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Tsuji is a normal well adjusted member of society. If anything, he's the most adjusted person in Oya High that's from Hope Hill (until Fujio came along, that is. But Fujio barely has him beat. Barely). He's definitely the most adjusted of his boyfriends. Todoroki... well, is Todoroki. Tsuji and Shibaman finally convinced him to get therapy and no surprises here: it's working! Shiba has his own issues he's long since been trying to work out (anyone who decides to leave their birth name in the dust and take up the name Shibaman has to have something going on, you know) and Tsuji has been there for him every step of the way. Tsuji couldn't be able to do that if he wasn't well adjusted. Hope Hill was just a dangerous place but a place of love regardless. Most of Tsuji's memories were of getting by with Shibaman and trying to beat the shit out of Yasukiyo. All in all, Tsuji was so fine and okay living there and definitely has no lasting trauma that he refuses to work through.
Or at least that's what he keeps telling himself.
Why hasn't Tsuji been able to fall asleep? Why can't he just close his eyes in his own bed? And worse, why is he hearing things that aren't real? He knows they're not real because he's heard these words being uttered time and time again. It's the same scene, it always is, and now it was coming back around.
It starts with the shouting from behind his closed door between his father and another man, then the sad sobbing from his mother. The begging, pleading to leave their apartment. They didn't have much money, the other man knew that. No one there had much money, that was why everyone robbed each other and by age 10 Tsuji was already stronger than most twelve year olds.
He can't afford to be weak. Not when his mother was working so hard to support him, not when the old lady a floor above them needed help as often as she did. Not when his father was working so hard to try and give them a better home. Somewhere safe. Somewhere where a break-in wouldn't happen. Tsuji can't afford to be a burden.
The screaming from the assailant grew louder and louder, Tsuji's father explained over and over that there wasn't any more money to give or offer. His mother's sobs rang out. If Tsuji was older, if he wasn't just ten, maybe he would've done something. Maybe he could've caught the assailant off-guard, but he was only ten. And he was already shaking under his bed, unable to move as his eyes were wide as he stared at his bedroom door. He wanted to go to his mom, he wanted to hug her and protect her and tell her that everything would be okay.
But as she screamed Tsuji's father's name, and there was a thud, Tsuji knew they would not be okay. Their front door slammed shut, and Tsuji could hear her sobbing into the phone for paramedics. Tsuji walked to the door, where her sobs were louder. As a child he would've started to open the door, and he would've barely caught a glimpse of his father's body before his mother scooped him into her arms and told him to close his eyes.
But those were just his memories coming back to haunt him, instead he opened the door to a dark hallway. This wasn't even the same apartment that everything took place in. This was the better life that his father wanted for them, one he would never get to see. Tsuji felt tired, but he knew well enough that this wasn't good for him. The way he was feeling, repeating this scene over and over again for many nights; he feels ill. He grabbed his phone before going into the hallway. He saw his mom at the table, a little lamp on as she was on the computer with a stack of papers by her. She looked up, eyes tired, "Tsuji, what are you doing up so late? You have school in the morning."
"Couldn't sleep. Also, you know I can just sleep in school." She chuckled softly at his response and just shook her head. His mother's gaze traveled to his hand.
"Going out?" She checked the time, two in the morning. "At this hour?"
"You know there's only two places I'm going." Tsuji is a good kid, he doesn't care if his mom knows where he goes because he goes to the same four places max, and this late in the night means he really is only going to one of two. She gave a nod before turning back to what she was doing on the computer.
"Ah, and Tsuji?"
"Mn?"
"I love you, infinitely." Tsuji smiled, and hugged her from behind as she worked. "I love you too, please get some sleep." He kissed her cheek, then her forehead. "You haven't been sleeping much."
"I'll get some, I promise. And whoevers home you're going to, just sleep well." Tsuji nodded, giving his mother a light squeeze before letting her go and going out the door. Tsuji called the person most likely to still be awake. "Hey Yosu."
"It's two in the morning, why are you even up?" His voice was rough with sleep, and it made Tsuji want to kick his feet and giggle he sounded so hot.
