Chapter Text
"Ok. Don’t panic.” Aziraphale said to himself as he paced around his apartment.
He had proposed to his girlfriend of seven years. And she said yes! He should be happy, over the moon! Then why did he feel like his whole life was about to fall apart right in front of his eyes?
He loves her. He knows she loves him too. She has been his best friend since long before they became a couple. For Aziraphale, it was a platonic kind of love, but love nonetheless.
They had met at a small theatre production at the college they went to, when, both unaccompanied, sat next to each other. Halfway through the show, Aziraphale realized that most of the actors were not actually good, nor cared enough to try and be. Not being able to contain himself, he made sure to point that out to the quiet woman by his side and she giggled in response. Since then, they became best friends and, a few years later, started dating.
Deep down, he knew she wasn’t the type of person he, ideally, would like to marry and spend the rest of his life with. But, given his circumstances, he was glad it was her, who he actually enjoyed spending his time with.
Still, he felt like that was an enormous step to take, one that was going to last for the rest of his life – one that he was not ready for, even if he believed he had been in the past. And that was definitely not a good feeling, and it was making him reconsider all of the choices he had made in his life so far.
He put the kettle on the oven, so he could make a cup of tea and try to calm down. He took a deep breath as the water boiled in front of him, and carefully analyzed his pantry searching for the best option available, deciding on a chamomile bag. That should do the trick.
He went to his study, the place he felt the most comfortable in the world, sat on his armchair with a warm cup of tea and, for the first time in the last couple of hours, he finally felt like himself again. He cupped his hands firmly around his mug, felling the heat take over him as he sipped from it. Just what he needed.
Thinking more clearly now, Aziraphale started to reflect about his situation again. It wasn’t like someone forced him to propose, but he knew that after seven years together, the next logical step would be marriage. It was what was expected of him, and he was never good at doing anything but oblige to what he thought was the right thing to do, even if it meant sacrificing his own desires or comfort for the sake of fulfilling his perceived obligations.
He was insightful enough to know that about himself, and he had come to terms with it long before he met his girlfriend - sorry, fiancée -, but now the feelings seemed to be bubbling to the surface of his mind, with force he wasn’t able to contain, even if he desperately wanted to.
He knew why he was settling for marrying her, instead of going after what he really wanted. It was because of his very religious and tradicional family, who he knew would not accept having an openly gay son, and being his true self would only make their relationship even more distant than it already was. So he settled. Settled for a life of hiding. Settled for trying to bury his feelings at all costs. Settled for a life that wasn’t suited for him. Settled for Maggie.
“Azi, I think we should start talking about the wedding!” Said Maggie as she walked in Aziraphale’s study, putting a few magazines with brides tackily displayed on the front cover on top of his desk.
A week had passed since his meltdown, and two since the proposal. He believed she had no reason to know about the doubts and feelings he was having on the subject, and he had no intention of ever letting her know.
It wasn’t her fault after all, it had nothing to do with her. It was all about him, and if he had made the conscious decision of pursuing a relationship with a woman all those years ago, it should only affect him. He had no intention of hurting her.
He was starting to feel a little more at peace with the decision he had made, because he knew it wasn’t one he was going to change. So he made the choice to try and look at the good side of the situation. And planning a wedding actually seemed like great fun.
Maggie was clearly very excited to start the preparations; her mom was the owner of a multimillion pound record label, and was thrilled to be spending a ton of money into this party.
Aziraphale, who is a mildly successful author, has a very comfortable life. Not as comfortable as his heiress girlfriend - oops, fiancée - but, so far, has been able to live a life that accommodates all of the luxuries he likes to indulge himself with. Nothing fancy, just the ocasional expensive dinners and rare books he likes to collect.
“I think that’s a great idea, dear.” Said Aziraphale, looking up from his book. “But I still think your mom should let me help out with the expenses. This was my idea after all.” He said with a shy smile on the corner of his mouth.
“Nonsense, we already talked about this.” She said with a wave of hands and a smile. "You know how happy she is for us, it’s going to be her wedding gift!”
“Your mom, always looking out for everyone.” He said, feeling grateful. “Well then, where should we start planning?”
“You know I’ve been researching like crazy these past few days, and every magazine and blog I’ve read says that the first thing we need to do is to hire the best wedding planner we can find, as soon as possible.” She said with determination in her eyes.
“Well, I certainly don’t know any wedding planners, dear. Do you?”
“No, I don’t, but I was talking to Tracy yesterday, and she told me about a wedding planning company that she was reading about in the paper. Apparently, they made the wedding for a super famous couple a few months ago.” She said the last phrase like it was a secret, then continued, "They do everything, from helping you pick out the venue to making sure all goes well on the big day!” She said, looking very excited.
“If Tracy recommended then they must be good, we should set up a meeting.” He said.
Tracy and Aziraphale had been friends for a long time. She owned the cafe across the street from the apartment he rented when he first moved to London. She makes the most splendid cakes, and he quickly became a regular customer, eventually befriending the sweet lady who bakes them. When he met Maggie, he started taking her there, and Tracy’s charm won her over as well.
“Great, I’ll call them and see when they’ll be available to talk to us. Oh, I’ve got a good feeling about this!” She said, with a smile on her face.
“Good morning, you’ve called Eternal Eden, Where Love is as Sweet as the Forbidden Fruit! My name is Anathema, how may I help you?” Said the cheerful voice on the phone.
“Good morning, Anathema! My name is Maggie, and I just became a fiancée!” She said and giggled. “I've heard about your work and would love to schedule a meeting, please!”
