Work Text:
Mel: Everyone, this is Sylvia.
Everyone: Hi, Sylvia.
Ace: Welcome to the madhouse. When did you travel with the Professor?
Sylvia: 1961. Bazaar. King's Road, Chelsea.
Ian: Ah, then you met him before I did!
Sylvia: No, I mean he's living in my daughter's spare room and last weekend he took me to the Mary Quant shop with my granddaughter. I never did the racketing around in time and space thing. *pause* I did punch him once.
Jo: Yeah, you're one of us.
Sylvia: So are you two twins?
Osgood and Osgood: No, one of us is a Zygon.
Jo: Sarah Jane mentioned you. You were the weird shape changing octopus nipple people with the pet Loch Ness Monster.
Sylvia: Which of you is a Zyklon?
Kate: Zygon. We just invite both. It's easier.
Osgood: Before that got sorted out, one of us used to pretend to be the coffee machine.
Osgood: Or sometimes a whiteboard!
Jo: I'm surprised UNIT is willing to employ Zygons after what your father went through with them.
Kate: Well, it saves on the whiteboard budget.
Dan: Well, I won't lie, it were a shock.
Mel (sympathetically): That when the Doctor turned up to visit you, he was a man?
Dan: No! That he were Southern.
Blemmyiouspolematrous: Lots of planets have a South.
Kate: Why are you here again?
Blemmyiouspolematrous: I can't leave now. I'm on the biscuit rota.
Sylvia (reminiscing): Swinging London. King's Road, Carnaby Street...
Ian (reminiscing): I was far too much of a square, as we used to say, to do more than window shop.
Sylvia: I'm sure you were gear.
Jo: (reminiscing) Biba.
Sylvia: Lady Jane.
Ian: I was Lord Kitchener's Valet!
Osgood (brightly): I was Elizabeth the First's horse.
Jo: Where's Tegan?
Ace: She's got a date.
Jo: Oh, lovely. Where are they going?
Ace: A medical isolation facility on an abandoned space station, apparently.
Jo (dubiously): Lovely.
Kate: How is she getting there?
Mel: Got a lift from a zingo, probably.
Sylvia: Oh, well, that explains everything.
Dan: Bit weird, there being two of... him.
Osgood: There's two of us.
Sylvia: Yes dear, but you've each got your own trousers.
Mel: Bigeneration. Who would have thought it?
Blemmyiouspolematrous: Oh, it's not that weird.
Kate: Really?
Blemmyiouspolematrous: Bigeneration. That's how they reproduce. They just tell their adolescents that babies come from looms to stop them spontaneously creating more of themselves every time they want to play five-a-side football.
Ace: Oh, come on! I can't believe the Professor didn't know how babies are made.
Jo: I can.
Dan: To be fair, sometimes babies just turn up from other universes.
Sylvia: That's sometimes what it feels like. I worry about my granddaughter. About her health.
Ian: Well, it was all very different in our day, but if the young people are happy...
Sylvia: It's not happy I worry about, it's a family history of osteoporosis. All this vegan business. Where's she getting her protein?
Mel (helpfully): I have recipes!
Dan: Wait, I used to use that coffee machine. I thought the Loch Ness Monster milk setting was a joke.
Osgood and Osgood: *twinnish giggling*
Sylvia: We saw him in the King's Road. The new guy. Well, the original guy, I suppose. Seemed to be doing well.
Kate: What was he doing there?
Sylvia: Buying some trousers.