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The Great Belgian Chocolate Heist

Summary:

In which Lucho wants his chocolate, but they're in Belgium and so Darwin sets up a heist.

Notes:

Prompt: Advent calendars + “Christmas hot chocolate is not normal hot chocolate. Where are the marshmallows?”

Work Text:

 

 

It was the day before Liverpool’s last group stage game, and most of the squad were in Belgium. Key word being most; Robertson had stayed behind in Kirkby for recovery, while Van Dijk, Alexander-Arnold, Alisson and Salah had all been left out to avoid any unnecessary injuries. It was clear that when it came to dead rubbers, the Jota injury in 2020 was still hanging over Klopp’s head.

This, among other things, also meant that Alexis Mac Allister wasn’t there to play against his brother. Nunez, bored out of his mind without having Mac Allister or Alisson to play pranks on, went to find Diaz. He found the Colombian in the kitchen, along with an already half-empty Advent calendar. The Advent calendars had been early Christmas presents from Klopp, and they’d only got them on the first of December. Diaz had been thrilled with the idea of free chocolate every day and ate it up with unbridled enthusiasm—literally.

“Lucho!” Nunez groaned. “We’re supposed to eat those one by one.”

“Oh, Darwin!” Diaz looked up from his box of spoils. “Did you try the cranberry truffles in here? I still think the ones with arequipe were the best, y’know.”

Well, Diaz had comically missed the point. “I seriously can’t believe you ate all the chocolate in your advent calendar. And I thought I was impulsive.”

“What?” Diaz stuffed another handful of chocolate into his mouth. “It’s really good stuff.”

Nunez chuckled, shaking his head. “Yeah, but now you won't have any left for tomorrow.”

“Look at you, thinking ahead as if you were Alexis.” Diaz reached into the Advent calendar for another chocolate, but his hand just bumped against the cardboard bottom of the box. “Aw man, there’s none left. And I was craving chocolate today, too!”

“You ate your allotment of Advent calendar chocolate for the next eighteen days!” Nunez tossed the empty box onto the floor. “How can you still crave more?”

“Oh, I don’t know! All those chocolates are freaking tiny. But now I’m hungry for chocolate and miserable.” Diaz pouted, glaring at the empty box. “Where do we get more?”

“Have you forgotten we’re in Brussels? It’s chocolate heaven! We can always find more and pretend that you didn't eat the whole thing.”

Diaz brightened up at the idea, but then his shoulders quickly sagged again. "But none of us have been to Belgium before, Wino. We wouldn't know where to cross the street, much less look for chocolate.”

"Excuse you, Lucho! We're in the twenty-first century, there's GPS for a reason." Nunez opened his phone, unlocking it with his fingerprint. He'd intended to go straight to Google Maps, but his thumb accidentally landed on his photo app, pulling up a picture of Mac Allister and his brothers when they were kids. “Actually, I think I have a better idea.”

 

*

Fifteen minutes later, Nunez and Diaz were in the front seat of a rental car, tearing down the streets of Brussels. In the backseat was a half-asleep Mac Allister, a thermos of coffee in his hands.

The key word being that this was not Alexis Mac Allister!

"Alexis told me that you were chaotic, but he always did like to exaggerate things." Kevin Mac Allister drank the last of his coffee with a satisfied sigh. "So, why'd you pull me out of bed during my mid-afternoon nap?"

"FYI, it's midday, old man. And we need your help." Nunez gestured towards Diaz, who was nursing a cup of tea. "Lucho here has a craving for chocolate, but we have no idea where to find any."

Diaz picked up his cup of hot chocolate. He didn't take a single sip, instead swirling the liquid around the cup. “ Ay, mi reino por un poco de chocolate. Could you help us, Mac Allister numero dos ?"

"Please, just call me Kevin. You're going to get your Mac Allisters mixed up otherwise.” Kevin laughed as Diaz regarded his hot chocolate with disdain. “And don’t you already have chocolate?”

“Because it’s Christmas hot chocolate,” Diaz complained. He gave up trying to drink the concoction, instead giving it to Nunez. Nunez enthusiastically drank it down in one gulp. “Christmas hot chocolate is not normal hot chocolate. Where are the marshmallows, the whipped cream? And there are too many peppermints.”

Kevin chuckled, pointing towards the paper map he held. "Relax, Lucho, there are a couple of shops around here that sell some good chocolate to tourists. But if you want free chocolate…”

He closed the window and put up the sunguards. "Well, you'll have to come with me. There's a great spot I know where you can get all the best chocolate, for free."

Diaz grinned. "You had me at chocolate."

Nunez grinned as well. "You had me at free!"

 

*

At the next stoplight, Nunez and Kevin stepped out of the car to switch places. With Kevin now in the front seat, the car drove smoothly until it pulled up at a small building.