“First of all, congratulations! I’m sure you’re very excited to start the preparations, and we will love to help you with everything. We have an opening in one of our wedding planners' schedule this Friday at nine. Does this work for you?”
Maggie mouthed the date for Aziraphale, who was still in his study, to check if he was available. He gave her a thumbs up and continued to read the book he had in his hands.
“Absolutely, Friday sounds good!” Maggie said to the woman on the phone.
“I'm glad! We will ask for you to come with your partner, if possible. We believe it’s important for both to be involved in the process, so everyone can be happy with the end result.” Said Anathema.
“Of course, I’ll make sure we’ll both be there in every step of the way. I know Aziraphale also wants to be a part of the process.” She said and smiled at him.
“That's great, it will absolutely be more enjoyable for you if both are excited about it.” Anathema said. "It’s scheduled for Friday, then. I’ll be sending you a form to fill out with both of your informations, along with the address for our office. You can meet our planner here."
“Oh, thank you! See you Friday!”
“See you then!”
Maggie hung up the phone and Aziraphale could tell she was feeling confident about their first meeting. He only hoped they would like this wedding planner, so there would be no need to search for a new one. Well, it seems like at the end of the week they would find out.
Friday came soon enough. Aziraphale was feeling a little anxious about the meeting, he was still feeling overwhelmed by everything. He tried to ignore the part of his brain that was telling him to run away and never come back, so he went to meet Maggie at her apartment so they could go together to the address.
They were early and it was a beautiful day, so they decided to stop at a bakery around the corner from the Eternal Eden office. Aziraphale was always excited to try new places, and the scones in this little cafe did not disappoint; he would definitely be coming back another time.
The couple had decided when they first started dating that they did not want to live together soon, because they both liked having their own space, and they felt like it was a big step for a new relationship. The time passed, and none of them made a move to join their lives completely, so they remained each in their own apartment, usually spending the night with each other only on the weekends. They didn’t really talk about it, but it was good for them both. Aziraphale was really glad she never brought it up.
The Eternal Eden office was at a fancy building in Oxford Street. It was a medium sized space, and the decoration was very tasteful, making the whole place seem very modern. It was all in tones of light and dark grey, and had arrangements of white lilies in every desk, resulting in a delightful smell in the air.
Aziraphale breathed and let out a calm exhale, appreciating the scent of the flowers that surrounded the place.
“Welcome to Eternal Eden! You must be Miss Service and Mr Fell. I’m Anathema, the assistant here. I believe we talked on the phone.” Said the woman greeting them at the door.
She looked young and had an American accent. She was wearing a midi satin black skirt, a full lace tank top with a black top underneath and black and white Mary Janes. Her hair was dark and wavy, framing her face well. She was smiling at them, both with her lips and with her big brown eyes, accentuated by her tortoise frames, which shouldn’t, but somehow work.
“Nice to meet you, Anathema! You can just call us Maggie and Aziraphale.” Said a cheerful Maggie.
“Hello, nice to meet you, dear.” Said a more gloomy Aziraphale.
“Your wedding planner is waiting for you in his office, I’ll take you there now.” Said a polite Anathema.
As they walked through the hallway that leaded to the office, Aziraphale felt his anxiety building up. He was fidgeting with his hands and looking worried. He took a few breaths and tried to remember this was the result of a choice he had made, after all. Actually, a series of choices throughout his life, that were leading him here, to this building, on this sunny Friday.
“Here we are, I’ll leave you to it. Good luck!” Said the assistant, as she opened the door for them and left.
As they walked through the door, Aziraphale suddenly lost all the breath he, just moments ago, had been trying so hard to gain control of.
The most beautiful man he had ever laid eyes on was sitting on the desk inside the office they had just entered. He could not contain his heart from beating faster, and his jaw to slightly open up, as he looked at the piece of heaven standing right in front of him.
“Hi, I'm Crowley. Nice to meet ya.” Said the most handsome man in the world, as he got up from his desk to greet them.
Good lord, he was even more striking standing up. Dressed in black from head to toe, his hair was auburn and short, he was skinny and tall and the sway of his hips as he walked in their direction was simply mesmerizing. As he got closer, Aziraphale felt like he was going to be discorporated.
Crowley held out a hand to Maggie politely, as she introduced herself. And suddenly he was turning towards Aziraphale, and all the words the author crafted so carefully in his work, were lost when he touched that soft hand with a strong grip. And the man smiled at him, the most beautiful smile he had ever seen. One that he was certain was not there before they locked eyes. Or maybe it was just wishful thinking, impossible to know. Sure, the man was wearing sunglasses inside his own office, but not even that was able to contain Aziraphale from sensing that strong feeling of eyes piercing into his soul. Oh, the things he would do to look at those eyes without that barrier between them.
It felt like hours had passed and they were in that exact same position: locked eyes that stared deeply into each other; hands that were holding on so tight that it was impossible to know which belong to who; a small smile from Crowley and an open mouth in awe from Aziraphale. But it was probably just a few seconds. He slowly snapped out of his trance and became more aware of the situation, and felt that now was probably the time to say something.
“Hm, hello. My name is Aziraphale.” He said, but was that his name? He didn’t even know anymore. He tried to collect himself and smiled at Crowley, perhaps the most genuine smile he had ever given in is whole life.
“Pleasure to meet you, Aziraphale.” Said Crowley, turning his smile into a little side smirk.
The hands that were in a heated contact just seconds ago, were now apart. The gaze so strongly held for numerous seconds was now lost.
Oh, dear. Suddenly, planning this wedding was not going to be as easy a task as he thought.