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“Have you never really been hugged before?” Ben stood in front of Carlos, knowing his mouth was hanging open but not able to stop it.
Carlos shook his head. “Jay puts an arm around me sometimes, but he’s never hugged me full on. Evie likes to hold my hand, and Mal, well. Mal’s not physical, she just keeps people from beating me up. That’s affection for her.”
“You never got hugs from your mother…” As soon as Ben said it, he knew it was the wrong thing. As soon as it’s out of his mouth, Carlos seems to shut down, and he turns away from Ben. “Carlos, I’m sorry. I didn’t think.”
“You’re usually good at not hurting people’s feelings,” Carlos said, still turning away. “Which is why I haven’t walked out of here. But I need a minute.” He stood there, back turned to Ben for a while. Ben could hear him taking deep breathes, like he did when he thought he was getting a panic attack.
Ben didn’t think anything he said would help, so he just stood there, and waited until Carlos turned around. When he did, Ben looked him over. He wasn’t crying, or showing any emotion outwardly. He had the blank look all the Isle kids did, and that he knew now was for self-protection.
“I’m sorry,” Ben said. Carlos nodded. “You’re not angry at me?”
“No,” Carlos said. “I know you can’t really know what it was like, but you try to understand. So I can live with a few misunderstandings.” Carlos moved a little closer. “But you really want to hug me? Why?”
“Because...I like you,” Ben said. “And you’re nice, caring. And I wanted to show you some affection and that’s the easiest way.”
“You like me? What does that mean in Auradon? Do you want to fuck me?” Carlos seemed a little confused. “Is that was hugs lead to?”
“No, or at least not always,” Ben said. “I really don’t have any other plan besides that for tonight. But I do like you in a romantic way.” Ben was proud of himself for not freaking out. From some of the stuff Carlos and his friends had said, he wasn’t all that surprised.
“Oh. Um, you can hug me. But only for a little while. And then I want to leave. Fairy Godmother told me once that I needed to be clear about boundaries, is that good?” Ben saw that Carlos had turned a little pink. Maybe Carlos did like him.
“That’s good. I understand completely.” Ben held his arms out.
Carlos stood there for a minute, then slowly moved towards him until he was right in front of Ben. Ben slowly curled his arms in, giving Carlos the chance to stop it if he wanted.
“So I put my arms around you too? I’ve seen other people do that.” Ben nodded, and Carlos wrapped his arms around Ben. Then they were embracing, Carlos’s face in his shoulder. Carlos was a little stiff, but he didn’t object to Ben touching him.
They stood like that for a while, Ben wondering if he could rub Carlos’s back, or something else besides kissing. But he didn’t want to push it. He just held Carlos close.
“This isn’t bad,” Carlos said. “How long does it go on, usually?”
“Not for very long,” Ben said. “Depends on why you’re doing it. If it’s for comfort, it can be longer. But we can stop now if you want.”
Carlos was silent a moment, his face tucked into Ben’s shoulder. Then he let go, and Ben did as well, stepping back. Carlos stood there for a moment. “That was pretty good,” he said. “I even closed my eyes.”
Ben had to think about that for a second. “Oh. You mean you weren’t worried about getting hurt?”
“I guess not,” Carlos said. He smiled at Ben then, an open, sweet one. Ben felt his stomach flip. “I need to get back now. Jay will be worried if I’m too late, and then he’ll come look for me.”
“Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow, Carlos.” Carlos nodded, then left. Ben was left alone in his office, wondering when he would see Carlos again. He would see him tomorrow with the others, sure, but he didn’t know when it would be the two of them.
Ben stared out the window for a while, thinking of Carlos. A sweet boy who trusted very few people. Now it seemed he had made the cut. He couldn’t do anything to make Carlos regret that.
Then he went to his desk and worked until nearly daylight.