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Izumo couldn't remember what it felt like to be warm. Realistically, she knew it had only been maybe two days that she'd been in Siberia with the rest of her peers to witness the end of the world, but it sure as hell didn’t feel like it. Huddled around a flickering fire, under cold stars, Izumo couldn't help but long. For what, she couldn't quit place.
Rubbing the fabric of her protective gear between frozen fingertips, she couldn't help but think about Moriyama. Izumo had been worried sick ever since she'd gotten whisked away, and to see her reappear, older and more confident, decked out in rich silks and vibrant flowers, was surreal to say the least. Overwhelming too. If it weren't for the situation they were all in, Izumo may have felt a little more shame at her outbursts and transparent displays of affection. But even now, after the fact, her cheeks only warmed at the memory of arms circling to her back, bright smile directed right at her, and the sweet smell of jasmine and lilies after so long in a barren tundra.
Izumo was stubborn, she'll concede that at gunpoint, maybe, but she certainly wasn't stupid. After a long and arduous crush on Paku throughout her entire childhood that ended in a very reasonable response to spending a little less time with the other girl, Izumo had more than figured out she liked girls the way she was expected to like boys. Or at least had an unfortunate pattern of falling head over heels, balls to the walls, in love for only two people, who just so happened to both be girls.
The specifics didn't matter. Izumo knew she was utterly smitten for one Moriyama Shiemi and seeing this new, shining Shiemi was enough to snap all her emotions into blinding clarity. Her heart ached, grieving for time lost with the sweet, timid girl, and skipping a beat at how much she'd grown into her skin and out of her previous meekness. Like spring's first blooms breaking through winter's frosts.
Oh, she was done for. Crafting natural poetry in one's own mind meant a crush was terminal. Izumo sat there, bent over, clutching at the patterned fabric that kept her safe, apparently by Shiemi's enchantments, and let out a guttural groan. Because of course she had to fall for her best friend, again, and at the end of times while she was at it.
There was no point in wallowing in self pity. Sucking in a breath, Izumo got up and returned to the sleeping tent. She finally managed to fall asleep, dreaming of four leaf clovers and floral lace, sweet moss and warm hands.
-
Izumo knew it was hypocritical of her to dig into Shiemi for avoiding a romantic confession, but she figured she'd allow herself this moral inconsistency this one time. And so what if the very thing she was yelling at Shiemi for was something Izumo was doing herself? Who was going to call her on her bluff?
Rin would be lucky to have Shiemi. Izumo couldn't quite figure out if they did have some reciprocated budding romance, but it would be really convenient for them to get together so she could get over this crush. If you could even call it that anymore.
It was getting painfully obvious to Izumo how stupidly in love she was with Shiemi. It truly hurt, the intensity of which she fell for her.
The way Shiemi was acting wasn't helping soothe her heartache. All fresh confidence and bleeding power, but still so stupidly, endearingly, dorky.
Standing in whatever barren wastelands were left of Siberia, it was easy to stare off into nothing. They were the only something in miles worth of nothing. The sheer emptiness could not distract her from the overwhelming everything of spring green eyes.
Izumo was barely paying attention to the conversation she was a part of, thoughts wandering back to Shiemi's resigned sighs and not-quite-content laughs. The girl was expecting to die today, a martyr.
The grip around her heart wasn't just that of teenage infatuation or even true love, it was also a preemptive grief.
-
“Kamiki! Come here! Look at these earthworms!” Shiemi called, throwing her hands, and a handful of wriggling dirt, up to Izumo’s face.
“What are you doing?! Stop digging around the dirt, that's gross!”
“Awwww, but come on, they're so cute~! Like you Kamiki!”
“Don't compare me to some grimey little worms, Moriyama.” Izumo retorted, staunchly ignoring any warmth spreading through her cheeks. “What are we doing back here anyway? It smells disgusting.”
The two were in the back of the Moriyama family garden. Originally they had come to restock a cram school classroom’s resources, but an off hand question from Izumo had led her through a whole tour of the garden.
Unfortunately, it was beautiful.
Izumo hated that she could recognize the smell of jasmine and lilies and fresh soil that always clung to Moriyama.
“This is the compost. I have to mix all the dead plants around and these little cuties will make it into fertile soil for the rest of the garden.” Moriyama sure found a way to shine despite her face being smeared with dirt. She put the worms back into the dirt.
Shiemi threw in some droopy chrysanthemums, their withered red petals sinking into the earth like blood.
“It's a shame. All those beautiful flowers being lost like this.” Izumo couldn't help but comment.
Elbows deep in compost, Moriyama replied, “If you think of it that way, sure.” She smeared more dirt on her face while tucking her bangs back, looking up at Izumo, “All things die, but their beauty gets to live on when new flowers can use this soil to grow from, stronger and healthier than before!”
“I still think it's sad.” Izumo said, gliding her hands over a cluster of daffodils, avoiding the other’s sunny smile. “I thought those flowers were pretty enough.”
-
They had just been assigned their units. The air was both bitingly cold and suffocatingly warm. Izumo glanced at Shiemi, decked out in her Shemihaza garb, embroidered silks and intricately braided hair. Izumo couldn't help but wonder which was softer.
Shiemi caught her eyes, smiling warmly, if not meekly, giving her a little wave. Izumo, for once, returned the gesture.
Yeah. She was in love.
Calling her feelings for Shiemi a crush was an understatement. The sheer fear she felt when she saw her get dragged away. The gripping emptiness in the days that followed, only filled with determination to find her. Izumo would have preferred her heart get ripped out and thrown in the dirt than have to lose Shiemi again.
The relief she felt when she could finally see and feel Shiemi in her arms was so fully encompassing and overwhelming and she felt like the sun had finally returned and her heart was suddenly, but lovingly, thawed.
She couldn't live in a world without Shiemi. The rest of the world didn't seem to be able to either. How could the earth keep turning without the sun? She could feel it, humming under skin and through her bones, like it would burst and spill out in front of her at every smile, laugh, and glance she got.
Clutching the protection charm in her pocket, long since drained of power, but still so warm, Izumo lined up with the rest of their unit, right behind Shiemi.
They left for the labyrinth, ready to face the end of days itself. Izumo had one goal in mind. She would get herself and Shiemi out of this alive. And after all of this is over, she'll hand Shiemi a knife to drive through her heart in the form of a confession, spilling her guts on frosted snow, one last time.