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The drive to the Aldecados camp was quiet, except for the roaring of Scorpion's cycle and the crunching of dirt under the wheels, somewhat dampened by their helmets, as V rode to the new Aldecados camp. Jackie's cycle was next to him, ridden by an old friend. As they were nearing the destination under a close to setting sun, V began to feel the recently rediscovered fatigue of a rundown body. V and his companion have been trying to reach the new Aldecados camp for weeks, making sure to not spending too long to rest in case the camp moved again. As they were nearing the coordinates that Reed provided through his FIA resources, V felt the familiar tightening of his chest that he felt when he saw Mitch's message.
The second rider began to slow as they approached the camp, letting V take the lead. He stopped his bike in the space a few feet right before the temporary buildings of the camp where erected. There were some nomads already cocked and loaded when the riders shut their bikes off. V sees Mitch front and center among the other nomads, and he is grateful. He wouldn't know what to say to her at first, but he hoped the right words would come to him when it was time.
With gun in hand, the nomads surround the two riders, and Mitch, at the forefront and arms crossed, calls to them. “We weren't expecting any visitors today. Who are you?”
V's companion takes his helmet off, revealing long black hair and a large amount of cybernetics starting down his throat. He stares at them all and, in a dull and gravelly voice responds, “Takemura Goro.” He expects no reaction, evident in his calm stance and nonchalant tone.
After a second, Mitch says, “I don't know you.” He nods toward V, continuing, “And your friend?”
V waits a moment before responding. Then he walks forward, and the clan sniper responds by shooting at his feet from the top of the camp's radio tower, drawing up dust and dirt into the wind. No one responds and with the message clear, V removes his helmet while saying, “C'mon Mitch, and after so many times I saved your asses?” He holds the helmet under his left arm, his face clear for all to see, and continues, “I thought you would recognize me.” His smirk is false, with no true confidence in his place here, or anywhere, but he persisted regardless. “Is the invitation to join the clan still open?”
The Aldecados without head gear look stunned and though the faces of others were hidden, the entire guard stiffened with surprised. It was clear no one expected V and he was not surprised either, but he did hope they would lower their weapons after his revelation. They did not. Instead, after a breath, Mitch walks up to V, his steps heavy. The remorse he shared though his last message was gone, and by his face and voice, V can tell Mitch is clearly angry.
“I told you to stay away,” Mitch said through gritted teeth.
“I know.”
“Then why are you here?” his voice is louder this time.
“You know why.”
“It's not your place V. We moved on. She moved on! You're going to make things worse.”
“Maybe, I know. But I need to see her, Mitch. To explain, to beg if I need to.”
“This, you— It's not... Leave her be, leave us be.”
“I can't ,” V said through gritted teeth. His frustration that had been building since his awaking is near uncontrollable. “I need to—”
“What's with all the commotion, Mitch? Did you find out who our guests are?” He recognizes her voice, as clear as if he had spoken to her just the day before. The clan spreads apart, weapons down as Panam walks forward. This one second, right before she recognizes V felt like an eternity. He tries to take her all in. Her face as beautiful as he remembers, her hair shorter but as wild as before. Her clothes were still covered in dirt and dust, but she looked as beautiful as the day he said goodbye, maybe even more so. But then she locks eyes with V, and her body stiffens. She takes a step back, almost involuntarily. It's her turn to take him in, and he can only guess what she thinks. His curled hair has been cut short, his cybernetics are gone, his body has become gaunt, though he has started building back mass after waking. Not more than a few seconds should have passed but he almost wished for it to last forever, in a state where they are together again, but fury cannot be contained and as her lips curled back into a snarl and her hands clenched into fist, she ran to V. He saw her run to him, and knew what she would do, but seeing her finally after so long kept him in place. He will let her do anything to him, as long as he can see her again. Her fist connected with his face and V fell back unto his bike. Takemura did nothing, as V had asked him to. He simply watched as the events unfolded before him.
