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Sirius laughed as Regulus made another move that would be surprisingly difficult for Peter to get out of. James didn't know when they had all gathered around the chess match that was going on, but it was the first time that he had seen anyone play well enough to actually have a chance of beating Peter. Even Remus had stopped reading to watch the competition. His book lay open in his lap; his thumb stuck in between the pages to remember the place where he had stopped.
Sirius was wickedly intelligent, but for the two of them it usually ended in a tie. Peter was simply brutal when it came to his favourite hobby (a hobby that was taken a bit too seriously sometimes, according to the rest of them, and at the same time James could say nothing about it because he himself was mad about Quidditch).
Regulus didn't move a muscle. He sat stone faced - his spine rigid - looking almost bored. James had gathered that this was just how he was. Poised elegance; always restrained. Still, there was something about him that had softened a little upon seeing Sirius' delight.
"That's it, Reggie. Knock him down." Sirius grinned, almost bouncing in place where he was seated.
Peter frowned down at the chess board as if his most beloved friend had suddenly betrayed him. Hesitantly - hesitantly! it was the first time ever James had seen him hesitate before making a move - he plucked one of his knights and moved it a bit forward and to the left. A tiny, barely there, smile erupted on Regulus face. James stared at him, unable to tear his gaze away from that smile.
Regulus leaned forward slowly, moving a seemingly insignificant piece on the board. When he leaned back into the armchair it looked like a throne.
"Check mate," he said softly.
Peter gaped at the chess board. None of them could believe it. After seven years someone had finally beaten Peter.
"Hah! That’s my brother!" Sirius barked his usual loud laughter.
If you knew Peter, you would know that he spoke with his hands. You would know that he was a sore loser, and that he could get slightly bitter and even angry at himself, but that it was all harmless in the end. You would know that he didn’t mean anything by it, and that he wasn't truly mad.
But Regulus didn’t know Peter.
When Peter realised that he had lost, he looked up at Regulus with narrowed eyes. "How did you do that?" he asked, his voice raised because of his suffering pride. While talking he lashed out with his hand, meaning to swipe it over the board to punctuate his meaning. Regulus flinched; instinctively covering his face to protect himself. In a second Sirius had pulled him out of the chair, putting himself in between the rest of them and his brother.
"Regulus-" Peter began, mindlessly standing up and reaching out with his hand to apologise.
"Stay the fuck away from him," Sirius snarled, glaring at him as if he wasn’t the friend he knew and adored. James felt sick to his stomach as Sirius held his arms out protectively behind him, pushing Regulus up against his back.
"Peter didn't mean to do anything," Remus said cautiously, standing up beside James and Peter.
He was watching Sirius, but James could only stare at Regulus behind him. A minute ago he had looked calm and relaxed for the first time since he came to the Potters'. Happy, almost. Now he was cowering, trying to make himself as small as possible. Regulus cradled his hands to his chest in an obvious effort to stop the trembling. James could so clearly see the brothers in Grimmauld Place, Sirius protecting his little brother until he was bleeding out onto the expensive wooden floor. Bile rose in his throat at the thought of it.
A sudden hitch in breath had panic flaring in Sirius' eyes. He immediately whirled around to bring his younger brother's face to his neck, trying to soothe him by carding his fingers through his hair. They could all hear how Regulus' breaths were too shallow, how he was choking by the lack of air.
"Shh, ça va, petite étoile. Tu vas bien, je suis ici. Je te promets que je ne laisserai personne te toucher. Est-ce que tu peux respirer pour moi?" Sirius coaxed, rubbing his back.
It took a few seconds of weak, panicked breaths before the boy could answer.
"Je ne peux pas," Regulus whimpered.
"Si, tu peux le faire. Je sais t'en es capable," Sirius assured him, going back to stroking his hair.
James had never seen him acting so gentle with anyone else. Not even Remus.
Sirius Black was many things, but gentle wasn't a word one usually associated with him. If you asked his friends, or anyone at school, they would say that he was loud and rash, always prone to being dramatic and jumping into danger without second thought. He lived as if tomorrow wasn't a given, as if it might all be snatched away from him any moment. He bore too many scars to greet the world with the same kind of kindness James always did. And yet, here he was, holding his brother as if he had always known the gentleness of love. Perhaps he had. Perhaps his feelings for Regulus were his first ever encounter with it.
"Siri," Regulus croaked.
"Shh, je sais que c'est dur, mais il faut que tu respires pour moi, d'accord?"
It might not be visible to anyone else, but James could see how Sirius halted his movements for the tiniest second at the sound of the nickname. How his jaw was locked tight and how he was fighting to remain calm for his brother.
Peter's face twisted in guilt. He was wringing his hands anxiously, clearly at a loss for what to do. Perhaps they should have all left the room, but it was as if they were stuck, unable to do anything but listen to the horrible rasping of Regulus' shallow breathing. Sobs wracked his body, ruining his efforts to force oxygen into his constricting lungs.
