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La'an pressed her index finger to her lips and cocked her hip as she stared at the unnecessarily huge selection of Christmas trees. All trees looked almost identical - too tall and visually stimulating with a variation of different lights wrapped around them, the artificial pine scent practically oozing from them and giving her an onset of a headache. On top of all of that, it was utterly unnecessary to even go Christmas tree shopping in the first place, wasting time looking at same trees with minimal differences between them that were too big and unpractical for the quarters they were provided with on the Enterprise. Their quarters were suitable for living, sure, but cramming a huge and frankly disproportional tree into an already small space was by no means practical. So, aside from wasting time, she saw no way how this little trip, that Pike absolutely insisted on and the one that Una deemed mandatory, would end up being productive.
Lost in thought and more than little irritated, she failed to recognize the slightly muted smell of sandalwood mixed with all the pine and the already very familiar Vulcan approaching her from behind, his arm wrapping around her waist and almost making her jump out of her akin at the sudden contact. Startled, she looked up at Spock who was looking at her with a careful mix of emotions that almost cracked through his usually tough exterior. She didn't even notice her fingers wrapping around the hand that was resting on her stomach, his thumb drawing gentle circles over her uniform.
She let out a sigh when she realized he was not a threat. "I really need to put a bell on you." She muttered in good nature, her muscles relaxing and allowing her body to lean into his frame.
Spock arched one perfectly pointed eyebrow. "I assumed you have heard me. I apologize for startling you."
La'an waved him off. "Water under the bridge. What are you doing here?"
Spock hummed, rubbing his nose on the edge of her hairline. "You have been standing here for approximately 15.628 minutes."
La'an frowned, turning her head and tilting her chin up to look at him. "How is that an approximate?"
The arm around her waist pulled her closer to him, his lips twitching in amusement at her sharp wit, something he only allowed himself with her and in the privacy of their own quarters. "You removed yourself from the group 18.931 minutes ago. It takes approximately 3.503 minutes for you to reach this spot if you maintain the speed with which you were walking with the group and therfore, I calculated that you must have been standing here for 15.628 minutes."
La'an shook her head affectionately, smiling at her overly logical boyfriend. "Why am I even surprised?"
Spock gave his own equivalent of a shrug, lifting the shoulder that she was leaning on marginally, something she wouldn't have been able to detect had she literally not been in contact with it. "We have been in a romantic relationship for 5.4 months, naturally, I assumed you have gotten used to me and that, therefore, I am no longer able to invoke a reaction of surprise from you."
La'an rolled her eyes but a closed lipped smile still remained present on her face, indicating that she was simply faking her annoyance. Truth be told, she found him very endearing. "Is that your way of saying 'I have no idea why you're surprised.' then?"
"You could put it that way."
"Yeah." She sighed, lacing their fingers on her stomach. "I guess you're right." She ran her gaze over the line of green and white plastic trees wrapped in tinsel and blinking lights. "What even is the point of this?" She asked, gesturing to the trees in front of her that she spent the last 15 minutes, as Spock pointed out, staring at.
"I too am unsure how putting something quite as disproportionately large in comparison to the surface of the living quarters in an honor of the ancient diety that may have existed over 2000 years ago is supposed to 'help us get into the Christmas spirit' as Captain Pike put it." Spock pointed out, his eyes also looking at the rows of green in front of them.
"And the mess, oh stars the mess that it's gonna leave when it's over." She shuddered just thinking of the white sprinkles and sparkles along with green plastic strings that would get buried into her carpet for her to find months after the monstrosity has been put away. "Not to mention, we also need decorations for it."
"Perhaps we should search for a smaller tree." Spock suggested. "Although that task might prove to be a challenge since I am yet to see a tree that is not over 8 feet."
"You think we could just," She gestured with her hands towards the exit sign, "I don't know, leave."
Spock leaned back to look in the direction she pointed, his arm tightening around her waist. Due to her short stature she was unable to see the automatic doors but Spock had a very good oversight of the terrain. He shook his head as he returned to his original position. "Number One is standing near the door. The statistical likelihood of us managing to pass her without her seeing us is 3.6%."
La'an wanted to push her fingers into her eye sockets. "I would take that chance. The scent is making me nauseous."
Spock looked at her, his brows furrowed in worry. "Do you require medical attention?"
She shook her head. "No. I'll be fine." She detangled herself from him, grabbing his hand and tugging him along towards the area that hopefully had the trees that would actually fit into her quarters. "Let's go see if we can find a tree that won't make it impossible for us to move through the room while simultaneously pleasing Pike and Una."
Spock let out a sound akin to a snort that he quickly covered up with clearing of a throat. "I believe that might just prove an impossible to achieve."
