Chapter Text
It was 12pm sharp, on a sunny spring day in Bloomington, Indiana.
Kathryn sat at her mother’s kitchen table. Phoebe had cooked lunch today. Well, technically speaking nothing of the mixed salad had to be cooked per se, but that was besides the point.
“Aren't you hungry, Katy?” her mother threw her a look from across the table.
Kathryn shook her head and drove her fork into the greens - impaling a pile of lettuce - before putting everything into her mouth at once, to avoid having to verbally answer.
It was strange. A few months ago she would’ve given up a lot for a real, homemade meal, especially with fresh produce from the farmer’s market. It had become a long held tradition on Voyager, trying to imagine the first, real meal the crew would enjoy once they were back home. Obviously none of their dreams came true, unless their dream had been mashed potatoes from the Starfleet HQ cafeteria.
Kathryn swallowed without having tasted a thing. Maybe her tastebuds were just as perennially fucked up as she was from the last seven years. She almost missed Neelix’s leola root stew. Almost.
“I’ll need to pick up the kids from school later and take them to practice. Kath, you wanna join me?”
Her sister’s question and her insistent stare shook Kathryn from her thoughts.
“I think I better stay here. After last time…”
The last time Kathryn picked up her niece and nephew from school a swarm of children had flocked around them, awestruck and delighted to see Starfleet’s shiniest new heroine up close. It had taken them over two hours to get home.
Her mother sighed,
“You barely go out anymore, darling. Do you want to spend your whole vacation in this house?”
Kathryn placed the fork on the table harder than necessary.
“It’s not a vacation, mother. It’s a leave of absence. And everytime I do go somewhere, I get stared at. So yes, I’d rather stay here.”
Her mother and sister exchanged wary glances, but neither challenged her. Good, Kathryn was much too exhausted to engage in another fruitless discussion with them.
After lunch, she decided to go on a walk with Molly. It was better than staying in her room, staring at the ceiling all day or something else equally productive.
They walked along the fields of the neighboring farmer until her childhood home disappeared behind the sweeping green meadows. Kathryn sat down on a large stone at the side of the dirt path they’d been following. Molly sat herself down next to her human, panting.
Kathryn studied her Irish setter. Her red fur was shimmering in the sun, but it had become gray on her muzzle and around her milky, half-blind eyes. Molly now needed breaks during their walks and it took her a lot longer to get up from her doggie bed than before. Nevertheless her stubborn girl climbed the steps up to Kathryn’s room every single night, to sleep at her feet.
Kathryn reached out and softly scratched Molly’s ears. She had been one of the best things of being back, mostly because Kathryn had never imagined she’d get to see her again.
The first thing Kathryn notices when she disembarks the spacecraft is the air. It smells different, it feels different in her lungs. Her eyes wander around, taking in the familiar blue sky, Starfleet HQ and behind it the skyline of San Francisco.
Her crew has gone ahead of her, as has been Starfleet’s requested protocol (amongst a billion other things) and she’d agreed - but only if the former Marquis were allowed to walk right among them, as one crew. She would have no part in publicly celebrating their return the Starfleet way, if they didn’t celebrate everyone's return.
It is only then the loud cheers of hundreds of people reach her ears as soon as the first crewman steps on solid ground. She makes her way down the walkway on autopilot , watching as more and more people of her crew break away from their orderly formation to embrace loved ones rushing to meet them halfway. She knows her mother has to be here somewhere as well and her sister probably, too. Chakotay is walking a few paces in front of her and she hopes someone will be there to greet him as well. It hurts that she doesn’t know for sure, hurts he never bothered to tell her. But then again, it really wasn’t any of her business anymore, was it?
Her eyes fall onto a group of people, mostly older men, in Starfleet dress uniforms. The high and mighty Admiralty. The people who would comb through her logs as soon as the formalities were over and done with. The people who held the fate of Seven and the Doctor, as well as the former Marquis in their hands. The people Kathryn had to get on her side. She manages a nod and a somewhat sincere smile - some of these were old colleagues, mentors, people who tried to bring them home, after all.
“Katy!” she hears her mother’s voice before she can spot her in the crowd.
Kathryn’s throat closes up and she has to pinch herself to keep the tears at bay. Her sister is there, too, right next to her mother and both women rush towards her, since Kathryn apparently forgot how to move her legs. As they get closer she realizes her mother is holding something. A leash. And attached to that leash is a dog. A red setter. Her dog - Molly.
She doesn’t know why, but seeing Molly breaks a dam inside her and she bends down and claps her hands on her thighs.
