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1.
He bent forward to check underneath the desk for the cans of paint he recently bought at the hardware.
The task of painting the walls wasn’t really a chore; the drive going back and forth the hardware store was. While he understood why Felix demanded to just buy a few, Hyunjin still couldn’t help but complain at the back of his head about it because driving wasn’t fun.
There were two left, each with different hues, and gosh, the paint brushes were hard as wood. He looked up and looked around, trying to check where his fiancé was sniffing his nose, and found the guy leaning on the crooked wall.
There were things he could talk about — his situation, their situation, their finances, the fact that Felix kept on postponing their wedding, and the shots of paint on Felix’s overalls and beret. There were things he wanted to tumble and turn over; a lot of things that could make him turn around and stop trying to save whatever they had left.
But he chose not to.
It was a worn out house, something they rented for a couple of bucks, and was neither warm during the night nor cold during the day. It was a worn out house that sheltered two of their luggages, three pairs of their shoes, and one bent frying pan that no one dared to touch. It was a worn out house with warm lights and faulty electrical generator, but a worn out house that sheltered the boy with a face so bright, the boy with a smile that lingered around, and the boy that unnecessarily drew what he called little stars on the wall because he wanted sparkles inside their room.
He could say something. He could press the buttons on Felix and cause a fight. He could complain about how his knees ache from the constant driving.
But god, he had found the person he wanted to marry.
Instead, he shrugged his shoulders and bit his lip.
“Want to join me for a drive to Target?” He asked which was answered with a chirp and a constant nod.
2.
The heater wasn’t doing its job and the electricity was getting expensive in the current economy they’re living in.
Hyunjin turned the knob to try and adjust the temperature. Maybe it was just malfunctioning, the way it usually was, and maybe if he just had enough patience to wait for it to warm up what needed to be warmed, all will be alright.
He used a soap he got for free when they stayed at a cheap hotel downtown. The towel he hung outside the bath was no longer white unlike the first time he bought it. Slippers were unpaired and his shampoo was not what he usually uses.
To him, he was still lucky enough to have a functional toilet. To him, the flickering lights on the mirror was enough for him to see the products he slaps on his skin. To him, a pea-sized Colgate was fine. Just enough.
Because if he sees a green and blue toothbrush sitting together, he’d have enough reason to swallow everything down and press his lids hard before stepping towards the water running down the drain.
“Hyune!” Felix’s voice rang the corners of the bathroom — may also be his head. “I think I pulled something on the circuit. Is your heater fine?”
He’d be dying to say no, to yell of his agony and constant battle with the cold weather, but he’d be on the grave to hear Felix’s dismay.
God , he had found the person he wanted to marry.
So, screw the water down the drain and the water pouring from the shower. It wasn’t cold. Never the least.
“I’m fine honey. Do you mind closing the bathroom door for me?”
No matter how hard he tries to search the internet for a recipe using orange juice and a leftover spam, he just wasn’t able to find one.
Felix didn’t tell him that there was nothing in the fridge.
It wasn’t like he could blame Felix either because he didn’t know that there was nothing in the fridge and they just both work until late at night to notice. He barged in the little cabinets above, sweeped his palm on the corners, and prayed that at least a piece of egg would magically appear behind the bottle of Tropicana, but no. There wasn’t anything to cook but a can of spam sliced into half.
Rice would be fine. Or pasta. It didn’t really matter.
So, if he had to pull the frying pan from the messy kitchen table they picked from their neighbor’s yard, toss, and crush the spam on it, he’d happily do it.
He knew what he was signing up for.
He knew how loud Felix’s snores were when they decided to have a sleepover that turned to sleepovers and eventually them living in. He knew how Felix’s sock tends to go under the bed because he likes kicking it in his sleep. He knew how Felix leaves the dishes on the sink and goes back to it until he finishes watching the Korean drama episode he started when he takes a bite of the snack. He knew how much of a blanket hogger Felix was everytime they snuggled and drifted to the next sunrise.
He knew what he was going to witness months from now and knew that the lack of some things was nothing for he had so much more with everything that Felix offers.
And if orange juice was one of the things that Felix is a plus one of, he’d drink it happily as he begins to write a grocery list and places it on the door of the fridge.
Tomorrow will be a new day with Felix after all.
+1
It was on a whim to run to 7/11 and buy a pink ring pop only to randomly blurt out “Marry me?”’ to Felix before unwrapping the candy.
Felix looked at him curiously, deducing whether anything that he said was a joke, and made Hyunjin hear the pounding of his heart from all the adrenaline of suddenly proposing to a guy he met before he graduated and the guy that he spent quarters of his salary to.
“Did you ask me to marry you?” Felix’s eyebrows curled down and he fought the urge to raise his eyebrows at that.
If anyone would’ve seen him, they’d think he was crazy — how can a 23 year old guy be so sure of someone, enough to propose to him without any preparation, and just winging it, knowing that the guy he’s proposing to won’t even bat an eye? He thought for a fraction of a second that he was crazy too .
But, there was something in the way Felix’s gaze stiffened and eventually softened when he didn’t move; when he didn’t remove his palms showing the ring pop up. There was something in the way Felix looked down, lips trembling, and fingers interlocking that pushed Hyunjin to do more. To become more.
“Me on my butt and a ring pop on my hand, yes. I am asking you to marry me.”
Somehow, he wasn’t more. He was just enough on that whim. A whim that he would never regret.
“I’m broke as fuck, Hyune.” Felix muttered as if that in itself mattered at that time. “But yes.”