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Watching Amy and Rory walk away to their room, I give a small laugh. It was a relief to be back on the Tardis after what had just happened. I turn to head down the corridor to my own room, wondering if the wonderful ship would let me use the media projector I found a few weeks ago. The sound of a throat clearing stops me in my tracks.
The Doctor is standing there, looking somber and fidgeting with his hands. Actively looking anywhere but directly at me. The poor thing. I hoped he was okay.
"Samantha," he starts, still avoiding my eyes and had now moved on to toying with his bowtie. "I believe we need to have a talk."
I feel a slight twitch in my fingers but avoid showing my discomfort. "Okay, what do you want to talk about?" I began walking around the console room, dragging my fingers along the coral walls in what I hoped felt like a loving sweep towards the Tardis.
Looking back towards him, I start to babble. "Is this about the library again? I swear I didn't mean to drop that book on Arugulian courting procedures, I slipped, and it went flying into the pool."
I see the ghost of a smile touch his face for just a moment, but it's quickly replaced by a look of sadness. "No, no. Nothing like that. Besides the Tardis cleaned it up anyway." I nod and continue my slow lap around the room.
"Oh, then is it about how I promised Rory I would make Banana Pudding? I swear I don't know how him and Amy have never tried it. If you want me to make something, I have to warn you. Only desserts really seem to work with me, but I can try." I can hear the quiet footsteps echoing behind me, indicating he had begun to copy my slow pace.
His voice takes an excited tone, "Oh, or we could go to Hipolandria 4, planet of the Ice Cream Mountains. They have these bushes that actually replicate the toppings people use." His quick burt of energy fades away to annoyance. "No, stop that, stop distracting me. Samantha, please I really think that-"
I cut him off, completing another lap around the room. "Well then you must mean the laundry mishap, I mean really if I had known they were your socks-"
"SAMANTHA!" His booming voice made me come to a halt. I look back to where he had stopped, just a few short paces behind me.
He's upset, his hands balled into fists and his eyes finally meet mine. And the pain I see there is overwhelming. Oh hell, this daft old alien is really....blaming himself? I give a small groan and rub my face. This isn't gonna be easy.
Leaning against the wall, I stuff my hands into my pockets and try to get comfortable. "Did I ever tell you about my last year of school?" I ask him, my voice quiet.
"Oi! I said no more distractions." I wave my hand, softly shushing him.
"My last year of school there was this big party towards the end of it. I normally didn't do stuff like that, ya know. But I changed my mind at the last minute. Even wore a dress and everything. I had some friends there but they were doing their own thing so I kinda just hid in a corner." I bit my lip.
"Would you mind if we go to the kitchen? I want some water." I said, already walking towards the indicated room. Walking in, I grabbed a glass and filled it, then sat down in a comfortable chair set against the bar. The Doctor had already seated himself across me, leaning back and looking confused but patient.
I toyed with my glass as I continued my story. "I decided to get something to drink so I went over to the food table. Before I could grab a cup, this guy across from me stopped me and started talking. I didn't recognize him but he said he knew my friends." I start rocking my leg, feeling my anxiety grow but determined to get through this.
"We talk for a bit, and he asks if he can grab a drink for me. He seemed nice so I said yeah, but I made it clear nothing alcoholic. Anyone who knew me knew I never drank. Just wasn't my thing I guess." I dart my eyes to the Doctor, who still looked patient but seemed to realize where this story was heading.
"He came back with two cups of soda and handed me one. I sipped it and thought it tasted funny. He said it was a new flavor that had just come out. He thought I would like it." I let out a dry laugh. "Should have realized something was up then, ya know."
I rubbed my neck and gave a hard swallow. "I don't really remember most of what happened next to be honest. Others had to fill in the blanks but apparently he kept telling me to drink as we talked. Someone said that I needed the bathroom and the guy followed me in. Thank God for one of my friends." I shut my eyes, the deep feeling of shame and anger rising up and I feel the sharp sting of tears coming up.
"She knew something wasn't right and had one of the boys kick in the door. They stopped him before he could really do anything thankfully but um...." I push down the bile rising up in my throat. "Someone....said that they could see my bra. And the guy had his phone out. My friend flipped out, started wailing on him and snatched the phone out his hand. She probably would have killed him if her boyfriend hadn't pulled her off." I give a wet chuckle at that, wiping my eyes.
I give a proper look to the Doctor and he looks absolutely heartbroken. Like the very idea that someone had hurt one of his companions was a direct stab to one of his hearts. I grabbed his hand and give a comforting squeeze.
"I told you that story because I want you to understand something. I spent a long time feeling ashamed and angry at myself because of what happened. Going over the details, asking myself why didn't I just stay home like I planned, why I didn't throw away the drink. And I'll be honest, it hurt. I had some dark moments that I honestly would prefer to forget. However, one day I had a realization hit me."
I grab both his hands and intertwine our fingers. "It wasn't my fault. He's the one who did those things, not me. I didn't choose for it to happen, he did. Just like that," I pointed out the doors, referring to our last location "wasn't your fault."
"But I-" He starts, pulling one hand away and staring at it. I stopped him.
"You did nothing. Not with your own brain. They controlled you, what happened was because of them. Not you. It's not your fault. It will be okay."
He still looks like he doesn't believe me but I can see his resolve breaking. "What happened to the boy?" He asks me very delicately, like I was a wild animal ready to run.
"Nothing really." My mouth twists a bit. "Kenedy made sure that he hadn't got a chance to take pictures and then smashed his phone on the sink. She told me that later. He moved away quickly after and I never saw him again."
The Doctor looks upset that justice wasn't served but I'm just glad that he didn't look so sad anymore. But I decided that we had enough sadness for one day. I put my still full glass of water in the sink and start gently tugging on the Doctor's sleeve.
"Come on, I need mindless tv and you promised to show me that soap opera from the Octoria conglomerate." Finally, finally, a real smile makes it's way to his face.
He jumps to his feet and starts following me to the media center. "Oh marvelous, wait till you see the actors. Their race is where Earth's legends of the Cyclops comes from. Oi! But don't hate on the makeup. Can you imagine how hard it is to do mascara on a big eyeball? Not to mention the false lashes!"