Chapter Text
Birthday parties are the hardest stuff for twelve year olds. They’re finally at that age when their moms let them be alone in their friends' houses and would even pick them up past eight. Crazy. Also, is the moment when boys and girls are starting to feel the roots of teenhood growing into them, coming with new feelings, new experiences, and new worries.
“I’m such a loser”, if one listened carefully, a whiny voice would be heard from behind the garden cabin at some twelve year old's birthday party at 7:39 p.m. But it was a party, no one was listening carefully, only that tall boy watching his best friend almost cry pathetically while holding a Coke glass.
“You look like one, for sure”, Kayn rolled his eyes, taking a sip from his sprite glass.
“Listen to me! Aphelios just told me Sett kissed him, can you believe it?!”, Ezreal sounded more exalted than he should, at least in Kayn’s opinion. “He kissed a boy, he actually did it! Wow”.
“Good for him”, in the other part, Kayn could not be least interested in what Ezreal friends were up to. He didn’t care for anything besides his whiny best friend.
“Yeah, sure, but what about me?”, Ezreal grumbled while looking at Kayn. “I’m the only one left in my classroom that hasn't got his first kiss”.
“I think you’re exaggerating”, Kayn finished his sprite glass, keeping his eyes locked on Ezreal’s.
“I’m not!”, the blonde boy paused for a while. “Well, maybe I am, but it won’t be long until I’m the only one left”.
“Then go ahead and steal a kiss from Lux, if you’re so head over hills for her. Maybe it would help you to make a move on her”, Kayn teased with a smile, and even in the night light, he could perceive how Ezreal’s cheeks went pink.
“I’m not a thief, and I don’t think Lux would like that… And I want my first kiss to be something special, not an act of robbery or impulsivity”. Ezreal rested his back on the wooden wall where they were hiding and looked at the starry sky. Kayn rolled his eyes, Ezreal could be overdramatic when he meant it.
“Why do you care that much anyway? It’s just a kiss”, Kayn shrugged, still looking directly at Ezreal.
“Because it would be pathetic if I, from all boys, am the one left without having given a kiss”.
Even if it was something stupid for Kayn, he could kinda understand what his friend meant. He was the top of his class, the most beautiful and graceful of all the boys. And not only his looks were remarkable, but also his excellent grades and performance in physical education. He was striking for everyone in his grade, and that sense of perfection and popularity was probably super important to Ezreal, and would like to maintain that facade in everything, even in something so superficial like dating, or giving kisses.
“I’m a loser! I’m the loserst of the losers!”, and Ezreal slid down until he was sitting on the grass, overreacting, again.
Kayn, who was used to his shows, just sat next to him.
“We’re both losers, then”, Kayn closed his eyes, but he could sense how Ezreal turned to look at him. “Don’t worry, I'm sure I can help you not being the last boy in our grade to give his first kiss”.
Kayn was aware of his position, he knew how other kids would avoid him in the halls, how they would evade his looks at recess to avoid the risk of Kayn wanting to sit with them, and how he would be the last one to be chosen on gym class to make a team with if it weren’t for Ezreal, who always went first for him. He wasn’t as pretty or smart or popular as Ezreal, and honestly, he didn’t care at all. Thinking about Ezreal’s words, it would probably take years for someone to want to get even remotely close to him to even dare kiss him on the cheek, and Kayn wasn’t planning on speeding that up. He didn’t need it.
Kayn opened his eyes once he felt that Ezreal was taking too long to talk -which was weird, as Ezreal was always super talkative- only to find the blonde boy looking at him intensely in the eyes.
“Okay, what happened now?”, Kayn knew that expression on Ezreal's face, he had an idea. A terrible idea, probably, seeing how long he was taking to express it.
“Let me kiss you, Kayn”, Ezreal muttered, and Kayn went speechless. “I want my first kiss to be special, and you’re my best friend, the person I trust the most in the world, and we’re both losers who haven't given their first kiss yet. I think there’s only one conclusion to this, right?”
“Slow down-”, Kayn just couldn’t find the words to answer that, and he already knew that Ezreal was super serious by the way his eyes were looking at him. Kayn swallowed, feeling that Ezreal was suddenly super close to him. “Aren’t kisses supposed to be given to people you romantically like?”
“I think it is more of a… Special connection with somebody”, Ezreal was almost whispering at that point, it transformed the scene into a little secret between two friends. An innocent treasure, something too discreet. “So?”
