Archive of Our Own

“I’ve got something for you.”

Sabine’s words echoed in Ezra’s mind as he made his way towards his old room, footsteps too loud in the empty hall. He tightened his grip over her gift, the sharp edges of the data disc digging into the skin of his palm. “I thought you mind need a little help catching up.”

She’d presented it to him within an hour of their reunion, and Ezra had been too caught up in the ecstasy of seeing his sister again to really consider what it might contain. Its mystery only begun to weigh on him on the long journey home, alone once again. Sabine had given him the basic rundown of what had happened while he’d been gone, but he could tell there were sections the Mandalorian had glossed over.

One of which, no doubt the reason she’d also given him explicit instructions not to look at the disc until after talking with Hera, was the existence of the young green-haired boy that could only have been Kanan’s son. He knew she’d kept it from him because it was Hera’s story to tell, but he wished she would have spared him making Jacen’s first impression of him a blubbering mess. At least Hera had been just as emotional as he had.

But there were other things that Sabine had left out too. Long periods of time that she’d skipped through, her words saying nothing important had happened but her downcast eyes telling a different story. Worst was when he’d asked about her family, and she’d plastered on the fakest smile he’d ever seen and said they’d talk about it later.

Ezra bit his lip as he stood before the entrance to his cabin, the whoosh of the door gliding open so familiar it made his heart ache. He was home again, but, like everything else, it was different.

Hera had given him a brief tour of the changes earlier. Kanan’s old room was Jacen’s now, his master’s drab, mostly empty quarters transformed into a warm, cozy space overflowing with toys. His own room had remained mostly untouched. Zeb had continued to live there for a while during the Rebellion, but it had been years since it had been used consistently. The rest of the Ghost had remained virtually unchanged. Small repairs here and there, but Hera had kept her ship in impeccable shape, as she always had.

The biggest difference, and one impossible to ignore, was the quiet. Hera and Jacen were the only beings who lived on the Ghost now (alongside Chopper, of course), but as of right now, only the green-haired boy was aboard, fast asleep in his cabin. Hera had had to attend an emergency meeting shortly after they’d gotten him to sleep, Chopper right at her side. Ezra had tried to follow; no doubt the meeting had something to with Thrawn and his return to this galaxy, but she’d stopped him, pressing a gentle hand to his chest.

“Rest, Ezra,” she’d said, a tight smile on her tired face. “Believe me, dealing with the Senate is going to make you wish you’d stayed away longer. They’ll want to put us through weeks of hell before they come to any decisions. You’re going to need some proper sleep.”

He’d relented, knowing the truth to her words. She’d already had to fight off security to let him stay on the Ghost instead of a holding cell. So, he’d spent the night alone in the galley, the overwhelming silence setting him on edge. He’d meant to start going through whatever Sabine had given him, had even gotten so far as to get the portable holoprojector out, but he’d been unable to even insert the disc.

He was terrified of what he might see.

It had been almost 10 years since he’d left. On Peridea, it had been difficult to keep track of how much time had passed. Travelling the planet without modern technology, he’d guessed several years at least, maybe 6 or 7. But with Sabine’s arrival had come the harsh truth. 10 years was a long time. He’d spent so long imagining all the ways the galaxy had reshaped itself in his absence, and had been beyond relieved that it seemed to have, for the most part, changed for the better. But, nothing came without cost, and the thought of witnessing those he loved most fight with no way to help them terrified him.

But Kanan had taught him better than to let himself be controlled by fear, and not knowing if something terrible had happened wouldn’t change it if it had. Taking a shaky breath, he’d stood, deciding to retreat from the overly bright, empty galley to his room. It might not stop the pain of what was to come, but he had always found comfort in small spaces. There was a reason he’d ended up in ventilation shafts so frequently.

He kept the lights dimmed as he sat on his bunk, leaning against the wall with the projector in his lap. With a deep breath, he inserted the disc and switched it on.

The first thing he noticed was the sheer size of the of the files. Ezra chewed anxiously at his fingernails as he waited for what had to be hundreds of holos and vids to load. Fighting the urge to just put it away for another night, he opened the first file.

It was a holo that, judging by the date, was taken the day that he had left, a day that Sabine had told him was now known as the Liberation of Lothal. Hera, Sabine and Zeb were being greeted by some of the locals at the town square. There were others he recognised in the background, Rex and Kallus among them, but he couldn’t tear his eyes from the faces of his family. Up until the events of the last few days, this had been the last time he’d see them. Pale, weary faces, shadowed eyes. Tired. Grieving.

Already, tears pricked at the corners of his eyes, but he forced himself to swallow and move on. The next few holos were of the people of his homeworld celebrating, smiles returned to their faces as they danced through the streets. Ezra’s heart swelled with longing to return, to see the Lothal he had only ever been able to dream about. Soon, he told himself. Still, he couldn’t miss that in all the holos, his family was either absent, or on the fringes, never truly joining in with the festivities.

After the holos, a vid began to play. “Hey Ezra.”

A younger Sabine, one with the same grown-out, bleached hair he’d commited to memory, greeted him wearily with a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “You’ve been… gone for a week now, and since we’re not sure how long it’s going to take for you to come home, I thought I’d give an update while it’s all still fresh.

“Your insane plan worked. Lothal’s free. We’re all safe, planning our next moves.” She delivered the news with a smile, but Ezra’s heart ached at way each word sounded tinged with defeat. “You’ve left us one hell of a challenge though. We’ve been trying to find your coordinates, but it hasn’t been all that successful so far. Hera’s still trying, but…”

She sighed, hanging her head. “She’s been recovering, physically, after… everything. But mentally?” Sabine shook her head. “I just don’t know how to help her. She won’t talk about it, and when I try to get her to she twists it around and starts trying to comfort me instead. I know she thinks she has to keep it all together cause she’s the captain or whatever, but I just wish she’d stop pretending she’s okay with all of this. I’m sure as hell not. Thin walls, you know… I can hear it when she cries.”

Ezra hated how uncertain she looked, so at odds with the usually unshakeable Mandalorian. She wrapped her arms around herself and took a deep breath, then fixed a look at the cam. “You better come back soon, okay? We need you here, Ez.”

Following the vid came several more holos from around Lothal, most focusing on the clean up of the city. Ezra’s actions may have saved his hometown from complete annihilation, but it had still suffered some significant damage over the course of its occupation and subsequent emancipation. Especially in the areas surrounding the fuel depot.

Ezra’s chest felt tight just at the thought of that night. The scalding heat on his face, Hera writhing in his arms, desperate to get to where Kanan stood, wreathed in flame. His master had seemed so different that day, at peace in a way he never truly had been before. Ezra hadn’t thought to ask why then, had assumed they would talk about it later, when their family was back together again. But they never would be. Not fully.

He quickly moved on to the next file, unable to keep looking the scene of his worst nightmares, even if was now bathed in pleasant summer sunlight. It was a short text message.

Hey, Ezra.

It’s been two weeks since you left. Lothal’s still safe, no sign of the Empire yet. There’s already been a lot of work done to clean up and repair the city. It’ll take time, especially to heal the burns out on the fields, but we’ve made a good start.

Hera’s going back to base in two days, and Zeb’s going with her. I tried to get them to stay, at least for a few more weeks. The people here still need our help, and its pretty obvious that Hera’s not fully recovered yet, either. But, well, you know her. If she’s decided she’s fit to go back on duty, then she’s going back on duty.

I want to go with them, but I can’t just leave Lothal. We’ve only just freed this place; what if the Empire does strike back? We need to keep it protected, and not just for the people here. Lothal is a promise to the rest galaxy that we can do this, we can be free of the Empire and we can stay that way.

And, well, what if you come back? At least one of us should here for you, too.

I’m staying. At least until things are more stable here, maybe longer, depending on how things go with the Alliance. Ketsu is too, so don’t worry, I won’t be completely alone.

Everything’s just so… complicated at the moment. I don’t know what the future looks like from here. I just wish it could all go back to how it was, when we’d all be here to make a proper plan for what comes next.

For now, anyway, I’m going to keep Lothal safe for you.

See you soon,

Sabine.

Next came more holos from around Lothal, though this time several featured Ketsu pulling increasingly ridiculous poses in the background. There was also one of Sabine that he imagined Ketsu must have taken, hunched over a sketchpad in a chair in his tower. He wished he could ask her what she was drawing. Another vid began to play as he hit next.

“I knew it!”

Ezra jumped, slamming his head on Zeb’s bunk as a frantic Sabine yelled unexpectedly the second the recording started. She paused, smiling wide at the cam, then sat back, huffing with a half shrug. “Well, maybe not that exactly, but I knew it wasn’t just those drugs making her so sick.”

The Mandalorian took a deep breath to collect herself before laughing, “Hera’s pregnant, Ez. She sent me this cryptic ass message ‘suggesting’ I come back to base, so of course I did, and, Manda its changed so quickly, I barely recognised it, but anyway, then she and Zeb pull me to the Ghost ‘for some tea’ and bam, she tells me she’s having a baby.”