“Now, you just wait here, Lucho,” said Kevin, unbuckling his seatbelt. “Darwin and I will be back with your chocolate faster than Trent’s pride left him after the Sheffield game.”

“He’ll kill you if he hears that.” But Diaz accepted the mini bar of milk chocolate that Kevin handed him with a smile. “Be careful with our Darwizzy.”

“Oh, Kevin’s gotta worry about me kicking his butt at whatever we’re doing!.” Nunez closed the car door and waved as Kevin dragged him towards the building. “So, Kevster, what are we doing?”

“Don’t call me that!” Kevin pulled Nunez behind a bush, slamming a hand over his mouth. “Look, this isn’t what you think. We aren’t stealing chocolate from a big corp or something, neither are we doing some great Belgian chocolate heist.”

“Dammit!” Nunez punched the ground, crossing his arms and sulking. “Older brothers always ruin the fun. Well, except Muriel, he’s the risk taker out of the Becker brothers.”

“Yeah, I figured it wasn’t Alisson. That guy has enough nervous systems to teach a uni lecture on it.” Kevin crawled over towards the building’s door, looking both ways before gesturing towards the cat flap in it. “Come on, Darwin, we still need to break into this building.”

Nunez perked up immediately, diving horizontally through the cat flap and landing on the inside. “Let’s do this, baby!”

Kevin stared at Nunez as if he was an alien. “You break every law of physics and it’s scary.”

 

*

“Holy forkin’ shirt! Look at all this cocoa, tipo! ” Nunez darted from table to table. His mouth watered at the elaborate chocolate displays, which ranged from Catalan chocolate sculptures to Tahitian pralines in tropical flavors. “Who owns this place?”

Kevin stepped out from the room he’d gone into. Now he wore a white apron and chef’s hat, and his hand, gloved in white cotton, held another hand that led up to another arm. “Let’s just say that might be familiar with him.”

Nunez glanced over at the new guy in the building. He was much paler than Kevin or Alexis, but he was around the same height. His hair was bleached a frosty grayish-white, and his eyes were circled by dark patches reminiscent of a raccoon.

“Leandro Trossard?!” Nunez stared at the Arsenal player with his mouth agape. “What the hell does he know about chocolate?”

Kevin rolled his eyes. “FYI, he’s Belgian, Darwin. Not all Belgians know about chocolate, but Leandro knows a lot about it.”

“I started work on this shop last summer, after City stole our title. I’ve worked on it for almost seven months now.” Trossard pointed towards the displays of chocolate, surrounded by piles of cling wrap and empty packing boxes. “And tomorrow is opening day!”

“Tomorrow? So could you give us some of this stuff for free?” Nunez picked up a chocolate Easter bunny, tied with a soft blue plaid bow. “My friend has a chocolate craving larger than the number of City’s FFP charges, and I don’t feel like spending money today.”

“What a tightwad, just like Martin. You should know, your teammate is dating him.” Trossard chuckled, glancing at Kevin and Nunez. “You two do know that, don’t you?”

The two glared at Trossard. “One of us is his best friend and the other is his brother.”

“Okay, so I forked up there. Remind me to ask questions next time I assume something.” Trossard laughed sheepishly, reaching for a box of chocolates sitting upon a pile of them. “How about some chocolate to make up for it? Your friend does like pralines, right?”

Nunez smiled, remembering how Diaz had devoured the pralines inside the Advent calendar. “They’re his favorite.”

 

*

“That was fun, wasn’t it, Darwin?” Kevin glanced towards the backseat. Diaz was fast asleep after devouring five salted caramel pralines, smiling in his sleep. “Now you know that older brothers aren’t just for protection. They can also be fun.”

“Well, sorry that my older brother’s always telling me to stop breaking into the boss’s office to steal Lijnders’ glitter pens.” Nunez reached into a paper sack and took out a chocolate candy cane, biting the curve off of it. “Real nice of Leandro to get us a couple of sweets, too. Turns out Martin isn’t the only nice guy at Arsenal.”

“I went to London last year during the World Cup, and ran into Martin in a Christmas market. We went to his house and had dinner—shrimp scampi.” Kevin smiled, stuffing his phone into his pants pocket. “That’s why I was cool when Lexi told me that they were dating.”

“You know what? You’re pretty cool, Kev. Sneaking into a chocolate store, rizzing the owner into giving us free sweets, and driving in a shiny black getaway car.” Nunez leaned back in his seat, turning the steering wheel with his socked foot. “And the best part? Alexis will never find out.”

“KEVIN! What did you just get Darwizzy into?!”

Kevin glanced towards his pants pocket, then back at Nunez with a sheepish grin. “I might have accidentally pocket-dialed Alexis?”

“KEVIN!”