my mind screamed not again, not again. I-...I don't even know you. But how is it that I know your taste in tea, how you like to smell something before tasting it, how you prefer bitterness over sweetness, how fast you walk when there's something on your mind, how you tend to conceal your emotions yet your hands still tremble whenever you feel sad, and how you already know my name yet not calling it on purpose? It's like we're strangers but with memories of us together."
Even after Ajax rambled for a while, Zhongli didn't say a word. He just stood there with a sad expression, he opened and closed his mouth multiple times to speak yet nothing came out.
His hold on his arm loosened and eventually was let go. "I'm sorry, I know it sounds really disturbing right now," he chuckled sadly. "I-I will leave."
As he said, he turned around and started to go back to where he came slowly. Zhongli felt conflicted, should he run and delay the time further more or? The young man suddenly halted his steps and turned to him. His poker face broke for a moment in surprise, as he literally ran to him and grabbed his hand. What arrived in his hand was his umbrella.
"I know you're already soaked but you know...umm it's better than nothing. My shop is close to here anyway so-" He waved awkwardly and then started to run back once again.
But this time, it wasn't him who held back. Zhongli dropped the umbrella on the ground and grabbed onto his arm with both hands quite desperately. Ajax turned around almost immediately surprised.
"Ajax." He whispered. It was just a name yet that name held so many emotions in him. Zhongli wondered if he could feel the trembles in his hands.
The young man with fiery auburn hair grinned brightly with glassy eyes. "Zhongli..."
Once again, their fates were intertwined.