Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

DRIIIING!

With a loud thump, I fell out of bed, pulling all the blankets along with me. Urgh. What a great way to start the day.

I groggily tried to untangle myself from the mess of blankets, but to no avail, the more I moved, the more wrapped I got. The fabric monster wouldn’t let me go.

“Oh c’mon now!”

When I finally managed to get out of the tangle of blankets it was already past 7:30.

Crap.

I had a meeting today. And the so-called meeting started at 8:00. And it usually took me half an hour to get there.

I was sooo fucked.

Quickly, my hands dug through the drawers in search of a suit. I threw the first decent one I could find and put my sunglasses on before rushing downstairs.

There I saw California, Florida and Ohio making a huge mess.

There were pans and bowls all over the place, the counter was covered in flour and the stove was coated in a batter-like substance.

But what really concerned me was the fire they had hopefully accidentally started.

“You're gonna burn the house down one day!” I shouted exasperated, scurrying to the cupboard to take the fire extinguisher out.

Once the fire was taken care of, I turned to face them. “What were you even trying to make??” I stared at the pile of radioactive goo, which looked like it could grow a pair of legs at any moment and start running away.

“Pancakes!” They shouted in unison.

Ah..!

“Whose idea was it? Wait—no, nevermind. I don’t even wanna know- I gotta hurry. Do NOT touch anything until I’m back from the meeting. Please…”

“Yes, papa. Sorry…”

“Yeah, yeah. We’ll talk about this later. Now, bye kids!” And with that, I basically flew out of the door, leaving a trail of (not-so-important) papers behind.

Once I was outside, the cold breeze hit my face, sending a shiver down my spine. But I couldn’t do anything about it now so I simply ran faster and hurried towards my car.

The ride was hell. The traffic was terrible.
I kept glancing at my watch.

7:58

7:59

8:00

Fuck, I was so screwed.

After a 20 minute drive, I was finally outside the building. I parked my car and rushed out.

And of course my dumbass took the stairs. God- I gasped for air. This was taking longer than what I had initially imagined.

After what seemed like a never ending staircase, I bursted through the doors and, panting heavily, made my way towards my usual spot.

“United states of America, you're late… Again.”

Ah, UN. Always eager to lecture me about punctuality and shit. Sorry if these useless meetings start way too early!

Whatever. I sighed as I sat down, taking off my sunglasses.

“Yeah, sorry ‘bout that.”

“What happened this time, eh?” My brother, Canada, turned to me.

“Well... I set up my alarm way too late and my children almost burned the kitchen down. The usual.” I whispered back.

The United Nations cleared their throat. “United States, at least pay attention to what we're saying after coming in late for the third time in a row.”

I looked down and nodded in the most professional way I could, y’know elegantly and stuff like that. “I apologize, it won’t happen again.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose, clearly irritated. “I certainly hope so.. Well, as I was saying-“

‘This day can't get any worse..’ I thought to myself as I sighed quietly, not wanting the countries next to me to hear.

“..North Korea has been threatening to use nukes due to recent disputes between him and the USA.”

Fuck.

Chapter Text

Today I woke up extra early to prepare some breakfast for the states—and I know what you must be thinking: ’Oh America! You’re such a good father! Getting up before the crack of dawn to make food for your kids. What a selfless gesture!’

Or maybe you just thought that I can't cook to save my life. And you’d be right, but I’m certain that, if I put my mind to something, everything’s possible. Well, almost everything.

Preparing the batter was fairly easy, however, the real challenge came with cooking them. No matter what, I always messed that part up.

With skilled maneuvers, I added a generous amount of butter to the pan and, once it was hot enough, I threw some of the batter in, forming a bunch of sloppy ‘circles’.

While waiting I turned on the radio and put my favorite song on. I hummed along, tapping my feet to the beat as I flipped the pancakes with a spatula.

Everything was going just fine, but, just as I was about to unveil my culinary masterpiece, the pancakes decided to rebel — they wouldn’t let me pick them up! I frantically tried to scrape away what I could, but it was already too late.

“Oh no, oh no, oh no,” I muttered in distress, my vision clouded by pancake smoke.

“Crap. They were supposed to get nice and golden-brown, not carbonized!” A small frown formed on my lips as I looked at my pathetic attempt at making something nice for once.

“Dad, what’s going on?” Pennsylvania’s head peeked from the door. Great. That meant the states were awake.

“Uhhh- I’m makin’… flambé pancakes…?”

“They look burnt.” New Jersey deadpanned.

I jumped, startled by the sudden appearance of my third state. “And where exactly do you come from…?”

“I’ve been here for a solid five minutes. Also, why is one of the burnt masses bubbling?”

“Don't worry, this is just a minor setback. I've got this under control!” I reassured, determined to salvage my breakfast plans. Although, I wasn’t so sure of my culinary skills anymore…

I moved the pan around, flipping the ‘pancakes’. The now unrecognizable breakfast had a black crust all over its edges while the inside was still raw. I cringed at the sight.

The other states were looking at the scene in a mixture of horror and amusement.

“What the hell are you doing?” New York asked, an incredulous look on his face.

I laughed nervously. “Making breakfast?”

"Why do you make it sound like a question?" He asked, his gaze falling on the pan. “And why is the batter black?”

I shrugged. “There were a few complications.”

New York facepalmed.

Another one of my states randomly appeared, it was California this time. She rubbed her eyes, groggily walking towards us. “What’s going on?”

She cast a glance at the burnt food. “And... what’s that?”

Pennsylvania pointed towards me. “Dad’s trying to cook.”

California scrunched her nose. “I'll pass.”

I gasped in fake-offense. “How dare you? You haven't even tasted it!”

"If I did, I’d probably die on the spot." She was right.

“Hey!”

"That looks biohazardous." Ohio chimed in.

A heavy sigh escaped my lips. “I suppose you do have a point. I don’t know what went wrong- it was all proceeding smoothly, until it wasn’t!”

Pennsylvania patted my shoulder, giving me what seemed to be an awkward thumbs up. “At least you tried.”

The other states nodded in agreement, and I couldn’t help but feel slightly touched. “Thanks, kiddos. I appreciate it.” A faint smile crept its way onto my face. I kinda felt like I was in those disgusting sappy movies, where the main character gets comforted by everyone else after learning a very important lesson (except I never learn shit).

“Well, what then? Are we gonna eat them?” Delaware suddenly broke in, looking mildly concerned.

I laughed at the sight of his terrified expression, quickly shaking my head, which seemed to momentarily appease him. “Of course not.”

“But what are we gonna eat then? I’m pretty hungry…”

“Yeah, me too.”

“Are you guys thinking what I’m thinking?”

They nodded in unison, before directing their gazes towards me. They were all looking at me with puppy dog eyes, and I knew exactly what they were hinting at.

“Fuck it, let’s get take out.”