Work Text:
Feng Xin’s hands trembled as he sat unable to calm himself, he was on a floor cushion inside Puqi Shrine. His ears rang and his heart raced, he was trying to listen to the words Hua Cheng and Xie Lian exchanged infront of him, yet the only sound piercing his ears was the sound of screams that made their way inside the shrine.
He blamed himself, he was the one that didn’t save him. He’d been there when Mu Qing was killed, it’d all happened so fast. Too fast.
They were fighting what seemed to be any old horde of ghosts. Mu Qing swinging his saber as Feng Xin let arrows go from just above him. They hadn’t sensed the other presence that was still hidden in the trees. Feng Xin had turned ever so slightly away from Mu Qing when it darted from its hiding spot. In an instant Mu Qing’s saber was no longer in his hand and was held by this creature, this demon. Feng Xin had only had a moment to jerk forwards towards them before the end of the blade could be seen through Mu Qing’s chest. It twisted and he’d heard the cry of pain the good let out before falling to the ground.
Moments later Pei Ming had descended from Heaven just barely in time to stop Feng Xin from charging to his death in a futile attempt to save Mu Qing. So many more demons had showed up there was nothing Feng Xin could’ve done against them all. Pei Ming had dragged him back with the eventual help of other gods. He had fought hard enough several other gods had to eventually knock him out so he didn’t go back.
He slowly met Xie Lian’s eyes as the other was now violently shaking him. He must’ve been lost in thought, he couldn’t help but wince as the screams invaded his head once more now that he’d been brought back to reality.
“Feng Xin?” Xie Lian said halting his shaking now that Feng Xin’s eyes showed sign of recognition.
“W-what?” He cursed himself mentally, he hadn’t meant to stutter he looked to Hua Cheng waiting for an insult or some sign of mockery but nothing came from him, he looked dismayed despite claiming he hated the two Martial God.
“He isn’t responding to San Lang and I,” The pause was evident he clearly hesitated unsure if he should really suggest this or not. “We need you to talk to him. Please.”
Feng Xin’s face twisted in horror, he couldn’t. He’d tried out in the forest where they found him and was met with a saber through his side. He could still feel the blood pouring from him despite his bandages. On top of that he himself had impaled Mu Qing with an arrow in retaliation before- before he had realized who it was he was fighting.
“I-I can’t.” Feng Xin tried to stand, albeit wincing as he did. He couldn’t stand it any longer, the screams coming from just outside the shrine.
“Please Feng Xin.” Xie Lian’s eyes were giving away that his current unbothered seeming look was all a lie. He was distraught, Hua Cheng was holding him firmly which could be the only reasonable explanation for why he hadn’t broken down as well.
Feng Xin looked to the door, he could feel Hua Cheng’s stare boring holes in the back of his head. Clearly someone had to calm Mu Qing down, for his own sake and for theirs as well. Feng Xin grit his teeth as he made his way to the door. He stepped out still holding his wounded side. Looking at Mu Qing brought a feeling he couldn’t place, it hurt almost physically. They had removed the arrow and wrapped his arm after Xie Lian had restrained him with Ruoye. He had fought the entire time before Feng Xin touched his arm, as if a switch had flipped it turned into true distress. The change in his eyes wasn’t hard to see at all and he’d begun to scream, it was heart wrenching as if he was in so much pain he couldn’t bear it.
Hesitantly approaching where Mu Qing was on the ground Feng Xin slowly kneeled letting go of his side. Mu Qing’s eyes were wild, he had been let go and had his hands tangled in his hair as he pulled and screamed. He hadn’t moved from the position he was in since they brought him back. Feng Xin faltered his arm half outstretched towards Mu Qing. He swallowed hard not knowing if he should speak or not.
He didn’t and in a quick motion had pulled Mu Qing into his arms and held him tightly. Mu Qing’s sobs and screaming instantly stopped as his eyes widened. Feng Xin slowly rubbed his back trying to keep his breaths even as he did so. He felt Mu Qing tremble in his hold and brought his other hand to the back of his head. He quietly hushed Mu Qing unsure if his words were more for Mu Qing or himself.