Sabine shook her head fondly, unable to keep the smile from her lips. “I mean I get why she couldn’t just say it over comms. Not just ‘cause she’s a pretty recognisable general; if some Imp, or worse, an Inquisitor got a hold of it, it wouldn’t exactly take a genius to guess who the father was.” She flashed a wry smile at the cam. “It’s Kanan’s by the way. Sorry, Zeb and I lied. They were totally fucking this whole time.”

She sighed, reality settling in. “She seems like she’s handling it… alright. About as well as you could expect, really. She just says she’s fine, but I bullied Zeb until he told me how she’s actually doing. She’s been sick a lot. Apparently, having a hybrid baby is a surefire way of throwing your system into utter chaos. More so than a regular baby, anyway.

“Otherwise, it’s been a bit of a mixed bag. Even if the timing’s not great what with the war and everything, it’s clear Hera wants this. Probably has for a while. It’s just… it feels so wrong without Kanan here. I bet he’d love this.” Sabine’s gaze lowered, falling quiet for a moment, then gave a short huff. “And he’s probably the only person that could actually convince her to cut herself some slack. Zeb’s been trying his best, but she seems pretty determined to pretend nothing’s changed.

“Lothal’s doing well, by the way. No sign of the Empire, but I’m still not convinced they won’t show their faces eventually. Ketsu and I have been helping set up some local defences just in case. I’m on my way back there now, but it’ll just be a short stay this time. I’m going to try staying with the Alliance for a while. Hera’s not going to be able to ignore this for much longer, and something tells me she’s not going to take the transition to a lighter workload gracefully. She’s gonna need support, and after everything she’s done for me, I at least owe her that much.”

She gave him a stern frown and pointed mockingly at the cam. “And you owe her too, lazerbrain, so you better get back here. You got six months, that should be enough for even your slow ass to make it before Spectre Seven arrives.” She cracked one last smile before switching off the recording.

More holos followed the message, this time of Yavin, crowded with more people than Ezra had ever seen on the base. Starfighters of all different models lined the landing field, pilots and mechanics beside them. Then several of the crew that made his heart ache. On the surface, it appeared to be a pleasant scene. Sabine, Zeb, Kallus, Rex and Hera sat around the galley table sharing a meal, all smiling merrily for the cam. But Ezra knew these people. He could see the way that their smiles didn’t quite reach their eyes, the slight tension in the set of their shoulders. They were hurting, and trying their damnedest not to show it.

Ezra bit his lip against the wave of bitter self-loathing that came over him, knowing he was partly to blame for their pain. As much as he’d worried about them, his state had seemed far more precarious from their perspective, with no way of knowing if he’d even survived the purrgil’s jump. What he would have done to go back, wrap all of them tightly in his arms and ease their heartache just a bit. He’d tried, force had he tried, to find some way to communicate with his family, to tell them he was okay. And to find if they were, too.

He’d spent every day for the last 10 years fighting off the doubts that had plagued him since Lothal. Had what he’d done made any difference at all? What if he came back, only to find the galaxy worse than how he’d left it? He’d spent countless hours deep in meditation, going dangerously close to losing himself in vastness of the force just for the chance of knowing if his family was okay. It had never worked, he was too far and he’d known it, but still, he’d given it everything he’d had.

It was several months before Sabine gave a more detailed update. The most obvious indicator of the passing time was the progression of Hera’s pregnancy, but their were other changes too. Sabine’s hair changed, the bleached white replaced with a deep blue. Yavin continued to grow busier, expanding to sections of the ancient temple that Ezra had never seen before.

“Hey Ez, sorry, it’s been a while,” Sabine said at the beginning of the next vid. Her hair was a different colour yet again, dark, and slightly longer, coming midway down her neck. “Things are getting pretty chaotic back at base. The Alliance is growing every day, it’s insane. I’ve stayed out of the thick of it, for the most part. A couple milk runs, here and there, but mostly I’ve been on ‘stop Hera from working herself to death’ duty, and that’s a full-time gig. Plus, going out on missions just makes her worry, especially now that she’s pretty much grounded.

"I’ve never seen Chopper so worked up, either. It’s impossible to get him to leave her side. It’d be cute if it were any other droid, but since it’s Chopper, it just means he tries to electrocute anyone who comes anywhere near her. It does turn out making the new pilots fear for their lives is an excellent way of keeping their gossipy mouths shut, though.

“I’m on my way to Mandalore, than I’m going back to check on Lothal for a bit. As crazy as things are at the moment, I can only see it getting worse. The Rebellion’s growing, but the fight’s getting tougher, too. It’s not all out war yet, but things are going to hit a boiling point sooner rather than later. Fingers crossed it waits just a few more months so Hera can at least have the baby before she’s needed on the front lines.

“Whatever the case, when the fighting does start, I don’t think I’m going to be able to get away for a while, so I’m going to try and check in on my family. The Imps haven’t stopped pestering them, but they have it under control. Once I’m finished there, I’m going to stop by Lothal, and make everything’s okay there, too. I meant it when I said I’m going to keep it safe. If that’s what your mysterious Jedi ass meant when you said you’re ‘counting on me’, well, you can. I won’t let anything happen to it.”

Krownest had always felt kind of miserable to Ezra, but Sabine’s holos of the snow covered fortress, warm lights glowing from within, were so clearly taken with such love he couldn’t help but smile. She had included several holos of her family, sharing meals and… sparing. Mandalorians, Ezra sighed.

“So, slight change of plans,” Sabine began sarcastically in her next vid. She looked impatient, nervous, fingers tapping rapidly on the table she sat at. “Hera’s on her way here, to Lothal. As far as I can gather, she was in a fight and had some kind of a medical episode, and I guess they’ve made her leave. Baby and her are fine, but it must have been something pretty bad to make Hera willing to step down.” She paused. “At least I think it’s willingly. For all I know, Zeb could be bringing her here under duress. It’s almost more believable that way.”

She sighed, chewing her lip. “I get why they’re keeping details down over comms; getting tracked to back to base would be bad, and we cant go around advertising a general of the rebellion is injured and pregnant to boot. But Manda, it stresses me out. Like, I’ve seen Hera say she was fine when she had an actively smouldering blaster bolt in her leg. I wish you were here so you could use your fancy Jedi bullshit to tell me she’s okay.

“I was only supposed to stay here for another day or two, but I’m assuming that’s changing now. It’s not long til Hera’s due, so best guess is it’ll happen here, then. Probably the safest place in the galaxy for it right now.”

Her words trailed off, her mind clearly somewhere else. She shook her head, then looked directly into the cam. “Where are you, Ezra? I’ve been trying to track down trajectories, purrgil routes, anything! But nothing makes sense.

“I’m sorry I haven’t had much time to look lately, but I promise I am, every spare second. But if you could just give me some kind of lead, that would be great. I’ll see you soon, okay, Ez?”

Sabine’s next vid came only a few days later.

“Hey Ezra. Hera’s here now. She is actually fine for the most part, thank Manda. She doesn’t want to talk about it, as per usual, but I did manage to pry a few details out of her.” Her brows drew together. “It wasn’t just some run-of-the-mill skirmish. There was an all-out battle, on a planet called Scarrif, and…”

She trailed off, letting out a shaky breath. Her eyes met the cam, wide and intense. “Ezra, it’s bad. The Empire has a planet killer. Remember when we stopped that kyber shipment with Saw? Yeah, I think we found out what they wanted it for. They tested it at Jedha. Blew up the Holy City, and took Saw with it. The Alliance got intel that there were plans for the thing at Scarrif, so a ground team went in. But the Empire was ready for us. Blew the planet to stardust. There’s a chance the ground team’s transmission went through, but the Imps captured the receiving ship, so it doesn’t make much of a difference, anyway.

“Hera was flying, of course.” Sabine rolled her eyes, frustrated, but he could see from the tension in her frame it was based in fear, not anger. “She got the Ghost and her squadron out in time and back to base, but apparently she passed out pretty much as soon as she landed. Something to do with her blood pressure, sent her into shock. She’s fine now, but she’s not allowed anywhere near a combat zone until after she’s had the baby.

“They’re sending all non-essentials off base, so that if the Empire comes, and they think it will, they won’t take the whole Alliance out in one shot. Right now, that includes Hera. She’s not happy about it, keeps going on about how ‘ludicrous’ it is that she has to leave now of all times. But really, I think she’s scared. I am too, if I’m honest.

“I mean, what can you do against a planet killer?” she raised her arms in exasperation. “We don’t have any fancy Jedi tricks left up our sleeves. If the Empire finds us, we’re dead. And that’s that.”

Sabine rubbed her hands over her face, then ran them through her hair. “I’m just trying not to think about it right now, and I’m attempting to get Hera to do the same. So far it’s been unsuccessful, I swear that woman is glued to her datapad, but, well, there’s not really anything else I can do. Zeb’s still out there, fighting for all of us.