“Why are you here?” Panam asked, yelling the question.
V took a moment to stand. His body is still week from his two-year rest and he could not recover as quickly as before. Instead, he laid back unto the fallen cycle and looked up at Panam. “I came to see you,” he said, his voice raw with emotion.
“After two years?” She goes and kneels in front of V and hold up two fingers. “Two years of nothing! Nothing! And you ride up here in Scorpion's bike thinking you can just come back? You left me! Left us,” she draws her arm back, showing the clan. “You didn't even have the balls to end it before leaving. Like you wanted to hurt us. And you did. Congratulations,” she screamed and kicked V in his side. V felt the pain much more now, but he didn't care. Panam's words reached deeper into him, like a blade to the heart.
“Panam!” He called to her with such need, such raw emotion that it made Panam stop instinctively. “I'm sorry, okay? I am so sorry that I wasn't here for you. I should have been and it's my fault that I wasn't. But please, please, let me explain.” As V finished his request, Saul joined the event, looking the same as he did before, the same muscles, sleeves shirts, and long hair, to V's surprise. With arms on his hips, he looked down at V, puzzled, and then to Panam, still facing away from V. After a moment, he shakes his head and, with a heavy sigh, tells the clan, “Everyone, disperse! You know where you need to be. I will notify you of any updates that arise, if any. Go!”
With that order, the Aldecados return to their previous duties, except for Mitch and Panam. He looks over them all and says, “The rest of you, with me,” and he makes his way back into camp, Panam and Mitch in tow.
Takemura walks up to V and offers his hand. V takes it, is pulled up by Takemura, and begins to walk. He stumbles before Takemura stops him from falling by placing his arm to his chest. “Do you require assistance, V?” He almost rejected the offer, but without his old cyberware, a punch and kick aren't as easy to recover from, and so he agrees. Both friends walk through camp, with V leaning on Takemura as they make their way to the center of camp. There, a structure is set, big enough to fit a large table with a paper map and the Aldecado leadership surrounding it. As V and Takemura make their way, V sees Panam's back is turned to him with her, shaking. Saul and Mitch face V as he and Takemura makes his way into the building.
“V,” Saul begins, “we're glad to see you're alive, if not as well as before.”
“Thanks.”
“My question is how did you find us? We left a few months after you last call to Panam and if we're correct, no one has updated you on our current location.” He looked over at Panam, who was still refusing to look at him.
“I had some help from the FIA.” At that, Mitch and Saul's eyes widened in surprise. Panam even turned her head slightly. “Well, more than some. The Relic that was killing me before, you remember?” Mitch and Saul remained focused, and V took that as confirmation. “They managed to take it out of me, with some caveats, but what was supposed to be a few weeks or months... Well turned out to be two years.” Saul and Mitch remained still, though their eyes narrowed in contemplation of V's words. “I was completely under, no way to contact anyone. My only company while in surgery were voices.” His audience still quiet, V continued, “Things people close to me have said, Jackie, Victor, Judy...Panam.” Her name struck a cord as her body tensed up, but she still wouldn't look at him. V stopped his story here, waiting to see if Panam would say anything, but after a moment of silence, he kept speaking. “I woke up and was told that I can't—that I'm not... My body can't handle any combat chrome. Personal link and coprocessors, that's it.” His eyes fell to the ground, unable to keep his face neutral. V's voice shook, and he heard Reed's voice in his head, and he shared it with the nomads, “' Any use of a combat implant will kill you ' I was told,” he looked up at them again, so they can see and hear how much he means what he says next. “I know I can't do for the Aldecados what I could before. I'm just dead weight, but I want to try. I wasn't supposed to have a life after the Relic, would've died in a few months. I lost two years of my life, but I have a life now to give, and I want to give it to you.” He said his last words and didn't know if he was speaking to the nomads or Panam, but he knew he meant what he said to them both.
Mitch and Saul looked at each other, as if communicating silently. After a few minutes of silent looks, Saul shakes his head in Takemura's direction and asks, “What about him?”
