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Xiao clutched his legs into his body, holding them tightly together with his arms. He didn’t dislike baths, and he definitely didn’t dislike when Venti made the effort to wash him in the bath. But some days, like today, he was just too tired to even think straight- much less deal with the feeling of hot, almost scolding, water touching his skin. He hated the feeling of most things touching his skin.
Venti put his hands into the bath, scooping up some water and pouring it over Xiao’s head- making sure that his hair was wet before he shampooed it. Venti could tell that Xiao was upset and overstimulated tonight, hence the abnormal amount of wounds on his body and the blank stare he was giving to the bottom of the bathtub. The bath likely wasn’t helping, but Xiao would get even more upset if he had to go to sleep while covered in blood, sweat and grime. “Is it okay if I wash your hair now?” Venti asked, his voice slightly softer than normal. He had backed away from Xiao a little so that he could reach the shampoo bottle that was normally kept in the shower. Xiao nodded, not turning to look at the other man or even acknowledging that he had moved.
Venti proceeded to pour some shampoo out of the bottle and into his hands. He then scrubbed the shampoo into Xiao’s hair, ensuring that he was gentle with his touch and that he didn’t let his hands linger for too long on Xiao’s head. Venti was always gentle- in fact, Xiao couldn’t recall a time when Venti wasn’t gentle. He had always been cautious not to hurt Xiao when he touched him, and he often touched Xiao as if he was fragile- like he could break at any second. And Xiao was thankful for that, very thankful, as physical touch was never easy for him.
Venti put his hands back in the bathtub, scooping up more water and pouring it over Xiao’s head, trying to rinse the shampoo out of Xiao’s thick hair. This process repeated a few times until the shampoo was completely gone from Xiao’s hair and the bath water was now full of bubbles. “Do you want to wash your body or should I?” Venti asked. He didn’t receive an answer. He stretched his arm out in front of xiao, “Tap me once if you want to do it, or twice if you’d like me to help.” This time, Xiao moved his head a little to look up at Venti before tapping his arm twice. Venti smiled and moved to grab the soap, which was also in the shower.
Venti put some soap on a loofah, and softly cleaned away any blood or dirt that was left on Xiao’s body. He must have overdone it today, considering the fact that he was out fighting for five hours. “Okay I’m all done, I’ll leave you to relax here- or get out of the bath if that’s what you’d rather do. I’ll dry your hair for you when you come out, okay?” Xiao nodded as Venti left the room and shut the door behind him.
Xiao didn’t move from his position, he remained still as he stared at the bottom of the bathtub- trying to avert his eyes from looking at his body, at his scars. He had gained a few more today and it felt like they were glaring at him, judging him. He didn’t even realise that he was crying until he was full-on sobbing. He didn’t even know why he was crying- maybe it was the uncomfortable feeling of water hugging his skin, or the itch of his new scars, or the annoying buzzing sound of the fly flying around the room he was in, or the constant ache in his head that he couldn’t seem to get rid of, or maybe that he really was convinced that tonight would be his last- and yet he had to keep going.
Xiao didn’t know how long he was just sitting there, crying, until Venti came in to check up on him. “Xiao? Is everything okay?” Venti had realised that everything wasn’t okay about halfway through his sentence- but he couldn’t exactly stop there. “Oh, sweetheart, what’s wrong?” Xiao couldn’t reply. He felt as if he couldn’t move his mouth- as if his thoughts couldn’t coherently be turned into words. Not words that Venti would understand, anyway- so he just continued to stare at the bottom of the bathtub, sobbing. “Can you speak right now?” Venti asked. Xiao shook his head. Venti had guessed that was the case, since Xiao hadn’t even spoken earlier, instead opting to nod or shake his head in response to Venti’s questions. “Okay I’m gonna pull the bath plug out and drain this water then- is that okay?” Xiao nodded, and so Venti pulled the plug and let the water slowly drain.
