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Elizabeth stared straight ahead as she started in on her second glass of wine. She felt only slightly better than she did the night she made an error in the magnesium dosage that nearly killed one of her surgical patients. But this time, she was still recuperating from the emotional stress of presenting the case at an M&M earlier in the day.
She should have felt like a badass with the way she stood up in front of more senior doctors and questioned the long-standing tradition of surgical residents working incredibly long shifts. In fact, she’d probably make them illegal if she were the one writing the regulations. She challenged everyone in that room to think of how they’d feel if they were on an airplane where the air traffic controller had been awake for 36 hours. Would they want to potentially die in a plane crash because that air traffic controller made an error they’d know to avoid if they had gotten more sleep? No one answered her question, but she hoped she could at least make them think.
It was doubtful, though. And after all, she was the one stupid enough to think it was a good idea to start her surgical internship over instead of moving somewhere new like Denver, or even following through with the brief thought she had of going back to England. She couldn’t do that, though; it was too much of a boys’ club back in the UK. Besides, she had enjoyed her brief romance with Peter and being called Dr. Corday instead of Miss Corday. “Doctor” felt more professional and respectable, and she also liked having solid friendships with other women in medicine.
Only another half a year, though, and she’d never have to put up with Dale Edson bossing her around again.
“Just a Coors Light, thanks.”
Elizabeth was startled at the sound of a familiar voice, and she looked over to see Mark sitting down next to her.
“Heard you had a rough day,” he said, giving her a sympathetic smile. “How long have you been off?”
“Rough doesn’t even describe it. And how did you know I’d be here? I got off about an hour ago, but you just got out, right?”
“Yep; my shift finished at 7. And I didn’t know you’d be here. It was just a lucky guess. But having been grilled in more than one M&M and feeling as if I was going to be scarred for life, I kind of figured you’d be looking for a drink. I was still married and my daughter was barely in kindergarten last time it happened to me, though, so I just went home and tried to sleep. Didn’t say much to my wife about it when she asked, except maybe give some generic answers.”
“Sleep? What’s that?” She scoffed at her comeback once it hit that she could barely remember the meaning of the word.
“You’ll get some once you finish your intern year.”
“Well, I miss the days when people respected my abilities and my decision making. Now I’m just Edson’s pawn for grunt work, treated as if I’ve never done a trauma surgery in my life. The most respect I feel like I’ve had is Romano telling me I could wear a longer lab coat because it looks better on me. You don’t think I should be flattered, right?”
“I wouldn’t be.” Mark half-laughed. “And I don’t think what you said about a lack of respect is entirely true. I still believe in you, and I’m sure Benton does too. You are a great surgeon. You’ll get through this, and someday you’ll feel like it never even happened, or you’ll make it a part of your story and how you bounced back from a challenging time. I don’t know if you’re a real doctor here anyway unless you get called to present at an M&M.”
“You really believe that?” Elizabeth asked. “That unless you come close to getting sued for malpractice that you haven’t earned your keep?” She gave him a confused look and then pulled back, taking another drink of her wine.
“I see,” she added. “You did say you’ve been there and done that. OK, fine. What’s your story?”
“It was four years ago,” he started to explain. “I had a pregnant woman come in with a slightly elevated blood pressure and her UA detected some protein. But otherwise, she was healthy and her pregnancy had been going well, so I figured it was a bladder infection and sent her on her way. She ended up collapsing in her car not long after I discharged her and had a seizure once we brought her into the trauma room, and we ended up realizing she actually had preeclampsia. I got permission to induce labor, but when I went to deliver the baby…well, everything that could go wrong in that situation did. And oh yeah, I missed a placental abruption in the meantime. Then the mother bled out on the table after a C-section in the trauma room. I got in over my head, big time.”
“Where was OB that day?”
“Oh, that’s a whole other complication. There was a resident on duty who came down to check on the situation, but he had to get back upstairs because they were slammed. Coburn was over at St. Luke’s and didn’t come over until after the baby was delivered and the mom was still bleeding. And then she tore me a new one both in the ER and in the M&M. I think part of that was because she was in active alcoholism at the time and knew how to cover her ass, since she was already used to hiding her drinking, so it extended to work. But I also knew I was wrong to keep going on my own and not demand other help from OB, or have someone with privileges come in. It was one of the only times I’d ever cried after work.”
Elizabeth shook her head. “You know, I can’t say what I would have done in that situation. I know how to do a C-section in a major emergency, but I try to stay away from cases with pregnant women if I can at all help it. Didn’t care for it over in England either. There’s too much at stake.
“But you know, even though I wasn’t there and this is the first time you’re telling me this story, I believe you did the best you could under the circumstances. The fault should really be on OB for brushing you off. What happened to that resident?”
“The story I heard later was that he transferred to Northwestern to finish his residency, but there were rumors that Coburn pushed Joanna to fire him. It was just a whole mess that ended with me being sued for malpractice and the hospital settling with the widower.
“But if it makes you feel better, I eventually got my groove back. About a year later, a sprinkler system went haywire up in OB and a bunch of women already in labor had to be transferred down to the ER. I delivered the second of two twins who was breech and basically ran the rest of the show, and Coburn realized that I could learn from my mistakes and keep it together without her help while she tended to high-risk cases upstairs. I found out later she was reaching her breaking point with her drinking and went to rehab not long after that day, so I think she was learning this was the first of many times she’d have to eat humble pie. We’ve all moved on, though. My point is, you will too. Eventually, there will be some other major case everyone is obsessed over or someone else will get called to the M&M grilling session and the heat will be off you.”
Elizabeth smiled a little, but then switched back to a more serious expression. “I never thought something like that could happen to you,” she said, almost amazed. “You’re so careful at work.”
“No one is immune. I think everyone on staff has at least one big screw-up to their name. Carol gave someone the wrong blood type once. Benton botched a surgery on a baby when he got in over his head, not unsimilar to me. We all still work as medical professionals. And so do you.”
“It’s amazing how medicine can feel like one domino falling and bringing down the rest of the stack with it. Or actually…wait, there is that game Jenga? That’s how it feels. Like if you move the wrong block out of the tower, the entire thing collapses and you just have a big mess.”
“I’d say both are accurate descriptions.”
“I just feel lucky that my patient didn’t die,” she said. “Of course, I do have to hope he doesn’t decide to sue, but I can worry about it if it gets to that point, I guess. In the meantime, I want to finish this drink, if you think I deserve it.”
“I wouldn’t argue that you do.” Mark replied. He held out his glass to hers. “Cheers to surviving our mistakes and the M&M panel. And by the way, I hope you didn’t already pay for your wine, because it’s on me.”
“Oh, you really don’t have to do that. Unless this is some County tradition you haven’t told me about.”
“Now it is.” He raised his glass, and she sighed and clinked it against his, and then they each took a long drink.
“Well, I think it’s a fine idea,” she replied. “We’ll pay it forward next time someone else has to stand at the dreaded podium. It’ll be like a support group. Survivors of the M&M. I’m afraid if it gets too big, though, we’ll have to open our own bar.”
“Nothing wrong with that either. Less chance of being sued for malpractice.”
Elizabeth gave him a small smile. “Thanks for joining me, Mark. I feel a lot better already.”
“Glad I could help.”
She was almost relieved. Not only had she survived a potential career-ruining mistake, Mark had cared enough to stay her friend and loyal colleague rather than turning on her and trying to compete with her for his own gain. It was almost…attractive. She wasn’t in the right mood to act on it now, but maybe there was a bright side to starting her internship over after all.