V turns to lock eyes with Takemura. He nods, so V turns his head back to the others and explains, “Takemura is an old friend, helped me out when I was still coming to terms with the Relic. Tried to find me a cure too. He called me up after I woke up and turned out we're both alone, in a world neither of us recognize. He's skilled, as Saburo Arasaka's old bodyguard. He'll be useful whenever the clan goes out on missions,” V looks back at Takemura, saying, “He's good people. Honorable, good in a fight, a bit too strict, like he has a stick up his ass but I'm sure that's not a problem for you, Saul.” When he flashes a grin at Saul, Mitch lifts an eyebrow at Saul, and Panam shakes her head, but V is unsure if she's smirking at his words or dismissing them.
After V is done explaining, Saul orders them to wait by their bikes and they comply. As they walk back, Takemura asks V, “What is your purpose here, V? You say you are nothing, but you praise my abilities and deny your potential. Has time finally made you know humility?”
V scoffs and responds, “Maybe,” as a smirk spread over his lips
“What will you do if they agree with you and they refuse you?” he asks, concern dripping from his voice.
They arrive to the bikes and V answers, “Do not leave if I cannot stay and do not stay if I am and you do not want to. Continue as a ronin or do not. The choice is yours, as what the Aldecados decide is theirs and what I decide is mine. I am free, Goro, finally free to choose what to do. To not be held down by the reality of NC or my place in it and I hope the same for you.”
Takemura think on V's words for a few minutes, which soon started to feel like hours without an answer. Tension and anxiety formed in the silence, making time pass too slowly, so Takemura asks, “And what about her?” V knew who he is referring to. The one who never left his mind, who memories of her were both blissful and tormenting. “I don't know. I just—”
“V!” He hears Saul call his name as he and Mitch come to him. When they are close enough to face each other, Saul says, “We appreciate that you still hold the clan in your thoughts V, and we do owe you for all that you did for us. We're gonna talk with Takemura here before we decide if he can join us. But you...” he takes a deep breath before beginning again, “Your thing with Panam... it's complicated. It's not my place or anyone else's to speak on it, but you need to figure it out if the clan is going to function as it should. She's waiting for you back there.” Without another word, he and Mitch turned to Takemura and to start their own investigation. Takemura gave V a nod, and he ran as fast as he could to see Panam. there were some recognizable voices, calling his name and greeting him. He appreciated not having been forgotten by everyone but did not stop to talk. He ran as fast as he could with only his body. He hasn't realized how light his body is without the weight of metal and electronics, but what held him down now was a different kind of weight, one that closed on his chest, made him drip with sweat and make his hands shake uncontrollably. However, despite this weight, he ran to Panam, memories of them together racing through his mind until he made it to her, her back still turned and holding her arms in front of her.
“Panam,” he said, her name a ghost on his lips, a reaction he could not stop. “Panam,” he said again, this time a call to her. The silence lasted for minutes before it was broken by a single word.
“Why?” she said, her voice so light he almost did not hear her, compared to earlier. He knew what she was asking. Why did you leave me? Why did you not come back? Why did you not stay in the first place? There was so much to say, too much to say that it almost overwhelmed him, but he knew he had to say one thing, if nothing else.
“I'm sorry, Panam. I didn't know how long I'd be gone. I would have told you if I did.”
