Chapter Text
"We're due on the mission."
Zack huffed at the insistent tapping on his cheek, dragged from the depths of sleep. Satisfied he was awake, Sephiroth turned to set off -
Sephiroth!?
Zack sprung up, his feet coming down on a wooden floor, surrounded by pale walls with dark corners. There were three beds. A rug. A table. This place... he'd woken up here before. With Sephiroth, even, waking him for an early mission. Something about that was very, very worrying.
It hit Zack like a truck.
"You died," Zack blurted out, almost accusatory. We're in Nibelheim, and you died on the mission here.
Sephiroth paused. "I wasn't aware of that."
The ice in his veins intensified as he kept trying to recall what could possibly be going on. Last he remembered, he was with Cloud, travelling, running, fighting... dying. He was so sure he was going to die. He'd given Cloud the Buster Sword - his eyes jumped to the very same blade, leaned on the wall next to his bed.
Sephiroth turned back to him, the dim morning light and his mako glow lending a menacing quality to his silhouette. Still, his hair was smooth - must've brushed it already - his eyes not nearly as cold and tired as they became after days of nonstop reading.
Like he was really there again. Alive.
"Where's Cloud?" Zack demanded.
"He's outside. They're waiting for us," Sephiroth explained, a slight furrow to his brow. "Are you well?"
Utterly lost, Zack took in a deep breath to centre himself. At least on the surface, it was the Sephiroth he used to know. The Sephiroth he thought he could rely on, precise and knowledgeable and captivating in everything he did. A bit closed-off, sometimes, but willing to do a lot for the people he cared about. Human.
Perhaps the way 'that' Sephiroth snapped should have set Zack against him - had him realise that something dark and untrustworthy lurked within - but he couldn't bring himself to. The person Sephiroth became was a horrifying kind of evil, to be sure, but it was in such stark contrast to everything Zack had known before.
The Sephiroth that made dry jokes, that thrived in understanding how things worked, that smiled so softly when promised to meet him again. That Sephiroth was not to be forgotten. And, if he really was here again, perhaps he had a shot at fixing things. And Cloud... Cloud would be...
"...Sorry. Must've been a nightmare," Zack fumbled, collecting Buster and catching up.
It was like walking through a memory, following the ghost of his lost comrade. A chill beckoned from the inn's doors, welcoming him to a town that he'd thought long gone. They turned towards the mountain path, a familiar group gathered there. A pair of troopers. The mayor. A handful of other villagers, just as he remembered.
Both wore their helmets, but Zack could intuit which of the infantrymen he had spent months on the run with in an instant - the shorter one, glancing around warily.
It took him a moment to even realise that Cloud was not in immediate danger. To realise that the other trooper was not about to grab him, intending to return him to -
"The professor's samples are escaping!"
Zack shook the vision from his head. Cloud was safe, for now. That wasn't their reality anymore... was it...?
It took a further few seconds for it to dawn on Zack that Cloud was well and truly there, healthy and breathing and understanding. Something in him had thought he might be happy to see Cloud up and about. Relieved, maybe, that Cloud could move and speak and live. But... a wave of grief came over him so strongly, instead, that he was too busy keeping himself together, behind the front of normalcy, to listen to what the people around him were saying.
He couldn't even say anything. What could be said? How was he supposed to explain "I thought I spent months keeping you alive after we lost years to a mad scientist, and you might never wake up"?
Nobody really survived that Nibelheim mission. He'd screwed it up that badly. Innocent people paid their lives, and those few that survived were still lost, either to the flames or to the scalpels in the aftermath.
"Zack?" Sephiroth looked at him expectantly.
"Huh?" Zack glanced around himself. Tifa had arrived, and the guy with the camera was taking position.
Sephiroth tilted his head ever so slightly, and oh, he wanted Zack in the picture. Some of the stifling gloom lifted at that - these people were here, and Zack was wanted. Last time, he'd led the charge into frame so he couldn't have known.
Zack took his place in front of that grim mansion and tried on his most confident smile. He wasn't sure if it fit. Still, the bloke grinned and told them he'd have copies ready, and then they were off up Mt. Nibel, where Zack put his chin up and started brainstorming.
