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“Jinglesnaps.”
Bernard ’s head swum as if—
The head elf steadied himself, his mind trying to discern how that happened, let alone how Santa would react to finding out.
His tongue clicked against the roof of his mouth, thinking carefully before saying, “What did I just drink, Curtis?”
“A hot chocolate-flavored energy drink,” Curtis said, smiling ear to ear. “To help elves out when they’re, you know.”
“No.”Bernard took a deep breath. “I don’t.”
“A bit under the weather.”
“Sounds like a cold where they should be in bed, something I know plenty of Santa has lectured me for not noticing and not something I’d need an energy drink for.”
“No,” Curtis frowned. “You know. When they need a little extra, pick me up so they can continue functioning?”
Bernard frowned, a thought crossing his mind that he, out of all the elves, was likely the only one to need that, unless Curtis was—
“And the reason behind wanting to do this and messing with Quinten’s lab while he’s away is because we know full well you had to have utilized his lab?” Bernard said.
“No reason.”
“Uh-huh,” Bernard said. He staggered slightly, his head swimming, holding onto his hat, wishing Curtis hadn’t—he wasn’t even sure Curtis realized what he’d done, how much trouble with Santa he’d be in, yet Bernard knew—
“Well, anyways…”
“First, you need to get Santa,” Bernard said, his head swimming. “Before I blurt out something foolish while I can still hold my tongue.”
“Uh,” Curtis frowned. “But you’re always snapping at us, so what’s the difference?”
Bernard glared at Curtis. “And second, tell me the real reason you came up with this bloody concoction that is…” And then he sighed, closing his eyes, placing a hand on his head.
“Uh…”
“It wouldn’t happen because you’ve been hitting the books again, despite Santa and I telling you there’s more to the job than memorizing all those damn rules?”
Curtis paled. “Bernard!”
“What!”
“You used a human curse word!” Curtis said. “And earlier, you said…”
“Jinglesnaps, jinglesnaps,” Bernard said. “Get Santa before I run my mouth, Curtis. Like pronto.”
Curtis stood there, staring. “Yes, but.”
“Yes, but what?”
“The recruits were coming in, and you seemed so stressed about it this year…”
Bernard ’s eyes blinked, confusion setting in. “What?”
“Do you not remember?” Curtis swallowed.
“Curtis,” Bernard said firmly. “I’m drunk.” That came out rather than, “I’m quite sure whatever concoction you just sneaked me under the pretext that Judy sent it has alcohol in it.” He took a deep breath. “So, please. Get Santa before I puke.”
“Yes, but…”
“Hurry,” Bernard said firmly, gritting his teeth.
“Can’t you teleport?”
The mere thought of teleporting …
It was certainly not what Bernard wanted to hear, and what he ’d not wanted to happen happened.
He took a deep as he leaned over the railing, looking at his vomit on the floor below, his features paling. “Oh.” He then waved his hand at Curtis. “Get Santa.” He swallowed. “Please.”
“Uh. Sure.”
Of course, it would take Curtis, who couldn ’t teleport time, to find Santa. Bernard closed his eyes, trying to steady himself, wondering exactly how he got into the predicament he was in while some of the nearby elves—
There was certainly reason for them to be concerned, with one saying they ’d get the mess cleaned up. Bernard kept his eyes closed, not wanting to throw up again, a hand pinching the bridge of his nose as he grimaced, some of the elves who came in late making a wide birth having already figured out he wasn’t in a good mood, or at least he likely seemed that way.
“Bernie?”
Bernard ’s eyes snapped open, remembering what Curtis said about the recruits coming in, that he’d noticed Bernard was stressed, yet because of the blasted alcoholic—Bernard wasn’t even sure how Curtis managed to make it alcoholic, he ’d forgotten the reason why he was stressed about the new recruits which was precisely why Curtis decided to give him the attempt at a Christmas Elf energy drink in the first place. “Jinglesnaps.”
He swallowed as Mindy looked at him, confused, as did a few of the other new recruits, and he knew right then. There he was, setting the worst example as a head elf ever, not to mention a certain young elf had already formed a negative opinion of him long before she started at the pole, back when he still visited family.
“Jinglesnaps,” he muttered again, holding his tongue, not wanting a human curse word to slip through.
“Are you drunk?”
“Of course, she’d notice,” Bernard said, biting down on his tongue so he wouldn’t yell that out. He lifted a hand in the air and twisted a finger around, letting out a humming sound, then tried to straighten up.
Bernard felt his eyes widen his body tilt backward, meaning he ’d hit the ground hard. Only—
“Careful, number one,” Santa said. “Curtis said something about giving you a hard time as usual. Something about sneaking you an experimental concoction with some rather unexpected results.”