After a few moments of silence, she said, “I waited for you, y'know. I knew you weren't dead. You couldn't be. When weeks turned to months, I thought 'Hey, maybe he just decided to fuck off once he got cured. Well, fuck him!'” she yelled, her arms lashing out in anger, but they soon fell to her sides again. “But I didn't hear about you on the news. If you survived, you wouldn't have just disappeared. It's not in you, with your dream to be a Night City legend. So, when a year passed, I was sure, so sure , that you died, and I grieved for you. We all missed you sure but I—” she choked on her words, her throat raw with feeling, and she turned her head ever so half of her face was visible to V and continued, “ I grieved for you. A piece of me died with you. And then,” she laughs mockingly, “I get a voicemail from you. After two years I finally hear your voice again and its 'Heyo, Panam, guess who back?'” her voice drowns in tears then and V steps forward, wanting to hold her and calm her, but before he thinks to stop himself, she turns completely to face V, and her eyes are red, tears running down her face as her voice breaks with sadness. She runs to V's face and forces her fist to V's chest, “And I wanted to kill you then. But you said the docs had just taken you out of your damn comma and what? You know nothing? You don't get to feel what I've did and had to set aside for years! How is that right?” she whispers her question, looking at V but asking something beyond him for the answer. “I couldn't do it. I couldn't call you back and ask you to come back. How could what you're saying be true? I told Mitch to tell you not to contact me and you went beyond that. You came to my home! Why, V? Why? ” she yelled the question at V and for a moment, he could only stare into her eyes and take in every detail of her face, as it may be his last chance to.
After a breath, he gave his answer as clearly and honestly as he could, “Because I love you, Panam,” she lessened the pressure of her fist on his chest and her eyes softened a small bit, but they still held anger, but she said nothing else, so V continued. “I don't mean to hurt you, but I needed to see you. I couldn't bear it if you thought I left you on purpose, that the person who you trusted betrayed you on purpose.” V paused for a moment, collecting his thoughts, then continued. “I wanted to come back to you as fast as I could. I'm sorry it's been years but believe me when I say that all I wanted to do since waking up was to see you, to be with you, to stay with you, ” V said, his last words leaving his body with the most intense desire that Panam, overcome by it, had to look away. “I was already on death's door when I called you then. If I didn't take this chance, I didn't know how long I'd have left with you, but it wouldn't be enough. I wanted to—I still want to live the rest of my life with you,” V said as he slowly reached for Panam's fist on his chest, for the smallest trace of her skin on his. When his fingers touched hers, Panam's body jolted, and she brought her face up to face V again and she looked intensely into his eyes, listening all the while. “I may not be the same V I was before. I can't do the same things I could before, but I needed to see you, to come back to you. I need to tell you that I love you, that I will never leave you again. I want to ride with you, live my whole life with you, and leave it having loved you for all of it.” V own eyes started to water, while staring into Panam, as he continued, “I know you're not the same anymore, that I hurt you in a way I never should. If you tell me that it's over, that you don't want me anymore, I'll understand,” V tried his best to smile, to show understanding even as his tears now began to fall, “But I need you to know that even then, even if you don't feel the same way you did for me anymore, that you are still loved, that I will believe in you even if your whole world turns against you, that you are never, ever alone.” V, so overcome with the pain of losing Panam once and possibly forever, cleared his throat so he can say his last words with the conviction he felt deep in his soul, “I left you once, and no matter what, whether lovers, friends, or strangers, I won't do it again. You will always have a place here,” V said as he moved Panam's hand over to the spot in his chest where his heart beat. “I will die with your name on my lips, the memories we had together on my mind, and your name in my heart. I just needed to tell you that, all of it, to tell you the whole truth, so you can make the choice that you couldn't before, knowing now that the man who loves you never left you on purpose and that he never will again.”
When V finished speaking, he and Panam stood in the quiet, as if frozen. V thought his heart must be audible with how hard he felt it beat in his chest. Panam had dropped her head down when V declared his intentions. Nothing was said until she raised her head slightly to face his chest, where she noticed the bullet medallion was missing.
With a quiet, drawn-out voice and a faraway look in her eyes, she said, “I'm tired V. So, so tired. ”
V did his best to make his smirk appear kindly mocking, despite his red eyes and tear-stained cheeks. “Leading a clan isn't the easiest job in the world? Who knew?” Panam scoffed, but it seemed more like out of habit than an acknowledgment of his words.