"Well, we can always try. And after all - the tree will be in our quarters, I really don't care if it's not up to Pike and Una's standards. At least we won't be tripping on it whenever we try to cross the room."
*****
After 40 minutes of searching and carefully selecting a tree that isn't overly imposing while still not being too small, 13 minutes of La'an writing off all the trees with multiple colored lights, 6 minutes of Spock carefully examining the trees and searching for the one with right density and an additional 4 minutes of La'an choosing between the purely green branches and the one's with frosted tips - the two finally made it to the exit, the selected tree, all 4 feet 6 inches with white lights and frosted tips packed into the box that Spock was carrying under his left arm while his right held La'an's.
Una and Pike, that held a much bigger box than Spock was carrying in his arms, frowned at the two, obviously noticing that their package appeared to be much smaller than he hoped.
"Are you telling me that we waited for you for over 20 minutes only for you to choose a smallest tree they had to offer?" Pike seemed visibly upset, his lower lip sticking into a pout while Una rolled her eyes next to him.
She smacked his side which earned her a muffled "Ouch." from him. "Don't criticize them. La'an is not big on Christmas and last time I checked our Vulcan here I'd Jewish."
"Half Jewish." Spock corrected on autopilot. "My mother is Jewish although I do not associate myself with any religion."
"But couldn't you have chosen a tree that was at least 6 feet tall?" Pike whined, tip of his nose turning red from the cold ghost of wind that suddenly swept over San Francisco.
"Negative. The tree that we have chosen fits into the quarters comfortably without it occupying too much space and it is not too small that it would not be noticed as a change within the decorum." Pike rolled his eyes on Spock's explanation, cradling his huge tree stuffed into a box under his arm. "I also believe that there is a saying about compensating for one's insecurities by buying lavish and non-proportional objects, either in size or price."
The reaction to Spock's deadpan tone was almost instantaneous as Una got red, La'an bit her lip in order to stiffle her laughter, Spock's face morphed into an expression of pure innocence and Pike's eyes turned huge as he stuttered around a response. "Wa- was that a penis joke?"
"I have never specified what I was referring to and therefore, any association with a male genitalia is nothing more than a coincidence." 'Or your own brain filling in the blanks.' remained silent but it might as well have been shouted from the rooftops with the way Pike was glancing around with a red face and neck.
Una chuckled while Pike's face took on a red hue that matched his nose, her hand landing on his shoulder and giving it an affectionate squeeze. "Oh god." She wiped at the corner of her eye with her finger. "If someone told me that Spock would be cracking penis jokes in the middle of San Francisco, I wouldn't have believed them."
"It was not a penis joke." Spock standing but no one was paying a lot of attention to him.
"I am not compensating for my penis-" Pike shuffled on his feet, repositioning his cargo once again, his reply getting cut off by La'an.
"Can we stop saying penis, please?" She waved her arms in front of her before taking hold of Spock's hand once again and pulling him ahead of still red Pike and still chuckling Una.
"My quarters are bigger-"
"Yeah, you really don't need to convince me Captain." La'an tossed over her shoulder, speeding up in the process as she dragged Spock behind her, his legs easily catching up to her strides. She glanced up at him from under her lashes, noticing a faint smile on the corner of his lips. She pressed her hand to her mouth as she chuckled. "Can't believe you just did that."
"I did not do anything." His face remained a picture perfect expression of the same faux innocence he displayed moments ago and La'an was not buying it. Her pointed look must have had an impact on her since he quirked an eyebrow and allowed himself to smile. "However, if the Captain has made a deduction based on my simple statement that has made him question his own motives, I believe that ought to teach him that he should not criticize our choices."
"Really?" She glanced behind them, noting that Pike was still pink in the face and that Una was still smiling next to him. "All of that because he didn't like the tree we picked?"
The fragments of conversation from their commanding officers and pseudo parents still reached her ears thanks to her genetics and also due to a fact that Pike seemed incapable of keeping his voice down.
"I am happy with my penis."
"I believe you. You have nothing to worry about."
"It's perfectly promotional to my body."
"You don't hear me complaining."
"Why aren't you trying to make me feel better?"
"I think this conversation is flying over your head, what do you think it is I've been doing for the last 3 minutes!"
Spock's quiet scoff brought her attention back to him. "Our tree is a combination of choices that we both have made in order to make it suitable for our conditions. It was a perfectly logical choice."
La'an smiled and pinched Spock's side teasingly. "You're right, our tree is perfect. And besides," she tugged on his shoulder so that his ear was now level with her mouth, "you really don't need to compensate for your penis size."
Spock's smirk sent shivers down her spine. "I am well aware of that fact."