And again, Kayn didn’t care about his first kiss, or kisses in general. He never thought about that before, so it didn’t have to be so hard to agree on what Ezreal was proposing.
But, he was twelve now. Blame it on the age, or the fact that suddenly Ezreal’s eyes were the most beautiful golden orbs Kayn had seen in his life when he nodded. But when Ezreal’s lips pressed against his, it was like a whole new world just opened its doors in front of him. He wasn’t invited to get in, he was dragged into it and got lost, floating, not knowing what to do or where to go. Kayn felt something new.
Ezreal’s giggles brought him back to reality, he blinked twice in a stupor, wondering how could Ezreal be so calm about what happened.
“That's it! Our first kiss”, Ezreal looked at him, smiling. “We’re not losers anymore”.
Maybe the real question was, why was Kayn not so calm about what happened?
“Oh”, he breathed in, taking his Sprite glass back to his lips. He forgot that it was already empty. “Yeah, sure”.
Kayn was twelve, so he felt a lot of things differently. He tried to convince himself that a simple and innocent kiss from his best friend wasn’t something too important, but when he found himself not being able to sleep at night replaying that scene over and over in his head, he figured out there was something wrong with him.
In reality, he knew for a long time that there was something wrong with him. He couldn’t help being so problematic and asocial, causing troubles here and there. He couldn’t concentrate at school, and he was always defensively aggressive when another child got near him when Kayn didn’t want to. And even so, Ezreal never left his side. That sunshine of a boy decided to stay by his side even when his teacher publicly called him “a disaster time bomb”. He couldn’t help it, that was just his horrendous personality that he learned to tolerate more thanks to Ezreal. Maybe, and just maybe, that was the reason why that kiss felt so personal and deep within his feelings. Maybe Ezreal was right, it was something meant to happen between them.
And it would be just a funny memory if it weren’t for the fact that he suddenly became thirteen and he still was thinking about it. Kayn never liked parties, so for his birthday he just went to a Burger King to eat with Ezreal. He still had no other friends, and honestly didn't want to. It was a birthday, and they were alone, and he cursed himself internally for hoping that it could happen again.
Obviously, it didn’t happen. There was no kiss and Kayn went to sleep in a bad mood because of it. Why did he care that much, again? Maybe he just became a kiss addict after having just one kiss. But that night, he started wondering, has Ezreal kissed anybody else? Probably yes, probably that someone was Lux, and Kayn got angry at the thought of that.
It was inevitable. Ezreal was pretty, funny, smart, popular, the perfect child that every boy and girl loved. He probably had a long line of people hoping to be kissed by Ezreal, and the more Kayn thought of that, the angrier he got.
He went to school in a bad mood, but all that madness disappeared with three words, three simple words that turned the heavy feeling in his stomach into a peaceful bliss.
“Lux rejected me”.
Kayn shouldn’t be feeling that happy to hear that, Ezreal was feeling sad. Heartbroken? maybe not. Kayn knew that his crush on Lux was something simple and not too deep, so after a few pats and inviting him some snacks, Ezreal was happy again. And Kayn’s heart skipped a beat when he saw that smiling face on Ezreal again, he was breathless, enchanted, and…
Oh.
Suddenly, he understood what was wrong with him.
It took him almost one year, but he got it. And he was not entirely happy about it.
He never cared about kisses, romance, or jealousy, and he hated himself for caring about that trivial stuff that much so suddenly. Maybe it was the age, everyone felt awkward at thirteen, so he waited. That feeling would surely go away after some time.
The thing was, it didn’t.
Suddenly he was fourteen, a disaster time bomb with braces and some acne who learned how to do graffiti, and Ezreal joined the cheerleader team in their school. He was still shining while Kayn was just… Kayn. The loner, the boy nobody wanted to sit with, and he didn’t care. He still didn’t care. Because when Ezreal walked up to him after every practice, smiling like he was meant to be the reason for all his smiles, Kayn didn’t need anything else.
“Do you think I should get braces too? My teeth are kinda fucked up”, Ezreal looked at his teeth in the bathroom mirror while Kayn was standing beside him, waiting for his friend to be ready to walk home.
“Your teeth are good, and braces are the worst. Let’s go, each day you take longer to get ready”, Kayn made his way out of the bathroom and Ezreal followed him. Kayn took his practice bag and carried it on his shoulder. He got used to doing that.
“Don’t scold me, I don’t want to smell like sweat”, Ezreal smiled at him, and Kayn melted a little.
