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Seeing the future sounds like an amazing superpower, Jeff is aware of that. He, too, thought he won the jackpot at first when he presented as an omega at 14. However, he quickly realized he does not only see the fun, the nice, the amazing things in life he can look forward to. He also sees the horror, the pain, the suffering of the people he loves. And there is nothing he can do to change anything. He tried, he tried so hard, anything he could think of, to prevent the futures he saw from coming true. It never worked, they all happened sooner or later, one way or another.
He learnt to avoid physical touch at all costs, shied away from straying hands, and blocked attempts of kind touches. Eventually, it cost him everyone he loved. Everyone but Charlie. Charlie, his older brother, who has always stood by his side, helped him adjust to his powers, to being an omega despite being an alpha himself, who always, always supported him.
Jeff had begged Charlie so many times to take his powers away, but his brother had always refused. “Don’t be afraid of who you are”, Charlie had told him, “lean into it and make it your strength.” Jeff had tried his best to follow his brother's wishes, just like he always did. It’s just a lot harder with this particular issue.
Eventually, they learnt that Charlie is able to absorb powers temporarily and figured out a way: Charlie takes Jeff’s power for a few minutes so that they can hug or exchange any kind of physical comfort without Jeff having to suffer having Charlie’s future splayed out in front of him. It helped, in a way, to at least have his brother close. Before he learnt to close himself off, Jeff had always been a very affectionate child, always running after the next hug or pat on the head. Now, he hardly has opportunities to indulge in his cravings, especially with Charlie being away more and more, spending more and more time with Babe.
I
Having been accepted as a mechanic for X-Hunters had been like a dream come true. Both Jeff and Charlie have always displayed interest in racing, enamoured with the speed of the cars and the sound of the engines. Their interests luckily have differed a bit within the field, Charlie being more interested in racing while Jeff had taken a liking to the mechanical aspects of it all.
One thing he had not considered: his boss, Alan, is unfairly gorgeous and insists on initiating physical contact whenever he can. It is already hard enough to focus on the numbers on his laptop and the turning wheels of the car when Alan is right there, his face unnecessarily close to Jeff’s. He’s never been one to let himself be distracted by his attraction for someone, but Alan’s pretty smile and kind eyes present to be a challenge he doesn’t quite know how to deal with.
Alan seems to always just be there, where Jeff is, Alan can be found. He tries to convince himself that his closeness doesn’t mean anything, it is simply a garage owner watching over the work of his new employee. Jeff can tell that his work satisfies Alan, that he’s good and a useful addition to the team. Strangely, it makes Jeff very happy that the garage owner is satisfied with him. No, not the garage owner. He’s happy Alan is pleased with his work.
Distracted by his thoughts about Alan furrowing his brows in concentration, he doesn’t notice how the owner of said eyebrows reaches out to him and places his hand on Jeff’s uncovered wrist. Immediately, the familiar rush of images and clips sucks him in.
Alan, North, Sonic, Dean, Jeff and Charlie stand in the box, with Alan functioning as spotter. All of their eyes are trained on the little monitor in which they can see Way and Babe racing, their signature blue cars speeding through the track. The air is buzzing with their shared excitement and the muffled screams of the spectators. North and Sonic are jumping around, screaming, and filming like they usually are. Jeff finds himself surprised at how little he is bothered by it, even if they usually annoy the living shit out of him. Dean is enchanted, his eyes not straying from Babe’s car even once, like usual. Charlie seems in a similar state, however, his face expresses nothing but care and calm confidence, unlike Dean’s envy. In the middle of everyone’s excitement, Alan is standing still, speaking calmly to Babe through the headphones. “Go a bit quicker”, he instructs, “you should be able to cut by Kim in 3, 2- now!”
To no one’s surprise, Babe does just as Alan instructed, fighting his way to the top once more. Suddenly, when everyone erupts into a cheer, Jeff notices just how close he stands to Alan. There is nothing incriminating about their distance, it is still respectable and unsuspicious - it is just a lot closer than Jeff allows anyone else to come. If Alan leaned a bit to his left, their shoulders would touch. If Jeff wanted to, he could rest his head on Alan’s shoulder. He finds himself wanting to, only barely being able to hold himself back.
“Jeff!” A voice forces him back into reality. “Jeff!” The voice repeats and Jeff has to blink one, two, three times before he can refocus. “Are you okay?” The voice that he can finally identify as Alan asks him. “You look a bit shaken.” Jeff just shakes his head in reply, trying to bring as much distance between them as possible.