James felt the insistent, urgent need to do something - anything - but it was useless. There was nothing he could do but watch. Sirius was still murmuring to him in French, his voice firm but soothing. After what felt like an eternity Regulus' breaths evened out, and he sagged against his brother's slender frame, his body completely drained of energy. Sirius didn't buckle underneath the weight, instead he kept holding him, never stopping with the soft murmurs. Eventually he must have asked him something, because Regulus nodded, and without glancing at them even once he led Regulus out of the living room and up the stairs, presumably to his bedroom.
They stood silent for a moment. The quiet of the room was deafening, like the calm after a vicious storm.
"I didn't mean to do that, I swear!" Peter exclaimed suddenly, his voice whiny with nerves.
"It's fine, Peter. We know," Remus assured him, picking up his forgotten book that now lay on the floor.
James couldn't find any words to reassure his friend with. All he could think about was the boy upstairs. He wanted to talk to him, to ask if he was alright, but that was stupid because obviously he wasn't, and he didn't think Sirius would let anyone into the room either way.
"I don't think Sirius cares. He looked at me as if I was- as if I was her."
No one answered him, because they had all seen the look in Sirius' eyes.
For the next hour they tried to go back to what they had been doing before the chess match. Remus resumed his reading, rereading the same page twice every now and then. Peter couldn't so much as look at the chess pieces, instead opting to better learn some transfiguration charms he had had a hard time with. James did nothing but stare out the window, lost in thought as he spun his wand. The silence between them was heavy; all of their bodies coiled with the same kind of tension. Normally James' solution to every depressing thought was Quidditch, but it felt wrong to bring out the brooms and try to have fun in the garden when the brothers were up there in Sirius' room.
It was an hour later that Sirius re-entered the living room. None of them could get a word out before he had stormed his way over to Peter and hauled him up by the collar, hissing furiously: "You fucking bastard. I told you, no sudden movements!"
"It's not my fault that I use my hands while talking!" Peter squeaked, his eyes wide in fear.
They all expected Sirius to start yelling, but instead he shook Peter, his grip on his collar so tight that his knuckles were turning white.
"I could kill you," he growled.
James instantly stepped forward, but it was Remus who stopped Sirius from doing something he would later regret.
"Sirius," Remus warned, his voice stern.
James let out an inner sigh of relief. If there was anyone Sirius would listen to in the midst of rage, it was Remus.
Sirius' jaw clenched in anger, the only sign of him having heard. They could all see how he was ready to strike him, and James thought that Peter had stopped breathing. Remus took another measured step forward. Not too fast, and not too far. He could reach out and grab a hold of him if he needed to, but he had left Sirius enough space for it not to be threatening. Sirius tightened his grip even more, and for a horrible moment James thought that he would actually hit him.
"Putain," Sirius cursed before releasing Peter, who plopped down on the couch with nothing to hold him up anymore. Peter inhaled deeply, almost as if Sirius had been strangling him, but it stuttered on the way out when Sirius leaned down. "Listen up, you little worm. If you make him cry one more time, I won't stop at grabbing your collar next time, okay?" Sirius threatened, smiling cruelly.
James stared at his best friend, for a terrifying moment only seeing Walburga Black's firstborn son. The air was thick with Sirius' magic; the magic of the Blacks. The pressure of it sucked the air out of the room.
"Sirius, that's enough. Peter made a mistake, and he's sorry," James pointed out in a low voice.
Sirius didn't look at him, but took a step back from Peter.
"I warned him," was his only answer as he shrugged, grabbing the cigarettes jutting out of the back pocket of his jeans, the same ones he had nicked from Remus' earlier in the morning. He put one in his mouth, snapping his fingers harshly to light it up. Casting one last furious glance at Peter, he turned and walked out of the house, slamming the door behind him.
"I told you he'd be angry," Peter mumbled weakly, staring down at the hands in his lap.
Remus let out a weary sigh, rubbing his forehead.
"Don't worry, Pete, I'll talk to him," he said, leaving the living room with determined strides. He shut the door with considerably less force.
James gave Peter a weak smile that did nothing to cheer him up.
"He'll come around, you'll see. But maybe try to gesticulate a bit less, yeah?" James winced internally at his own words.
"I can't help it! You know that!" Peter retorted, red in the face with shame or anger.
"I know, I know, but... just try to think about it a bit more, okay. That's all."
"Whatever, I'm leaving. Mother's waiting," Peter muttered, his weak excuse following him out into the hallway.
James didn't follow him or try to change his mind. The truth was that it would be better if Peter wasn't here when Sirius returned. If Moony did succeed in calming him down, it would only rile him up again to see the reason for his brother's grief.
James sighed while walking into the kitchen, thinking that the only thing that could possibly save the day now was his mother's chai. He would make a cup for Regulus too, just in case. If the boy didn’t answer when he knocked later, then he'd just drink that cup as well.
The memory of Regulus' smile haunted his every movement.