“Please come back soon, Ezra. We need you.”

Even if he knew they would ultimately be fine, dread settled in the pit of Ezra’s stomach. He felt so useless, just watching it play out with no way to ease the tension or soothe the pain.

“Ezra.”

The next video log came quickly. Sabine looked as though she’d been crying, dark bags under her eyes and shoulders sagging.

“Where do I even start? I guess…” The Mandalorian’s features became steely, the same way they had in the aftermath of Hera’s rescue. “Alderaan’s gone. They used the weapon, the Death Star, they’re calling it, to just… wipe it out. Billions of people…”

She bit her lip, closing her eyes tightly. “Bail Organa was there, too. I don’t really know what that means for the Alliance, but… it’s just rubble there now.”

Her impenetrable mask softened slightly, grief creeping through. “We found out a few days ago. Sorry for not updating you sooner, I just… it’s been rough. It’s hard to even imagine something of that scale. Hera keeps blaming herself, and there’s nothing I could say to convince her that there’s nothing we could have done. I’m still trying to convince myself. I’ve been trying to stay calm, to keep it together, but… Manda, it was terrifying.”

“There is some good news, though.” She glanced back at the cam, a slight smile at the corner of her lips. “They destroyed it. Blew it to stardust right at Yavin before it could hurt anyone else. The details are still confusing to say the least, comms are still patchy at the moment, but right now, I don’t give two shits how they did it. They won.” She started actually grinning, followed by a curious frown. “Though…

“I know it’s insane, but there’s rumours that a Jedi was involved, and I can’t stop hoping that it was you. It’s stupid, it can’t be; Zeb would have told us straight away if he valued his life. And anyway, I have a feeling that if it was you, you’d do something so batshit crazy there would have been no question about it. Still, I need Zeb to get here quicker so he can tell me who this ‘Jedi’ is. Who knows, maybe if they are an actual Jedi, they could help me make some progress on finding out wherever the hell you launched yourself too.” She tried to pass it off as a joke, but Ezra could hear the bitterness in her voice.

“Zeb’s going to be here in a few days, Rex and Kallus, too. Since Yavin was found the Alliance is scattering with plans to regroup later, so he’s coming back here before heading to the rendezvous. I think he’s staying until the baby’s born. He tries to act all tough, but he’s so excited, it’s honestly pretty cute. It’ll be better for Hera’s stress levels to have us all in one place again. She’s getting close now. The doctor’s think she’s about a month away, but being a hybrid muddies the water a little bit.”

Her smile faltered, but she kept eye contact with the cam. “So you’ve got that long to get back here to make sure it’s all of us, got it?”

Then, a set of holos that instantly brought tears to his eyes.

Tiny baby Jacen, who must have been only a few hours old, curled against Hera’s chest. Held in Sabine’s arms, and though it was difficult to tell through the grainy holos, it seemed like she’d been crying too. Then with Zeb, his large hands dwarfing the newborn. Swaddled in a patterned blanket, tiny face bunched up in an adorable scowl.

Even though it had been almost a decade ago and he’d been on a planet far away, Ezra swore he could feel the relief and joy pouring from that room in the force. Jacen was so loved already, but Ezra wished he could have been there to show his, as well.

Sabine’s next message took place in a chair in the hospital room, Jacen hidden within a bundle of blankets in her arms. She leaned in close, whispering as she showed him to the cam.

“Ezra, meet your new little brother, Jacen. He was born this morning at 0431, at 3.9kg. Apparently that’s on the larger end for babies, but I don’t know, he seems pretty tiny to me.” Her smile was contagious, and Ezra found himself grinning so hard his cheeks began to burn. “He looks… surprisingly human, not that means anything. We knew from the scans he would be mostly human, but still. We think his ears might be a bit pointy and green, though, but its hard to tell when he’s still so new. Oh! And his hair’s green. No dye needed. Jealous.”

She scrunched her nose at the baby in mock anger, then adjusted him in her arms, rocking him gently. Her soft smile fell for just a moment. “Other than that though, I think he’ll look a lot like Kanan. Hera’s less convinced, but I think she just doesn’t want to think about that. She’s doing pretty well, all things considered.”

Sabine looked up from Jacen to a place out of the holo’s range to where he assumed Hera’s bed must be. “She’s resting now, so I’m making sure he’s okay. We’re trying to keep in good spirits. After all, this is pretty much best case scenario. The Rebellion is alive and thriving, but the battles are far from here. Lothal is still free. Hera and the baby are safe and well. But still, it’s hard not to think about the ones who should have been here. Kanan, of course… but you too, Ezra.”

The slow rocking paused, and she bit her lip, brows pinched. “You’re taking too long, Ezra, and it’s making me worried. You wouldn’t stay away from this if you had a choice, which means wherever you are, you’re stuck. I swear I’m trying to figure this all out, but tracking purrgil is virtually impossible.” She sniffed, lips quivering. “I just want you back. You should have been here, and I miss you. We all do.”

Jacen stirred with a tiny grunt, and Sabine immediately regained composure, studying the baby intently as she resumed the gentle motion. Her gaze softened as he quieted down, and she glanced back at the cam. “Sorry, got a little sappy there. In my defence I’ve been up for like 37 hours or something ridiculous. It’s been a long day.”

She leaned forward to turn off the cam, halting to give him that all-too-familiar mischievous grin. “Also, you don’t need to worry. Jacen might be an actual baby, but you’ll always be the little baby of the Phoenix Cell to us.”

The next set of holos contained quite possibly the largest quantity of holos that Ezra had ever seen taken in two months. Hundreds, possibly thousands, almost all of a slowly growing Jacen in a variety of colourful jumpsuits sleeping. Sometimes in his bassinet. Other times, carried in other being’s arms. In a few he seemed to just be on a floor, and in one precarious moment, he was on top of Chopper’s dome (Hera’s hands were still in view, clearly reaching to pick him back up). Ezra had flicked through slowly at first, then began to realise there were… many. It would take hours to see them all, but… he couldn’t bring himself to jump ahead. He diligently scrolled through each and every one, chuckling to himself.

Joyful as he was, he hadn’t been prepared for the pang of hurt at seeing Jacen in the arms of a stranger. They clearly weren’t unknown to his family; both Hera and Zeb posed happily alongside the middle-aged woman. But it served as a sharp reminder that their world had continued on without him. He kept moving.

Sabine’s next update came in the form of a text message.

Hey,

So, I didn’t intend on leaving you without an update for two months, but as it turns out, people weren’t lying when they said having a baby around would be chaotic. Zeb and I have been doing our best to pull our weight and let Hera actually get some rest, but Manda, this is exhausting. He’s normally a pretty good baby, but the last few weeks he’s just been so fussy, and won’t stop screaming no matter what we do. Which actually leads me to my main reason for updating you, and reason number 22 million why it would be great if you could get your ass back here.

Hera wants to go back to the Alliance already. I knew it was coming. I mean, she’s already been back on comm calls with High Command, but I didn’t think she was actually going to try pulling this. For fuck’s sake, it’s only been eight weeks since she had a whole ass baby! I admit I don’t have personal experience here but I’m fairly certain it takes longer than that to heal completely.

And the most frustrating thing is she didn’t even give us the chance to argue. She just came out and said she’d spoken with High Command and arranged a rendezvous in a week’s time. Manda, I’ve never wanted to yell at Mon Mothma more, she should know better than to let Hera do that. But I’m also not convinced that Hera hasn’t been trying to get back since, like, the day she gave birth, so Mon might be why she waited this long.

I know this has been hard on her. I don’t think Hera’s actually taken a break from the rebellion since… well, ever. And she certainly hasn’t been stuck on one planet like this in a long time, either. I was hoping once she was here she’d start to find some kind of rhythm, but she gets more restless every day. We’ve gone on a few short trips to take the edge off, and Zeb and I have encouraged her to take the Phantom on some flights, but she’s still just acting like a rathtar kept in a cage too long. I’m trying to be understanding, but she knows better than to make decisions like this without talking to us first. She said we’re free to stay if we want, but of course we’re going too. I don’t know, it’s just all so frustrating.

Which leads me back to Jace. I think he might be like Kanan in more than just his looks. I know I don’t have a ton of experience with babies, but the way he acts is just plain eerie at times. Like, when we’re all happy? Best baby ever, quiet as a mouse and big smiles all around (though he has started making these adorable squeaky noises, I gotta get one on holo). But as soon as anyone’s even a little upset? Even if no one says a word? He’s wailing. Even more so when it’s Hera. So, lately, if you haven’t already guessed, it’s been miserable. He’s just been crying. Non. Stop. Which means we’re all even more tired and grumpy. Which sets Jacen off even more.

Hera just says all babies cry a lot, but I dunno, I don’t think it’s like this. He’s not hungry, and we’ve been making sure he’s comfortable, what else could it be? I know you and Kanan said that the force let you form connections to other beings, and sense their emotions. Is it that unreasonable to think that a force-sensitive baby could do the same but just be unable to regulate it? I know it’s not definitive proof and we need a Jedi to actually confirm it, but my credits are on Jedi baby.

