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River wore a black suit and a crisp white shirt, just like to Min's. He brought flowers. He didn't know what kind to buy, so he just asked for white. A simple bouquet of white roses and lilies. A priest spoke while a casket with his dead once-best friend's body was being put in the ground. It seemed unreal, but River stopped counting the days since reality started feeling like a strange dream. He stood in the back of a crowd of people, almost all of them he'd never seen before. He was surprised to see Spider's extended family, a few business buddies he had managed to impress, a couple people from the service. Webb was an ex-agent, but an agent after all. It deserved respect. And he didn't go out peacefully.
The funeral ended and people started going their way. Spider's parents were there, River didn't really know what to say, so he just nodded when he met their eyes. He laid the flowers on the ground among all the other wreaths. A woman in her thirties with two toddlers clutching her leg came up to him.
„Did you work with James?” she asked.
„I uh, I'm not...”
„No, you're not allowed to say.”
He really wasn't. He didn't know what to tell her.
„I'm Jessie Webb, James' sister.” She lit a cigarette, while the children started playing with dirt. „Are you River?”
River blinked in surprise.
„Sorry, have we met?”
„No, but he talked about you. He only told me about a few guys. You know, when we were still talking. River was from work. And I don't know, maybe you got your face smashed in a bar fight, but you stand like one of them James Bond wannabes, so I thought it was you.”
Spider talked about him? That must have been a long time ago.
„Yeah, it was,” Jessie said while taking a slow drag of a cigarette. River must have said that last thought out loud.
„If it makes you feel any better, he made you sound like a good guy. Almost too good, it got annoying. I remember the summer when it was all River this and River that.”
He suddenly felt great heaviness. He didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
He didn't know how to talk to the woman in front of him either. She had the same sharpness about her that Spider did, but she was a stranger to him.
„I'm sorry for your loss,” he finally said.
„Yeah. He was a prick, but he was still my brother. We were always competing, who would impress mum and dad the most. It was why he joined the service. He always wanted to win, even when it got mean, you know? You probably do.”
He did. And for all that he hated the bastard, he never wished him to end up dead and murdered. Jessie said goodbye and left. Her children, Spider's little nephews, trailed behind her. River allowed himself to stay a while longer.
River thought of the time they met. They were fast friends, and then something more, and then it was over. Except it wasn't, because their paths would cross many times for the better part of the decade, and on and off they would be something pathetic and complicated. But they always clicked, always, whether working together or against each other. If only Spider understood none of this had to be a competition, maybe he would still be around to bicker and fight and take him in, again and again, until they got sick of each other.
But Spider was gone. He left him. Just like mum left, just like everybody did in the end.
River's phone rang and he dreaded it. No bad news, not today, but he was expecting it someday soon. He had to keep it together to make it to one more funeral.