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Rain.
Drenched and with glistening cheeks from the pouring rain, you stared at the door you had just knocked on. Your gaze lingered, yearning for it to swing open, revealing a glimmer of light and perhaps a semblance of comfort. Strangely, you couldn't quite pinpoint the reason for your presence at this mysterious doorstep.
Your mind was hazy and your steps were jittery, The scant clothing you wore offered little defense against the downpour, just further adding another layer of disarray to your already puzzled mind.
Midway through raising your fist for another knock–
The door swung open.
A pregnant pause enveloped the moment as the realization of the situation settled in. The door, now ajar, revealed not just an entry but a connection to a pair of piercing blue eyes.
Time seemed to momentarily stand still.
“Satoru…?”
Just seeing a glimpse of him is enough to make you blink back tears.
“Are you drunk?” you heard him mutter.
The rhythmic thud of your heart echoed in the charged atmosphere, words caught in your throat as you confronted the consequences of your actions. A replay of the night surfaced – the bar, the numbing drinks, and the desperate quest for comfort.
Your body and brain are contradicting each other.
"Sorry…" you slurred, the word left you as an apology for the late night disturbance and your presence as a whole.
You weren't supposed to be here, it was unfair for the both of you, it was so hard for you to move away, to move on.
the heaviness in your head amplifying with each step as you reluctantly turned to leave, rain-soaked and disoriented.
But a firm grip on your wrist halted your retreat.
"Are you?" Gojo's gaze bore into yours as you blinked back at him, eyes struggling to stay open, managing a feeble nod.
His gaze swept across the quiet streets, revealing a haunting emptiness accentuated by the relentless rain that cascaded with increasing intensity. “Are you crazy?”–
"Come in," he urged, the concern evident in his voice. The soft glow from his house spilled onto the wet pavement. He insisted, "It's late at night. I can't let you go back home on your own like this,"
You paused, caught in the gaze of those blue eyes— the ones you once thought would be a constant in your mornings, a promise of forever.
You gulped, nodding with qualm to his request.
you followed him into the warmth of his home. The familiar scent of his space enveloped you, and the soft glow of lights chased away the chill from your rain-soaked clothes, immediately welcoming you in.
You found yourself wrapped in a blanket, the contrast between the chilly exterior and the comforting interior adding layers to the gnawing familiarity of your surroundings.
A shiver coursed through you, prompting you to nuzzle further into the blanket, only to be enveloped by his lingering scent.
Your heart ached .
Alone in the room, memories whispered from the corners, carried by the very walls that had witnessed the laughter and shared secrets of days long gone. The familiar surroundings stirred a montage of moments – the subtle echoes of shared jokes, the surprise takeouts he would bring on a Thursday, the warmth of lazy Sunday mornings, and the quiet conversations that once filled the spaces now hushed in solitude.
For a second time, you tried to blink away the tears.
Gojo returned with a steaming mug as the aroma of a familiar herbal tea wafted through the air, the same one he would make you on days where you fell sick, or just as similar as the one the two of you would share on a cold December evening.
"Here... sit tight," Gojo gestured towards the couch behind you. You followed his suggestion, sinking into the cushions as he settled on the other side.
Sipping the tea brought instant comfort, a soothing ease that washed over you as it gradually sobered you up. With trembling hands, you clung to the mug as if it emitted a warmth capable of dispelling both the chill in the air and the uncertainties weighing on your mind.
A noticeable silence enveloped the both of you, a departure from the animated persona you were accustomed to. The Gojo you remembered was made of noise, echoing vitality loud enough to permeate the neighborhood. This uncharacteristic quietness left a void, making you long for the boisterous energy that once made each moment pulse with a vivid sense of life.
In fact, it was so ear muffling that you started hearing distant laughs of old memories trickling back into your mind, it was as if the walls of this room spoke volumes of the hours the two of you spent in the comfort of one another.
“You okay?” He finally broke the silence and it seemed to pull you right out of your trance. You turned your head towards him, only to find his eyes lost in the empty void of the television ahead.
“Better.” You replied– slightly moved by his concern.
Your eyes fell to the mug in your hands, seeing a glimpse of your face before you lightly shook it for the ripples to wash away your reflection.
You cleared your throat, trying to deviate the conversation away from your mental state, “Still using that tea I bought?”