Okay, how the hell to change the course of history? They're already here, so calling off the mission would be tough. Maybe Zack could rush in, solve the problem and get out (it was just some valve, right? Or was it something else?), but he knew Sephiroth - he'd want to investigate and properly understand the point of failure for when he reported back.
That week of spiraling into madness with nobody to catch him - where Sephiroth had been left to his own devices - his isolation, and Zack's ignorance, led to him tearing through books and leaving himself in shreds.
Last time, he had thought he was respecting a boundary. Allowing Sephiroth to process. Sephiroth did usually take these things in at his own pace. Instead, Zack had proven to him that he had nobody and left him to rot. It was too long... too long to leave someone struggling like that by himself...! Ugh, how could he have-!
"Follow me!" Tifa called, about to step foot onto a rickety bridge.
Zack jerked, having forgotten entirely about this slice of disaster - "Wait! Uh, doesn't that look kind of unstable? Shouldn't we be taking a safer route?"
"I've been across it before," Tifa replied. "And it'll save a lot of time."
"You're just one person, though. I don't like the odds of that bridge snapping under five of us," he asserted.
As if on cue, the bridge creaked ominously under her step, and he could only hope he'd sewn enough doubt to prevent this much.
"...Maybe we can go one at a time?" Tifa suggested.
While he'd rather they avoided the bridge in the first place, one at a time seemed like it could work. Plus, if the other trooper survived, it was concrete that his future wasn't all set in stone. He could change something.
"I'll go first and make sure it's safe on the other side. Sound good?" Zack suggested.
Tifa stepped aside to allow him across.
Keeping a careful grip on the fraying ropes, Zack made his way across each fragile step. It might be different this time. with a touch more care, he could save the lives he couldn't last time.
...Or he could be rushing into his demise. Still, he resolved to try, to not look back until he'd got to the other side. The right nudges, and all of them could make it -
The snapping of rope rung out through the mountain, and air rushed beneath Zack's feet.
Zack cursed under his breath at the lousy landing cave grime made for. Still, he had SOLDIER enhancements and materia on his side, so a dangerous fall like that became a nasty ache rather than a genuine risk to his life.
Zack took a deep breath, and yelled: "Everything's fine! I'll meet you ahead!"
Zack's lungs and Sephiroth's ears should cooperate well enough for that to work. But, as he glanced around the dim rocks, it struck him that recognising where he was didn't mean remembering where he was going. They'd probably have to pass him by to get to the reactor, right...? Right?
Still, one disaster averted. And, hell, maybe everything from before could have been just some twisted nightmare - a false memory - even if the hurt felt too old and aching, and the paths he'd never walked too familiar.
The proof that it wasn't happening now soothed him better than any potion could. He just had to keep going like this. He was SOLDIER First Class - he could manage that.
Ultimately, Zack ended up pressing through the tangle of caves - he had a head start, and at some point was bound to run back into them or the reactor. Sound travelled fairly well, for what it was worth, although the wind from outside and the distant whirr of the reactor dampened it somewhat. At some point, he came across the gentle green of the Mako fountain and decided this was probably the best place to wait.
The group followed along soon afterwards.
"Hey!! Told ya I'd be here!" Zack grinned from his spot among the roots.
The quiet relief in Sephiroth's expression, that little pinch more relaxed when they reunited, was a pretty solid runner up in his list of soothing things. So, too, was seeing the pair of troopers. Something still didn't sit right, though, and Zack tried to rifle through his brain while Tifa marvelled at the Mako fountain.
For how much better he was compared to what he became in Zack's memory, Sephiroth still seemed a little grim, and...
Ah, right, he prompted Sephiroth to explain Materia last time, didn't he? So, he asked again - "By the way, why is it that when you use materia, you can use magic too?"
"You're in SOLDIER and you don't know that?"
Like before, Sephiroth's slight bewilderment quickly melded into something calmer as he explained the alleged mechanics of materia, and something lifted away from Zack too.
Sephiroth always did like to explain the inner workings of things. Zack loved to listen. And especially now, he drunk every word like it could tie him to a world they all lived.
Like before, Sephiroth and Zack entered the reactor by themselves.
The temperature jump set Zack a little off-kilter. He'd done this before. He'd been in a reactor before. Zack's stupid questions had set Sephiroth on his spiral last time, so logically, he figured the best bet was to sort out whatever problems quietly and try to catch Sephiroth if he fell. Now, though, unease sat uncomfortably in his chest.