“Come here, girl.” she calls with a breaking voice.
For a moment her heart sinks to her stomach as she wonders if Molly will even recognize her after all this time. After all, Kathryn had been gone for most of her dog's life.
But then an auburn tail begins to wag as excitement rushes to give the elderly dog new life. The leash flies out of Gretchen’s hand and Molly’s running towards her. It’s more a jog than a run, with her age restricting her legs. But it does nothing to contain her joy. She barrels into her legs and Kathryn crouches down further to greet her. Her fingers weave into her fur, as she tries hopelessly to keep the dog from licking her face. It’s ridiculous and straight-out-of-a holonovel-perfect and Kathryn can’t help but laugh, even as a few tears make it past her defenses and roll down her cheeks.
They’re back.
She’s back.
(Later the vultures with cameras would use that picture of her in a pompous, eulogizing article of her she refuses to read. They had no idea. None of them had any idea.)
Then her family reaches her as well and Phoebe unceremoniously pulls her up by her arm only to pull her into a giant hug and only lets go of her to shove her into her mother’s waiting arms. Kathryn buries her face into her mother’s hair, the familiar smell almost bringing her to tears again. She feels like a child, hiding from the world in her mother’s embrace. Her mother cradles her head in one of her hands, while her other softly squeezes her. The Admiral’s widow discreetly turns her head to quietly speak into her daughter’s ear, all too aware of all the eyes potentially looking at them.
“Your father would be so proud of you. You’ve been so strong. Just keep it together for a little while longer, then you’re home free”
Kathryn imperceptibly nods against her. She takes a deep breath and extracts herself from her mother. No breakdowns in front of Starfleet and the press, nevermind her crew. It wouldn’t help her in the last fight still ahead of her.
An hour later Kathryn and Molly made it back to the Janeway residence. Molly immediately curled up on the rug in the living room.
Kathryn looked on and swallowed. She was glad to have her back, very much so, but lately she often wondered for how long. Molly had been three when Voyager set off on her journey, which meant she was over ten years old now. The thought of having to say goodbye to her again made her eyes sting with tears. She shook her head. Kathryn didn’t want to think about this, or about the gray hair her mother sported nowadays and the new wrinkles around her eyes. She let out a deep breath. She was lucky enough to see her family again, to be able to spend time with them once more and all she did was think about losing them again. What was wrong with her?
“Katy, is that you?”
Her mother came out of the study, a PADD in hand, which she handed to her daughter.
“Owen Paris called again while you were out. He sent a few files for you to look through”
Files. Kathryn almost snorted in distaste. They were ‘offers’ for new jobs, missions. After the dust of their return and subsequent inquisition had settled, Starfleet hadn’t seemed so sure what to do with her. Well, a promotion was a given, obviously, especially after the shine the public had taken to Voyager’s story and especially her Captain. The dominion wars had left everyone in the Alpha Quadrant rattled and they soaked up a feel-good story with a happy ending like a sponge.
Much to Kathryn’s chagrin. She had no interest in being Starfleet’s darling, shining hero, role model. She had just wanted to bring her crew home. And she had.
And now she had a PADD in her hands with a free pick of job opportunities, a holy grail in the world of Starfleet. And she had no idea what to do with it. It certainly didn’t feel like a happy end.
Her mother still watched her carefully,
“He said you could take your time, but he’d like to know by the end of the month. Otherwise he has to give those to someone else”
Kathryn nodded, her eyes still glued to the PADD, but without reading anything.
“Did he say anything else?”
She could feel her mother’s stare on her, could feel the worry and the pity pour over her. It made her want to throw the PADD against the nearest wall.
“No honey, I’m sorry. I’m sure if he knew how Mr. Chakotay decided, he would have told me”
Suddenly her cheeks burned up and she felt like a teenager again.
“I’m not - I didn’t ask because -”
“Katy, I know this has to be difficult for you, coming back after all this time, but at some point you have to leave the past behind and look to the future. Your future”
Her mother grabbed her hands in hers while she spoke, tilting her head to look into her daughter’s face.
Kathryn clenched her teeth and the PADD so hard she thought one of them might break.
“Six months ago we were still thousands of lightyears away from earth and I had no idea if we would even have a future the next day!” she burst out, “So I’m sorry I don’t know what goddamn mission to pick for Starfleet to send me out on next. Now if you‘ll excuse me I have to read these“
She ripped her hands away from her mother’s and since she wasn’t able to dismiss any conversation she didn’t want to have anymore, she instead fled to her room without another word.
