Work Text:
It was a mere mutter of his name.
"Hyunjin-ah," a voice called him softly as a pair of hands roamed on his abdomen. It felt more of an obligation to respond and lean to the touch than the way he used to remember.
Yet he felt like his name was more than just the syllabication of vowels and consonants everytime Felix was the one mumbling it on and about.
Kisses were pecked on the littlest bit of the skin under his earlobe as Felix's pair of lips traveled down the crook of his neck and shoulders.
He fought back the need to hold on to something and relished in the ambiguous comfort he received from Felix's flesh and slick like a sin that was whispered to him, and him only.
"You weren't always this stiff, baby." Felix nuzzled his nose, and left trails and traces of open-mouthed breaths, running a shiver and goosebumps to the distal parts of Hyunjin.
His vision got blurred overtime and tunnelled to the sight of the door that they locked upon the declaration of everyone's absence for that night.
The house was left alone to them, and Hyunjin, more than anything, was fighting for his dearest life.
It was a pleasure to be the one riling up the thawed image of Felix being the innocent bubble of sunshine. It was pleasing to see Felix's irises be blown wide and dark, lips that were bitten and swollen due to the friction, and cheeks that were dusted with the speckles of rosy hue, reigniting the beauty of his marks to stand up and proudly reign.
It was a pleasure, his pleasure, and still is.
But Felix, who continued to fuddle his hands with the ties of his sweatpants, was not only a pleasure for him.
He didn't know how it started or when it started.
"Lix, I―" He tried to softly nudge the smaller one and tear him away from their mingled bodies of two that looked like one. "I'm―"
Heck. He didn't even know what he was going to say. He didn't want to stop; he didn't want to see a flash of disappointment in Felix's eyes. But Felix had nothing but a glimmer in his eyes that stared directly at Hyunjin like he's the only person that mattered.
Hyunjin didn't know how he started seeing Felix as someone more than the edges of their tears brimming for each mutter of pleasure. He didn't know when he started giving double meanings to the sweet blooms of the falsities that Felix ever so darted on his skin with his tongue, curating a whole skin-flesh of filth and the subtle romance in it.
He just did.
And he felt so ashamed of it.
And so lost in it.
"Hey." Felix reached his hand to Hyunjin's face, lightly dusting his fingertips to the creases on his forehead that he didn't know ever existed. "It's okay. It's okay. If you don't want to, it is totally okay."
Felix reflected so much worry. Felix pulled himself away to a more comfortable position than simply lunging down to catch Hyunjin's lips to him, and Hyunjin didn't want that.
He wanted Felix to be close. To be closer. To be the closest he's ever been with anybody.
"I want to." Hyunjin thought he might be desperate, "I just― I'm sorry," and even when he tried to hold Felix still with the wrist that lingered above his forehead, he just felt so desperate to have Felix.
"Why are you sorry?" Felix wondered, and shifted his knees against the pile of mattress and pillow on his side with both of his knees caging Hyunjin's thighs.
Maybe Hyunjin could've answered that easily if Felix didn't slump on him. Maybe Hyunjin could've easily said that he's sorry for wanting to put labels on what they have without the risk of losing him. Maybe Hyunjin could've easily recognized the reason for Felix's whole attention towards him if only he looked at Felix clearly without the unnecessary film of tears coating his vision.
"I'm sorry for liking you." He felt rotten to his core to finally be able to say that out loud. For someone who couldn't justify his emotions, he had the urge to look down and let his shame take over him completely.
He saw Felix's brows furrowing further with each second. It took Felix by a surprise, that is for sure, and by a while when the eyes that were dolled black to lust were now dolled to gold dust.
All the heat that formed at each touch of their skins at that moment wasn't anything comparable to those that they formerly had.
It was still pleasurable, but this time, it's not just pleasure for there is something else than mere pleasure.
Hyunjin felt another hand ghosting on his neck with a finger drawing small circles on his skin.
"Why are you sorry for liking me?" He heard Felix question him in that instant and never did Hyunjin turn his head bashfully away from anyone that fast ever.
He knew he wanted Felix. He knew he wanted something more than what he could easily get. He knew he asked for too much―for something that he shouldn't have.
But it was Felix who's straddling him after all.
What can he do than be lost in Felix?
"Hyunjin-ah." Felix's voice rang in his ears once again. The pair of hands that were initially plastered against his abdomen were now on his cheeks, holding him in between, cradling him to not go.
Felix opened his mouth right after closing it. It was an attempt to call Hyunjin, an attempt to pull Hyunjin back to where he belongs.
"Then, should I be sorry too, Hyunjin-ah?" And Hyunjin did belong.
He was so out of himself that he only stared at Felix with his mouth agape, lips trembling, and breath hitching, and Felix smiled at him and finished by saying, "Hyunjin."
It was a mere mutter of his name.
But a name that was muttered by none other than Felix.