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Death is a word Simon Riley is no stranger to. When he's drunk and daring, he'll say that he died before he was born.
He's unsure when his innocence died, but he knows it was before he turned five.
And when he turned seven, he lost his faith too. That night in the bathroom was the first time he felt the weight of death. And the thing about death is that it never dies. You go through the steps again and again, no choice but to walk through it.
Joining the military, he learned to deal with grief more than he already had. But, another thing; death is in essence human and in every universe is married to grief.
And when he thought he could handle it, death went after his mother. Joseph. Tommy. Beth. Four souls who didn't deserve to die the way they did.
His mother was his world. A woman who deserved more happiness than she got. Beth was the sweetest and Simon was honored to know her. Tommy had struggles, but he had a place in Simon's heart.
And.. Joseph.. oh god.. Joseph. There will never be words for the loss of a child. It's too horrible, too unfair. It's the reason Simon will never worship a higher power.
The loss of his father is a death frozen in time. Simon’s body wants to grieve yet his mind is at ease.
After that, he thought he was dead in a figure. His life had been so cursed by it that surely if he became it then it wouldn’t affect him.
But..Then...Johnny. His Johnny. The man who showed him more love and trust than he could handle.
"He was the best of us," was an understatement. To Simon, Soap was the best in the world. No person will ever be like him.
When Simon was down, John was always there to pick him back up. Alongside one another, they turned each other's weaknesses into something beautiful and uncomfortably human. Simon wished the world would've given him the sympathy of getting to hold his hand one last time.
John's last moments were filled with adrenaline and blood. He didn't deserve that. Without fail, Soap was someone to gave clarity where there shouldn't be any.
He had time and time again soothed his comrades out of shock. John wore a cross on his neck partially for his own faith, but to also show his subordinates that their horrors were human and could be overcome. Often times, he'd buy his fellow soldiers a drink and cheer them on for a job well done just to give them something to feel positive about. He was so loyal because he had genuine love for people.
The man had fire in him, ran on pure adrenaline. Sometimes, that anger got the best of him and he'd pull his gun too soon. But John's fire was fueled by every person that he saw wrong'd. The anger he showed toward Marakov was relentless because unlike everyone else, he couldn't get over the innocent life lost in that mall.
Soap was a good friend to have. Someone who Simon trusted to have his six at all times, in and out of battle. The care John showed him was care that kept him going. In a way, John revived hope Simon thought was lost to time.
Now, Simon was standing on the cliffside he visited whenever he could now. And he wanted to reverse time just to hold him again. Just to hug him and tell him it would all be okay. Just to kiss his shoulder and tell him he loved him. Just to look into his beautiful blue eyes and declare his devotion.
But it would never happen. Johnny was gone. His ashes were across the shoreline and probably spread across the oceans ecosystem.
"Rest in peace, Johnny."