“I always jump the gun, make decisions first then regret them later. I thought you were just another example, another addition to a long list of mistakes,” she takes in a deep breath and lets out a heavy sigh. “And now you come back with answers and hope, and I can't just let it go. Those two years, V,” she looks him in the eyes now and continues, “It left a scar behind, a pain I can't let go of. It's easier to hate you now than to let myself... be with you again.”
She looked away, and so did V. I have my answer , he thought. He told himself he'd accept it, no matter what it is, but it hurts so much now to know she wants nothing to do with him despite knowing the whole truth now, though the regret of not having been explained what had happened to Panam was gone. One pain replaces another, and no one is ever free of it.
“Yeah, okay. I get it Panam. I'm sorry for everything, but I know you will overcome anything that's thrown at you. I meant what I said before, I'll always have your back. Just ring me up, and I'll come running but I know not to expect anything else,” V says, a sad smile on his lips. After a few minutes of complete silence, with V taking in his last glimpse of Panam while she has stepped back from him, he says “Take care, alright?”
V turns around quickly, hoping Panam didn't see his lips tremble as we departed. He walked back slowly to the bikes, the camp quiet now, no longer filled with greetings from old acquaintances.
As V returns to Takemura, he crosses paths with Mitch and Saul, the latter of which asks, “So?”
V sighed before giving his answer, “It's settled.”
“Are you staying?”
“Will Takemura?”
Sauls look at Mitch before turning back to V, saying “I didn't see anything that showed he'd betray us to Arasaka, even if they're on their last legs, and if he's even half as good as you say, he'd be a great asset. He'll need to prove himself before he officially joins, but he's welcome to ride with us until then. If he chooses to?”
V raises and eyebrow and asks, “Why wouldn't he?”
With a scoff, Saul answers, “He's loyal as you said V. Without Arasaka, it seems to me he already gave his loyalty to another. His choice will depend on yours.” With that, he walks away, Mitch in tow.
V stands still, thinking on Sauls words. He remembers Takemura's message after he returned, calling him bitter medicine. He walks back to him, past the outer and more spread-out structures of the camp. V sees Takemura standing next to Jackie's bike, his posture as straight and unwavering as it was in Konpeki Plaza, right before all of this started.
Takemura addresses V first, “So, V? What is the result of your discussion?”
Anyone else would have thought his manner of speaking cold, but V understood the question as real concern, which touched him. “It's done. We're done.” He inhales deeply and slowly, before releasing his breath on the same manner. He rubbed the back of his neck as he told Takemura, “Thanks for coming with me. I'm sure you will be safer and happier here with people who deserve your loyalty.”
“Are you not one?” he asked.
“After leaving you and Hanako to handle Yorinobu on your own? I know I made my distrust of Arasaka clear, but you made your affection for Hanako clear also. If anything, her death lies with me, not on you. You deserve a new beginning, same as me,” V said, and as he looked off toward the setting sun, he had trouble deciding on what this new beginning would be.
Takemura continued to stare at V, then said, “I will die soon enough if I remain in Night City, as wanted as I am. If you had told me to return with you, I would have, and I maybe I could have finally died having protected someone, instead of letting them die, like Saburo-sama and Hanako-sama.” He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose before continuing, “But I know despite it all, you value the life of your friends more than your own. Life in Night City is fatal, for both of us, so in your name, I will protect your clan and the one you love.” V smiled, despite the throbbing of his heart.
Takemura walked up to V and extended his hand. For a moment, V hesitated, unsure if he deserved to shake anyone's hand but if this is the last time he sees Takemura, he wanted nothing left to regret. V shook Takemura's hand, their grip firm, when Takemura pulled V close and said to him in a voice almost a whisper, “However, I require one thing of you.”
Curious, V asked, “What is it?”
Takemura smirked, “When I call you, answer your damn phone.”
***
As she sees V drive away from the top of the camp communication tower, Panam lets out a deep sigh. She hates how she is feeling: angry at V for showing up, sad that he is leaving again, and that damn warmth in her chest when she thinks back to his words, I love you, Panam.