“It’s Curtis,” Bernard blurted out, keeping his eyes closed while remaining unable to stand on his two feet. “This kind of thing is expected.”
“You know what I meant,” Santa said. “Apologies, but I need to take our head elf home as he’s not feeling well, but then I’ll give you recruits the tour.”
…
“My head hurts.”
Bernard pressed a hand against his forehead, his eyes remaining closed.
“Why does my head hurt?”
Letting out a deep breath—
“Jinglesnaps,” he said. Bernard gritted his teeth, his head hurting even more after he sat up, not to mention his stomach lurched slightly.
The head elf got up from his bed, staggering as he headed to his bathroom to throw up, wondering if he ’d come down with something, only to nearly teeter off his feet.
Instead, he stumbled into the bathroom, hitting his wrists on the—
Bernard wasn ’t sure what he bumped into, beyond the fact he hit more than just his wrists, although he guessed the door frame was one of the things he bumped into before he collapsed in front of the toilet, vomiting.
And then he took a deep breath, still leaning over the basin, trying to remember—
Bernard let out a groan, leaning into the toilet, placing a hand on the top of his head, as his eyes closed again. “Lousy. Getting sick like this.” He took a deep breath. He collapsed next to the toilet, leaning against the wall while his head tilted up. “Who…”
“Bernard?”
His eyes blinked, his eyes opening to look at a familiar face. “Mindy?”
She didn ’t say anything.
Bernard frowned. “When did you get here?”
“Um,” Mindy said, still looking at him.
He sighed, waving his hand. “You should stay away from me so you don’t get sick as well. The last thing I want is another reason you hate me.”
“About that,” Mindy said.
Bernard waved her off.
“You don’t remember?”
“Huh?” Bernard looked up, frowning. A knocking sound at the front door made him close his eyes. He waved his hand. “Can you get that?
“Uh, sure.”
And then—
“Tea?”
Bernard ’s eyes opened, grimacing as he did so. He frowned at Judy, wondering why she wasn’t bringing chicken soup, given he’d caught some bug, yet he didn’t feel like eating.
“Of course, I’ve also brought coffee. I’ve heard coffee helps humans with hangovers, but I know…”
“Wait. Hangover?” Bernard said. “What happened?”
“Curtis.”
Bernard groaned, holding his head, then saw Mindy peeking behind Judy. He felt his mouth twitch. “Word of advice. Don’t let Curtis talk you into any of his plans. I don’t need any more headaches.”
“Hey!” Mindy said. “Why are you assuming I’d cause trouble?”
Bernard cracked an eye open. “Oh. So, during your test run, you didn ’t manage to toss all of Santa ’s academy stand-in letters into the fire? And there wasn’t any chaos that ensued from that during the test, Mindy?”
“You don’t have to be so grumpy,” Mindy pouted, folding her arms across her chest. “You’re supposed to be a Christmas Elf.”
“Well, don’t give me reasons to be grumpy,” Bernard muttered, “And I’ll be quite jolly.”
“Sounds like you’re still under the effects of whatever concoction Curtis made,” Judy said. “In other words, a bit drunk.”
“Lovely,” Bernard said. “Not only did he manage to create alcohol on equipment none of the elves are supposed even to be using, but he also managed to create alcohol that lasts longer than the human stuff.” He pinched his brow.
Judy turned to Mindy. “Don’t worry. Yes, our head elf can be grumpy when panicking, but he is normally quite jolly and friendly.”
Bernard let out a sigh, waving his hand. “You don’t have to stick around Mins. I know you don’t like being around me, but I’ll head back to bed after I have some of Judy’s coffee.” He closed his eyes. “If I can manage to keep it down.”
“Yes, but…”
“You’re not the only elf with anxiety issues, Bernard,” Judy said. “You’ll need to make up her tour of Santa’s workshop later when you feel better. Her friends as well, as they refused to leave her.”
“Her friends,” Bernard said. He groaned, covering his eyes. “Sorry, Mins.”
“I’ll go be in the other room,” Mindy said nervously. “Okay.”
Bernard waved.
“She’s a good kid.”
“I know,” Bernard said. “A little mixed up on the meaning of Christmas from what I’ve heard, but…” Then he frowned. “Can I really say that? I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I barely know my sister.”
“Wishful thinking, maybe,” Judy said. “I’ll send for Dr. Hismus.”
“Please. And tell Mindy not to worry,” Bernard said.
“Already had. It won’t stop her from worrying. You are, despite the issues with your relationship, still siblings.”
She left, and Bernard sighed, noting that he needed to remember to really lay into Curtis the next time he saw the elf.