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He woke up to the morning sun shining on Dazai's skin. The white, paper thin curtains billow along with the cool breeze, doing little to nothing to obstruct the streams of sun rays from pouring into the room through the window. the cold settled in the room, despite the warm sunlight glowing on his pale, white cotton bedsheets.
Chuuya tried to blink away the haze of sleepiness holding him hostage. The chill blanketed him, kissing the apples of his cheek, biting into his skin harshly when he inhaled the morning air. The clock ticked, only minutes away from buzzing with an alarm, yet he wished to crawl away under the blankets to shield himself from the cold, fall into a deep slumber with his responsibilities long forgotten but his gaze was fixated on the boy sleeping next to him.
He looked beautiful under the morning sun.
His bare back gleamed under the sun, the waistband of his sweatpants peaking over the blankets pooling around his waist. Chuuya was tempted to reach out for him, write his name on his naked back, but the fear that he might fade away like a cruel mirage held him back.
A figment of his imagination - that's all he was. Chuuya was convinced. Dazai was a missing piece he had woven into his sleepy haze, here to complete his picture, complete him. Chuuya missed him. It's barely been a couple hours since he had him in his arms, yet he missed him.
Chuuya wished it was Dazai near him, holding him instead of the cruel image his brain has concocted. The bastard didn't pick up his calls. He didn't return home last night. Chuuya held his breath when the boy next to him stirred - his eyes twitched but remained shut, the tranquillity of the morning undisturbed.
The boy pressed his nose further into the plush pillow, his messy eyebrow hidden under the unruly set of his curls that Chuuya had been pestering him to get cut for the past couple days. Chuuya sucked in a hurried breath, the arm loosely thrown over his waist under the blanket tightening its hold over him— Dazai is here.
He lost count of the sleepless nights he has endured for Dazai Osamu.
He texted that he'd be home before Chhuya returned from work, but he didn't show. It didn't worry him, but when his calls went straight to voicemail, his texts left unanswered, Chuuya couldn't swallow down the fear twisting his heart into knots. Amidst the panic, the cries, the fear of fishing Dazai out of yet another river, he fell asleep with his phone clutched to his chest hoping he'd call back.
Instead Dazai climbed into his bed while he was asleep. Without a word, an explanation, he was by Chuuya's side while his mind spun numbing thoughts of where Dazai might be, what might have happened to him. The anger boiled in his blood, thrumming in his veins, burned in his eyes but as quickly as it was accumulated, it disintegrated into thin air because Dazai is here.
He's okay.
To love him is to lose my mind.
Chuuya knows. He knows. He has known since he stumbled upon him in Suribachi City seven years ago. To love Dazai is to bring yourself to ruins. He remembers the countless fights, the cutting words, the bomb in his car, the empty bottle of wine, the tears in his eyes as he hauls him out of yet another river, the cold night in the forest where he was left abandoned yet again.
It haunted him, the fear that he'd lose Dazai clawed at his heart when he was awake, chased him in his nightmares. It had a hard grip on him, one that only tightened and tightened with time.
Dazai is a walking red flag, he carries around a suicide guide book for fuck's sake. He doesn't consider other people's feelings. He is a know it all. Always yapping abour the plans after plans he concocted just to fuck with him. He disrespected him, annoyed him. He had no sense of personal space. He broke into his house constantly with no shame. He insulted his hat, his height, his wine collection.
He called Chuuya his dog for fuck's sake.
But oh his kisses, his honey eyes, the sweet voice, that smile, it all screams abort, abort, abort yet Chuuya stuck around. Yet Chuuya continued to love.
Dazai was going to break his heart in the worst way possible, but Chuuya has fallen in love - too deep to walk away.
With a humph Dazai absent-mindedly reached for the blankets. Chuuya was quick to pull it up to his neck, protecting him from the cold. His hand stayed on the end of the blanket before it tentatively reached for his hair. He pushed it up, the soft brown curls brushed against his skin.
Dazai breathed, reassuring Chuuya of his presence. Chuuya's hand trailed down to his cheek, brushing his thumb against the apple of his cheek. The cuts littered on his rosy cheeks, a bitter reminder of the cruel world waiting for him, but he was safe - he was safe under the blankets, he was safe with him. He would spend forever under the blankets, with Dazai in his arms as he watched him sleep if he could.