“It’s ok Qing-er. You’re ok.” He had placed his head into Mu Qing’s shoulder unable to look at his face any longer.
“A-Xin-” Mu Qing’s voice was raspy as if he had a cold, his pale hands clutched onto the back of Feng Xin’s robe as if it were the only thing keeping him from being swept away.
Feng Xin’s eyes went wide as he pulled his head back to look at Mu Qing. His grey and purple eyes stared back at Feng Xin darting around his face. Feng Xin slowly released his grip scared that if Mu Qing truly recognized him this very well could only make him more upset. He knew Mu Qing was never one to like displays of affection or being emotional in general. Mu Qing’s hands lingered on Feng Xin’s back before his eyes trailed down to the patch of blood that was forming on Feng Xin’s robes. His hands shook hovering over the spot as he fought back the tears that came to his eyes as he realized what he’d done.
“I-I did that… I-i hurt you… I-i stabbed you…” Feng Xin had grabbed hold of his trembling hands. Before quickly responding.
“It’s not your fault. I hurt you too ok? It’s not your damn fault.” Feng Xin gently moved Mu Qing’s head up to look at his face. My Qing shook his head a tear trailing down his cheek.
“I-I hurt you- I-i hurt so- s-so many people. Y-you have to get away from me.” More tears spilled as he spoke trying to back away from Feng Xin.
Xie Lian and Hua Cheng had slowly come closer now that Mu Qing wasn’t screaming, worry was plastered all of Xie Lian’s face as he looked at them.
“S-stop- stay away!” Mu Qing yelled jerking his hand from Feng Xin’s as he backed up. “J-just leave m-me alone!”
Xie Lian tried to move forward but Hua Cheng held his elbow unwilling to let him get close. “Gege he’s unstable.” He warned moving in-front of Xie Lian.
Feng Xin however didn’t care, of course he could feel the energy rising in Mu Qing but he had to do something. This was the only chance he was gonna get to make it up for being unable to save Mu Qing. He couldn’t then but he could now, right?
“Qing-er… come here.” Feng Xin held his hand out to him after getting off the ground. “It’s ok, you’re safe ok?”
Mu Qing trembled shaking his head, “Im dangerous, you can’t be near me. You can’t.”
Feng Xin heart was shattering the pieces only serving to stab into him. He’d taken years to convince Mu Qing to trust him after all that’s happen on Mount Tonglu. He had only just convinced Mu Qing to give the two of them a chance before the mission was assigned. So many things had gone wrong he couldn’t throw away a chance to try and fix it.
“My Qing do you trust me?” Feng Xin had stepped closer but this time Mu Qing had frozen unable to step back.
“W-what?” Mu Qing seemed caught off guard, he always trusted him, why would he ask.
“You said before you trusted me. If you still do- just give me your hand. You’ll be ok.” Feng Xin didn’t take another step letting Mu Qing come to him. He knew plenty of the destruction that Mu Qing had caused as a ghost and was aware he could trigger another catastrophe through Mu Qing’s emotions if he wasn’t careful.
Mu Qing looked towards Xie Lian and Hua Cheng before returning to gaze to Feng Xin. He didn’t want to hurt them, well maybe Hua Cheng wasn’t included in that sentiment but that’s not the point. He had hated the pain he’d caused through what he had thought was his whole existence until the rush of memories he’d just recieved. The thought of hurting the two people he held closest before his death was unbearable for him, he couldn’t risk it. He went to back up again but was conflicted, he trusted Feng Xin.
Carefully My Qing took a step forward placing his hand into Feng Xin’s, “I-I trust you.”
Feng Xin slowly pulled Mu Qing towards himself, while Xie Lian stepped out from behind Hua Cheng and quickly made his way to them. Mu Qing allowed his head to fall against Feng Xin’s shoulder, maybe he could relax, maybe being around Feng Xin helped.
~•~
Feng Xin had snuck him into his palace, there were looks given despite the fact that they had his Mu Qing between himself, Xie Lian and Hua Cheng, (who had somehow become a normal occurrence in Heaven). Feng Xin had commanded the deputies leave them and had lead them to his private chambers deeper in the palace.