The "JENOVA" sign loomed at the top of the pods room, its existence inherently feeling like a mockery. Zack pointedly ignored it, as if not pointing it out could will it out of existence. Instead, he put his focus on Sephiroth. His comrade. His friend.
Knowing he could be about to lose it in fiery anger, and indirectly rip Zack's life in two, he still couldn't think Sephiroth meant any less than everything to him.
Sephiroth looked directly at the sign, but said nothing, turning to other parts. And, after Zack closed that valve and Sephiroth inspected the pods, Sephiroth set to his explaining again.
"This is a system that condenses and freezes the Mako energy... that is, when it's working correctly." He turned to Zack. "Now... what does Mako energy become when it's further condensed?"
"It turns into Materia," he answered, perhaps a touch too quickly.
"Right... normally. But Hojo put something else in there. Take a look."
Hojo. That name sent a shiver down his spine, but still, he paced towards the pod. He had to. Because what message would it send if he didn't play along? What possible snag could he find in this? And... what, was Hojo behind all of the woes in the-
"Wait," he froze. "How come you know it was Hojo?"
"He informed me some of his 'work' was here before we set off," Sephiroth said with disdain. "I can't imagine what's through this window is part of processing Mako."
Zack grimaced at this new information. Of course - Hojo left people in in mako pods until their very being twisted apart and they were barely recognisable. Hojo told Sephiroth about these experiments he left behind. Hojo abducted survivors of Sephiroth's catastrophic meltdown, which was rapidly approaching if Zack didn't play his cards right.
Zack barely even knew what cards he could play.
He steeled himself, and looked as asked. The creature inside was all teeth and blackened sinew. Zack had been so horrified by the sight, last time, it took his focus away from what mattered.
Now he already knew what he'd be seeing. He'd lived some of the company's worst himself, but it wove so much deeper than he'd thought. Sephiroth's future hung over him like a guillotine, and the extent Hojo's shadow loomed here made him so angry.
"Normal members of SOLDIER are humans that have been showered with Mako. You're different from the others, but still human," Sephiroth continued, coolly. "But, what are they?"
Zack sighed. "I dunno, man. Whatever this is, they didn't deserve it, and next time I see Hojo I'm going to strangle him."
That pulled a quiet, broken chuckle out of Sephiroth. "I've asked myself why I don't do that very same thing." He was quiet for a moment. "They're no longer human..."
Something in that ignited Zack, and he turned to Sephiroth, grabbed ahold of his jacket, eyes suddenly threatening to spill.
"And what? We're still people! we can still - we can still do something," he burst. "You're not like them. You're not. I promise."
Sephiroth looked down at him, eyes widening into some kind of horrified realisation. "How can you know?"
Mentally cursing for having got ahead of himself, Zack tried to answer, "Because -"
"No, these monsters..." Sephiroth pushed him away, began to clutch at his head. "Was I? Was I created this way too?"
The despair beginning to visibly overwhelm Sephiroth sent Zack into freefall.
Zack was hot on his heels when they returned to the village. His mind raced, but few thoughts managed to register beyond one: giving Sephiroth the space he'd wanted after this had only led to death.
Zack poured out every word he could scrape together about everything that made him human, and how his possible origins didn't diminish that, but it was like talking to a brick wall. Sephiroth, through uneven breathing, only ever managed pained rejection. At a loss, he moved a half-step closer, desperately wanting to comfort him with a hug or his presence or some kind of touch - but he couldn't. After all, a fat lot of good that did him before. Sephiroth could be cagey about that stuff at the best of times.
All he could do was back off, and that tore him to pieces.
Unable to help the man that needed it most, Zack scrambled for something - anything - else to do. Jittery and terrified of the approaching disaster, Zack found himself fighting monsters for who knows how long until he could think straight.
Sephiroth hadn't gone to the library right away. Maybe he wasn't there yet. Zack could burn it. He could destroy the evidence before Sephiroth so much as picked up a book.
The smoke and warmth would linger, and Sephiroth wouldn't be away long. He would know it was recent, materia-made, and that nobody else could possibly have understood what was there. He would never forgive Zack. Never. But compared to the lives at risk...