Watching him sleep never bored Chuuya. He knew Dazai like the back of his hand, yet mapping the expanse of his skin under the morning sun was like turning pages of an old back, reminiscing the words he loved for years and years. Chuuya twisted his arms around him, holding him close. His heart thuds, Dazai's shallow breaths calming his soul.
It's the rare moments of peace amidst the chaos of his life that reminds him why he stuck around. Loving someone who has left him, abandoned him, hurt him and left him behind to pick up the pieces all on his own was stupid. It was fucked up.
But Chuuya wanted to believe the sweet words shared over coffee, the sweet nuzzles under the blanket, the drunken confessions, the sweet kisses over the cutting arguments, the colds mornings, the doors slamming shut, the silence that rung louder than words in the apartment once Chuuya was all alone yet again.
Chuuya's hand trailed down Dazai's cheek to his neck, the bruises he left on his collarbone were barely visible but the urge to kiss him bubbled up. He proped himself up on his elbow, pressing a chaste kiss on his collarbone, lips brushing against the bruise. Dazai's skin was unusually warm, a faint scent of Chuuya's expensive lotion that Dazai always stole just to annoy him lingered on his skin.
Dazai puffed out a breath when Chuuya nuzzled in the crook of his neck, lips peppering kisses up the column of his throat. Dazai whined when Chuuya pulled away, his eyes fluttering as Chuuya's hand trailed down his bare chest, leg hiking up Dazai's waist as he pressed himself against him, basking in the warmth radiating off him.
A soft laugh reverberated in Chuuya's chest as he leaned down to kiss Dazai's jaw, thumb brushing against his lip.
“Chuuya,” he whined, his hands reaching for Chhuya's hips. Dazai squeezed his waist when Chuuya trailed his lips to the corner of his mouth, beginning to pull away but Dazaj was quick to catch his lips in a sweet kiss.
Warmth blossomed in Chuuya's chest, sparks igniting as Dazai's hand trailed up from his hips, holding the back of his neck delicately as he parted his lips. His sweet lips were dizzying, haze twisted around the redhead, dousing him in love. Dazai's lips were impossibly soft against his own, his hold was cautious - afraid he might break the frail serenity of the moment. It didn't hold lust, he kissed him with no intention of it leading to something more. it was tender, it was delicate, it was love.
Chuuya pulled away, breathless, palm splayed on Dazai's chest, blanket twisted around his tangled limbs.
With a lazy smile Chuuya glanced at him, “good morning.”
“Mhmm, best morning.” His honeyed eyes sparkled under the morning. His swollen lips twitched - he smiled.
The fear that held Chuuya's heart hostage melted away. The worries, the anger, the hurt, all disintegrated into thin air. He was here, with him. He was smiling and Chuuya was utterly, completely, madly and insanely in love with him.
A smug smile made its way to his lips, breaking the silence that hung in the air when Dazai raised an eyebrow at him, “were you watching me sleep?”
“You looked pretty under the sunlight.” Chuuya couldn't help but mirror his smile. Dazai's eyes grew wide, heat rushing to his cheeks as he pushed his face into the pillow, groaning. His smug demeanour dropped and he grew shy under his gaze. “Bad dog!”
“Adorable.” Chuuya hummed, prying his hand away from his mouth before he kissed his lips again. His heart brimmed with love when he reached up to capture his lips in a kiss but pulled away, peppering kisses on the side of his face.
“Chuuya is being cute," Dazai eyed him when Chuuya trailed his lips down to his earlobe. Dazai whined when his teeth grazed the sweet spot on his neck, “why is he being cute? i can't handle it.”
Chuuya smiled — the bastard had no idea about his fears, his anger, his resentment. He could lose him in a blink of an eye. Dazai could be in his arms one moment and six feet under the next. But he couldn't let the fear control him, he had to let go. Live for the moments of love, like now. Chuuya wanted to be with him every waking moment, in his nightmares, in his daydreams, in his final moments. But he couldn't, so he'd settle for a couple kisses under the morning sun, letting his worries slip away, his partner's lips the only bliss known to him before he had to start the day and be apart from him again.
Chuuya kissed his lips, a small smile playing on his lips, “sometimes i just can't stop kissing your stupid face.”