Work Text:
"Hey 'kichi! You gonna eat with us?" Asked no one. Kokichi doesn't have any friends, not that he needs any. He's just a selfish asshole. A disgrace, someone not worth living. He hurts everyone he loves with his lies, his projections, his hatred. So, if he has no one to love, then surely everything should be fine, right? Ahhh, but then he gets lonely, then he has only himself to hurt. Which leads him to sitting on a toilet in the school bathroom. Right now he should be eating lunch with everyone else. He wouldn't have anyone to sit with in the cafeteria though, so this became a daily routine. Hiding in the bathroom to cut himself. He rummages through his backpack, desperately trying to find his first aid kit. It's ironic to think about; blades inside a first aid kit. Something that should help you but does the opposite. I suppose it's the same with cutting yourself. Temporary relief, long term pain. When kokichi finds the box, he slowly pulls out his razor blade. It's nothing big. Actually, it was starting to get dull. He should probably go to the store to get more after school... He rolls up his sleeve, his right one since he's left handed, and begins his routine. Slowly pressing the blade into his arm for a long time, trying to get it deeper and deeper into his skin as far as it'll go. Then dragging it slowly across his forearm until it's at a good length. Kokichi pulls and pokes at his skin around the new cut, stretching it to make it hurt, see how deep it's gone. He was practically running out of room on his arm at this point, he might have to return to his scarred thighs until the ones on his arms clear up. He does the same thing like always, press deeper and deeper, then drag it across his arm, his wrist, his poor skin. Kokichi has always viewed himself as pitiful, someone who deserves only pity, no empathy or sympathy. For all he cares he could do without the pity! After all who could love someone like him? Someone so disgusting, a disgrace to society, someone who doesn't deserve to even be alive. I should just do it right here, kill myself. It'd be funny, dying at school. Someone would find my body all covered in blood, they'd all feel bad for me, cry, yet never show up to my funeral! People who never even knew me, people who never cared for me would cry and I'd just haunt them. I'd haunt the liars and fakes, and let them know I AM REAL. I DESERVED BETTER, I NEEDED SOMEONE TO BE THERE FOR ME. but no one was ever there. Kokichi thought to himself. Yet, he decides against it. He didn't particularly want to die on the dirty school bathroom floor. There would be rumors, people who would laugh at the thought of him dying. He pastes a bandage to his arm and rolls up his sleeve. The bell rings just in time as he's leaving. Nothing happened in the bathroom. It wasn't real, Kokichi was not real. I don't deserve to be alive