You could see him shift in his place from the corner of your eyes, letting an arm drape on the couch as he thought of what to say, “I actually finished that container, so I had to buy another one.– Good stuff, you know.”
“Really? Never knew you were a tea enthusiast.” You raised your eyebrow, he only used to make it for you, rarely ever for himself, was it really because he liked it?
He sighed, still not meeting your gaze, “It happened recently, it does relax me after a long mission.”
You hummed, taking another sip as silence enveloped the air once again. “Collecting Digimon cards no longer relaxes you?”
His head perked up.
"Wanna know something funny? remember that one card I tried so hard to get?" Gojo's voice carried a distinct edge, a mix of triumph and something else, prompting you to pause and turn toward him. He reached for his phone with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.
When he showed you the screen, your eyes widened in disbelief.
Tyrannomon Series 2 Gold Stamped (2000)
“What?! You actually bought it?”
“It's supposed to come in tomorrow.”
“I'm actually speechless– for how much did you even buy it?”
“Not telling.~” Gojo's playful grin slowly made its way back to his face, ever so slightly.
“Okay, mysterious. I'll just imagine an exorbitant number then.”
“Should have seen Yuji’s face when he first saw it hehe,” a subdued laugh slipped past his lips, looking back at his screen.
“Oh wait, How are the kids doing?” You asked once again, out of pure curiosity.
At least, talking to him as if nothing happened did distract you from your constant heartbreak.
“My students? Better than ever, they're improving everyday, I had to give Mei-san 10 million yen to recommend them though.” he grinned at the mention of his students, rubbing the back of his head.
“You brided Mei-san into recommending your students?” Your eyes met his, raised eyebrows but really– was it that much of a surprise?
“When you put it that way…” He trailed off.
“10 million yen on top? You're going to go broke at some point.”
He pouted, looking at you almost offended in which you just softly smiled, “Hey… I know how to invest my money.”
You added, “I'm sure they deserved it though, after hearing what happened in the exchange.”
“They did.” He smiled, you could almost picture it as a soft branded-dad smile.
It's like nothing was wrong, and everything was back to where it belonged, it felt like any other day where you would cuddle up in his arms and talk about the most random things.
The only difference right now is the distance between the two of you, to each had their side of the couch.
Your hands instinctively clutched the edges of the blanket that enveloped you, fingers intertwining with the fabric as Gojo's words hung in the air.
"I... They miss you," Gojo spoke, his voice carrying a subtle undertone of longing. "You should really pay them a visit."
The room held a heavy silence as you wrestled with the weight of his suggestion. Your gaze lingered on a distant point, somewhere between memories and the present.
Your lips parted as if to respond, but only silence spilled from them.
"Seriously... They talk about you all the time," Gojo continued, his words slicing through the quiet like a bittersweet melody.
"Who am I kidding? I miss them too," you finally admitted, your voice carrying the weight of unspoken sentiments. "...It's too painful."
“Do you plan on avoiding anything that has to do with me forever?”
“Ignoring it might make it go away, right?”
“Did it?”
You shifted uncomfortably as you held the half empty cup delicately between your hands. Your gaze remained fixated on it, as if searching for answers in the dwindling remnants of a forgotten brew. The room held a hushed stillness, punctuated only by the occasional creak of the floorboards, bearing witness to the quiet struggle within.
You heard him speak your name, but this time, there was an intricate softness to his tone.
“I told you that I'll always be there for you. No matter what happens between us.” His soft voice resonated in the quiet living room.
“Avoiding me won't erase the memories we shared, the love we had,” Gojo's voice held a soothing quality, a hint of desperation laced within his words.
The love we had.
It's not supposed to hurt but it does, and the way he's saying it so effortlessly–
You looked at him, your eyes glistening with unshed tears, the alcohol dulling the ache in your chest. "It's not about erasing the memories, Gojo. It's about surviving without them." Your voice wavered as you struggled to maintain your composure.
A heavy silence settled between the two of you, broken only by the sound of the storm raging outside. The air crackled with unspoken emotions, the weight of your past relationship hanging heavily in the room.
“'Always' feels like a cruel deception when 'now' is so different from what we were," you murmured, the rawness of your emotions laid bare.
“I know things have changed, but that… doesn't mean that I don't care about you–”
You cut him off. “I can't–”
“Please–”
“I just need space! And no, I won't be hanging out with your students nor talk to you. You have to know that your support is a double edged sword.” Your grasp tightened against the mug yet he still persisted.