Her mother looked after her with a deep sigh.
Bloomington, Indiana
May, 20th
Kathryn woke up with a start, a fearful scream stuck in her throat and her own heartbeat much too loud in her ears. When she couldn’t hear nor feel Voyager’s engine humming around her, she panicked.
Who had taken her? Q? The Borg? Hirogen?
A wet snout nudged her hand still clawing at her sheets and the pieces fell into place. She patted Molly’s head with a trembling hand and tried to get her erratic breathing under control.
Apart from her dog, the nightmares were her most loyal companions since her return. The Starfleet psychologist they sent her to told her about PTSD and depression ad nauseam. She didn’t doubt the betazoid was right, but what did that change?
From downstairs, she heard quiet voices and rummaging. Her mother and sister had fretted over her birthday for weeks now, despite Kathryn’s insistence she didn’t want to celebrate.
For the last years it had just been a reminder of how much time she was losing. But unlike now, back in the Delta Quadrant she’d had an excuse not to celebrate every milestone time won in the race against her. Sometimes they didn’t have enough rations - at least in Kathryn’s eyes - to spend them frivolously. But even then Neelix always baked her a cake, one of which was even edible.
And Chakotay had always given her a present. One year it was a bottle of irish whiskey that looked like liquid gold and tasted like a bonfire. Another year he gifted her his holodeck time, four full uninterrupted hours away from the Delta Quadrant.
And while she hated to be the center of attention like this, having a reason to celebrate, no matter what it was, had been important back then. A superficial reason to be merry and not cower or despair in the face of their situation.
She stood up with a sigh and opened her closet, contemplating the options in front of her. She chose a simple black long sleeved shirt and dark pants, a pathetic imitation of the uniform she’d probably never wear again.
The prospect of having to face the music downstairs - quite literally if she knew her sister at all - was more harrowing than her nightmare.
Ten minutes later she descended the stairs all smiles and hugs, astonished no one seemed to catch on to her performance.
After breakfast and presents, her sister’s family left and Kathryn remained in the kitchen with her mother, cleaning up.
“We used to meet up with Mark for your birthday for the first few years you were...gone” her mother supplied, halfway lost in thought, “went out to dinner or something else we thought you might enjoy”
Kathryn felt like someone slapped her.
She knew all too well how hard her father’s birthdays had been after his death, for everyone of them, she couldn’t imagine having to go through that again.
With a guilty sigh she wrapped her arms around her mother from behind and rested her chin on her shoulder.
“Thank you for the cake, mom. And the presents. And everything. I’m sorry I haven’t said that yet.”
Her mother chuckled and patted her hands.
“Apology accepted. I guess we still have to get used to this all again, haven’t we?” She sighed and turned to look at her daughter
“You changed so much - sometimes…” she shook her head and started again “You were always so determined, so sure what you wanted. And once you set your mind to something there was no stopping you” She brushed a strand of her daughter’s hair back behind her ear,
“And you set your mind to bringing Voyager home. And you did. But I’m afraid you paid a really steep price for that, my love.”
Kathryn could only stare at her mother and try to breathe despite her throat closing up
“And I just wish you wouldn’t have had to” Gretchen whispered.
Kathryn quickly pulled her mother into her arms,
“I’m gonna be okay, mom. I promise. I just - need some time to adjust”
A couple of hours later Kathryn heard the door chime. No, Kathryn corrected herself, the doors in Indiana didn’t chime, they had bells and those rung.
“I’ll get it” she shouted in the direction of the living room where her mother sat.
Without checking who was on the other side - because why should she? It wasn’t like an armed Kazon or Hirogen would be on the other side - she opened the door.
And froze.
He wasn’t in uniform. It was the first thing she noticed. He looked good.
His hair was a few centimeters longer than the buzzcut she became so accustomed to and a few slivers of silver were visible here and there. His skin was a tone tanner and reminded her of New Earth, when he used to spend most of his time outside in the sun. Building her a bathtub. And a headboard. And -
When his eyes landed on her he smiled, white-toothed and dimpled and Kathryn’s stomach twisted into knots.
“Happy birthday” he said, softly, almost carefully, after they’ve been staring at each other for half a minute in silence.
Kathryn blinked, then shook her head, up until now too busy reigning in her emotions to say anything.
“What are you doing here?”
“I didn’t want you to think I forgot your birthday. And I wanted to say hello”
“You could’ve called”
“I know”
“Chakotay we haven’t spoken in months. Why are you here?” Kathryn changed strategies with a small sigh.
