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Beatrice turns another page, eyes on the book but her mind elsewhere. She never used to be like this, she always prided herself on the way she could focus, keep her mind on one task and one task alone.
Yet here she is, sitting in what barely deserves the name living room, trying to read a book that should be able to hold her attention, but failing miserably on the task at hand.
Her mind is on Ava, like it always seems to be recently.
It's not even the fact that she's worried about Ava, or wondering where she is. She knows where she is, she’s gone to have a drink with Hans on their evening off. She knows Ava will call her if she needs her, she knows Ava can handle herself with all the training.
But she’s still thinking about Ava.
She’s thinking about her smile and the way Ava cares so much, about how she makes Beatrice feel safe like no one has before. She’s thinking about how she misses Ava when she goes to bed and Ava is working a late shift, about how excited she gets when Beatrice agrees to something silly like going out for ice cream and how things might be pretty bad right now, but she’s happy she gets to be by Ava’s side.
She hears a loud bang and jumps, hand immediately flying to the knife under the coffee table. She pauses, hand on the hilt, just listening, waiting.
A few moments later she hears another noise, but this time it's a loud grunt. Beatrice frowns, but decides not to grab the knife, leaving it in place. She wonders if she'll regret not picking it up as she stands, still on guard.
She reaches the door, body still ready to attack as she presses slightly up on her toes, looks through the peephole and sees…a lot of green and twigs?
She grips the door handle, wondering if this is a good idea. But if she's going to die, she'd rather it be this way, in some small town in the middle of nowhere they’ve been stuck in for months, than by Adriel’s hand.
Beatrice opens the door and she shouldn't even be surprised but she is, because there's Ava, balancing a huge tree in the hallway, her small frame dwarfed by its size.
Or she assumes it’s Ava. It’s hard to see anything past the giant tree that is taking up most of the doorframe, with just a pair of arms visible around its middle.
“Ava..?”
Ava shuffles herself and the tree around so Beatrice can see her properly. “Oh, hey Bea,” Ava says casually, like it’s completely normal to be holding a tree in the hallway on a random Tuesday evening.
There's a light dusting of snow over both the tree and Ava. Beatrice wants to be concerned about the mess the melted snow and fallen pine needles are going to make, the old Beatrice would be, but the new Beatrice, who is having more and more trouble staying focused and controlling her thoughts around Ava, wants to reach out and run her fingers through Ava’s hair to dislodge the snow and few needles stuck there.
“What are you doing?” Beatrice asks. She’s pretty sure she already knows, though she is a little confused how drinks turned into this.
“I got us a Christmas tree,” Ava beams, and there’s that smile again, one that makes Beatrice’s knees weak and makes her question her entire life.
For a moment Beatrice considers fighting this, because the mess from the tree alone is going to be a nightmare to clean up, but she just can’t find it in herself to do anything that would dim that smile.
“I can see that. Where did you get it?” Beatrice asks.
“Maria’s Tree Farm.” Ava’s still smiling but Beatrice is suddenly worried. She knows for a fact that Maria’s isn’t open this late at night. Sure, it’s only 8pm so it’s not that late but Beatrice can imagine Ava sneaking in and stealing a tree under the cover of darkness.
“Did you steal a Christmas tree?!”
“Of course not!” Ava exclaims. “I left a note and some money!”
Beatrice sighs, making a mental note herself to go and apologise to Maria in the morning for Ava’s unconventional methods of acquiring a tree from her. At least Ava left some money.
“Do you need help?” Beatrice asks, because there’s nothing else to do but accept that this is her life now. And by that she means that she’s never going to get used to Ava’s spontaneity but it does keep things interesting.
Ava waves Beatrice off. “I’ve got this.” The movement causes the tree to sway dangerously and Beatrice steps in to help anyway. It really is a ridiculously huge tree for their small apartment and Ava’s still standing there supporting it in their doorway.
Together, they manage to get it into the apartment and with some creative thinking, they get it propped up and ready to decorate.
“We can buy some decorations tomorrow,” Beatrice says, already doing the math in her mind of how much they can spend on their limited wages from the bar.
“We don’t need to,” Ava says and Beatrice watches in confusion as Ava disappears out the front door, only to appear a minute later with a box in hand. “Hans gave these to me.”
“How did a drink with Hans turn into him giving you decorations and you stealing a Christmas tree?”
“I paid!” Ava says. “And I told him I’d never decorated a tree before and he convinced me that I should.”
“I’m assuming it took very little convincing on his part?”
“None at all.” Ava grins. “I was actually the one who suggested it.”
Beatrice laughs. “Of course.” She pauses. “Have you really never decorated a tree before?”
Ava shrugs. “Not that I can remember. I suppose I did when I was little with my mum but I don’t really remember it. Have you?”
Beatrice pauses to think and realises the answer is also no. “No, the trees we had growing up were always decorated by professionals, and I wasn’t allowed to touch them.”
“Well,” Ava slips her hand into Beatrice’s and suddenly Beatrice feels warm all over. “That’s lucky then, because you’re helping me decorate this, so it’ll be a first for both of us.”
Beatrice thinks she’s already had a lot of firsts with Ava.
(She purposefully doesn’t think about other “firsts” she’d also like to have with Ava too).
Beatrice only allows herself a moment to enjoy Ava’s hand in hers before she slides her hand from Ava’s.
To distract herself from the lingering heat in her hand, Beatrice starts unpacking the decorations, lining them up by colour, size and decoration type.
When the Christmas music starts, Beatrice knows that Ava fully intends to make an evening of this activity.
“What are you doing?” Ava asks, crouching down beside the pile of ornaments Bea is sorting through.
