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Dear the person who had left me to rot alone,
I truly hope this letter found you in your worst condition. I hope that you are tormented by nightmares. I hope that the guilt of betraying your own blood suffocates you. I hope that thunder strikes you down, as divine retribution for abandoning the person who trusted you the most when he needed you the most. And I hope that you will return to me.
I couldn't bear to resent you, Michihiro. I really tried, but like many other things, I failed. I couldn't attach the image of my dearest brother to the traitor who betrayed even his blood.
But, how dare you betray Her? How dare you betray the woman who carried you for 9 months? How dare you betray the woman who cared for you when you ill? How dare you betray the woman who taught you how to defend yourself? How dare you betray Mother?
Michihiro, the names that we are still using were both granted by Mother. And thus, we owe Her our entire beings. Mother cared for us the same. From the clothes we wear to the food we eat to the roof we spent our carefree childhood under...those were all granted by Her. And thus, we owe Her every moment of our happiness. Then pray tell, why did you, who are connected to her by blood, abandoned Her, while I, this lowly lost child that She coincidencly saved, am still here, serving Her?
I simply could not comprehend you, Michihiro, but perhaps that is a good thing. My heart should not be diluted with your ungratefulness and cowardice.
I am doing better these days. Thank you for never asking, but my life couldn't be as good as the esteemed Douin. I can't wish you well, because that would be disingenuous. Still, I honestly hope that you would keep yourself alive, so that you will regret everything and return to me.
Sincerely.
A pile of rotten flesh.
To my ever-slumbering past,
Even though you might not want to read these words, I sincerely hope this letter finds you well. I hope that your well-rested eyes are gazing upon the beauty you once so innocently sought. I hope that the fragrances of fresh flowers accompany you on your morning strolls, if you do have time for such a thing. I hope Her Excellency spares her mercy on you, who have suffered so much. And I hope that you find it within yourself to seek solace in another.
Even when I cannot be your brother anymore, I can't bare to stop loving you. Perhaps it is my guilt, but when it is you, I can't avert my eyes. Even when the image of you is so intrinsically attached to my past, I cannot manage to get rid of you. Even when the silhouette of her had almost fade, as if she were nothing more than the gust of wind that occasionally visits me in my dreams, your gaze still burns into my skin, etching on it my Eternal indictment.
As dull as I am, I finally realise why that is. My heart aches for you, because I know for certain that you are still hurting, bleeding...living. Nagamasa, please, we have to live for the livings.
She has crossed the border. Call it a blessing or call it a tragedy is up you, but know that she needs not to eat nor rest nor take care of herself anymore. You are different, though.
In appearance, you look distant from how you used to, but everytime I set my gaze upon you, I can only see that 15-years-old child, waiting for his mother to fix his dishevelled clothes. You haven't woken up at all, from the day she vanished.
I dare not ask for forgiveness. I know I do not deserve such a thing, from you or from her. Regardless, I hope you would wake up from the slumber with your childishly fresh eyes and see that the world is still filled with living people, living people whose heart have a place for you.
Sincerely.
The dawn that failed to wait for you.