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Ryuji knew he had a problem. He shouldn’t be getting high this often, or vaping, or drinking, but he did. He knew the amount of cold medicine he took wasnt for a cold. He knew the OxyContin he snorted wasn't good for him. He knew it fucked up his nostral cavity and his brain. All the substances he used hurt his body and his brain. He just didn't care.
Why should he care? He was a burden, A fuck-up. Ever since Kamoshida broke his leg and kicked him off the track team he had nothing to make him worth a damn. He knew he should just kill himself. He was worthless. He was a burden on his mother, his damn medical bills from breaking his leg, the amount he ate, like a damn pig, needing such a big apartment. His mother alone could probably live in a studio apartment, by herself. It’d probably cost less. He sucked up so much money, he wasn’t even worth it.
He was probably just going to end up another worthless piece of shit. The only reason he didn’t is because it’d be a waste. For whatever reason his mother cared about him and would probably go broke giving him a good funeral. He didn't know why anyone cared about him, until a drunken conversation with his best-friend and crush.
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Ryuji had planned to get drunk that night, until Akira asked him if he wanted to hang out. At that moment he decided he was going to do both. He asked Akira if he could stay the night(to which he said yes), texted his mom letting her know and went with Akira. They hung out and chatted over everything and nothing. Eventually he brought out a bottle of sake. It was a relatively small bottle, no bigger than 355ml.
Akira was shocked at first. Hitting him with an “Oh my god” and all the other stuff you would expect. Ryuji just took it though, what was he going to do? Convince Akira it wasn't a bad idea, that’d it be ‘just this once’. He knew both were a lie, and there was no point in lying. He knew he’d ask Akira to get drunk with him again. He knew it was a horrible idea, Akira was still on probation. If they got caught it was game over, but miraculously, Akira agreed.
Ryuji was shocked to say the least. He fully expected Akira to refuse, call him names, to kick him out and stop being friends with him. Instead he took the bottle and took a sip. You could tell it was his first time drinking. His face scrunched, his eyes watered from the burn of the alcohol, but he drank. He handed the bottle back to Ryuji and Ryuji drank like it was his last time ever getting intoxicated. Akira looked at him funny, but otherwise did or said nothing. Eventually Akira spoke and said something memorable.
“Ya’ know, you're the one that saved me”
“Wha’ do ya’ mean?” Ryuji asked, confused
“When i first got here, I had decided I was going to kill myself after school, but then I met you. You didn't judge me. You just agreed the situation was fucked up, it meant and means alot.”
Ryuji was stunned. How the hell was he supposed to react to that? He saved someone, the same way he needed to be saved. He could do that? He was worth something?
“Can I be honest with you man?” Ryuji asked, hopeful
“Anytime, I'm here for you.”
And so, Ryuji took a deep breath and spoke “I’ve wanted to kill myself since I was about 10. I never did it because I didn’t want my mom to deal with the funeral bills, and it would've been a waste of money. She spent so much money to keep me happy, fed and clothed. I just couldn't waste that.”
Akira understood what Ryuji was feeling, and told him as such. “I understand man, this worlds fucked up, fucked up adult that keep fucking up their kids that turn into more fucked up adults and repeat the cycle. It’s so incredibly screwed, I mean what the hell is the world on. Fuck god and his bullshit. It was fucked up adults that guilt tripped me into staying alive. I’m sorry you have to deal with the same shitty thoughts, but if it means anything, I’m living for you, because I don't want to be your last reason. I think your great, If anything I think i’m in love with you”
Ryuji responded simply after sitting up and looking at Akira “I love you to” and kissed him.