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Hot showers always seemed to be the best way to melt the day’s struggles away. Especially with being under stress from work, struggling to get a restful night’s sleep, and still recovering from the abrupt breakup with your boyfriend. He really lived up to his callsign because after his brief speech of ending the relationship, Simon “Ghost” Riley had simply vanished from your life. Granted, the two of you were taking things extremely slow. From when you met him, you sensed he’s lived a life that wasn’t kind at all. Being so patient with him had rewarded you with learning a new layer of Simon’s personality and little life details. But you persevered with him because you saw his worth in your future. Well… at least you did.
Shutting off the water and drying yourself off with a towel before dressing yourself in sweats and a jumper to contain the warmth of the shower you absorbed, you stepped out of the bathroom and into the hallway. The stark contrast of the cold floor against you feet had you rushing to the bedroom, but before you could enter you felt a slight draft. You paused in your steps and listened to the quiet night. Did you leave the window open? You knew it was opened earlier to not keep in the scent of the meal you cooked. Heading to the living room to slide it shut and hurry to kick on the heat, you missed the dark figure sitting in the corner of the room hidden by the shadows.
“You took a while to finish up.” The rumbling voice that sent pleasant butterflies through you only caused terror to strike through your chest.
“Oh, for fucks sake!… Simon?… are you trying to give me a heart attack?… wait… what are you doing here? How’d you get in?!” still feeling your heart trying to calm itself after a fright, you couldn’t help the nervous feeling of seeing Simon again even if he did break your heart and ghosted you.
“… went on an op… I did quite a bit of thinking… I missed you…” his words only struck annoyance in you,
“… right… I totally believe you. Listen, I’m not up for it to go back and forth with you… just… just leave me alone.” You couldn’t believe that after this man had left you for weeks, basically months, and now returned just because ‘he missed you’.
“Oh, come now Lovie. Let’s talk for a bit now.” Despite Simon dressed in his civvies, he still fashions himself as a shadow. His stature rising from the chair and slowly approaching you, reaching a hand to caress your cheek, “please let me explain.”
“No Simon… did you seriously think I’d welcome you back with open arms after you ended things, disappeared to fuck knows where, and popped right back expecting me to go along with you?… Simon, it really hurt… and I can’t let you in again…” gently maneuvering his hand away from your face only gave him the opportunity to grab your arm,
“Then explain to me all those calls. All those messages and voicemails you left me. Begging for an explanation. Pleading for me to reconsider… I thought you cared… or is it that you’ve become so ‘cold-hearted’ and had someone else?” Simon’s tone had a hint of anger and betrayal, but you couldn’t help but feel blinding heat for what he insinuated.
“You don’t get to pin this on me, Simon… I did care for you… but just out of the blue ending things… and not even explaining why… if anything, you are the reason why I’m so ‘cold-hearted’ because it felt like I died… you think I had time or energy to put myself out like that? Do you really think of me so low? No, I was being delusional the whole time hoping it was a nightmare…” at the sound of your true annoyance and being cross at him, Simon’s eyes widened just a fraction. His mind scrambling to try remedy the situation not only from hearing how upset you are but also hearing how your voice began to waver.
“Listen… darling… I messed up. I know I did. Even now I’m messing up… I’m sorry… I’m sorry for ending things how I did… I just… I wanted you to have a reason to hate me… to be with someone else… someone better.” Simon had taken to rub the wrist he had in his grasp, smoothing over your skin with the rough pad of his thumb, “… I was only trying to protect you from me… I really care for you…” his remorseful admission had brought out the frustration you thought you buried.
“No… no Simon… that’s not protecting me at all… I… I couldn’t eat… I couldn’t sleep. I still can’t… do you know how much I’ve gone mad thinking of any possible thing that I could’ve done for you to leave me?” The heat you felt earlier had now travelled to your face, concentrating on your cheeks and in your eyes, distorting your vision of Simon’s face staring at you intensely. You could only swallow a lump before continuing, “… I’ve always told myself it was stupid for people to give up on life when a partner leaves… but I was so close to ending it, Simon… I was so convinced that no one would ever love me…” despite the tears escaping and your voice warbling, you still look at Simon. Watching his reaction, his realization of what transpired in his absence, what could’ve happened. Simon’s stomach twisting in the familiar way when a mission takes an unexpected turn. Taking both of his hands to caress your face, attempting to wipe away the continuous flow of tears.
“Lovie… no, Lovie, no… don’t say that. Don’t say such things… I’d never let that happen… you know I wouldn’t let you hurt yourself… I’m so sorry, Lovie… I’m sorry for what I’ve done to you, I really am…” Simon’s internal panic has caused his heart to drop, “ I can’t imagine my life without you, Lovie… please, please Love… give me another chance. It won’t happen again. I promise.” Now your admission and reflection of what you’ve experienced had caused quiet sobs and hiccups to interrupt your breathing.