I’m hoping once Hera’s back with the Alliance things will calm down a bit. Which sounds counter-intuitive, but, well, that’s how things go now, I suppose. It couldn’t just be as easy as getting back there, though. No, Hera threw one last spanner in the works. She wants to visit her father on the way back, and finally tell him about Jacen.

The last time we saw him was just after Lothal, before she even knew she was pregnant. I know her home and her history is important to her, I get that, and with the break in the Empire’s defences after Yavin it’s not the worst time to go, but do we really have to do this now? I still don’t trust him. I don’t think Hera really does either, for that matter, but she still seems determined to at least show him his grandson in person.

Wish us luck. It’s going to be interesting, to say the least.

P.S. I’ve realised these messages have become a little more ranty than I intended so, sorry about that. But, if you were here, you’d definitely just be getting all this complaining face to face, so I’m just keeping it authentic. If you want the ability to shut me up, you need to hurry up and get your ass back here.

The onslaught on holos slowed somewhat after that, Sabine and the others had undoubtedly been busy with their duties now that they were back on base. Still, she had still included many many more of Jacen, now awake more often, staring at the cam with wide, bright eyes.

In amongst the holos was a short vid, dated about a month after their return to base. Sabine, her hair now cropped short, greeted him sitting cross-legged on her bed in the Ghost. Ezra willed himself to ignore that that room was now painfully empty across the hall from him.

“So, remember that Jedi from the Death Star? Good news and bad news.

“Good news, he is actually a Jedi. Like, force sensitive with a lightsaber, the whole schabang. Bad news, he’s also pretty fucking useless as a Jedi.” She sighed, rolling her eyes. “He’s like, your age, Ezra, which means he’s still a baby, and he has no idea about even some of the most basic stuff. I asked if he wanted to spar, and honestly, I’m amazed he didn’t accidentally take his own head off when he turned his lightsaber on.”

She bit her lip, looking away guiltily. “I’m being mean. I’m sorry, I had just been hoping for more. But I guess that’s what comes with having lived with one the last temple-trained Jedi in existence; there’s no one left who could really match that. I don’t know what kind of training this guy’s had, but it clearly wasn’t anything like what Kanan gave you.

“He found us, actually. I was curious, of course, but, I don’t know, it felt weird to seek out a guy just ‘cause he’s a Jedi. It’s too much like trying to replace you. But apparently someone opened their mouth about ‘the Ghost crew’ knowing Jedi, and he showed up by the loading ramp one day. He seemed pretty guilty once he realised that we didn’t exactly have good stories to tell, but I think he was just genuinely excited by the chance of meeting another Jedi.

“I don’t really know what to do about him, to be honest. He’s a pilot, a pretty good one so I’m told, so he’s not going anywhere, but I just… I don’t really want him here. Not on the ship, at the very least. I think he’s hoping I’ll give him some training. I mean, I’ve probably got the most experience with a lightsaber around, which is not a fun thought, but…” She trailed off, shaking her head. “I can’t do that. If there’s one thing I still hold onto from the Academy it’s that those who don’t understand shouldn’t teach. It can only lead to misunderstandings. Kanan taught me the basics of using the darksaber, yes, but, being a Jedi has so many intricacies I just have no clue about. I should know with the number of times your whiny ass came complaining to me that your training was too hard. So I’m not about to give lessons to some random kid who only found out that Jedi were even a thing like, yesterday.

“Plus, I just… I don’t think we have room for another Jedi in our family. Not yet. I know you and Kanan… you made your own choices, but it’s hard not to think that the whole ‘Jedi’ thing made you too willing to sacrifice yourselves when there could’ve been other ways.” Her brow furrowed, deep in thought. “I think that’s the real reason Hera doesn’t want to accept that Jacen’s force sensitive. She doesn’t want him to follow in your footsteps, not to the end.” She huffed. “As if I’d ever let that happen.”

“Anyway, I think I’ll tell Luke to just focus on being a rebel for now, not a Jedi. He’s got friends, he’ll be fine. I think you’d be his friend actually. Airheads seem to get along well.” His sister gave him one last cheeky smile, then stopped the recording.

In another shakily filmed clip, Sabine had discreetly recorded Hera on the other side of the room. She gently rocked Jacen back and forth, singing to him softly in Ryl. The baby stared up her, entranced, clutching one her pinkys in his tiny hand. Ezra couldn’t make out the words; he’d tried learning Ryl, but he’d never gotten anywhere near the fluency that Sabine and Kanan had achieved. Even so, the love poured into each word made the meaning unmistakable.

The next video came a few months later. Sabine was sitting in the galley on the Ghost. Jacen, now 6 months old judging by the date, was tucked in her lap, his head, topped with a mop of dark green hair, resting against her chest. She gave him a small, tired smile, than began to speak softly.

“Hey, it’s been a while.” She paused, taking a deep breath as she tried to order her thoughts. “You know, I didn’t think being back with the rebellion with an infant would be peaceful, but…” she shook her head. “It’s been hard. The Rebellion itself is actually doing pretty good right now. Riding high after Yavin, spreading like wildfire over the galaxy. The Alliance is bigger now than it’s ever been. It’s insane, feels a little bit like a dream, honestly. I mean, this is what we were fighting for for so long, and now it’s starting to feel like we might actually have a chance of getting rid of the Empire for good. Here’s hoping we don’t wake up anytime soon.”

She shifted, glancing down at Jace, making sure he was still sound asleep. “Hera and I are staying with High Command, far from the frontlines for obvious reasons. Zeb went back to commanding a fighter squadron a few weeks ago, but he comes back whenever he can. He was pretty reluctant to leave in the first place, but the Alliance is spreading so fast they need every experienced pilot they can get. I think some of them want me to get out there too, but they’re kidding themselves if they think I’m going to leave the Ghost at a time like this. Hera’s up to her lekku in reports, and still taking care of her baby to boot. I know being a babysitter is not exactly where people think a fully trained Mandalorian warrior is most useful in a rebellion, but I don’t care. This is where I’m needed most right now, so it’s where I’ll be.” She kept her tone gentle, but her conviction was strong, the love clear in her gaze as she looked down at the baby in her lap.

“We’ve kept Jacen’s existence need to know, it’s pretty much just High Command who knows he’s actually on board. There’s a handful of pilots that were around when Hera was pregnant, but we’ve let them to assume she left him somewhere else. If they suspect otherwise, they’re wise enough to keep their mouths shut. Chopper still stays at Hera’s side, after all. But that also means most of the new pilots don’t realise that Hera has a very important reason to get back to her ship at the end of the day, and they keep asking her to stay back after training with question after question.”

She sighed. “One day Hera’s gonna have to learn to take it easy. Anyway, there’s not really much else to say for now. Luke hasn’t come back here, and Jacen’s been pretty calm since we got back. Getting bigger every day, too. I think I’ll leave it there for now, talk to you later.”

The next vid came from Sabine’s room again, though this time she looked pissed off. Her hair had started to grow out again, now sticking out in fluffy spikes, and she ran her hands through it in agitation. “You know, I was really hoping Vader would actually be dead this time. But no, to my immense disappointment, the Emperor's attack dog was not on the Death Star when it blew up. He’s started showing up again, and, well, where he goes, death follows. We’ve had to start pulling forces back from the Mid Rim. It’s not a total loss yet, but it still hurts, especially with how close we got to the Inner Rim.”

She gritted her teeth in frustration, then pointed a finger at the cam. “You should be glad, you know, you’re getting insider info. Not that it’ll matter all that much in a few months, but this is classified intel from High Command. Hera gave up trying to stop me reading her reports ages ago. She needs someone to talk to about all this shit, the only other sane person here is like, Mon Mothma. And maybe Leia, but she’s been away lately. Besides, even if I’m technically just a commander, I’ve been here far longer than most of those jokers.

“We’re still staying away from the fight for the most part, but I don’t know how much longer that’s likely to last. The pot’s beginning to boil again, and I don’t think the Empire’s gonna make it any easier this time around.”

Her anger ebbed away, leaving just a strained pinch in her brow. “I haven’t had much time to look for you lately, but I swear I haven’t forgotten. As soon as I get a chance to catch my breath, I’m coming for you. So be ready, I’ll be there soon.”

The next few months seemed to fly by, only a handful of holos before they hit Jacen’s first birthday. Sabine had included a short vid of the gathered crew, Zeb, Kallus, Rex, even Wedge, all singing for the excited toddler who bounced in Hera’s lap as he listened. Their celebration may have been limited to just the Ghost, but that hardly mattered to Jacen, and hadn’t inhibited the crew’s ability to absolutely spoil the boy rotten. There were many holos of the green-haired boy playing with an abundance of new toys, colourful stacking blocks and books and plush toys.