Mu Qing was sat on his bed while he rummaged through his clothes to see if he had any slightly smaller robes. Xie Lian was helping Mu Qing out of his robes careful of his shoulder while Hua Cheng watched unwilling to help them for the most part. A bath had been set up in the adjacent room by Feng Xin’s deputies for Mu Qing. Turning around Feng Xin held a set of robes that would be a bit big on Mu Qing but would be better than the tattered and torn robes he had currently.
“Mu Qing let me see your shoulder.” Xie Lian almost fought with Mu Qing so he’d face him.
He was keeping his shoulder turned away now that he only had his inner robes on. Xie Lian turned to Feng Xin who was only watching, his eyes asking for help.
“I can help Mu Qing with the bath, why don’t you and Hua Cheng tell everyone else that we have another ghost here.” Feng Xin had set the robes on the bed as he spoke.
Xie Lian hesitated but agreed, “Fine, but we’ll be back later. Let’s go San Lang.”
Once they’d left Feng Xin sat next to Mu Qing, “Let me see your arm Qing-er.”
“It’s fine.” Mu Qing was unwilling keeping himself facing away from Feng Xin.
Feng Xin sighed but stood and quickly picked Mu Qing up as well. He made his way into the bathroom as Mu Qing stayed rigid in his arms.
“A-Xin- put me down.” Mu Qing was set on a stool while Feng Xin left and grabbed the small pair of robes and a pair for himself.
“I’m gonna help you clean off and we’ll wash the wound ok?” Mu Qing nodded unwilling to look up at Feng Xin as he came back and set the robes down.
Feng Xin helped Mu Qing out of his inner robes and into the tub before shedding his own robes and getting in as well. He was careful not touching Mu Qing except for running soap through his hair. He paid attention to Mu Qing’s reactions, the soft exhales and the way he slowly let himself relax while Feng Xin washed his hair.
“I’m gonna clean the wound now ok?” Feng Xin had grabbed a cloth from nearby and waited in-front of Mu Qing for a response.
Mu Qing nodded and looked up at him, “After you do- I-I’ll wash your hair and clean your wound.”
Feng Xin couldn’t help but smile softly at him. “Ok, tell me if I hurt you.”
Mu Qing nodded again letting his eyes close as Feng Xin carefully cleaned his wound. They had taken a bath together before his death. He could remember it clearly, the way Feng Xin laughed and joked while washing his hair. He wanted that back- what they had before.
Laughter rang through his ears while Feng Xin was in-front of him head tilted down to let his hands roam through his hair. He had a magnolia scented hair oil that he combed through.
“I-I can’t believe you use flower scented oil!” The man said barely holding it together while laughing.
Mu Qing slapped his arm lightly. “Stop moving it’ll get in your eyes- also it smells nice.”
Feng Xin finished and imbued spiritual energy into the wound making it close. Mu Qing gently took Feng Xin’s hand unsure of what he was doing, he only knew he should say something. Apologize, he needed too apologize.
“A-Xin I’m sorry.” His voice was barely above a whisper, he didn’t know where these emotions came from but there were so many at once. “I-I’m sorry I left you.”
Feng Xin didn’t immediately respond but pulled him into a hug. “It’s not your fault- I should’ve- I should’ve been able to protect you.”
Mu Qing trembled in his arms trying to keep the tears to himself. “I-it’s my fault I moved further from you- I-i did it to myself.”
Feng Xin gently cupped Mu Qing’s face leaning his forehead against the other’s. “Let’s leave that behind us ok? We’re together- that’s what matters right?”
Mu Qing hesitantly nodded meeting his eyes when Feng Xin gently wiped the tears that fell away. After he tilted his head quickly capturing Mu Qing in a kiss. Mu Qing froze momentarily but soon smiled gently against him wrapping his arms around his back.
“I’ve got you now ok? And I’m not letting you go again.” Feng Xin had disconnected there lips and gently pushed his head against Mu Qing’s chest. “You need to wash my hair though the waters getting cold.”
My Qing couldn’t help but smile wider at his words and he pulled his head up connecting their lips again. Feng Xin smiled words muffled against Mu Qing’s lips, “Qing-er I’m serious I’m cold!”