“… but it’s true!… I seriously thought I did something wrong!… or that something was wrong with me!… I was so alone!… I can’t- I can’t do this… I can’t trust you again!…” Simon releases your face in favor of wrapping his arms around you, to bring you in to him in an effort to hold you closer to his heart. Listening to the hurt in your voice that he caused. Simon rubbed his hands up and down your back, rocking the both of you back and forth, all the while listening to the muffled sounds of you being in pain.
“I’m so sorry, darling… I’m so so sorry.” He pulls away just enough to once again try to wipe away the tears from your warm cheeks, pressing kisses from your forehead across your eyes and all over your cheeks in an effort to stop the tears, “Please… please, you have to believe me. I love you with everything I am. I always have… Lovie, please don’t leave me…” Simon once again brought you into his embrace, holding onto you tightly as if you’ll break into pieces.
“… I can’t… I can’t… I can’t… because what if it happens again?…it hurt… I don’t wanna be hurt again…”
“Lovie, please don’t cry anymore… I won’t ever let you hurt again. I’ll take care of you. We promised we’d marry one day… don’t let this break us apart… I don’t want to live without you.” His words felt so sincere, the way he held you was so desperate. Seeing you being this hurt over him was another type of pain he was not familiar with. “I’m willing to do anything for you… all I ask is your forgiveness. Please Love… forgive me…”
“… yeah… that was what we promised… but you went ahead and left me anyways… I was the one abandoned, wondering what went wrong… I want to believe you… I really do… but I’d be a fool to trust you again…” eyes now red and puffy, yet still producing a steady stream of tears for Simon to continue wiping away.
“Darling… I understand… I know why you can’t believe me right now… but please… let me make it up to you…” with Simon now fully cradling you face in his hands, staring into you with a determination and resolve, “I’ll treat you better… I’ll treat you like royalty, like the most precious gem in the world… I’ll buy whatever you want, buy the most expensive jewelry… please, give me another chance, Love… call me ‘your Simon’ again…”
“… I don’t want to be treated like royalty… I don’t want the most expensive jewelry… all I wanted was you… that’s all I was happy with… I was perfectly happy knowing I had you…” those words truly broke Simon within. Knowing that he had ruined what was the best thing in his life. All because of his cowardice, he had caused pain to someone he loved. Listening to you cry because of him, because of what he’d done, he was willing to do anything to make you happy.
“Alright darling… I’ll give you what you want… you’re all I ever needed, so this is breaking me… if you won’t give me a chance as your lover… can I at least stay in your life as a friend?… I want you to be happy… and even if it means without me… I’ll do it.” Simon now grasped both of your hands and held it close to his heart, you could feel the strong beat of his heart within his chest. And as you looked at him through your wet lashes, you could see he was being sincere. That he meant what he said. That he was truthful in promising to do better, and that even if you didn’t want him in your life anymore that he would respect it. As much as you were trying to send him off, reject his appeals… you couldn’t help but feel hopeful for another try.
“… Simon… Simon… I forgive you… please, don’t leave me… I forgive you… but please don’t hurt me again… I won’t survive it… it hurt so much… so please don’t leave me again… if you don’t love me, just tell me… but don’t abandon me like that again…” you wrapped your arms around Simon’s neck, burying your face into the crook of it and tightening your hold on him. The sobs came once more, but as you felt Simon’s arms slide against you for an embrace, you felt a sense of calm.
“Shh… alright darling… shh… I won’t abandon you… never again, Lovie… I’m so sorry… I swear it won’t happen again… I love you so much…” Simon resumes rocking you back and forth while pulling away between words to press kisses over your face, “From now on, nothing will separate us… I’ll always be with you… I promise to keep you happy forever…” squeezing you tightly against him, Simon couldn’t help but to breathe in your scent. He heard your cries subsiding and all that remained were the sounds of your sniffles,
“… this better not happen again… I seriously couldn’t take it…” even pressed against him with your words muffled, Simon heard it loud and clear.
“It won’t happen again, darling… I love you… I love you so much… as long as I’m breathing, you’ll never cry over me… do you understand?” Simon pulls away to hold your face gentle within his hands, the face he dreams of and longs to kiss when he’s away, “My Lovie, may I kiss you?” And only when he asks that do you attempt to wipe away the mess of your face, carefully dabbing at your eyes and wiping away any nose drippings with your sleeve. Yet it’s still a sight that Simon loves, he hates that he’s made you cry like this but it’s brought a warmth to know that someone loves him this dearly.
“… I’m all covered in tears and snot, Simon…” your face warms as you feel the embarrassment of breaking down in front of Simon like that, yet you glance at him through your wet lashes only to find that he was staring the entire time. You felt his warm hands caress your face and noticed him bringing your foreheads together whilst letting out a quiet chuckle,
“Regardless, my love, you are still so beautiful and precious to me.” Not a single moment was wasted before you were pulled into a passionate kiss.