Zack made his way back, and by the time he got to the Mansion's doors they were lit by moonlight. Zack pushed them open, hit by chill and the smell of damp, and made his way through its rooms.
If it were possible, he'd work for an ending where no lives were sacrificed, and he and Sephiroth could turn their backs on the accursed company together. Maybe Cloud, too. Sephiroth didn't know him well, and he didn't know if Cloud would want to, but surely they could make it work. It sounded like a fairy tale, more than anything, but faced with the scale of the disaster and all the screwups leading up to it, Zack abruptly realised how badly he needed it.
Maybe it was greed, or hope, or lingering dread from the lab coats in his future. Everything he knew about his life hinged on how Sephiroth responded to this next week.
Light poured from the library in the basement.
"Let me be alone"?
Never, ever again.
If Sephiroth noticed Zack pointedly ignoring his earlier request and plucking a book off of the shelves, he didn't say anything. Zack flicked open the nameless hardcover and, faced with a mountain of complicated science words, he almost gave up on it right there, but noticed part way through that it that the structure of the words changed.
"Mako assimilated far beyond expectations. Subject's loss of awareness led to excessive noise and damage. Improvement to pain endurance necessary."
Zack stared at the words as they churned uncomfortably in his brain. The clinical words reminded him all too much of other documents. Where was once listed a Shinra Infantryman and SOLDIER 1st Class, though, was instead (for once) a name.
His eyes slid over to the man in question, seated at a desk that, despite its age, was probably the only thing in the library that was clean and comfortable. In the midst of of his voracious reading, Sephiroth frowned, shut the book he was reading and unceremoniously dumped it onto a neat pile.
In another time, during a speech on the Ancients and humanity's crimes, Sephiroth had claimed he was "produced". A project. It sounded just the same as every other nonsense claim of at the time, but now the pieces were falling together and it wasn't pretty at all.
...Strangle Hojo later. Help Sephiroth now.
Zack put the book back and hovered his hand over a few of the other spines, but the prospect of picking up any more experiment notes was going to make him nauseous. So, instead, he announced brightly: "Alright! I think it's high time for a break."
Sephiroth didn't even look up from his book.
"How about we go upstairs for a bit? It's awful stuffy down here."
"I've made myself clear," Sephiroth stated, dangerous.
Still, Zack pushed. "How about I bring you some -"
"You can let me pursue my truth, or you can leave!" Sephiroth snapped, eyes thin, daring him to speak another word.
A beat passed, and Zack doubled down. "You can't pursue a truth on an empty stomach", he might have said. "If you keep going for too long it's going to stop fitting in your head", maybe. Instead, Sephiroth leapt from his chair and grabbed him, stifling any words before they could even come out, and hurled him out of the door.
Fuck.
Zack could never be kept down for long, though, if only because a lack of action would let stress screw with his head. His trip up the stairs was followed by finally checking his PHS, discovering a handful of messages from Cloud and Tifa both wondering what on earth was going on, because nobody had told them anything.
Of course. Zack was the only person who knew and could tell, and he hadn't. He was too caught up in the feeling of opportunities slipping through his fingers, trying so doggedly to stop Sephiroth's descent into madness without losing it himself.
Zack couldn't rescue his friends on an empty stomach, either, and it dawned on him that the last time he ate was... when...? Judging by the ache in his stomach, certainly too long ago.
The day they arrived, Cloud had privately suggested they visit his mother to try her cooking. Maybe he could refuel and make up for the guilt of accidentally ignoring him. A home-cooked meal sounded pretty good right about now.
Besides, he was due some time with a Cloud that was well, and damned if he wasn't going to savour every good moment he got after everything.
If reality hadn't started pressing in the moment the savoury smell became a meal in front of him, his visit to Cloud's place would have been a perfect breather. Cloud's mother was very vibrant, doting, and pleased to find Cloud had a responsible friend from a country town.
Cloud himself seemed a little embarrassed, and maybe in some other dimension Zack might have been more inclined to defend his independence. But, after a while of him and Cloud against the world, keeping him alive while he was vegetative - Zack found that piling on his own affection came easier. And, in a way, could that not come with asserting his independence at the same time?
Okay, maybe the hair ruffling didn't match up. But he only did it once. She wasn’t looking. It was fine.