Before leaving the school building, Ezreal slowed his steps when they were heading to the exit. Kayn didn’t understand why he did that until he followed Ezreal’s gaze, finding a group of upper class guys hanging there. But most importantly, he found a girl, whose gaze was fixated on Ezreal’s. The boy said hi with a movement of his hand, while the girl smiled and made a gesture with her head, before resuming her conversations with her friends.
“What was that?”, Kayn looked down at Ezreal, feeling his stomach squirm when he noticed the slight blush on Ezreal’s cheeks.
“A friend”, Ezreal giggled a bit before starting to walk again, and Kaynd didn’t ignore the playful tone Ezreal used on that word.
‘Friend’
Kayn looked back, finding her gaze focused on Ezreal again. Kayn hadn’t felt that way since what happened with Lux, and he was sure it was something temporary at that time. Now, it started boiling again in his veins. The thought of Ezreal having a crush on another girl made his old jealousy creep out. But this time, he didn’t feel any kind of remorse about it. Maybe, if that girl rejects Ezreal like Lux did, he wouldn’t have to worry.
That girl's eyes met Kayn’s, and he didn’t think twice before flipping her off. He didn’t wait to see her reaction, he just turned his attention back to Ezreal, who was now talking about a documentary he found on YouTube, not being aware of what just happened. Kayn listened in silence, trying to focus on Ezreal and not on his burning jealousy.
The following days, it went similarly. Ezreal would greet that girl in silence, Kayn would make a disgusting gesture towards her without Ezreal noticing, and she would be confused about it. That was until, one day, she started ignoring Ezreal.
“I don’t know what’s wrong… It’s like she always evades my glance when I’m near”, Ezreal complained while walking home with Kayn. He shrugged, trying hard to hide a grin.
“Girls are just like that, don’t think a lot about it”, Kayn concluded.
Suddenly they were fifteen, and Ezreal was still single. That was strange, considering how perfect he was. If everyone loved him, how is it that nobody has come to ask him out? The answer was simple and had a name.
After what happened with that girl, Kayn figured out that, to keep himself at peace, he could just scare away any possible prospect that tried to get near Ezreal. Of course, it was a dirty move, he knew that Ezreal wanted to be in a relationship, he never shut up about it. But Kayn decided that, if Ezreal was going to get into a romance, the only person available for him must be Kayn.
The problem was, even with all that stuff, he didn’t believe he was good enough yet.
Ezreal was like the sun, with every day and every year, he was brighter. He became one of the best cheerleaders in the school, he always was on top of the grade charts in the hallways, and he even won a prize for a speech he made in debate class. Meanwhile Kayn… Was still a disaster time bomb.
He tried to take better care of himself. He brushed his hair regularly, tried to wear the uniform properly, and tried to get better grades, but it was all useless. He never lost that bad reputation among students and teachers. He suddenly started to care when he heard whispers talking about him, when people started complaining that they didn’t understand why Ezreal would stick with somebody like Kayn.
It all boiled inside of him, he made everyone shut up with his fists. And suddenly, his real personality was out again. A disaster time bomb that was closer to exploding than any other time.
And even still, Ezreal came for him again, worried when he saw his state. His knuckles were covered in blood, his face full of bruises. Ezreal was concerned about him, not mad at him.
Suddenly, they were sixteen, and Kayn resolved that no matter what he did, he could never be enough for Ezreal.
He got into fights more often. The kids who used to evade him, now always tried to pick on him. Something was amusing for a lot of guys to watch Kayn getting mad, and he fell for it every single time. Ezreal would always heal his wounds, while Kayn would rest his head on his shoulder, thinking about how he could never be as soft and gentle as Ezreal.
“One day, I won’t be near to fix things up”, Ereal also grew up to be more serious to Kayn. He would scold him every time he got into a fight, and Kayn would just laugh.
“That day is far away, I hope”.
Even after all those years, Ezreal was still by his side. He was his shining best friend, the one he walked home with, his best teammate at video games, and the one who helped him with some assignments so he didn’t fail and could pass the school year.
Ezreal was still the popular guy whom everyone loved, Kayn was the loner. Ezreal’s friends learned to tolerate him, but just that, and that was enough. They could never get Ezreal the way Kayn does, and he was satisfied because of that.
Ezreal was his whole world, and he liked to imagine that he was Ezreal’s.
Suddenly they were seventeen.
And Ezreal got a boyfriend.