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He really wasn’t asking much. Nothing they wouldn’t miss, anyway. Just everything he’d ever wanted. But their price was everything he had. He could handle losing the Shimmer. That was nothing. He could lose the respect of the people. He never needed that. He could even lose their loyalty. He’d be satisfied if someone else ran the kingdom as long as there was a kingdom to run. But Jinx…
His hand shook. Almost a shot’s worth of liquor ran rivers toward the edge of the desk. He didn’t let go of the bottle until it stood steady. If he closed his eye, she was still sitting above him. He rocked the chair back again and reminded himself of everything she’d cost him. Thousands. Thousands, and months, and at least a dozen lives.
It really wasn’t asking much. It would certainly be easier without her… unpredictable tendencies. Sevika would be happier. That would make her more malleable. But she was weak. And his enemies knew that. Even Vi could take Sevika. Without Jinx…
The liquor burned. The glass stopped shaking when it met the desk again. She was his queen. The knight was the only piece with shoes she couldn’t fill. You’d have to have never lost a piece in order to compensate for the queen. And he’d already lost too many pieces. He couldn’t afford to lose this one. He managed not to spill again.
It really wasn’t asking much. Just let me keep her. Just let me keep my word to her. Just let me keep her safe. Just let me… Anything else. Everything else. Take it all. Just give me my daughter and my dream.
That’s too much. You can’t have both. Because if there’s one unbreakable law in this universe, it’s that Silco never gets what he wants. You’re going to have to pick one. And you’re going to pick the dream.
How do you know? This could be different. Talis is scared. I could bargain for her. I could tell him that Zaun would pledge allegiance to Piltover. Start as an asset rather than another enemy.
He’ll still need his scapegoat. And you’ve had this dream for as long as you can remember. You’ve had Jinx for a fraction of that. Have you really gone soft that fast? You’re turning into Vander.
No, I’m turning into Jinx. I need to stop arguing with myself or people will think I’m crazy.
Will they be wrong?
The last few drops sent golden ripples through the glass, and he set the empty bottle upright again. Yes. Under normal circumstances, the door would open right about now and Sevika would be barging in to complain about something or inform him of a new problem. Under normal circumstances, he would regret for the thousandth time not locking the door. But now he would have welcomed the distraction. Break him out of his reverie. Force him to make a decision and stand by it.
What if I don’t choose the dream? What if you’re wrong? What if I have become Vander? What if that’s not a bad thing? What if Jinx is worth it?
Is she?
It didn’t take him as long to answer as he thought it would. Yes. The undercity can stay the undercity if it has to. As long as I have Jinx, I can recover.
And with that decision made, he didn’t waste any time in drafting a note.
He just wouldn’t get the opportunity to send it.