Ms. Strife's stew was so good. The flavours fit together with the ingredients just right to make a mouthwatering meal. When was the last time he'd had anything like this? Regardless, spurred by the homely, comfortable environment, Zack spoke a thought aloud:
"I wish Sephiroth could try it."
"Sephiroth? Ah, I've heard all about him," Claudia jumped in. "Did you think I wouldn't notice he came with you? You don't need to be shy about inviting your friends, Cloud."
"We don't know each other that well..." Cloud admitted.
"He's busy, anyway. He'd be upset if we asked," Zack added.
Claudia directed an ascertaining look at him. It was the sort of careful, motherly kind he hadn't seen since he was 13 years old.
Then she grabbed another bowl.
"You'll just have to bring him some," Claudia decided, not sounding sorry at all.
That was how Zack ended up bringing a bowl of warm stew down those cold stone stairs. He found Sephiroth pacing with his book this time, some dotted carelessly on the floor, but nothing yet like the ominous piles of books that had grown over further days.
"Hey there," Zack started, testing the waters.
Sephiroth directed a glare over his shoulder. Still not in the mood to chat, then.
"It's for you," he said simply, leaving the bowl on the table, then backing away.
It didn't feel right, dealing with him like an animal. But this was where they were, and he had to work with it. Maybe, with the right steps, a little extra effort, he could pull Sephiroth just outside of the "losing it and killing everyone" zone.
He retreated back to Cloud's place, hoping next time he checked in it would be to an empty bowl. Claudia had some pressing questions about if they were working too hard. Zack didn't know the answer.
Is it working too hard after spending so long just trying to keep you and your friends alive? Or does it only turn that way after failing?
The next morning, the stew remained untouched, cold and congealing under the lamp. Sephiroth didn't want to talk. That's alright, Zack decided (lying). Maybe he'll be more receptive when his not sleeping catches up to him.
Later, Zack joined him again to not-so-quietly eat a protein bar. The dark circles under Sephiroth's eyes grew yet darker. He barely noticed Zack's presence, and only reacted to vocal or physical attempts to get his attention when they obstructed his pacing loop.
He turned a page. He turned a page. He turned a page.
He tossed the book and picked another.
Zack had half hoped his will or stubbornness might break down, but in hindsight that was a stupid idea. This was Sephiroth, who was to Zack a beloved friend, but to the world was the hero of the Wutai war (...and to shady scientists, 'improvements to pain endurance necessary').
He should be calling for the village to evacuate, but reacting as if Sephiroth was already gone felt like an admission of defeat. The feeling crawled over him like one of Hojo's stupid healing worms. Sephiroth would snap out of it this time. Sephiroth wouldn't do this. He was so, so unbelievably strong. He'd already been through so much, and he was fine...?
No. He wasn't fine. Zack swallowed his pride and raised the alarm to Brian Lockhart the next day.
Sephiroth did start talking again after a while - first to himself, then to Zack.
"The Cetra were the caretakers of the Planet, but now humans are all that's left..."
Zack foolishly let himself hope that Sephiroth might want a real dialogue, but that couldn't be further from the truth. He was just telling him things and expecting Zack to listen and it was driving him nuts and if any of Zack's words did anything, it was only make him angrier -
When Nibelheim went up in flames, he found Cloud's bloody, unmoving body at the centre of it.
It'd been so, so stupid to think that saving the villagers meant nobody would die. Zack tried to find a pulse, or breath, and even when he found none, poured his hopes into healing Materia in as if Cloud might spring back up. If it weren't for the heat and smoke and flames lighting everything orange, maybe Zack could pretend he was only poisoned again.
The uselessness of it all threatened to swallow him whole.
So Zack found himself chasing Sephiroth to the reactor again, where he was, of course, conspiring with that thing. That voice came rife with a twisted adoration, and Zack hated that he'd never heard Sephiroth speak anything like this outside of this room - that even when he was happy, it always felt a little clipped and controlled.
"Sephiroth! How could you!? Cloud didn't do anything!"
The broken laugh and clear dismissal was just the same.
Those worthless creatures
are stealing the planet from Mother
But now I'm here
It was too late. Maybe it had even been too late when they arrived to Nibelheim. But if Zack couldn't stop him - then he would die trying.
Zack drew the Buster Sword and charged.