He shifted his weight from one foot to the other as he pulled on his ear.
“Can I come in?”
“No”
The stare she gave him was cold, but she stepped over the threshold towards him and pulled the door closed behind her.
It was a sunny day and she could hear birds chirp in the nearby hedges of her mother’s garden. The dissonance between the ambience and their conversation was almost comical.
Folding her arms over her chest she tilted her head to the side and raised her brows expectantly.
With a sigh, her Commander - former Commander, she corrected herself - conceded.
“I talked to Tom and B’Elanna. They hadn’t heard from you in a while and neither, turns out, has Harry. I was worried. So were they”
“Well, that’s nice, but unnecessary. As you can see, I’m fine. Besides, you’re hardly responsible for my well being anymore.”
Chakotay shrugged.
“Hard habit to break”
“I’m sure you’ll manage”
Dark eyes stared back into her own, making her feel naked and vulnerable. She’d never been able to fool him.
“Kathryn, what’s wrong?”
And goddammit why did it still feel the same when he said her name? As if he could bend time and space to catapult them back to when they were Captain and Commander, Kathryn and Chakotay, Starfleet and Marquis, never the same but always eye to eye, always together, always a team.
“You show up here out of the blue after months of not reaching out to me, what do you expect? A parade?” she bit back.
And finally she saw anger in his features,
“You left us , Kathryn. After the board of inquiry, it was like you vanished.”
Ironically Voyager made it back to Earth just around Christmas time. Which is why the public, at least the ones who still cared about that ancient holiday, got to celebrate a Christmas miracle, while the command team spent Christmas Day in front of half a dozen Admirals.
Back home she had always celebrated Christmas, as was tradition in her family, but she hadn’t wanted to make a big deal out of it on Voyager and there weren’t many who celebrated it at all.
While stranded on New Earth, she’d told Chakotay about it and when the end of December came about - or at least what they'd calculated the date to be with a totally different circadian and seasonal rhythm - he led her into the forest where he showed her a lonesome tree, decorated with hand carved wooden ornaments and replicated fairy lights. There were no baubles and no star on top and it hadn’t even been something resembling a pine tree, but it was the most beautiful Christmas tree Kathryn had ever laid eyes on. She had pulled him into a hug before either knew what was happening.
It was that very tree she thought of when Admiral Heyes questioned her whether the behavior of the Marquis had been starfleet-adequate.
Back in the present on her front porch silence grew between them like ivy on a marble statue when Kathryn didn’t know what to answer Chakotay.
“Seven and I aren’t seeing each other anymore” he suddenly said.
“I know” Kathryn swallowed, “She sends me regular updates. She thinks I might be interested to see how her ‘becoming an individual’ mission is faring. I believe she’s currently traveling through Scandinavia, with her new girlfriend. She sent me a picture - tall, blonde, blue eyes…In case you wondered”
“Good for her.”
“Yeah” she replied belatedly.
Then it was quiet once more. Until Chakotay sighed in frustration and maybe even helplessness.
“What happened, Kathryn? How did it get like this?”
“I don’t know”
A lie. She did know.
Chakotay nodded. Apparently he did, too.
“Here, for you” he held out a bag to her she’d completely missed him carrying, “Happy Birthday”
After a second of deliberation Kathryn took the bag from his hands. She pulled out a rather heavy but slim rectangular wrapped object. The biodegradable foil was quickly ripped off and Kathryn froze once more when she realized what exactly she was holding in her hands.
“Is this-? How did you-?”
Chakotay smirked, clearly pleased with himself and her reaction.
Kathryn cradled Voyager’s dedication plaque against her chest, her fingers stroking over the metal.
“I took it before we disembarked from Voyager. Switched it with a fake one I replicated. I was afraid Voyager might get impounded and I didn’t want everything of hers to just disappear.”
Kathryn swallowed the tears threatening to well up inside her. Of course he would do this.
“I think that might be against five different Starfleet regulations” she managed to get out
He shrugged again and sought out her gaze once more,
“Well, I know my secret and the evidence is safe with you”
She bit the inside of her cheek to keep from smirking. It didn’t work. Damn that man.
“Thank you”
“You’re very welcome”
She studied the plaque in her hands and almost reverently traced a finger across the lettering.
“This only fell down once, remember?” she whispered.
Chaktoay took a step closer to look at the plaque as well,
“I do. But we put it back up, didn’t we?”
“We did”
Kathryn looked up to find Chakotay gazing gently at her and just like that they were back on their bridge, as if nothing had changed at all.