II
Working at the garage is becoming more and more familiar to Jeff, his concerns and worries disappearing more and more. The majority of the crew has accepted that he prefers to work alone and does his best work when he doesn’t have to worry about the close proximity of other people. The crew has accommodated stranger quirks in the past and Jeff seems to fit right in otherwise.
Everyone leaves him alone. Well, almost everyone. No matter what, Alan always seems to dance around him. He hasn’t touched him ever since, but he is still incredibly close. By now, Jeff has proven that he is capable of doing what’s asked of him, so there really isn’t any need for Alan to watch over him as he does. Anyone else would have simply tasked a more senior mechanic to watch over him, mentor him, and report back to Alan. Not this strange, beautiful man though.
Internally, Jeff scolds himself for calling Alan beautiful. Over the last few days, he has created an arsenal of words just to describe Alan and none of them are ever enough. Kind, caring, gentle, commanding, serious, goofy, gorgeous, calming, respectful, handsome, gorgeous, outrageous, beautiful, arrogant, audacious, lovely, sweet, cute, gorgeous, pretty, gorgeous, oh, has he mentioned gorgeous? Alan is confusing, an annoyance - and annoyingly good company.
Really, Alan has no need to be present like he is, he just seems to overall be very hands-on with everything concerning the team and the cars. He never hesitates to get his hands dirty working on an engine, is never too tired to indulge North and Sonic, never too annoyed to deal with Dean’s constant requests to be allowed to race. And Jeff is becoming more and more used to having him close, he even catches himself looking for Alan in the rare moments that he’s not right by his side.
Chatting with the owner of the garage about monetary issues should feel weird but Alan hardly ever acts like he is above them, always working their jobs alongside them and treating them as equals. If only Alan stopped calling him kid.
Really, he cannot be blamed for not anticipating Alan grabbing his neck and pressing a proud kiss on the top of his head.
Alan sits in a restaurant, a gentle smile on his lips. Jeff recognizes the place almost immediately, it is one of his favourite restaurants. How on earth has Alan found it? He never told anyone about it, except Charlie of course. The restaurant is one of his favourite places, the ambiance just cozy enough for Jeff to be comfortable and practical enough for Jeff to be at ease. What is Alan doing in his favourite restaurant?
Of course, Jeff reminds himself, it could be a coincidence that Alan is there, maybe he has found the restaurant on his own? Maybe he, too, enjoys the comfortable seats and good food? Why does Jeff assume that everything in Alan’s future is connected to him? Why does he like the thought?
He quickly gets distracted from the line of thought when he sees someone sitting in front of Alan. When he sees himself sitting in front of Alan. Why would future Jeff sit in a restaurant with Alan? Why would he show him this restaurant? It’s so unlike him, that Jeff almost misses the facial expression of his future self.
Rather than his usual stoic face, he sees himself smiling, a twinkle in his eyes he only has when he is genuinely amused. Of course, Alan has said funny things to him, has cracked a joke or two, but never to the extent that Jeff’s icy scowl melted into a smile. What is this bizarre future?
“P’Alan!” Future-Jeff scolds Alan and playfully slaps the fabric of Alan’s shirt. Phi? Jeff does not call Alan Phi, he avoids doing so as much as he can. No matter how much Alan bugs him, Jeff never gives in. He needs to maintain the last bit of distance between the two of them, he can’t allow Alan to weasel himself into Jeff’s life.
Judging by the scene playing out in front of him, Jeff has utterly failed his personal challenge. Alan just laughs at him and subtly adjusts his shirt, as if this is a common occurrence. As if Jeff scolding him is normal. As if laughing together and sharing a meal is nothing out of the ordinary.
This time, Alan seems less surprised when Jeff shakes himself back into the present. He just continues chatting with him and praises him. If he is weirded out by Jeff’s reaction, he doesn’t show it. Only when Jeff stumbles away and accidentally runs into a trolley full of tools, Alan asks him if he’s okay. The gentle, subtle, genuine care is almost too much for Jeff, all that he can possibly do is flee. Alan’s eyes follow him and Jeff tries very hard to ignore both them and their owner for the rest of the day.
III
Alan is confusing. That’s probably the best word Jeff can come up with. One second, he calls him kid and treats him like he’s an inexperienced child. The next, he discussed money issues and intricate race schedules with him. It is as if he simultaneously sees him as someone he needs to guide and on whose guidance he can count. Jeff doesn’t know where he stands with Alan and he thoroughly hates it. He hates not knowing something, hates to not have control over the situation.