A vid followed a few weeks later. “Okay, okay, Ez, you’re not gonna believe this,” a very excited Sabine told him, vid shaking from the handheld cam. It seemed to be around breakfast time, and Ezra felt an unexpected pang of nostalgia at the sound of the caf machine running in the background. The cam flipped around, now showing Jacen sitting in a high chair, hand in mouth. “Jace, can you say that again, buddy?” The boy looked up with wide eyes, and an exasperated Hera yelled from out of view.
“That is not what he said, Sabine, he’s just making noi-.”
“Bean!” Jacen exclaimed, gleefully ignorant to cutting his mother off as he reached out his stubby arms. Ezra could just make out Hera’s sigh over Sabine’s vindictive cackle.

Ezra huffed. The one and only time he’d tried using that nickname in earnest, he’d had a vibrodagger hurled in his direction. He’d had to reserve it for when he was trying to piss Sabine off. But of course when the baby did it, it was fine.

Another few months passed before her next major update. Sabine sat slumped in what looked like the cockpit of a ship he didn’t recognise, dark lines beneath her eyes.

“Hey. I’m on my way back to Lothal, thought I’d let you know what’s happening. The war’s starting to ramp up again, just like it did before Yavin. Except this time, the stakes are so much higher. We’ve grown bigger, but the Empire’s not holding anything back now. We’ve been consolidating all our forces. There were some big losses pulling back from the Mid Rim, and we can’t afford to get spread out like that again. Something’s coming. I’m not sure what, but if there’s one thing that’s for certain, it’s that Jacen has got to be as far as possible from it. Hera agreed, so here we are. Just me and Jace.”

She hung her head, running her hands over her face. “I hate that it’s come to this. We knew it would; war leaders don’t have kids while actively serving for a reason. They need her skills there, and it’s too dangerous to have a toddler with her. We know it’s the logical decision. But still, it feels terrible, dragging a kid kicking and screaming away from his mother. We tried to make it seem like a fun holiday with Auntie Bean, but the damn kid saw right through it. I don’t know if it’s force sensitivity or what, but it was bad. I’ve never seen him that upset. It’s been hours, and I only just got him down to sleep.”

Sabine took a stuttered breath, her eyes shining. “I just don’t know what to do. I mean, we tried explaining it to him, but there’s no way he could’ve actually understood, not fully. He hasn’t gone more than a day without his mother in his entire life, how is he supposed to cope with suddenly going months without seeing her? And I’m supposed to be keeping calm, but I just can’t stop myself from thinking the worst. I mean, what am I supposed to do if she doesn’t come ba…” she cut herself off, shaking her head to banish the thought. She paused, pressing her fingertips against her eyelids.

“We’re going to stay on Lothal until the coast is clear. Ketsu’s meeting us there. I told her she didn’t have to, but I’m glad she is. I don’t know how I’d manage this on my own. I just hope this war ends quickly so Jace can be back with his mother, where he belongs.”

The following holo from a few weeks later wasn’t as upsetting, but Sabine still looked lost. “Hey Ez,” she began, running a hand through her hair. “You were always good at the whole ‘friends’ thing, got any tips for a toddler?” She shook her head in exasperation. “Something we never thought to worry about was how a baby raised on a military base would act in an actually normal environment. Ketsu and I found out there’s a group of parents with kids Jacen’s age that meet up at a park near us, and we thought we’d try heading on over. To put it bluntly - complete disaster.

“It seemed like a fantastic idea on the walk over, but then as soon as Jace saw the other kids he just froze and started clinging to my leg for dear life. Wouldn’t even look at them. Some of the other parents tried bringing their kids over to talk to him, but nope, that didn’t work. Then the parents started trying to talk to me, and I messed up there because I stumbled a little bit when the started asking questions because we never actually came up with what we were going to tell strangers. So then all the parents started getting judgy ‘cause they convinced themselves that I dyed a toddler’s hair and was just lying about him being half human and also NOT MY KID to cover it up. I just. What the hell?! He has green fucking ears for Manda’s sake!

So of course I’m getting pissed off, which makes Jacen more nervous. Ketsu managed to ‘politely’ tell the other assholes to piss off, but not before Jacen just started bawling. So, now it seems that every other parent in the region is convinced that we’re some evil messed up household, which is just. Fantastic.”

She groaned, rubbing her face with her hands. “It’s not his fault, his life hasn’t exactly been conventional so far. I just have no idea how to help him. Mandalore is so different, if anyone said that bullshit to me there I’d have laid them out flat before they even sneer, but I don’t think that’d fly here. I’ve got no idea how they handle this sort of thing, am I just supposed to sit back and ignore their judgy-ass looks? If I weren’t so fucking humble I’d go and tell them how I’m part of the reason their planet’s even free right now, but we’re supposed to be keeping a low profile. I just wanted the kid to have some actual fucking friends to play with!

“Jace is just so… sensitive. Especially now that Hera isn’t around. She recorded herself reading a ton of stories for him, and playing those seems to help calm him down, but it’s been a tough transition. It’s not exactly comms lockdown yet, but it’s not like we can be completely open, either. The fact that Jacen is the son of a Jedi and a general hadn’t changed, and there’s still the chance our calls could be intercepted. So everything is still cryptic, and showing Jacen is still strictly out of the picture. But passing on messages just doesn’t have the same effect, not for an almost two year old.”

She sighed heavily. “Still, it’s better than nothing. At least we know she and Zeb and everyone else is still okay. Apparently things are still getting more intense out there. It’s likely we won’t be able to comm for much longer. I’m just hoping it holds out til Jace’s birthday.”

Ezra’s heart ached, for both Sabine, and for Jace. From her perspective, it probably did seem like he’d always been good at making friends, but the truth was, before the Ghost, he really hadn’t had any. He didn’t remember much of his younger years, but he had the vaguest memories of his parents telling him he’d been very similar to Jace as a toddler. Shy, nervous around big groups, easily overwhelmed. Maybe it was a force sensitive thing. He’d grown more confident with age, but whatever progress he’d made towards having friends had been completely shattered after his parents had been taken. Friends just weren’t as important when you were trying not to starve. He’d gotten better at living on his own over the years, but by then he’d earned a reputation as a street rat. Nobody wanted anything to do with him after that.

He hadn’t been able to spend much time with the boy yet, but if there was one thing that was clear, it was that Jacen was surrounded with people who loved him. Even if he did struggle with children his age, he would never have to search far to find a friend.

It was a few weeks after his second birthday in Sabine’s next recording. The boy was asleep, head resting in her lap. She was idly carding a hand through his hair as she spoke.

“Comms went on lockdown today. So, that’s the last we get to see of Hera and Zeb for a while.” The words were soft, but weary, defeated. “Hopefully it won’t last too long, but it’s hard to know with these things. I told Jace, but I don’t think he really understands how it’s different from what was already happening. We’ve listened to all the stories at least a dozen times. It’s hard to tell him there wont be anymore.

“It’s… it’s hard not to get lost worrying about. The last big fight was Yavin, and it came so close to being the end of the Alliance. Now the Empire’s had well over a year to plan their next move. Not that the Rebellion’s been idle, but still.”

She shook her head, her hair, now long enough that strands brushed her cheeks, fell over her eyes. She brushed it back with a hand, then took a deep breath, collecting herself. Glancing down at Jacen, she continued. “Taking care of this guy keeps us busy most of the time. Ketsu’s picked up some work with a shop in town, and I’ve started doing work with Azadi making sure the defences stay up to date, but for the most part we’re just trying to keep Jace’s life as normal as things can get in a time like this.”

She looked solemnly at the cam. “I haven’t forget about you. I’m doing my best to look, but I think I’ve done just about all that’s possible from Lothal. I can’t leave here, though. Not yet. As soon as Hera’s back, I’ll…”

The Mandalorian trailed off as Jacen stirred in her lap. He lifted his head, mumbling something too quiet to make out. Sabine heard, though, and, having rapidly disguised her previous melancholy, responded, “I’m recording a message.”
“For Mama?” Jacen asked hopefully, shifting to look at the lens.
“No, not this time. This one’s for Uncle Ezra. Do you wanna say hi?”
Jacen nodded, and Sabine lifted him gently, repositioning the toddler so that he could more easily face the cam. Shyly, one hand still in his mouth, he gave a tentative wave, then quickly turned, burying his face in Sabine’s chest. She huffed with laughter, shaking her head and giving Ezra an exasperated look. “We’re working on that. I think it’s bedtime for both us. Night, Ez. Sleep well.”

The holos became more sporadic, but there were still enough to piece together the next few months. Most were centred around Jacen; playing at the park, running through the long Lothali grass, flying small model ships through the Ghost’s halls. There was also one that caught Ezra’s attention, a candid shot of Sabine sitting before a large block of stone, covered with paint. The piece wasn’t complete, but the subject matter was clear. It was their family, all of them, together, just as they had been days before everything had gone so wrong.