Xiao didn’t even realise that he had stopped sobbing, but he thankfully had. He didn’t like crying in front of other people- that made him vulnerable. It’s not like Venti would use it to hurt him or anything anyway, but the thought of it still terrified Xiao. After all, his life probably would have been completely different if he hadn’t been such a vulnerable child.
“I’ve got your towel here Xiao, do you wanna step out?” Venti asked, bringing over a purple towel with the letter ‘X’ embroidered on it. Xiao stared at him- and then his own body, trying to signal to Venti that he didn’t want him to see. And it’s not that he had a problem with Venti seeing his body, in fact he's seen it multiple times before- just not tonight. Not while Xiao feels so self-conscious of himself- not while those ugly, awful scars are still fairly fresh.
Venti somewhat understood what Xiao was signalling, and he closed his eyes. Xiao stood out of the bathtub, which was now empty, and wrapped himself in the towel that Venti was holding. It was warm- Venti must have put it on the radiator. Xiao tapped Venti’s arm to let him know that he could open his eyes now, and so he did. “Do you want me to get you pyjamas first or should I dry your hair first?” Venti asked as he got another purple towel and wrapped Xiao’s hair up in it so that it didn’t drip onto the floor. Xiao just blankly stared at him in response to his question- he didn’t like having to make choices when he felt like this. His head hurt too much to think straight. “I’ll get you some pyjamas first then, okay?” Xiao nodded.
Venti brought Xiao some clean pyjamas, which were also surprisingly warm- their radiator wasn’t particularly large, so Xiao wondered how Venti even managed to get both the towel and the pyjamas warm. “I’ll leave you to get changed now, come out when you’re ready- or if you need any help just knock on the door.” Venti said as he left the room. Xiao closed his eyes and hurriedly put on his pyjamas- he didn’t even want to look at himself today. It was just easier not to. The pyjamas that Venti had given him had long sleeves, and Xiao thanked the heavens that they weren’t ‘bad’ long sleeves because that likely would have caused him to have a meltdown.
Xiao left the bathroom, and walked into his and Venti’s bedroom- where Venti was setting up the hairdryer. “You look very sweet in those pyjamas- the colour suits you really well actually,” Venti smiled when he saw him. Xiao hadn’t even considered the colour of them- he didn’t typically wear much red, but it didn’t look too bad on him. Xiao gave Venti a very faint smile in reply to his compliment, before sitting down on the chair in front of the dressing table. Venti took the towel off from his head, and turned the hairdryer on- blowing heat onto Xiao’s hair while gently brushing it through.
Now that Venti was finished, Xiao found that his mind was a lot clearer now and the pain had thankfully gone. “ ‘m sorry, Ven” was the first thing that Xiao said once he realised he could speak again. Venti tilted his head out of confusion- somewhat like what a dog does when it wants treats from its owner. “Why are you sorry? You didn’t do anything wrong, love,” Venti combed his fingers through Xiao’s hair. “I didn’t mean to get upset. And I didn’t mean to force you to deal with me either- I probably would have sorted myself out eventually,” Xiao replied. His voice was still a little shaky, and it was a lot more gentle. Usually Xiao’s voice was raspy and almost kinda growl-y, but today it just wasn’t. “That’s fine Xiao, you’d do the same for me- wouldn’t you?” Venti moved to sit on the bed as he spoke. “I’d try. I doubt I could do what you did for me though- I’m not good at emotions,” Xiao replied. He turned himself around on the chair so that he could face Venti. “I know that- but you’d do what you can, and that’s what matters. Now come sit with me,” Venti patted the space next to him on their bed.
Xiao slowly got up and walked over to sit next to Venti. “Do you need something to eat? I can go get some almond tofu from the kitchen downstairs if you’d like some,” Venti offered. “Please,” Xiao replied. So Venti gave him a quick hug, got up from his position on the bed, put his shoes on and left their bedroom.
Once again, Xiao was left alone with his thoughts- but this time, he was okay.