Work Text:
The following text is considered an interpolation of a later author, its quality is inferior and it should be ignored by every reader.
With apologies to our good reader, we must at this point leave the main story, and head towards a necessary deviation from the matter at hand. We must address the amazing events that befalled lady Dulcinea, known among those who know her as Aldonza Lorenzo, since the discretion, wit and temperance displayed by her in this tale exalts the glorious story of our knight.
As you may remember, Dulcinea's Christian name was Aldonza, and she was a farm girl of good appearance and an honest family, but with little land and less fortune as is so often seen at this time. He was a discreet and astute person; there was no selling empty for full or cat for hare with her, and she had as good an eye for things as she had for people.
Some chronicles tells us that at such time as Don Quijote's third outing, news reached Aldonza of the errant knight's adventures and of the esteem he had for her. Such news had first arrived with a harried looking man, frail as a stick and with clothing that was more patchwork than cloth. Aldonza was feeding the chickens when she heard a desperate and insistent cry of, “Hello, the house!".
“I'm looking for some lady name Dulcinea.", the character called, "I am ordered to bow to her and tell her my story. Directions were round this land and I do not see anyone else that could be such person. I ask that by your mercy you'll listen to it, for it is nothing short of amazing, and I need to see if fortune lets go of my throat once it is done.”
It turned out that this character had committed the crime of robbery and was sentenced to imprisonment at the galley. But on the way to such punishment, the line of sad penitents this man was a part of had met one who called himself a knight-errant, who, judging the fate of these unfortunate people bad and unjust, had freed them, with the request to go and appear before his lady Dulcinea del Toboso to offer service. The knight had received payment in kicks.
“Woe is me, that was the beginning of my miseries and misfortunes. Now I know that heaven's punishment is more severe than that of men, because since that day there is no bottle that falls upright or card that comes out kings. I come to do penance to see if it lifts the grim fate that has befallen me."
Now it is well known that characters of all kinds wander along the roads and that whoever believes a confessed criminal ends up with lighter bags than they had before the encounter, so Aldonza shrugged it off as nothing more than a curiosity. But this was only the first of the apparitions in this land of Toboso. It was followed by a Biscayan carrying another piece of the tale:
“That excellent knight Don Quixote de la Mancha orders me to introduce myself to you, lady Aldonza. He is an older, wiry man, he presents himself as a knight-errant, and he has taken you as his inspiration and guide. If you ask how I found you, this story that I tell you in a book is published. I have just passed a tavern and found several academic types reading it and falling over laughing.”
The book, in fact, existed and was widely read, appreciated, discussed and dismembered. And an unexpected consequence of this was that everyone was taking their old knowledge of books of chivalry from the attic, so to speak. In every corner she turned it was Tristan this, Felixmagno that, Roland the other way; even at mass she had spent the length of the sermon listening to the priest reach Judas by way of Ganelon.
This is how Aldonza realized that she was the adored lady of a knight errant.
It happened that in those days an ill fitting shoe in human form rolled into the Toboso that ended up at Aldonza's door; it seemed apparent her door attracted all pestiferous people these days. The man introduced himself as an Esplandián, he said he was a minor nobleman and he had the right bearing, he came in a good position and was recommended, with elegant clothes and a waxed mustache. He said that he had abandoned the idle and sinful life of his lands to get closer to God and the simple people. With such kinds of reasons he charmed her parents, shortly after arriving already heaping enough praise upon them that they had him as a son.
After a few days, just as she had suspected and foreseen, he began to complain to her with loving arguments, promising her marriage. It was evident to Aldonza that his promises were vain and would last as long as his desire was satisfied, and that the attention he gave her was more about her mother's cooking than her own virtue. Aldonza's honesty was abundant and giving but she ran away when someone smelled suspicious and this gentleman was more stank than a seller of indulgences. He was oily like torrija and had the elusive eyes of a harrier. It seemed necessary to Aldonza not to give him the opportunity or place to speak to him again. But his father keept inviting him to their house, him settling into their kitchen, eating their food with seconds and thirds. Even one occasion where his words crossed the line of decency she was going to respond, but was rudely stopped by her father, who then forbade her to make the guest uncomfortable.
Now let the good reader have no doubt: Aldonza was a woman of the countryside and would not escape any quarrels, but she was not oblivious to the duty that from childhood she was told a good daughter owes her father; in short, although Aldonza could have dispensed of the fool by force if necessary, she was keen to avoid receiving same on her turn. On her side were the heavens for on Sunday at mass her cunning and discretion provided her with a way out.
“I wish I could accept your promise, but first I need the approval of my relative.” Aldonza was the very picture of the demure lady as she said this. She had gathered from the neighbors the directions in which Don Quijote was said to be roaming from stories and rumors, and these directions she gave Esplandian. She took off her cap and gave it to him, with precise instructions on what to say and do and a strong request that he follow them to the letter, promising to withdraw her love forever if he didn't do so. The young man, believing himself close to his goal, made signs to follow her instructions, more out of curiosity than for any other reason. At the end of the day, he told himself, he would continue on the road for a day or two, and if he did not find that relative he would return with a convenient excuse.
Here, good reader, we meet again our good knight and faithful squire, who, walking a few leagues from Toboso, found Esplandian. To say that the young man was amazed is an understatement. The gaunt man sheathed in rusty steel painted an incredible image, to the point that he decided to do what he had been told. Getting a laugh out of those he felt were his inferiors was a favorite pastime of his.
“Hail, Sir Knight, I come on a long ride from el Toboso with a pledge and message from your high lady. She orders me to give you this garment of hers and to tell you exactly that I am coming as her Ganelon and that you will welcome me in this way."
Esplandian was so proud of himself and his own courtesy that he didn't notice how Don Quijote suddenly came in fuming.
"Scoundrel! Bandit! Praise my sweet lady, tall and virtuous, who comes with such a high warning about the treatment to be given to a miscreant such as you! What mischief you have done that you will receive punishment, draw your weapon now and let us have at it!" and he struck him with such a blow in the head that left the man cross-eyed.
Don Quijote then proceeded in this very same fashion with his ancient lance, and occasionally a fist, which both proved to be good for whacking a man around. Esplandian gave as good as he got but he was taken by surprise and was not used to using his own arms for any work, honest or otherwise. Eventually he was knocked off the horse and ended up in a groaning heap on the floor.
Don Quijote was panting and fuming like a horse on a race but was still upright which was a novelty in Sancho's eyes. More to have his liege stop pummeling the fellow more than anything else, he asked how he knew this man was owed a beating.
"My dear Sancho", answered Don Quijote benevolently, "I forget your simplicity. Ganelon was good and valiant Roland's step father and the cause of his downfall. In his envy of his son's stand he betrayed him and his king; in the circle of Hell where traitors go he is second only to Judas." He absentmindedly spurred Rocinante on, the horse setting out at a relaxed walk away from the unfortunate man who had incurred in his master's wrath. "Of course this villain mustn't have known this, unversed in the ways of chivalry as he clearly was", and he made a face showing his disdain at the man's incomplete education, "so my discrete lady Dulcinea saw fit to use this to warn me of his trickery and falsehood."
Sancho had a lot of questions, actually, but seeing as this was one rare adventure where he wasn't the one who ended up beaten he decided to leave it to God and his Lord, and trotted on after him.