Work Text:
cigarette in hand, fushiguro stood at the top of the tallest rooftop she could find in jujutsu high. she looked down. it was a long way to the ground. she blew out a puff of smoke. that was the point though, wasn’t it?
with her unruly hair blowing in the cold air, fushiguro looked up at the beautiful stars that shone before her. she took it all in for she would soon miss them. they really were beautiful.
she was a star, wasn’t she? she was bright, she was hopeful, she was kind. and now, with smoke in her lungs, cigarette between her fingers, and standing on a tall rooftop with the intention of jumping, she was no longer any of those things. fuhshiguro wasn’t bright, fushiguro wasn’t hopeful, fushiguro wasn’t kind, and she definitely wasn’t beautiful.
whatever happened to her?
crushing it between her fingertips, fushiguro watched as the ashes of her cigarette flew in the wind, scattering to god knows where. she took another one out and lit it with her shitty lighter that she’s been using for over six months. using all her strength, she threw it far out, watching it fall to the ground in slow motion. this would be her last one.
she stepped closer, her vision starting to blur as her head began to pound. this was a bad idea, a terrible idea. but she knew that long ago. if she cared at all, she wouldn’t be standing here with a cigarette as her last meal. fushiguro knew how much of a bad idea this one, she just couldn’t find it in herself to give a shit.
letting her foot hang, she watched as the ground below started to disappear and fade away. her foot shook and swinged in the harsh wind, her cigarette starting to burn out. it was time, wasn’t it? it was now or never.
it was time to say goodbye.
so she said goodbye.
her body hit the ground, but it didn’t hurt. she didn’t feel the hard concrete against her back, she didn’t feel the sting of the impact, she didn’t feel… dead. she didn’t feel dead because she wasn’t dead.
her body didn’t hit the ground, she hit a person, specifically a person’s arms that cradled her gently. and that person was itadori yuuji, the only person fushiguro was going to miss.
what was she doing here?
“are you out of your mind?!” itadori shouted, putting fushiguro done on the ground as lightly as she could. “what the hell was that?!”
she was so sweet, so kind; fushiguro hated it.
“what do you think?” she grumbled with a scowl, dusting herself off.
“you were gonna fucking kill yourself?!”
fushiguro didn’t like for it to be said like that, but she technically wasn’t wrong. that’s what she was doing anyway. but fushiguro also didn’t like the anger and worry behind itadori’s eyes. she didn’t feel guilty, she just felt wrong. that look wasn’t made for her.
“why are you here anyway?” she asked, changing the subject. “were you following me?”
caught off guard, itadori tripped over her own words before sheepishly nodding. she couldn’t find a way to get out of this.
“why the fuck were you following me?!” fushiguro didn’t really care that much, but she’d rather the heat not be on her.
“well, because!” itadori gestured to the ground where fushiguro was supposed to hit. “i was worried! you’ve been acting so weird lately and then you sneak out at night, so of course i’m gonna fucking follow you! i’m worried!”
fushiguro huffed. it really was unfair how kind she was. “well, i’m fine.”
“yeah, because of me!” itadori argued, pinching the bridge of her nose. “fuck, you can’t do this, fushiguro, you can’t.”
“why not?” she knew why not, she knew better than anyone.
“because you have such much to live for!” itadori shouted, her voice strained with stress. “you’re only sixteen, you deserve to enjoy the rest of your life!”
now she was starting to get mad. “you think i don’t know that?! of course i do, but i don’t fucking care! this is not the life i want!”
“what do you mean?” fushiguro hated how confused itadori looked at her.
“we’re jujutsu sorcerers, itadori,” fushiguro explained, “the rest of our lives are planned out for us. we kill curses to save people every single fucking day of our lives. you can’t tell me that you actually enjoy that, do you?”
itadori looked at her with wide eyes, nothing but shock behind them. “well, i don’t prefer it, but it’s what we have to do.”
“but it’s just like you said,” fushiguro noted, “we’re sixteen, why are we doing this?!”
“i-” itadori couldn’t find the words to refute that. maybe it was because she was tired, or maybe she simply just couldn’t.
“i don’t want to keep doing this,” fushiguro cried out, “not for the rest of my life, not for any day. i’m tired, i’m so tired.”
and she was, she was so very tired. she was gifted with such a power that she was forced to use it for the greater good, but what about her?
what about her?
“i don’t want to do this,” she said ever so softly, “i don’t need this.”
“but i need you!” itadori cried out, her voice loud enough for the entire world to hear. fushiguro just stared at her, the words still echoing in her mind.
“i need you,” itadori repeated, her voice quieter and weaker this time. she was vulnerable, she was honest, she was everything fushiguro wasn’t.
“wha-what?” was all fushiguro managed to get out.
itadori stepped closer, her hand reaching for fushiguro’s. they made contact, and she didn’t move back. itadori’s hand was warm, hers was cold.
“if you can’t live for yourself, what about me?” itadori asked, tears streaming down her tan skin. she was always more open about her emotions than fushiguro was.
“i don’t- i can’t-” fushiguro didn’t know what to say, she didn’t know what she could say. was there anything she could say right now?
“i know it’s wrong for me to make this about myself,” itadori started, “but i just- i’m desperate, fushiguro. i don’t know how to change your mind, all i know is that i don’t want you to go.”
after what her father did to her, fushiguro had trouble trusting others. but she always believed itadori wholeheartedly. she just felt like she could, no matter what.
“i need you to stay,” itadori begged, crying even harder than before, “please, fushiguro, stay, i need you to stay.”
fushiguro found herself holding itadori in her arms, her heart beating faster than before. she felt more alive, but part of her wanted to die even more. what was this cruel, twisted feeling? she didn’t know, but all she did know was that right now, with itadori in her arms, she felt at peace.
nothing was ever going to take away from the fact that she hated this idea of living. fushiguro didn’t even know if she could call it living. was risking your life everyday living, or just postponing your death?
she wouldn’t know until she met her death. only then could she know if this was the peak of life.
but fushiguro tried to ignore that for now. right now, she focused on itadori’s body against hers, hearts synched and beating as one. for once in her life, she felt warm. she wasn’t cold anymore, she was warm.
with itadori’s arms wrapped around her, fushiguro’s eyes met hers. they were beautiful and kind. itadori looked at her like she loved her, and fushiguro looked at her like she wished she didn’t.
maybe she could learn to love her properly if she was going to live for her.
fushiguro didn’t know how likely that would be, but as their lips met, she knew that she couldn’t leave now. itadori was here, she was here for her. dying could wait until their lips parted ways. as tired as she was, fushiguro could wait as long as the stars kept shining.
maybe itadori was the true star here.