"Can't sleep."
Not even a moment of hesitation before a, "See you soon." Tsuji smiled, hanging up and walking a bit faster. He only had to knock once before Todoroki opened the door, half awake and his glasses were crooked. Tsuji felt so much relief seeing him, and wanted to just hold onto him and kiss him for five hours straight. He looked at Tsuji, then sighed. "You're not okay tonight, are you?"
"You could tell?" Tsuji asked as he walked into the house. He heard footsteps upstairs, and Tsuji asked, "Your parents?"
"Course not. It's Shiba. He was asleep but..."
"Tsuji?" Shibaman looked so tired as he walked down the stairs.
Shibaman. God this is what he needed right now. Tsuji didn't like crying, but he needed comfort. Specifically, he needed this really cringy form of comfort. Shibaman realized what was up, and in his still sleepy state, he opened his arms as if to ask. Tsuji nodded, opening his arms as well. The two of them seemed to speak together in their minds, unintentionally leaving Todoroki out for right now. Tsuji was lifted by Shibaman, holding onto him tightly. Tsuji didn't need to speak to fully explain himself. He was hugged tightly, and Shibaman already knew what was wrong. "Do you want to talk about it? At least enough to fill him in?"
Tsuji looked over to Todoroki, who shook his head. "Don't worry about me. You don't need to tell me unless you really want to. I'm not nosy, especially if you already have someone you've told. But if you want to, you already know I'll listen." Even so, Tsuji knows that Todoroki doesn't necessarily want to be out of this conversation when it's clear it's something important.
"It's late, and it's heavy," Tsuji said, "Like, really heavy. Are you sure?"
"I love you, so whatever has you this upset is something I do want to hear eventually. But again, at your pace." Tsuji's pace was now, he might as well if Todoroki is serious about hearing this at almost three in the morning. So he told Todoroki what had been going on with him recently, and telling him about his past- something Shibaman of course knew about. When Tsuji finished speaking, he buried himself in Shibaman's collar. It's not that telling Todoroki was scary, per say, but still it was a lot. Tsuji has never talked about this to anyone since it happened. "Tsuji." Todoroki spoke softly, coming closer, "I'm so sorry."
"Why?" Tsuji could not believe his voice was shaking, "You didn't do it. You didn't kill him." It's been almost eight years, Tsuji needs to be above this. He has to be, yet his body won't let go of Shibaman nor would he stand on his own two feet right now.
"You're worried about being weak right now, aren't you?" It was Shibaman who asked him that. Tsuji shifted to look at him, his boyfriend having a soft smile. "Cause me and Yosu both have baggage, you think that means you can't be fucked up."
"Stop reading my mind without consent." Tsuji murmured. Shibaman chuckled, running a hand through Tsuji's hair. "I love you, so sometimes I need to read your mind. Especially when you're doing stupid stuff, like not letting yourself be honest. I mean, did you even cry that day? I don't remember you crying when you told me the next day."
"Mom was already crying," he responded, "why was I gonna hurt her more by crying myself?"
"Tsu..." Shibaman held him tighter, "that's not hurting her. You're not hurting anyone by crying. You're hurting yourself by not letting it out."
"I don't want you to feel like you have to comfort me." Tsuji tried to reason, as if trying to justify what he's doing to himself. But even to himself, logically he knows that nobody wants this for him but...
"Tsuji, we want to comfort you because we want to." Todoroki stepped closer. "We want you to feel like you're able to tell us anything. That you can be vulnerable around us no matter what, the same way you let us be vulnerable around you. That's the point of us being a trio, isn't it? We can all lean on one another. In fights and in emotions, we're always here for each other. We all have problems but that doesn't make us less capable of protecting each other." Tsuji fell silent, taking in Todoroki's words and letting them seep into his skin. These were people who loved him, people who want to care about him.
Tsuji's voice was quiet, sad, and he asked something. "Can I like... cry for a little while?"