The next update was one Ezra had been hoping would come soon. Sabine was back in the unfamiliar ship, the glisten of recently shed tears on her cheeks. Her voice shook as she spoke. “Ezra, we did it. We actually did it. We fucking won.” She gave a breathless laugh, wiping her eyes. “Blew the Emperor and his dog to fucking stardust over a planet called Endor, in the Outer Rim. Whatever’s left of the Empire is running scared. I just… I can’t believe it. It’s over. It’s finally over.

“We’re- Ketsu, Jace and I, I mean- we’re on our way there now. And don’t you dare tell me it’s irresponsible to go right to we’re the last battle was, cause I don’t give a flying fuck right now. I’m not waiting a second longer than we have to, and I’m not making Jace wait, either.” She gave a sigh of relief. “Manda, it was so good just to hear their voices again. It’s been months of silence, just trusting that everyone would make it out alive. But they did, Ezra. Hera and Zeb, and Kallus, and Rex, they’re all still alive, and safe. Celebrating on Endor with the rest of the Alliance. I just hope it’s not over by the time I get there, ‘cause Manda do I need a drink after this.”

There was a thumping on a door out of view, followed by the muffled cries of, “Bean! Bean!”.

Sabine shook her head, but stood, briefly leaving view before returning with Jacen perched on her hip. He clutched one of his toy ships in a hand. “What’s up Jace? You excited to see your mama?” Sabine’s wide smile was reflected on Jacen, and the little boy nodded enthusiastically. “She’s gonna be so excited to see you, too. And I bet she’s going to be very proud of you for being brave when she wasn’t here.”
“Can I see her now?” he asked, looking up at Sabine with hopeful eyes.
Sabine gave a little shake of her head. “Not yet, but soon, okay, bud?”
Jacen deflated a little, fiddling with the ship in his hand. Sabine bit her lip, glancing back at Ezra before giving Jacen an affectionate squeeze. “You know, we get to see her sooner if we go to bed now.”
Jacen’s face scrunched up in a puzzled frown. “How?”
“Well, if we go to sleep, by the time we wake up, we’ll already be there! So it’ll be much faster than staying awake,” Sabine grinned.
"Then I can show Mama my ships?”
Sabine laughed. “Yes, Jace. She’ll love seeing your ships.”

She gestured to the cam. “Do you want to help me say bye to Ezra? Then we’ll go to bed and see your mama.” Jacen looked at the lens, then gave a hurried wave. “Bye Uncle Ezra!” he cried, then scrambled out of Sabine’s arms. She smiled widely, whispering, “I can’t believe that actually worked!” With her own little wave, she turned off the cam.

A series of short clips on Endor followed. The first was of Jacen reuniting with his mother. Hera had tears streaming down her cheeks before the vid even started, her hands shaking as Jacen charged down the ramp toward her, then launched into her arms. She held him tight against her chest, his face buried into her shoulder, unconcerned with the surprised looks of some bystanders.

Then, there were several clips of the celebrations, rebels of all stations at varying levels on intoxication dancing and cheering around large bonfires. There was an overwhelming sense of joy, of relief, but it didn’t come without tears. Ezra found himself crying with them. They’d fought so hard, for so long, and their were many who hadn’t made it to the end. But they’d persevered through their grief, and they’d won.

The next clip came from the galley of the Ghost. Sabine looked tired again, but happy this time, a soft smile offsetting the bags under her eyes. “Party’s over. At least for now. Hera and Zeb are taking a long overdue break for the Alliance, so we’re all heading to Ryloth for a while. Cham called and said the Empire retreated almost immediately after Endor, so it’s finally safe enough to visit properly with Jace. The plan is for all of us to stay with him for a week, then Zeb’s heading to Lasan and I’m meeting Ketsu on Mandalore.” She paused, a questioning look on her face. “Did I ever actually tell you Ketsu and I are a thing now?” She waved a hand, “Well, if I didn’t, yeah, that happened.” She grinned.

Ezra felt a flash of joy, only for it to be quickly drowned out by dread. Sabine hadn’t mentioned Ketsu at all in their short reunion. He hadn’t thought to ask, but if they were still together, surely she would have mentioned it? The last time they’d had a falling out, Sabine had wound up nearly bleeding out in an alleyway on a backwater world. Whatever the case, he hoped things had gone better than that.

He was pulled from his thoughts as Sabine continued. “I honestly have no idea how Ryloth’s gonna go. Cham was… fine… last time, when Jace was just a baby. It was just a short visit though, and it was mostly just him and Hera talking in private. She didn’t want to talk about it afterwards, but considering she wants to go back I can only assume things went okay. All I know is that if he does anything to hurt Hera or Jacen, I will not be held responsible for my actions.”

“Who are you talking to?” Hera’s voice floated in from out of range.
Sabine sat bolt upright, the pinnacle of innocence. She pointed at the cam. “Recording a message.”
“For Ezra?” Hera asked, voice growing louder. Sabine nodded, and Hera’s head came into view, and she fixed him with a stern look.
“You’d better be back soon, Ezra Bridger. You’ve got a decade’s long grounding waiting for you for the wild bantha chase you’ve set us on, and it’s not getting shorter.” Her serious mask cracked, and she smiled. “Plus we’ve got a very excited toddler who wants to meet you. Love you, see you soon.” She squeezed Sabine’s shoulder affectionately, then left view, heading towards the kitchen.

Ezra laughed. She hadn’t followed through on that threat yet, but he suspected he wasn’t going to be allowed off the Ghost without supervision for a good long while.

Sabine shook her head, the loud grind of the caf machine starting up in the background. She went to continue talking, when echoing footsteps raced down the hallway, followed by high-pitched sceam-laughing and Chopper’s warbling. “Mama!” Jacen yelled from out of view. There was a loud clatter of kitchen utensils, and Sabine grimaced, then looked at the cam. “Well, it’s officially breakfast time. I’ll have to talk more later, bye!”

The next few holos were on Ryloth. A few of Cham with the rest of the family, holding his grandson with a wide smile. There was a short vid of their group all mounted on blurrgs, seemingly going a trail ride through the red-rock canyons.

Sabine’s next update started with her staring sharply at the cam, her overly sweet smile promising a thorough scolding.

“Heyyyy Bridger. I think there might be a little something you forgot to tell us before you went away. Just a small, teeny something, starting with AHSOKA FUCKING TANO. You brought someone back from the fucking dead and didn’t think to mention it before launching yourself off the face of the galaxy?!”

Ezra felt his cheeks warm, embarrassed. It wasn’t that he had forgotten exactly. More like he’d had other things on his mind at the time. A lot of other things. Trying to explain everything that had happened in the World Between Worlds hadn’t exactly been a priority, and to be honest, he hadn’t been sure if everything he’d seen there had actually happened. It had been a relief seeing Ahsoka again, to know he hadn’t gone completely insane. But, Sabine wasn’t finished with her rant yet, and continued, waving her hands around in exasperation.

“There Hera and I were, tired after a long trip and looking forward to relaxing at my place for a bit. And guess who we find lurking inside like some fucking cryptid?!” She shook her head. “Hera just about passed out. You’ve gotta at least give us a heads up if you’re going to fucking time travel! Even worse, now we don’t have you or Kanan to demystify her Jedi bullshit anymore. She won’t give us a straight answer about where she’s been the last 6 years, or any reason why she didn’t come back earlier. You know, when there was an active fucking war happening. Just showed up out of the blue with this beat up old ship and probably the oldest droid I’ve ever seen.

“Then Hera freaked out that she’d come for Jacen like how the old Jedi did it, which it wasn’t, thank Manda, that would have been a battle to behold.” She quirked an eyebrow. “Honestly not sure who would have won. A whole ass Jedi with a lifetime’s experience fighting Inquisitors or Hera Syndulla protecting her baby.”

“Anyway, she’s apparently just here to help us look for you, so… yay for you, I guess? I’m a little thankful, though, I was kinda hitting a dead end, if I’m honest. Hera can’t stay for much longer. She has to help the Alliance… or New Republic, whatever you want to call it, clean up the rest of the Imperial remnants.” Her nose scrunched up slightly in distaste. “It’s not the most creative name, but I didn’t get a say in it.”

She waved a hand in defeat, then fixed the cam with a determined look. “Jace is staying with Cham for a while, so Ahsoka and I have some more freedom to jump around off world and do some proper searching. So prepare yourself, Ezra Bridger. You’ve had a nice little 4 year vacation, but we’re coming for you, and you’d better be ready to bring your ass back to this galaxy when we find you.”

There weren’t many holos for a while, he suspected because Sabine and Ahsoka were deep in their search. His stomach dropped when he realised there weren’t many left on the data disc at all; a dozen or so, and they were still only 4 years after his disappearance. He forced himself to continue watching, dreading what could have happened to cause such a drop. The next vid was 4 months later, on what Ezra assumed was Ahsoka’s ship.

“So, uh… things have taken a weird turn. Not that we’ve stopped looking for you! But…” she waved her hands hastily, starting again. “I’ll go from the beginning. So I took your lightsaber with me when we left Lothal. Mostly just so I could give it back to you, but also because… I don’t know, it just felt right to have it, y’know? I remember what Kanan taught us, so I thought I’d do some of the drills while we’re stuck in hyperspace, just to keep it fresh.