Panam felt exhausted. The Aldecados had just made camp after stealing a corps' small transport a few days ago and had hoped for some peace. Instead, hate and affection had started burning in her heart tonight, and she knew it would not let her rest. Instead, after V was gone from sight, the last clouds of dirt and dust settling back on the ground, Panam goes to one of the garages and climbs unto the Basilisk to continue with calibrations. While doing so, her thoughts continue to return to V. He looked different, no doubt from his coma. His hands felt softer, his voice sounded rougher by lack of use, but that look in his eyes when she saw him again, it was the same look she had when he met her at Afterlife, and again during the ops they had run together. They shined with a fire that had not been extinguished, only dampened by his scars. They burned still however, awaiting a spark that will become an inferno. Those same eyes where what he saw her with when they first fell in love. She did not know when it happened or what word or action solidified the feeling in her chest. She only knew that her thoughts were all of him and his voice sent shivers down her spine. She hated to admit it, but after not seeing him in two years and feeling as if she had been able to put it all behind her, his voice and his hands caused all of to come back, the longing and the pain, and she could not separate one from the other.
“Excuse me,” said a voice, unknown to Panam. She knows no one would make it this far into camp if they were not meant to, so she did not react hastily to the new voice. Instead, she simply asked who he is.
“Takemura Goro”, the stranger replied. She looks at him then and recognized him as V's companion, and he was holding Scorpion's cycle by the handlebars, leading it into the garage.
Annoyance flared up in her chest as she asked, “Where did you get that?”
“V gave it to me,” Takemura answered. “Said it deserved to return home, to be among family.” V's name struck her chest like an arrow, sudden and sharp. Not only that, but his words also brought back memories. Scorpion, a failed op, anger, loss, V...
To leave the thought that began to resurface, Panam asked, “So how did he make his way back?”
“Are you concerned?” asked Takemura, an eyebrow raised inquisitively.
In order to stop the rising heat in her cheeks, she responds quickly, “He was a friend to the clan, before all this. Just want to make sure he doesn't die after everything he sacrificed to survive.”
Takemura brought the cycle closer to Panam and says, “I do not know you, though from V's constant words of admiration, I'd say you're either the best lover he ever had or the one who has set his heart ablaze unlike anyone else ever had. The look on his face when he departed makes me think the former since he looked as though he was consumed by the sun and spit out unto the earth, burnt and broken.”
In an attempt of passive denial, Panam crossed her arms over her chest and asked, “So? Why does that matter to me?”
Takemura chuckled, a rough sound that grated Panam's ears. “Maybe it doesn't matter, but then nothing truly matters until we decide that it does. You chose what matters to you, as did V. It did not work out and there is nothing left to do but move forward. Only,” Takemura lets out a deep sigh, thinking back on his own memories before continuing, “if I may, be sure to move forward with hope for something better rather than from the fear of what had come before.”
Panam felt confident that Takemura was trying to convince her to accept V again, but his tone was neither pleading nor begging but instructive, like an old man imparting wisdom to children, which reminded her of Saul somewhat, only much older. Maybe that is why she had not dismissed her inquisitor immediately, though she would if it was Mitch or Saul who had come to ask about her choice. She asked, “Did V ask you to tell me this, to convince me to take him back?”
Takemura shook his head slowly, “No, he did not. In fact, he asked me to not speak of him at all, as he wanted to eradicate his presence from the camp, lest it distract or hurt you.”
“Then why—”
“I see a young woman who is unsure of how to move forward. Though you could not be any more different from... my previous employer, I do my duty. I was to protect her, but I failed and so if even if I fail in protecting this clan, I do not plan on outliving my charges again. And so, I hope to leave some wisdom for those left behind.” he replied, and motions Panam to take Scorpion's bike, which she does. As she takes hold of the bike, Takemura adds, “I say to you now what I wish I told the woman I thought of as a daughter: Be happy and do not let past tragedy be an anchor that drowns you.” He stares at Panam, but she knows he is not seeing her. His stare goes beyond Panam, someone he cannot reach.