Her breath caught in her throat at the realization that her heart hadn’t changed either. And so they remained, stunlocked into place.
Until the door behind Kathryn was pulled open and Gretchen Janeway appeared in the doorframe.
Both Starfleet Officers flinched and whirled around to the older woman.
“Oh, Mr. Chakotay! What a lovely surprise” she exclaimed with a wide smile and Kathryn wished the ground would swallow her whole.
It was only the second time her mother and Chakotay met, but after how it went the first time, she’d gladly forgo a repeat.
“Mrs Janeway” Chakotay cordially tilted his head with a greeting smile.
“Katy didn’t tell me we were expecting company. But I’m about to get dinner started, would you like to stay?”
Kathryn felt her cheeks burning up, completely at a loss for words.
But Chakotay only needed to quickly glance at her to understand the situation.
“That’s very kind of you, but I don’t want to impose.”
And while Kathryn was already breathing a preemptive sigh of relief, he added:
“But if it’s alright with you, I’d like to borrow your daughter for another moment”
Kathryn whipped her head over to him so fast she thought her neck might snap.
“Of course, as long as you like. I’m glad you managed to get her out of the house”
“Mother!” Kathryn hissed under her breath
But Gretchen just gave her a one sided shrug and waved goodbye to Chakotay.
They walked down the gravel road leading away from the Janeway residence and out to the fields. On their way, they passed the withered swing set still standing in the backyard and Chakotay inwardly smiled when he imagined a tiny Kathryn swinging on them, already calculating the trajectory and force she’d need to fly to the stars.
They were walking for about ten minutes, down the same path she always took with Molly, when Kathryn couldn’t keep silent any longer.
“So? What did you need to talk to me about?”
“Why do you assume that?”
“You didn’t come all the way just to say hi”
“I…” Chakotay stopped, making Kathryn halt as well.
“I wanted to apologize”
Kathryn blanched,
“Apologize? For what?”
“I should’ve fought harder for -”
“Stop” Kathryn shook her head, a hand raised between them and tears suddenly stinging in her eyes, “You don’t owe me - “
“Yes I do” Chakotay interrupted her, “The whole thing was dumb and egotistical. I hurt you. And I left you to deal with your alternate version and the aftermath of coming back all on your own, when I should’ve been there”
Kathryn did her best to keep her composure, while a hurricane of emotions was running rampant inside her. When she remained quiet, Chakotay continued:
“On top of that I spent the last five months trying to build a life for me I only get to have thanks to you”
When Kathryn looked at him in clear confusion, he added with a knowing stare,
“You made them drop all the charges against the Marquis. And you convinced them to let me back into Starfleet. I don’t know how you did that or why you didn’t want me to know, but I know it was your doing”
Kathryn bowed her head, before catching his gaze again, her voice barely lifting above the rustling cornstalks next to them.
“I meant what I said. One crew. Our crew. I wouldn’t have accepted anything else.”
His eyes grew soft again and Kathryn felt warmth spread through every cell of her body.
“And I should’ve expected nothing less from you, Captain”
The warmth was zapped from her as fast as it arrived. When she laughed this time, it was dry and dark, as her reality caught up with her once more.
“A captain without a ship is no captain”
“Of course she is.” Chakotay replied and his smile was almost enough to convince her.
“So what am I supposed to do, Chakotay?” she threw her hands in the air as she stared at him almost pleadingly, “Walk onto another ship, another bridge? And expect a new crew to follow my orders, knowing full well how it went last time?”
In the Delta Quadrant they’d had to depend on each other for survival and Kathryn would’ve killed and died for each of them. She swallowed hard when she remembered that she actually did both.
“And how am I ever going to choose senior officers again? No operations officer could ever measure up to Harry and no pilot can do what Tom can. And there’s no engineer as brilliant as B’Elanna.” she continued, neither able to stop the flood of words out of her mouth nor the tears starting to amass in her eyes, “And how am I gonna sit in the captain’s chair with someone else next to me? Someone I don’t know, don’t trust, will never trust as much…”
Her breath hitched and she managed to swallow the rest of that pandora’s box of a sentence.
Chakotay just watched her in a patient calmness, which made her even more agitated.
Why couldn’t he just argue with her, damnit? Why did he have to be so…so peaceful?
“And what do I do if I accept the promotion? If I take the cushy office job and the admiralty and stay in the Alpha Quadrant for the rest of my career? I’d have to call these people my fellow admirals, the people who condoned the death of the Marquis - who gave up on us after only two years - some of whom openly accused me of the most heinous things during the inquiry. And for what? What would I do here?”