“Turn’s out, our dear resident cryptid Ahsoka was watching. Just silently staring at me, with that mildly terrifying look togrutas get. Scared the crap out of me. Anyway, we got to talking about it, and I asked if she’d train me a bit, show me how to use it better. Kanan had, after all, I didn’t think it’d be that big of a deal. But then Ahsoka got this weird look on her face, and Huyang, that’s her droid by the way, started saying that it’s the weapon of a Jedi, and it’s ‘highly unorthodox’ to have a non-Jedi learn to wield one.” She rolled her eyes, then paused with a look at the cam. “I should probably mention, Huyang used to serve the Jedi Order, and is apparently as old as like, the order itself. Which is insane to think about, but anyway.

“He kept going on about how it’s more than just a weapon, it’s about the force and blah blah blah, so I just joked that Ahsoka would have to train me to be an actual Jedi then.” She scoffed. “He almost look offended at that, told me that all who are selected to train as Jedi have at least some semblance of force sensitivity, and, you know, I don’t. So I told him that Kanan said the force resides in all living beings. I was just fucking with him, I didn’t actually mean anything by it. But then…”

She frowned, searching for the right words. “I’ve been searching for you for years now, Ezra, and so far I’ve come up with nothing. Thing’s have gone slightly better with Ahsoka around, but still, it’s needles in haystacks. Maybe…” The Mandalorian took a steadying breath. “Maybe it’s time for a different approach. You and Kanan were always able to just… sense each other, even from systems away. If there’s any chance that I could learn to do the same, I just… it would be stupid not to try, wouldn’t it? I don’t know, it sounds so naiive when I try to explain it, but the more I thought about it… the more I wanted to give it a shot. Jedi training. The proper way. I mean, what’s the worse that could happen?”

Laughing incredulously, she shook her head, then spread her arms wide. “You’re now looking at the galaxy’s oldest and least force-senstive padawan to ever exist. Honestly, I was shocked Ahsoka even considered it, but it took suprisingly little convincing. I think she might just be bored out of her mind here, too. She told me there’s been plenty of padawans over 25, to which Huyang helpfully pointed out that all them had started as infants, so, thanks Huyang. Really helping my confidence.”

Her eyebrows pinched, her posture growing more reserved. “I know I’ll never be like you. The chances that I ever even feel the force like a Jedi are so small its barely worth considering, but at the very least, I might be able to use your glow stick better. Maybe I’ll even be able to show Jacen a few tricks before you’re back to teach him properly.”

The call ended in the same many had, with her giving him a wave and her promise they’d find him soon.

It was several months before her next vid, and Ezra blinked in surprise as Sabine began recording. Her hair, which had steadily been growing in the last few clips, was now long enough that she actually had tied the top half up out of her eyes, the bottom brushing her shoulders. Several inches of her natural colour were also visible, something she had rarely let happen. She gave him a cheery smile, then began.

“Hey Ezra, look at this!” she teased, then reached out of view and pulled up a tiny loth kitten to the cam, giving him a clear look at the adorable creature before cradling it against her chest. She dangled a finger over it, and it reached up to bat at her painted fingernails. “Ahsoka and I were out training in the fields, and I came across this little guy. We searched for ages but couldn’t find his mum or any siblings anywhere, so I think I’m gonna keep him. I took him to vet in town and they said he’s super underweight and small for his age, so best guess is he was abandoned. They gave me some kitten milk for him, and I’m gonna get him healthy. Jacen’s coming next week, so I think I’ll wait for him to help me name him.”

She continued to tease the kitten for a second, then lowered her hand to stroke his forehead. “I can tell Ahsoka’s having second thoughts about taking me on as an apprentice. It’s been like, 7 months now? And to say there’s been no difference in my force abilities would be an overstatement. We’ve done some lightsaber work, but she barely lets me actually spar with her, just makes me do drills instead. She says I need to be more ‘open to the force’ before I’ll improve, but just. What did she expect!? I’m not force sensitive! I can sit there for hours, but I don’t even know what I’m supposed to be feeling for, let alone how to be open to it.

“And then, there’s Ketsu,” she groaned, running her hands over her face. “I can tell she doesn’t like our relationship for some reason, but won’t just come out and say it. It’s not too bad while we’re travelling, but now that we’re all on Lothal together, it’s driving me insane. She’s not-so-subtly tried giving me the ‘attachments’ talk, but she can’t seriously expect me to take that banthashit seriously. I mean, I lived with Kanan and you for years. No way is she going to look me in the eyes and tell me that was ‘not the Jedi way’. The whole reason I’m doing this is because my idiot brother shot himself into another galaxy; did she really expect me to just forget the people I love?” She rolled her eyes exasperatedly. “I don’t think she even wants me take in the kitten, but whatever. He’s mine now, and nothing’s going to change that.” She gave the kitten one last snuggle, then turned off the cam.

Two weeks later, the Sabine that greeted him was much more familiar. She’d trimmed her hair back to it’s regular length, and it seemed she’d dyed it a deep green to match the boy who’s giggling could be heard the second the vid began.

“Hey Jace, bring him over here!” she called, gesturing out of range. Jacen charged in way too close to the cam, and Sabine pulled the 5-year-old back to reveal him holding the very tolerant loth kitten in his arms. The boy was still laughing, smile wide, and Ezra’s heart lurched at how he could see some of Kanan’s features there. “Why don’t you tell Ezra what you’re naming him, Jace?” Sabine prompted.
“Murley!” Jacen announced proudly, holding the kitten out by his armpits. It mewed plaintively, but made no attempt to actually escape, seemingly having accepted there was no getting away from the overexcited boy. Sabine dove him to rescue him, supporting the kitten’s dangling body and scooping him into a safer grip.

“Okay, okay. Let’s put him down for now,” Sabine laughed, placing Murley down, who quickly scurried away. Jacen ran off after him, and Sabine let out a long suffering sigh. She shook her head at the cam. “Poor cat’s gonna be very thankful when Hera picks Jacen back up.”

She adjusted her position, sitting cross-legged and scooting closer to the cam. “In other news, training’s going just about the same. Still no progress on the force front as anticipated, but at least Ahsoka’s started letting me spar her more often. I’m getting better with your lightsaber, too. It’s not like the darksaber, it doesn’t carry that same weight, but the more I use it, the more it just feels right. Don’t worry, I’ll still give it back, I’m just starting to realise why you Jedi are so precious about them.”

She puffed out her cheeks, then let out a whistle, trying to remember what else to say. “Galaxy-wise, things are going alright. There are more Imperial remnants than we’d hoped, so Hera and Zeb are still spending most of their time with the Navy, and will be for a while yet. It’s not ideal, and Jacen still misses his mama, but at least it’s not comms silence anymore, and she gets to visit semi-frequently. Lothal’s still fine, Mandalore is clearling the last of the Imps off, Ryloth hasn’t been targeted since Endor. Ketsu and I are still good too, if you’re curious.”

There was loud crash out of view, and Sabine’s head whipped up to see what happened just as Jacen let out a loud cry. She swore under her breath, then turned back to the cam as she rose to her feet. “Annnnd fun time’s over. See you, Ez.”

There were 5 images of Murley, several weeks between each. Ezra’s chest tightened. He’d gotten down to the last two files. Sabine’s next vid confirmed his worst fears. Many times over the previous years, she’d looked worn, pushed to her breaking point. But this, this was past that. Her hair, grown once more, was mussed, as it often was after she wore her helmet. Her cheeks were reddened, glistening with half-dried tears. But it was her eyes that chilled him to his core. She stared down the lens with a cold, hard rage unlike Ezra had ever seen in her.

Sabine usually ran hot, quick to anger and, at times, difficult to control. But like dry grass in flame, it burned quickly, and outside of the occasional petty grudge, she’d move on, ready to direct her passion where it was better needed. But this was something more akin to the barren, frozen caps of Krownest, an unforgiving, remorseless hate that cared not for any fools who dared cross her. He felt, in this moment, he might be one of them.

“Hey Ezra. You know how we said we won?” she began, her voice just as harsh, a scratchy whisper that made him think she’d been screaming. “That we beat the Empire? That it was all over, and we could go live out happy little lives in peace?” She let out a dark chuckle. “Yeah. Turns out we spoke too fucking soon.”

She turned from the cam, roughly pushing against whatever table she’d rested the recorder on and strode to the back of the room, the location of which he couldn’t make out. She paced back and forth with a predator’s intensity, then froze for several seconds before speaking. “Mandalore’s gone. All of it. Everyone.”