“Thank you for letting me speak. I leave the vehicle in your care, as I am not knowledgeable of the camp's procedures. I will return to Saul for further instruction.” Takemura bows his head and departs, leaving Panam alone with her thoughts.
***
V is sitting on the Kerry's couch, planning where to go next. He runs down the list of his old friends, checking if there are any more wrongs he needs to address before he moves on.
Kerry is still out on tour in Europe. I should thank him again for letting me crash here while I'm figuring out what to do next.
Judie is married, happily. I shouldn't visit too soon. Let the love birds enjoy their nest.
Viktor is still a ripperdoc, but I can't be a client anymore. At least I paid off my debt, hoped it helped him somewhat these last two years.
Misty is on her way to a forest in Poland. His thoughts lingered on Misty. At first, he barely recognized her, but her voice had brought him comfort as they sat and talked about V's new plans. As always, thoughts of Mist led to Jackie. Where would Jackie be now? Would've been the best merc in town, or would he had joined Misty, travelling the world together? The same guilt that burned his chest felt the same as it did two years ago, so sharp that V instinctively grabs at his chest and pulls on his shirt. The same thoughts of unfairness over Jackie's death and V's survival recycle in his head until it ends with the same thought, What now?
V calls Misty, hoping she has service in Poland. After a few rings, her face appears and he hears her voice, lighter than it had been since Jackie's death, “V, hey! I'm glad to hear from you. How are you holding up after our last talk?”
“I tried to set everything I left behind to rest,” he starts but when he thinks back to that day's earlier events, his voice gets caught in his throat. He tries to clear it before continuing, “It didn't end well, but I think it's better than nothing.”
Misty accepts his words without inquiring further into what happened, instead asking, “Well, if you finished with your plans, what are you thinking of doing now?”
The same options resurface in V's mind: desk job at the FIA, try being a fixer, or stay in NC. The last option revolts V in a way he never thought it could. I had left all those years ago but still came back, so how do I know I'll stay away this time? When the thought ended, faces then resurfaced: Jackie, Misty, Takemura, Judy, Johny, Panam... There's a hole in NC now, one where any opportunity to dream big are engulfed and to try to survive means nothing else but to expect death at any time, and that is not a life worth living anymore.
That's the same reason FIA work seems so undesirable. Rather than waiting for a stray bullet or random mugging, dull days of filing and paperwork seems as much as a death sentence as NC, only slower.
There is a slight appeal to fixing. It's the closest thing to the old life among the other options but to send other dreamers to the same fate as Jackie and himself, the same despair or loss...Too much blood on my hands already.
V almost responds with words of hopelessness when another thought comes to mind, one of trees, fresh air, cold winds, and a comforting voice. As they crossed his mind, V felt a hope that he might find that peace he has been after ever since the chip, ever since Panam's final rejection.
“I want to live, Misty. Live a real life, one of my own, without corps or necessity forcing me to take scraps. I still got my funds from before the comma but if I stay in NC, I can't make it back the same way I used to. I don't want to suffocate in shit streets or bland offices. I want to be happy. There's not a shot left here anymore or with the Aldecados. So, I'm thinking of taking a page out of your book.”
Curiosity tinged Misty's voice when she asked, “And where do you want to go?”
“I may have been asleep, but I still missed the time I had with my friends. I can't make up the time with Jackie, but I can with those who are here. Most of them already set their lives up, but if you're on your own journey, can I join you?”
A moment of silence, and then Misty smiled, “Oh V, you're not just saying that to protect me in Jackie's stead, are you?”
“I would anyway, but no. I need to see the world beyond NC, and I can't think of a better guide than a friend.” “It won't be easy, V. This is only the first stop and who knows where we'll end up.”
“I didn't know where I'd end up before, but now, at least, I'm not stuck preparing for my end. I'm just gonna enjoy the journey.”