“I’m organising these. I thought we could-”
Ava’s hand on Beatrice’s stops her mid sentence, and Beatrice has to look down just to make sure she’s not imagining things.
“It doesn’t have to be perfect Bea, we’re here to have fun,” Ava says, voice quiet and close and Beatrice has to remind herself how to breathe.
Beatrice swallows around the lump in her throat. “Okay.”
“Okay,” Ava grins. She stands, claps her hands together. “Let’s do this.”
Several times Beatrice has to stop and remind herself this doesn’t have to be perfect, that it doesn’t matter if an ornament is in the wrong place or the tinsel isn’t straight, and by the end, the tree might not be the best decorated, but it’s theirs and that’s even better.
“What do you think?” Ava asks, taking a step back to admire their handywork.
“I think it’s missing one thing,” Beatrice says, bending down to pick up a decoration she’d put aside, knowing exactly where it belonged.
Beatrice holds out the star towards Ava, and her face lights up once more. Beatrice would decorate a hundred more trees if it meant Ava kept smiling like this.
“Are you sure?” Ava asks as she takes the star. It’s clear Beatrice wants her to put it on the tree.
“We don’t have a ladder so you’re the only one that can reach.”
The top of the tree is only just out of reach, and though she’s sure Ava would love to balance on some furniture to put the star on the top, Ava using the halo is probably the safest option.
Ava reaches up, star in hand, floating a few inches off the ground to reach the top of the tree. The movement makes Ava’s shirt ride up and Beatrice knows she should be focusing on the star, or on anything else really, but right now all her mind can focus on is the small sliver of exposed skin and how much she wants to reach out and feel the warmth of Ava’s bare skin under her fingers.
Ava floats back to the ground, and it’s only when her arms fall and her stomach is hidden again that Beatrice can think clearly.
Or at least as clearly as she can with Ava around.
“Now how does it look?” Ava asks, expectant eyes of Beatrice.
“It looks perfect,” Beatrice says, and finds she means it.
“Really?”
Beatrice nods. “Really.”
Ava does an excited little dance before she wraps her arms around Beatrice’s neck. Beatrice is used to hugs like this now, which is not something she ever expected, but she’s used to Ava’s body pressed close to hers, arms tight around her neck. Ava throws her whole body into her hugs and Beatrice loves it.
These hugs never last long but Beatrice treasures each one.
“Is there anything left in the box?” Ava asks, crouching down to examine the contents of the box after they disentangle from their hug. There are a few random ornaments left, items that were broken or didn’t match the tree.
(Beatrice had to draw a line somewhere, she needed to at least be a little bit in control).
Ava’s laugh draws Beatrice’s attention.
“What’s this?” she asks, but the tone of Ava’s voice says she knows exactly what she’s holding.
Beatrice freezes when she instantly recognises what Ava is holding too.
Mistletoe.
“You know what this means, right?” Ava teases, holding the fake plant above their heads.
Beatrice’s body is still frozen, but her mind is racing. Ava’s not being serious, is she? Surely not. A big part of her wants her to be, wants Ava to lean forward and kiss her.
Beatrice’s brain short circuits next when Ava does lean forwards, and Beatrice isn’t sure whether she’s disappointed or relieved when Ava’s lips press against her cheek in a lingering kiss.
“Merry Christmas, Bea,” Ava says, so quietly that Beatrice almost misses it.
“Merry Christmas,” Beatrice manages to get out in reply, her mind still caught on Ava’s lips and how they’d just been pressed against her cheek. It’s not the first time Ava’s kissed her, but each time has been burned into her brain, each time has left her dazed and confused and wanting something she's told herself she’s never allowed.
She wants it all with Ava.
“Bea?” Ava asks, just as quietly as before. The question in Ava’s voice makes Beatrice look up, and only then does Beatrice realise just how close they’re standing, and that she’s been staring at Ava’s mouth this whole time.
This is when Beatrice would usually take a step back, clear her throat, make an excuse, but brown eyes hold her gaze, hold her close with a look of hope that nearly floors Beatrice with the intensity of it.
“Can I…?” Ava asks. Beatrice knows immediately what she’s asking and can tell how much it’s taking her to ask.
Beatrice is just as scared by her answer, but she’s never wanted anything more. Just another first to add to her list of firsts with Ava.
She can’t speak, so she just nods instead.
Beatrice’s head is still moving when Ava’s mouth presses against hers, and all the air leaves Beatrice’s body at the contact.
It’s like nothing Beatrice has ever felt before and even better than she could have imagined. Ava reaches up and cups Beatrice’s cheeks, holding her close as she presses into the kiss.
Beatrice feels Ava’s breath stutter when her hands land on Ava’s waist and Beatrice knows then and there that she’s never going to be the same again after kissing Ava.
“Wow,” Ava says, breath against Beatrice’s lips and for some reason, it makes Beatrice laugh, suddenly giddy with the feeling of Ava so close, and everything that’s suddenly changed between them.
“Was that okay?” Beatrice finds herself asking, despite the fact that Ava was the one to kiss her.
“This is the best Christmas ever,” Ava says, smiling now too and Beatrice can’t help but agree. “I hope you know that now I know what it’s like to kiss you, I’m never going to want to stop.”
Beatrice can’t help but agree with that too, and instead of telling Ava that, she just kisses her again.
Beatrice knows that whatever happens after this, whether they leave tomorrow, whether they’re here for a few more days or whether they get to spend Christmas here, with their tree that’s already starting to tilt to the side, and the present Beatrice has tucked under the bed for Ava, that everything is going to be ok because she’s with Ava and that’s all she needs.