Chakotay’s gaze never wavered from her face and when he finally answered he only said one word:
“Live”
She glared at him, but before she could open her mouth, he did continue,
“I’m scared, too”
Kathryn scoffed and took an offended step back, pebbles crunching underneath her soles.
“I’m not scared”
“Okay” he nodded, the ghost of a smile flitting across his face.
“What?”
“I know that look. I learned not to argue with you when you make that face”
The nostalgia laced in his words was enough to dissipate the tense atmosphere around them and Kathryn raised her brow in curiosity
“When’d you learn that?”
“Stardate…48315. First Day in the Delta Quadrant. Your ready room. We were negotiating how to lead the two crews back home.”
Kathryn let out a breath that could barely be classified as a chuckle, before she looked at her former First Officer again.
“It’s good to see you again, Chakotay”
San Francisco,
A few days later
“So?” B’Elanna eagerly asked as soon as the link had stabilized, “How is she?”
Chakotay shrugged his shoulders,
“Well..”
“Did you tell her she needs to proofread my article on Voyager’s modified engine?”
Chakotay disbelievingly stared at his friend through his computer screen. Just in that moment, Tom showed up behind his wife, little Miral in his arms.
“Hey, why didn’t you tell me you guys already started?” he complained, squeezing himself beside B’Elanna, so he could fit into the frame as well, “Chakotay, how’s the Captain?”
“B’Elanna literally just asked, Tom” Harry chirped in.
“Well excuse me, Lieutenant ” Tom playfully rolls his eyes, “Some people needed to get their diapers changed”
He bounced his giggling daughter on his knee.
Chakotay already regretted the group video call. His eyes almost pleadingly jumped to the last member of their little party. But the Vulcan gazed back at him with his usual guarded facial expression, apparently in no mood to help out.
Harry leaned forward in his seat,
“Do you know if she decided on a mission yet? I know they offered her to captain an expedition to the Bajoran wormhole and I heard they still need a senior operations officer on the crew…I’m thinking of applying”
Chakotay pinched the bridge of his nose. Maybe he should rethink the offer to teach at the academy again if the cadets were even half as exhausting as his friends.
“Do you guys want answers to any of those questions or…?”
“Course we do, Commander” Tom of all people said, “Shoot”
Did his eyes deceive him or did Chakotay just see a smirk cross Tuvok’s face? He shook his head and tried to go back to the actual issue at hand: Their Captain.
“To answer your questions: No and no.” He sighed, “She…has a hard time adjusting right now”
Suddenly the levity was gone from all three of his former officer’s faces,
“Why? What’s wrong with her?” Harry’s worried voice was the first to filter through the speakers.
“I heard those old geezers were really rough with you two during the inquiry” B’Elanna growled, “I bet it has to do with those pricks”
“I’m not sure, Torres. I don’t know what happened when they questioned the Captain alone, but they certainly didn’t pull their punches when I was there. But I think it’s more than that”
“Commander, do you recall what I told you about Captain Janeway’s posting on the USS Billings?” Tuvok cut through the newly formed silence
Chakotay nodded. How could he forget? Their time in the void had seared itself into his memory; or to be more exact, the look of dejected desolation in a certain pair of storm-dark blue eyes.
Back then Tuvok had told him Kathryn was acting out of guilt, however misplaced they all found it to be.
“But we’re home. We made it. We beat the odds”
“I am not certain the Captain would share your view”
Chakotay swallowed hard as the recent conversation with Kathryn replayed in his mind. Maybe the Vulcan was right.
“What can we do to fix this?” B’Elanna’s question dragged him back to the present.
Again, it was Tuvok who answered,
“There’s a school of thought here on Vulcan. It’s too complicated to explain in detail, but in principle it means: in order to move forward, you have to look back and honor the steps you took to get this far.”
Chakotay nodded once more. Tuvok’s reasoning made sense.
“Okay, but how do we do that?” Harry asked
A wistful smile appeared on Chakotay’s face. If Kathryn could only see how much their crew, their friends, their family, were invested in her well-being. How much they wanted her back.
His smile widened.
“I have an idea. But it’s not exactly Starfleet-approved”
Tom grinned, an all-too familiar glint in his eyes. Normally it would alarm him, but right now Chaktotay was happy to see it.
“Breaking a few rules, huh? Sounds like the good old times.”
“We’re in” B’Elanna added
Tuvok nodded in approval as Harry asked:
“So, what’s your plan, Commander?”