“You literally showed up to my doorstep drunk. You obviously needed someone."
“Key word, drunk. You think I came here on my own sober account? I even offered to go and save you from any trouble but you didn't let me.”–
“Yeah, drunk.– your words . If you thought for any second that I’d let you out there in this state in the middle of the night then you’re dead wrong.” His jaw clenched, leaning slightly forward to add, “Look– I just… want to be there for you. Regardless of our past, can't we find a way to coexist without it hurting so much?”
It's like he wasn't even listening –
“The mention of your damn name hurts, and the thought of being next to you while being nothing to you fucking haunts me! You think I'd voluntarily sign up to constant pain everyday because the strongest wants to be there for me? Don't make me laugh, I'm already having it hard as it is.”
The tension in the room just suffocatingly grew.
He retorted as his eyes narrowed, “You think it's easy for me? You think that I'm having a field day every fucking time they bring you up?”
"What I'm saying is that I just need to find a way to navigate through this mess, and constantly being reminded of us doesn't make it any easier for me either!” Your voice– once again, broke as you tried to state.
“We fight curses, we risk our lives everyday– we can't afford to feel like normal people.”
A heavy silence lingered in the room, broken only by the faint sound of raindrops outside. Then, abruptly, the rain ceased, leaving an unusual quiet between the two of you. The room, once filled with emotion, now held an eerie stillness, as if the universe itself paused to acknowledge the weight of your conversation.
Pausing, he ran a hand through his hair while softly muttering, “That's the main reason why we broke up.”
Your career was really destroying your life, huh?
For the third time, your tears were so adamant on breaking through.
“I should probably go.”
Did letting him go even do anything good to your life? You've been sulking around the entirety of your time ever since the two of you called it quits, so what exactly have you done this entire time? Drink away your feelings? Ignore your duties for something as trivial as a breakup?– worst of all, in the kind of career you pursue? Oh you weren't mad at him at this point, you were mad at yourself.
So mad at yourself that you can't move on from him–
All because he was… perfect, he always remembered your most important dates of the year, he always spoiled you with gifts, he always showered you with affection, he was always just there.
In every lingering stare, the gentle touch of a finger tracing down your jaw as you slept, the tender forehead kisses, the warm embrace that scooped you up from the ground after a long day of work, or the silent interludes you shared, he left an indelible mark.
No one has treated you with that much care in the world, and he was so clueless to that fact.
He was a once-in-a-lifetime kind of person; you'd bet on anything that you'd never encounter anyone quite like him again.
And now you were walking away from him.
You swiftly placed the porcelain mug on the coffee table, carefully removing the blanket he had given you. Standing on your feet as a cascade of cool air enveloped you.
“...Huh?” He watched you deftly pull out your phone in a matter of seconds, strands of your hair were still sticking to your forehead and your clothes were just as soaked, stubbornly clinging to your form.
This was ridiculous, going to your ex’s house in the middle of the night like it was some kind of K-drama? Embarrassing, now you'd really have to avoid him forever.
“I have a mission tomorrow anyway, and look, it stopped raining, I can just call in a cab and I’ll be gone.” The words, though matter-of-fact, carried a hint of something more.
“Wait–” You moved towards the door, your steps purposeful, as he stood up from the couch, a palpable urgency in his attempt to catch up to you.
Something had to be done.
When you reached for the door, you halted your movements, fingers lingering on the cool surface.
Something just had to be said.
"Satoru,”
This was probably the last time you'd allow yourself to be near him, why not let it all out? It's better than leaving with regrets over unsaid things…. Right?
Your heartbeat raced against your chest as you took a shuddering breath.
“Wanna know why it's so hard for me to move on?”
Your back was facing him, yet you could feel him keep a generous distance, a silent acknowledgment of the delicate moment unfolding. His gaze, though distant, seemed to pierce right through you.
Your hands turned into fists as you gulped.
“You’re… probably the best thing that happened to me,” the words hung heavy in the stifling silence.
"I'm not sure if I'll ever find someone like you, to be frank. Hell, even if there was someone like you, they'd never be you. I already miss everything – your jokes, your smile, your sweets addiction, your eyes, your everything, really…” A familiar glob formed within your throat as your tears started to threaten leaving the corner of your eyes, you sighed, adding, “I'll miss your silly addiction to collecting Digimon cards or… just waking up in your arms every morning.– gosh this hurts.”
