Work Text:
It was a morning like any other morning at this god-forsaken camp. Kevin was snoring away in his bed, with Andrew and Neil giggling to each other like children in the next tent. Aaron was bundled up in the corner of the tent he shared with Nicky, trying desperately to make his phone work as Nicky tried desperately to pull off the dramatic, relaxed recline across a piano, which was made rather difficult by the fact that there was no piano.
The peace was abruptly shattered, however, when a scream rang out through the camp. Kevin spluttered out of sleep mid-snore, blinking around the tent as though it might provide some answers. Unfortunately, it did not. In the next tent over, Andrew hardly noticed, and he might not have noticed at all had Neil not flinched and turned in that direction.
Andrew sighed. It appeared that today would not be a peaceful day to spend in bed with his boy.
The campers all gathered around the lake where Allison appeared to be lamenting over something or other. Andrew shrugged, turning away.
“This seems about normal.”
“Andrew, no.”
He sighed and let Neil turn him around. “You have way too much power over me.”
Apparently unsatisfied with the attention she was receiving, Allison let out another wail. At her side, Renee patted at her shoulder with only a touch of sarcasm. Andrew was impressed.
“What happened?” Matt was stood over to one side in just his boxers, rubbing at his eyes. Dan appeared entirely unconcerned with Allison, choosing instead to admire his exposed skin. “Why is Allison lamenting?”
“The lake,” said Seth, pointing out there.
Sure enough, in the centre of the lake was a bag, floating miserably. A closer look showed what they already knew; the bag was Allison’s makeup bag. Andrew sighed, pinching at the bridge of his nose.
“I wanted a lie-in,” he grumbled.
Neil tugged at his hand. “Andrew! Andrew, a mystery!”
“Yes, Neil,” sighed Andrew, “a mystery.”
Neil let go then, darting forward to stand in front of Allison. “When did you last see your makeup bag?”
She looked up at him with an unamused look in her eyes. “Two minutes ago. When I saw it floating in the lake.”
“Before that.”
“Three minutes ago. When I saw it floating in the lake and screamed.” Allison raised an eyebrow.
“Before that.”
“Five minutes ago. When I-.”
“Can we stop this cycle?” Andrew rolled his eyes. “You know what he means.”
Allison scoffed. “Simp. Fine, it was last night, when I removed my makeup.”
“And what did you do after that?”
Neil crossed his arms. Andrew thought it might have looked intimidating if he didn’t know anything about Neil and the fact that Neil was in fact an angel who had never done anything wrong in his entire life. He crossed them tighter to look tough, or maybe to push out his muscles. If it was the latter, Andrew mused, it worked.
“I slept, obviously,” said Allison. “You think I would walk around without makeup on? Please, I have a reputation to uphold.”
Neil hummed thoughtfully. “Yes, this is true. And who knows of this nighttime routine?”
“Um, everyone?” Allison flailed her arms around. “Everyone knows of my nighttime routine?”
“Hmm…” Neil stroked at his chin. Andrew watched it obsessively… It was a very nice chin. “And is there anyone who might have any reason to cause you harm?”
“None at all!” Allison gasped. “I am completely innocent! I have never done a thing to upset another human being in my life!”
**
“Yeah, Allison and I broke up a few days ago,” said Seth, “but it wasn’t me that threw her makeup bag in the lake.”
Neil nodded, writing something down in his notebook. When Andrew leaned over to take a look, it just read ‘Andrew looks really hot right now’, and he tried not to look too smug when he leaned back into his seat.
“Do you have an alibi?”
Seth scoffed. “Uh, yeah. Matt? We share a tent. Dumbass.”
**
“Seth? I don’t know where he was last night,” said Matt, “I snuck into Dan’s tent last night.”
“Mm,” said Neil, nodding slowly, “and what were you and Dan doing last night?”
Matt opened his mouth and closed it. “Making friendship bracelets.”
“Matt, Matt, Matt,” sighed Neil, “I can’t help you if you lie to me. Now, what were you and Dan doing last night?”
Matt pouted. “We were cuddling,” he mumbled.
Neil grinned. “That’s gross.”
Andrew cleared his throat, and in response, Neil spent a few seconds just watching Andrew and making sure he got in his ‘admire Andrew’ hours for the day before he turned back to look at Matt. “So, Dan can corroborate this alibi?”
“Absolutely,” said Matt, nodding.
**
“I have not a single memory of anything that happened last night,” said Dan.
Neil narrowed his eyes at her. “That’s suspicious. And awfully convenient.”
“I’m on medication,” sighed Dan. “It makes me a little dopey. I don’t really remember much of what happens after I take them.”
“So,” said Neil, “there’s a chance that you might have thrown Allison’s makeup bag in the lake?”
“Well, no,” said Dan, “because Matt was there.”
**
“Damn,” said Neil, that night, pressed up against Andrew and, in a most unforgiveable action, ignoring the way that Andrew laid kisses all across his shoulders and collarbones. “We’re going around in circles. I’ll never figure out who threw Allison’s makeup bag in the lake.”
“Oh well,” said Andrew, biting at a particular spot and all but pouting when Neil refused to even react. “It is what it is, I suppose. I guess we’ll never-!”
A twig snapped outside. Andrew sighed. He supposed he wouldn’t be fulfilling his Neil addiction tonight.
Neil jumped up and grabbed Andrew’s hand, pulling him outside with no resistance whatsoever. As they stepped outside, they saw a figure wandering in the direction of the lake, carrying, this time, what looked to be a hairbrush. Neil tugged Andrew to follow them, and as the figure stopped at the lake and threw the hairbrush in, they realised who had committed such a heinous act.
“Allison?”
The figure didn’t respond in any way, which Andrew thought was rather rude because ignoring Neil was practically a capital sin. Neil let go of Andrew’s hand – also a capital sin – and nudged at Allison’s shoulder. She opened her eyes.
“Wha- Neil?” She looked out into the water and let out a horrified scream. “Did you throw my hairbrush in the lake?”
“No,” said Neil, “you did. And I suspect your threw your makeup bag in as well.”
Allison burst into real tears. Andrew was actually slightly impressed. “I’m a monster! I’m practically one of you!”
Andrew frowned. “Well, let’s not get ahead of ourselves here.”
“I know,” said Allison, “there’s only one way to fix this entire mess… I shall never sleep again!”
A brief silence followed.
“Or you could just tie yourself to the bed at night,” said Andrew.
Allison nodded. “This is acceptable. Well… Good night!”
She turned on her heel and walked back to her tent. Andrew sighed. “Fucking waste of a weekend.”
“Mm,” said Neil, nodding thoughtfully, and then looking up at Andrew. “Wanna make out?”
Andrew thought for a moment, or at least pretended to. “Yeah, okay.”