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It shouldn't have been like this. This wasn't supposed to happen.
You weren't even going to play this damn game when you first heard about it. A skeleton with stupid jokes, some crap about a creepy flower, who the hell cared? A few - what, weeks? days? you couldn't remember - later, you'd caved and, ten dollars poorer, dived into the world of Undertale.
Somehow, it had grown on you. First it was just the ridiculously cute and funny way that you'd "defeated" the minor monsters. Then Toriel had captured your heart, and nearly broken it when you'd had to leave her. Next it was Sans, first scaring you to death and then actually making you laugh with his terrible jokes, and Papyrus, sweet, naive, persistent Papyrus. It was easy to understand why his brother loved him so much even if you were relatively sure that spaghetti wasn't supposed to be aged in fine oaken casks. Or, really, aged at all... Undyne had appeared terrifying, and fighting her was a nightmare, but you'd forgiven her even while she still feared you were planning to hurt everyone. Alphys reminded you of, well, you, and you'd started to love her too. Even Mettaton had grown on you at some point. Just based on what you'd heard you'd learned to respect Asgore long before you'd even met him. You'd already given him your forgiveness before he ever asked. And as for poor little Asriel... him you owed an apology. You saved everybody else, but left a poor lonely child to his fate? You felt like there should've been some way to help him, even if you knew the game wouldn't let you.
Of course you'd come to love them all. How could you not?
Finding Sans randomly in the game had given you a little bit of joy each time, and knowing he was looking out for you made you feel a bit more secure. You liked to imagine he was laughing along with you when the twenty nine - I mean, thirty was really one too many - 'dogs had fallen off of your head.
Calling Papyrus, and eventually Undyne, every chance you'd gotten had you smiling every time.
Your heart had broken just a tiny bit every time you'd called Toriel and she hadn't answered.
You'd laughed with and enjoyed the company of a certain unnamed spike-headed monster child.
Sans and his bedroom had you laughing aloud, tricked by a treadmill. The bed, the messy floor, the flashlight turned lamp, even the weird tornado all seemed to be perfect for your friend's room. The back room had been a bit more of a mystery, but even that seemed to fit - after all, there were a lot of things you didn't really understand about Sans.
The not so date with Papyrus, exploring the skeleton brother's house and learning more about them, his ridiculous date outfit, really everything about it had you snorting and laughing the entire time. You couldn't even feel bad about being rejected.
Realizing what Alphys and Mettaton were doing together and deciding to play along with them had brought you an equal mixture of pity and happiness. Honestly, if anyone could understand what it was like to desperately wish to be the hero in someone else's story, well, that would be you, now wouldn't it?
Undyne's cooking lesson was both a horror and a blessing. You nearly cried laughing at her cooking methods, scared yourself just a tick by flirting with her, and finally, finally convinced her that you just wanted to be friends. You really felt like you'd earned her trust.
Playing your part in Alphys and Undyne's confessions had left you a giggling mess, and you couldn't quite bring yourself to crush Undyne by telling her Anime wasn't real. (A little white lie never hurt anyone, right?)
Your walk down the Final Corridor had been terrifying, and you'd braced yourself to fight Sans before he'd even begun talking. Instead, your heart melted when he said you hadn't gained any LOVE, but you had gained love. It had felt like he was telling you that you weren't the only one who'd fallen in love - it felt like he was telling you that everyone loved you too.
And it was true. You'd really and honestly come to love them all.
Toriel, your dear sweet goat mother.
Napstablook, your sad, lonely ghost friend.
Papyrus, the kind of person everyone needs in their lives.
Asriel, a lonely, lost kid (Sans must've rubbed off off a little if you think that pun is funny) who just wanted to love and be loved.
Undyne, a little rough around the edges but with a heart of gold.
Mettaton, who was really a good, uh, person(?) once you got over how self-absorbed he was.
Snowdrake and their father, who reminded you why you couldn't kill even the characters who were seemingly unimportant.
Alphys, who just wanted to stop feeling like a failure.
Asgore, desperately trying to do his best for his people.
Muffet, the incredibly charming spider lady (and her mildly terrifying pet, uh, cupcake?)