The world seemed to have quieted down, as if the two of you were the last ones standing.
"Right now, I need to let go... even if it means losing the best part of me. As selfish as it is… I just… had to see you one last time." You turned around to meet his widened stare, helplessness glimmering within them. As you tried to smile one last time to the fresh blue of summer, the vulnerability in his gaze mirrored the ache in your heart. “I'll make sure to carry on with our memories, even the most painful ones.”
The way he looked at you was devastating you, he looked so helpless–
“I'll always choose you no matter what life we’re in…”
It's almost as if everything stopped.
“Thank you for everything, Satoru.”
Was this what you wanted? Cutting him off completely?
He can't.
He was going through it all over again, where his best friend left him not once, but twice. And now here you were, practically leaving him for the second time—after you had knocked on his door.
He can't go through all of this again, he already hated it just as much the moment he let you leave through this door for the first time.
The existence of the blue you had known off had become overwhelmingly intense.– Everything just skipped a few frames.
Because right now, you couldn't register what was actually happening, or when it exactly happened.
Your back pressed against the door, knees weakened, and your hands clenched onto the fabric of his shirt. Uncertainty hung in the air, a silent battle within you, unsure whether to pry him off or pull him closer. The tension between longing and restraint wove a delicate dance, and his lips practically left you no space nor time to speak.
“I can't let you go again.–” His hand was latched onto your throat to press you even more against him– as if he was trying to erase any distance from between the two of you once and for all, his lips were firm, smashing against yours as your breaths mingled, you could feel the warmth of his body radiate to ease your cold– soaked state. “W-wai Sator–.”
“I'm so sorry– I can't.”
“I missed you.” The tears that built up throughout the entire night finally trickled down the corner of your eyes.
“I missed you so damn much–”
He muttered a series of ‘I can’t.’ between his kisses and in your attempt to pull away for a breath, he only deepened the kiss, pressing his lips onto yours with a fervent passion. Your legs became entangled, the closeness reaching a point where the boundaries between you blurred. Your hands instinctively gripped his shirt, grounding yourself at the feeling of his tongue against yours.
You weren't sure if it was your tears or his that were rolling down your cheek at one point.
You should stop– but why was he kissing you? He started it.
He pulled away, his shaky hot breath lingering against your glistening cheek.
You locked eyes, both breathing heavily in the aftermath. His cheeks and ears glowed with a rosy hue and the corners of his mouth were swollen; you felt like it was your first kiss with him all over again.
Now you really understand why you never wanted to let him go.
You needed him.
He rested his head against your neck, his arms wrapping your waist while he muttered, “Sorry… I had to be a little selfish as well.”
It's like your mind went blank, unable to register the reality of this moment, unable to move or think.
You felt him tense against the lack of your response, only to further relax into you when you slowly brought your hands to his hair, one tangled to his soft strands, and the other brushing against his undercut. Your chin trembled as salty tears continued to pour down.
“you can't… just say all of that and expect me to let you go through this door.” Satoru uttered against your neck, his arms tightening around you, “not when you chose to come to me.”
“I missed you so much. too much– I thought I was losing my mind at one point. I even held onto an empty tea container because you gave it, then you showed up here after months of ignoring me– I thought I was dreaming, I tried to play it off like nothing was wrong even though everything was wrong. the amount of control you have on me is scary.” he sniffed and moved away from your neck, bringing his left hand to your cheek to wipe away a tear before softly kissing the wet trails left on your face. “Loving you is scary.”
“But I need you.” he left a delicate kiss on your eye.
And he needed you.
“ Please.”
“I would happily die of old age– as lame as it is for someone like me. Just if it meant growing up alongside you.” another kiss was left on the corner of your lips.
He pulled away, finally revealing the overwhelming softness in his eyes, his gaze looking at you and only you.
With that, the hands tangled onto his hair pushed him forward to meet your lips in a sweet and passionate kiss.
“We’re idiots,” you muttered against his lips.
He agreed, pressing a kiss on your chin, “We are.”
“We shouldn't have let each other go.” another kiss pressed against your jaw.
“Never.” and another on your neck, he paused.
“Be mine again? I'd make sure to never let you go again.”
“I never stopped being yours.” he smiled softly at your answer.
“For every life we might share together?”
“To the very last one.”