"Of course," Todoroki responded, "Do you want to go up to my room?" Tsuji nodded, and that was enough for Shibaman to carry him up the stairs and sat him down in the middle of the bed with Todoroki on the other side. It took Tsuji a moment to shed his skin. Or rather, his exterior that he didn't need to hold up around them. This would make him feel better, but he'd have to actually do the crying. When was the last time he cried? When Todoroki was struggling and they all cried? That wasn't too long ago but even then, Tsuji only shed a few tears. The last time he cried for himself, however, was years ago.
Tsuji felt the tears start to roll down, thinking about everything that had ever happened in his life. His father was killed, he'd seen other people die in Hope Hill, fighting all the time to the point Tsuji would've lost himself if not for Shibaman. He would've turned into something worse than Yasukiyo, he would've become a monster. Hell, he might've brought Shibaman down with him if Tsuji was any weaker. He cried harder, Todoroki's hands on his back gently rubbing. "We've got you," he whispered, "we're right here."
"I just-" Tsuji said between tears, "I didn't think I still felt this way."
"About his passing?"
"About anything." Tsuji got out. "I thought I was over everything. I thought I had grown up."
"You have grown up," Shibaman wrapped his arms around him, "You letting us see you like this means that you've grown enough to trust us."
"I always trusted both of you."
"I know. This is just another layer."
Tsuji wiped his eyes before muttering, "Why do you always get smart when feelings are involved?"
"Because feelings matter more than anything when it comes to you." Shibaman gently turned Tsuji's face towards him, resting his forehead on the other's. Tsuji felt Shibaman's thoughts rush into him, wrapping him in a feeling of warmth.
I'll always be there when you need me. You don't have to say a thing or explain yourself. You know I can always find the answer.
Stop reading my mind without consent!
Look I love consent I think it's hot but sometimes I need to peek in there. It's not like you don't know I'm doing it. If you really want me to stop though, I will.
Tsuji shook his head.
It's the only way I can... get some of this out sometimes.
Then I'll do it whenever your words aren't able to tell me.
We should probably teach Todoroki too, huh?
Both boys turned to their boyfriend, who looked only slightly confused. He's used to this by now, but raised an eyebrow. "What?"
"We're gonna teach you to read our minds." Tsuji said. Sensing the tense moment was over, Todoroki cracked a smile. His hand went to Tsuji's cheek (progress on the affection meter!!! Todoroki is rarely initiating this!!) and gently caressed it for a brief moment, wiping away any stray tears.
"Are you okay now?"
"A little better."
"Anything I can do to help?"
"Learn to read minds with us."
Todoroki rolled his eyes. "I feel like that is a strange talent that only the two of you have." Tsuji laughed, reaching out to pull Todoroki close, wanting both of them close to him.
"You guys are the best ever." Tsuji murmured, feeling all of his emotions finally settling. Truly settling and not just Tsuji pushing them down as the fatigue of being up until three in the morning set in. He took off his shirt and pants before putting his glasses by Todoroki's and snuggling in the middle between the other two. He could feel himself about to drift off when he realized something. Something quite important.
"Hey, you both said you loved me. We've never said 'I love you' before." They got quiet, but Tsuji knew they weren't asleep yet. Tsuji repeated himself and felt Shibaman hold onto him tighter.
"I... um... well Yosu said it first so he should be the one to speak first."
"Ack-! Hey!" Tsuji felt them reaching over him to kick one another.
"You're both being childish," Tsuji muttered, "and I don't... I don't want it to be a big deal or anything. It's just the first time we've ever said it."
"Did you like it?"
"Of course I did." Tsuji said quickly. "Did um... did you guys like saying it?"
"Yes." They both said together. Tsuji laughed. He nuzzled into Todoroki's neck as Shibaman lightly kissed his own (a habit they learned he had: lulling them to sleep with kiss after kiss).
"I love you two, too. I know you already knew that but... god I love you both."
Todoroki shifted in the bed, Tsuji could barely see the light catching his eyes. The small smile made his sharp eyes look softer. And then Tsuji was kissed, on the lips and on the neck - hard. Tsuji felt Shibaman's hands grip his waist while Todoroki kept kissing him. Tsuji chuckled against his lips. "We're not going to school on time tomorrow, are we?"
Both of them spoke at the same time again. "No."