“Then come, and hurry! Who knows how long Poland will keep me,” Misty said, and V laughed alongside her. He made his plans, his purchases, and all the while, a face remained on his mind, smiting his heart, but the pain was lighter now, just a bit.
SEVEN MONTHS LATER
The fresh winds of Nepal blew cold air in the faces of Vincent and Misty. The trail to the idyllic spot they wanted to visit had a clear view of Mount Everest, with the tops hidden by the clouds and snow seeming almost painted down on its sides and smaller peaks. The travel gear they wore had strained their backs and the boots they purchased three countries back will need to be replaced soon. Yet despite it all, Vincent thought that the sight of this view, the taste of the breeze, and the smell of his surroundings was heavenly. He could almost forget the smell of piss and sick from Night City.
After taking in the view for what seemed like hours, Vincent says, “All in all, probably third on my list.”
Misty scoffs and smiles, “Third? That high? I say sixth or seventh.”
“Interesting! I would've thought you prefer nature to architecture.”
“I do, but the Parthenon and the churches in Rome have their own unique beauty, almost like they were a part of nature themselves, ethereal and eternal.”
Vincent let Misty's words simmer in his mind while he continued to look out across the landscape. It enamored him to the point that he would have continued to look out for hours, if he hadn't received a message from someone he expected to never hear from again.
“Hey, V. Just wanted to ask how you're doing. Don't bother responding if you're busy, I just sent a message on impulse.”
Despite the miles and days he spent traveling, and all the views he's seen, they have not taken his breath away or caused his chest to tighten as did receiving this single message. Instinctively, Vincent's lips curled into a grin, and he began his response.
ONE MONTH LATER
Vincent was sleeping in a cot, with Misty snoring quietly in the cot above him, when he received a call. His eyes burned against the bright contact image but as soon as he recognized it, he stood up, quick as lightening, walked out of the small cabin, with an effort not to wake Misty, and answered.
It has been a some time since Vincent had heard her voice, yet as she began to speak, he remembered it as though they had only spoken yesterday, when he was sleeping under the shinning stars he looks up to now, “Hey V, are you busy right now?”
“Oh no, not at all. What up?”
“You sound tired. It's alright if—”
Quickly, Vincent interrupted, “No, no Panam, I promise I'm not busy at all.”
She was quiet for a few seconds, then asked, “You sure you have time to talk?”
With a smile he answered, “Oh yeah, I have all the time in the world.”
5 MONTHS LATER
The noise of the Kumasi Airport reminded Vincent of his last time in the NC airport. Citizens rush to their gates while windows, large and clear, reveal planes arriving and departing. He did not miss the business of an urban setting, having become accustomed to the quiet and space of his travels. Yet, Vincent decided he will persevere, as his destination is worth this and more trouble. Vincent and Misty waited by Vincent's gate and while many began boarding, he struggled to express his thoughts to her. In the end, Misty shared her thoughts and they synched with Vincent's, “Thank you for your company this last year, Vincent. I'll miss you, but I wish you the best.”
Misty's words drew a sad smile to his face and as he drew her into an embrace, he told her, “Thanks for picking me up from the gutter back then. I will treasure this time with you forever.” He let go of her and continued, “Hit me up anytime, Misty. I'll buy you a drink whenever you want.”
Misty smiled at those words, and though they reflected Vincent's own sadness, it showed some hope as well. It encouraged him and as, they departed, he focused on that smile. It carried months of struggles, aches, and joys. He turned one last time to wave goodbye, which Misty returned, and he continued into the plane. He sat in the window seat and as he waited for the plane to depart, Vincent reminisced over the last year of his life, the coma, the world leaving him behind, the time spent with Misty, the calls and talks between him and Panam, her last message, a few simple words that inspired him to make his way back to her.
I've missed you, Vincent. I want to see you again. Do you?
Finally, Vincent felt, though he could not put it into words, that he found what he has been searching for since he woke and left with Misty to travel the world. He's found where he wanted to be forever, and he is returning to her.
I'm coming, Panam.