Sans, the pun and joke loving lazy (and possibly depressed) genius.
The Temmies, hilarious and so, so weird.
The amalgamates.
The dogs of Snowdin.
The various monsters you'd met in the Ruins, in Snowdin, in Waterfall, Hotlands, the Core...
You loved them all.
Hearing them talking about how much they wanted to be free nearly broke your heart. You thought you'd die for them if that was what needed to be done.
Winning them their freedom was truly indescribable. You'd nearly cried with joy when everyone had finally got to see the outside.
And the best part? You didn't have to tell your friends goodbye! You could just hit one measly button and relive the whole thing over again. Rediscover the Ruins, eat more butterscotch - cinnamon pie, hear more bad jokes, go on another platonic date, dodge the spears that had gotten you last time, fight the "killer" robot once more, explore the eerie secret lab again, re-defeat Flowey/Asriel, and once again be the hero that brought everyone to the surface. You could do all of that - if you could force yourself to push the button in front of you.
But you can't.
Your computer screen is glowing, you've already opened Steam, you clicked the game - but you can't bring yourself to push the RESET button.
It isn't as though you don't have people who love you - real people, not some damn pixels who just did what their coding told them to do. It's not like you can't leave your room and find something else enjoyable to occupy yourself with. You have a few books you want to read, some movie recommendations from friends - real friends-, other games to play, and yet... here you were.
You know why, of course. Despite all of this, despite knowing that this game was just that, a game, you really and honestly feel like you'd accomplished something. You'd made such great friends and had such a good time, but now... You felt like your friends had left you behind as they'd gone off on their new adventure and forgotten you. Like little Asriel down in his flower garden, you'd been left alone. Your friends hadn't just left the underground behind when they'd gotten to the surface - they'd left you.
But even so, you also knew that they were happy. The end credits showed you as much. The monsters had apparently melded in with human society just fine. Papyrus had finally gotten his car, Toriel was the teacher she'd always wanted to be, Alphys and Undyne were officially dating. You could only imagine that everyone else was having just as good a time, and they deserved it. You really and honestly believed that these characters, who you knew didn't exist, deserved the happiness you'd fought to earn for them.
And you held the power to take all of that away from them. One second, one moment in which your selfish desires overcame you and you could have everything again. They might even forgive you, the first time, and really only Flowey and Sans would know, you were sure they would be able to forgive you when you spared everyone and led them to freedom once more - at least, you hoped - but what then?
Would you reset again? And again? And again? Could you be that horrible of a person, to make yourself happy at the expense of your friends? To sacrifice their happy ending for the chance to be loved by them again? For that matter, how many times could you replay the game before you'd get tired of the same old dialog? Bad jokes could only be funny so many times, silly battles only so enjoyable, the same situations only so interesting. What if you stopped loving them? What if you forgot the lesson they'd taught you - that every life is precious?
You could actually imagine that damn flower talking to you as you sit slumped in front of your computer screen.
"Howdy! I'm Flowey, Flowey the flower."
"But you already know that, don't you?"
"Awh, are you missing your friends? Well why not meet them again?"
"You can't, you say?"
"Why, it's only one reset, what could go wrong?"
"You're worrying too much, idiot."
"You want to see your friends again, don't you?"
"They're happier where they are, huh?"
"Why are you worried about their happiness? They obviously don't care about yours."
"Is it because you're afraid? Afraid that they didn't give their love to you?"
"You're right you know. They don't love you."
"They love Frisk. You don't even exist to them."
"And if they did know you were there, they would hate you."
"Or... I could be wrong."
"But if they really love you, they'll forgive you."
"Right?"
It's probably this thought that gives you the strength to close everything and turn off your computer. You played the game, you know Flowey wouldn't be backing it if it was a good idea. Even if that was only your imagination speaking for him. Even if it did break your heart.
You stand up and walk out of your room, but in the end you know that this isn't the last time that you're going to have to fight this battle. All of the fanfiction, the Undertale centric blogs, the self indulgent fantasies, none of them can really fill in the void that was left after you finished this game.
You weren't really sure anything could.
But, well, you suppose that's an issue for another day.