Ezra’s heart sank like a stone. He’d known something was coming, but he struggled to comprehend a disaster of that magnitude. “My mother called me a week ago,” Sabine continued, her rough voice now just a whisper. “She said the Imps were plotting something on Mandalore itself, that they were pulling back for no reason. Ketsu went to investigate and I wanted to go, but I told myself I could get more help. I promised Ketsu I’d join her as soon as I could convince Ahsoka to go. But fucking Ahsoka didn’t care. No, instead she told me there was nothing that could be done, that Mandalore’s fate was sealed.” She scoffed bitterly. “Yeah, no fucking shit, I’m stuck on the other side of the galaxy and the fucking bitch wouldn’t let me leave. Then Ketsu called. Mandalore was at the point of surrender. She called me a coward for even listening to Ahsoka at a time like this. There was no question. I had to go, I had to fight for my people, my family.”

Sabine’s body began to tremble, silent tears falling, unheeded. “I tried, Ezra. I tried to convince Ahsoka to let me go, but she wouldn’t. So I did what I had to.” Her fist opened and closed. Right over where his lightsaber would have hung. Sabine blinked furiously, then turned from the cam, her head low. “But she’s better than me. Next thing I know I’m waking up in the medbay and she’s nowhere to be found. Crawled back into whatever hole she was hiding in during the war,” she spat, shoulders tensing. “And Mandalore is lost. And every warrior that fought for it.”

She laughed again, a husky, mirthless thing. “They’re telling me it’s a good thing I didn’t go. That Ahsoka saved my life. That if she hadn’t knocked me out cold, I would have died with everyone else. With my family. With Ketsu. As if that’s somehow better than this.”

She whirled back to the cam, a wild, desperate look in her eyes. “I can’t fucking do this anymore, Ezra. First Kanan, then you. Now this. Who’s next? Zeb? Hera? Jacen?” Her voice cracked, a sob escaping from her lips. “What’s the point of all this if everyone’s just going to keep fucking dying?!”

Biting her lip, she attempted to regain control of herself, but quickly gave up, letting out a sharp breath before glaring straight at him, snarling,“You know, I didn’t put this in before ‘cause I knew it would just make your ass feel guilty, but fuck it! You should!

“I’ve been to tens, maybe hundreds of planets, all just looking for something, anything, and every time its just dead ends. No one knows anything about you. It’s like you never even existed!” Her voice fell once again, more hopeless than ever. “Everyone else thinks I should just give up. Hera thinks you’re dead. Not that she’s said it out loud, but she doesn’t need to. Zeb does, too. They keep giving me these oh-so-subtle hints to move on, to find something more ‘meaningful’ to do, but what else is there?” She threw her hands up, no longer fighting the sobs the wracked her body.

“Before, maybe, maybe I could have gone back to Mandalore. Had a nice little life with Ketsu, with my Clan, or some bullshit like that. But they’re dead now. Zeb and Hera and Jacen… they’re all I have, but they don’t even need me anymore. I haven’t seen them in weeks. They’ll be dead soon, anyway, killed by some Imperial Remnant ‘cause they never learnt to start valuing their own lives over the rest of the fucking galaxy. So I’m just stuck on this stupid ass grass planet where everyone looks at me like I’m some kind of hero. But that’s you, Ezra. Without you, nothing we did would have mattered. You’re the one they should all be looking up to.”

Her voice faded out, and she stared out at nothing, more defeated and lost than Ezra had ever seen, but the hate was still there, deep within her core. “Ahsoka was maybe the only person who wanted to keep looking, but not because she gave a fuck about you. She’s just scared of Thrawn. The fact she’s willing to look at all is the only reason I haven’t put a fucking blaster bolt through her skull.”

She scoffed, eyes unfocused, shadowed by grief and pain. “I don’t know why I even bother with this shit anymore. It’s been six fucking years. Do you even think about us anymore?” she muttered, speaking more to herself than the cam.

Raising her head, she slowly levelled her pitiless gaze at him. “I hope wherever you are in the galaxy, you’re comfortable. Safe. Happy with your big blue buddy. Because I give up. I’m done.

“Goodbye, Ezra Bridger.”

Ezra felt weak, the blue-tinged projection shaking as his body trembled. Sabine, why didn’t you tell me? He had his guesses, she’d said right in her video that she hadn’t wanted to make him feel guilty, but there was no preventing that. He’d felt terrible ever since he’d left Lothal, knowing he was setting his sister on a nearly impossible mission. But Mandalore… it had broken her. There was nothing he could have done to change that, but he could’ve at least hugged her, let him apologise in person for adding extra burden when she couldn’t handle it.

He forced himself to continue, knowing he couldn’t linger in the grief of times passed for long. The next and last file was dated 4 years after that one, only two weeks before the current date. The Sabine that appeared before him, sitting in what he took a moment to recognise was his tower, was different. Her hair was purple, cropped close to her head, just as it had been when she’d found him. Murley sat curled in her lap, her downcast eyes fixed on the purring lothcat as she stroked his plush coat, only briefly darting to the cam.

She gave a nervous huff. “Can you believe how fat he’s gotten? Lazy bastard needs to spend some more time with his friends outside.”

Her hands stilled, and she took a deep breath, forcing her eyes to meet the lens. There was no anger left there, no cold hate, just a sense of lingering sadness continued in the tight lines of her mouth.

“I’m… I’m sorry. I know what the last recording was, and I know I shouldn’t stopped after that, but I just… I couldn’t keep going like that.” Murley mewed loudly, annoyed at the lack of petting, and Sabine gave a tense smile and resumed her strokes.

“I thought about deleting it. You shouldn’t have had to see that. But, well, I said I was going to keep it honest, so…” Another sigh. “I’m not angry, I promise I’m not. You know me, I say stupid shit I don’t mean when I’m mad. And I know you would jump at the first chance to come home. And… and I hope you’ll forgive me.”

Her eyes darted around the room, and she quickly pushed on. “It’s been a long time, so I guess I’ll try to fill you in on the basics. The war is actually over now. Officially, as of four years ago. Hera and Jacen are good, Hera kept leading ships until the end, then tried retiring, but it didn’t stick. She’s gone back, with the condition that she’s in a position where Jace can stay with her. Zeb’s still with the Navy as well, I think he’s gonna stay for a few more years. Lothal’s still free, obviously, still doing fine, even if I’m pretty sure Azadi’s getting sick of me moping around.”

Her eyes widened for a moment, cheeks colouring. “Oh, uh, except, I kind of got stabbed? Yeah, so. Ahsoka came back.” She faltered, eyes dropping. “I… I still don’t know what to think about… that. I’m not an idiot, I know she’s probably the only reason I’m still alive, but it’s just… she was gone. She lived through the Jedi purge, and I just… it would have been good to have her around. I know Hera’s speaks with her occasionally, and I think she’s visited with Jace. She doesn’t want him to be a Jedi, not unless it’s you training him, but he needs someone to help him manage his powers.

“But Ahsoka came to me this time. One of her new ‘friends’ followed her too, and decided to pay me a visit, as per stab wound. I honestly have no idea who she was. She sure as hell wasn’t a Jedi, but she didn’t seem like an Inquisitor, either. Anyway, she’s gone now, but… Ez, the map Ahsoka brought. It looks promising.”

Her voice shook, her hands trembling as she gripped Murley’s thick coat like a life-line. “It’s… It’s a lot to think about. I suppose I’ll tell you all about it if it works out. If not, then… it’s just another failed attempt, and you can just ignore this bit. Just… please be alive, okay, Ez? I know it's been too long, I mean, you've been missing longer than you were ever with us, but we still need you. We’re counting on you. Jacen is, the galaxy is. I am. We’ve done our best, but now we’re ready for you to be back here, safe. And you deserve it too. Please come home.”

She gave the cam one last pleading smile, then stopped the recording for the last time. The projector scrolled back to the first holo on the disc, of Zeb, Chopper, Hera and Sabine lost and thin, empty eyes and fake smiles at contrast with the celebrations of Lothal around them.

Ezra's vision blurred, long since having given up trying to stop his tears. He sat, staring at their haunted faces, struggling to put names to the overwhelming emotions that rolled over him in waves. Lost in the dizzying current, he had no idea how long he sat there, unable to pull himself out, but eventually, drained and exhausted, he returned to the current time. As much as he would prefer to pretend that everything had been fine, he couldn’t deny the harsh reality of it all. He’d been gone for almost 10 years. He’d lived through his own horrors in that time, but the rest of the galaxy, his family, had suffered just as much, if not worse, and part of it was because of him. He’d left them, so soon after his master’s death, with no indication of when or how he’d come back. You didn’t know, he told himself, You didn’t have a choice, but that meant nothing, not to the people who’d suffered because of it. Seeing Sabine, just days after Lothal, looking so hopeful that he’d be back soon was like a punch to the gut.

He was not going to let the same thing happen again. He knew Hera was already fighting with the New Republic’s politicians to let her fly out, but even if they didn’t, Thrawn be damned, he wasn’t going to let Sabine stay trapped on that prison of a planet for any longer than he had to. “Hold on, Sabine,” he said quietly, but firmly, as though somehow that would let her hear it. “I’m coming. I promise.”