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“Thanks for taking us with you, Auntie!” Charlene chirps, beaming at Envy from the passenger seat.
Envy grins back. “It’s no problem. What were you looking to buy?”
“Well, it’s the best time of the year to get electronics. I’ve been meaning to get a new laptop! And Mom likes observing human brutality.”
“Who knows? I might find some free inspiration in the blood and chaos.” Sunday supplies from behind her, nails clacking away at her phone all the while. “Plus, going with you means I don’t have to drive.”
“Who are you texting, Mom? You must’ve typed a paragraph back there.”
“Your dad and your father. We’re figuring out Christmas.”
“I still don’t get how you two don’t get those labels confused. Let alone how nobody gets in their feelings about it.” She flicks on her turn signal, then adds, “But that’s none of my business.”
“Well, Skwisgaar is my father by rights, but Nathan’s more of—”
Charlie’s cell phone chimes in her lap, interrupting her. She flips it open and types something, then leans in close to Envy, flashing a peace sign at the phone.
“Hey! Don’t be taking pictures while I’m trying to drive!” She demands, brows knitting in annoyance.
“Sorry, that was my stepdad. He sent me a selfie so I had to send one back!”
“I didn’t think Nathan would be the selfie type, but I guess lead singers can be pretty vain…” Yeesh. Even the entrance to the mall’s got traffic.
“Oh, no. I’m talking about my stepdad Toki. My father’s partner,” Charlene corrects.
“And I Don’t Know’s gonna throw it back to Tomorrow.”
“Huh?” The blonde tilts her head in confusion.
Sunday pipes up, “Don’t worry, sug. Joke’s before your time. Would you rather go to Sweden or Mordhaus?”
“If I say Mordhaus would farmor be able to visit?”
“Who?” If this is yet another male parental figure in the kid’s life, she’s gonna lose it.
“Swedish grandma. Means ‘father’s mother’,” Sunday clarifies.
Close call. “Ah. I bet they have words for all those dads.”
“Nah. Half the plot of ‘Two Swedish Dads’ is confusion about them both being dads. And not because they’re gay.”
“Alright, Sweden! Not even homophobic. If you two wanna hop out here, I’ll park by the east exit since that’s where we’ll end up.” She slows to a stop outside the Amon A-Mart. She’ll hustle through the mall and get her steps in.
“Is there anything you want from the electronics store? We could grab it in case you don’t make it,” Charlene offers.
“No need to do that, sweet girl. I’ll catch up with you.”
“Okay!”
Envy catches up with them just in time— Sunday’s having an argument on her phone in the corner while a balding man tries to push Charlene out of the way of the last FruitBook.
This looks like a job for her bouncer voice. “HEY. What do you think you’re doing?”
The dude looks back at her and jolts, stepping on the side of his sneaker in his attempt to back up. “Nuh— Uh.. Nothing! Just shopping.”
“It looked to me like you thought you’d bully a little girl for a laptop.” Granted, Lena’s taller than her mother as of her last growth spurt, but still. “You bullying kids, man?”
“Naw! No! I didn’t see the girl. That’s all.” He looks at the floor and rubs the back of his neck.
“No worries, then. Happy Holidays.” She moves past him towards the phones, happy to see that the kid’s headed towards the front with her new laptop. Maybe Envy’ll retire her Blackberry if one of those new Dethphones is any good. They’ve got touch screens these days.
One dreadful wait and one costly (but discounted) purchase later, Envy meets up with the girls. Sunday’s finally put her phone away, carrying the kid’s computer box while baby girl points to something, worry painted on her face.
It only takes a quick look to figure that one out. Outside the Dimmu Burger, a couple in matching MILF Mountain shirts (‘Daddy’s Favorite MILF’ and ‘I’m Daddy’) gesture at mother and daughter, barely trying to hide their fervor. As Envy looks between them, Sunday goes rigid.
As she comes closer, she hears the tail end of Sunday’s anxious murmur. “… head out? If they get loud more fans will come.”
“Yeah, but you can’t always run away from them, Mom.” Charlene scuffs her sneaker against the floor, worrying the end of her braid between her fingers.
“You’re right on that, but spending time with family comes first.” She nods to her. “Right, E?”
“Sure, but family time shouldn’t mean hiding out in the Hills, either. Let’s keep going. If it becomes a problem, we can leave.”
The fans don’t approach as they pass, but follow all the way through two clothing stores and a Sears. There’s a moment in the dimly lit Hot Topic where Envy considers cornering them, but then Lena digs a Smugly Dismissed shirt out of the sale bin and chases her mom around with it, cackling and demanding an autograph. Sunday’s firm insistence that she’s ‘not doing that today’ sends the fans speedwalking out of the store.
“See,” she murmurs to her. “These problems take care of themselves.”
“It’s a Black Friday miracle,” Sunday deadpans, but her shoulders relax regardless.
By the end of their trip, they’re all weighed down with bags and boxes. Another successful Black Friday, for her and the kid. In addition to her new FruitBook, she practically bought out the Hollister and a couple neighboring stories. She grabbed a pile of DethMerch at Hot Topic, too— although Envy wonders if she couldn’t get it for free from her coalition of dads. The darling girl thanked her for the help, too, as though she'd see her struggle and not step in.
Sunday got what she wanted, too: They all witnessed a knockdown drag out fight over designer sunglasses. To make the scuffle more interesting, she stepped over the incensed shoppers and bought the pair herself, pushing them up on the top of her head. The idiots rolling around on the tile didn’t notice, but Envy’s got to imagine they made it rough for the sales clerk. Chances are, Sunday’ll wear the new glasses for a day or two before she leaves them somewhere and forgets they ever existed.
But isn’t that what the holidays are all about?