“Jeff!” As if he heard Jeff’s thoughts, Alan appears next to him. “Going home?” Jeff just nods, gesturing wordlessly at the path to his car. Alan seems to take this as an invitation to tag along as he falls into step with him.
“Let me walk you home?” The question is worded more like a demand and Jeff just stares at him. “I have a car.” He explains as if talking to a child. “I know.” Alan just shrugs and happily walks past said car. “I can drive.” Jeff tries again. “I’d hope so.” Once again, Alan’s answers are infuriatingly short when he usually can talk for hours while Jeff pretends not to listen.
“I want to walk you home. You can leave the car here, I can pick you up tomorrow on my way to work if that’s what you’re worried about.” It’s not, but Jeff can’t find it in himself to turn Alan down once more. He just nods shortly, throws a quick glance at his car but ultimately walks with Alan.
At first, neither of them speaks a word and while that usually is something Jeff desires, it is still weird. He is used to hearing Alan talk at all times, to chat or mumble to just about anyone or anything in his close proximity. But now, he is silent.
Surprisingly, it is Jeff who finally breaks the silence. “Why?”, he asks. “Why what?” Alan replies, as if entirely oblivious to the situation. “Why do you want to walk home with me? Driving would be a lot faster and neither of our cars are broken.” Alan leans his head to the right, then to the left, then looks directly at Jeff. He’s silent for a few excruciating minutes and Jeff already begins to think that he’ll never get an answer as Alan opens his mouth. “Can’t I just want to spend time with you, Nong?”
Well, that’s a first. Not just because of the unfiltered honesty clearly evident in his voice but also because he never calls Jeff Nong, always Ai’Noo. Jeff has complained about it countless times but he never got Alan to change the way of addressing him. Well, up until now it seems.
For once, Alan doesn’t force a conversation and neither does Jeff. They are simply silently walking next to each other once Jeff gets over his shock. Jeff does not normally walk home so seeing the scenery he usually drives by without paying it much mind is its own kind of fascinating.
When they walk past a particularly nice flower, Jeff crouches down in front of it and inspects it closely. He mindlessly lets his fingers wander over the small petals, too entranced by the little plant to notice Alan assuming a similar position, only that his focus lies on Jeff rather than the plant.
“Do you like flowers?” Alan asks him, watching his every move. “Not particularly, this one just caught my eye.” Jeff gets up with one final pat on the flower. “Are you not going to pick it?” Jeff shakes his head and resumes walking, Alan hurrying to follow him. “Why would I? It’s prettier there than it’d be in a vase on my nightstand.”
A comfortable silence engulfs them once more, both of them focusing on the street ahead. Or well, Jeff is at least. He can feel Alan’s eyes repeatedly drifting to him, however doesn’t think all that much about it. Due to that, when Alan slides his hand into Jeff’s, he halts surprised before another flash of the future overcomes him.
“Is that okay?” Alan asks, obnoxiously close to Jeff. Jeff quickly identifies the place as Alan’s office, one of the more secluded places in the garage. None of the crew dares to enter without explicit permission, even Babe stays away from it as much as possible. He claims it’s because he hates paperwork but everyone knows that even Pit Babe himself fears Alan’s wrath when he has to start anew with his despised paperwork. If they need Alan, they simply call for him when his office door is opened. When it is closed though, every single new recruit is taught, you better stay the hell away unless the building is burning down. So why is Jeff standing in Alan’s office with the door closed, back pressed to a wall, with Alan right in front of him?
He can see his future self nod, leaning slightly forward. His eyes are half closed and Jeff hardly recognizes himself. He never acts like that, no matter who is in front of him. He would never allow anyone who isn’t Charlie to be so close, would never allow anyone to cradle his face in their hand like Alan is in that very moment.
He places his hand gently on Jeff’s cheek, stroking it softly. His other hand is gently removing Jeff’s hair from his forehead. Why on earth is Jeff allowing that? His hair is his own personal armour, shielding him away from curious glances and unwanted advances.
Upon Jeff’s nod, Alan leans forward slightly more and connects their lips in a gentle kiss. Jeff feels like he is intruding on something, even though it is his own future playing out in front of him. His and Alan’s. The kiss is slow, unrushed, gentle. It is nothing more than an unassuming connection of lips, unmoving and without further demands.
Alan’s hand never leaves Jeff’s cheek, caressing it further in silent care. His thumb is moving slowly from his nose, over his cheek almost down to his lips, only stopped by his own face and up to his nose again. It is incredibly soft and tender, Jeff cannot remember ever being kissed like that. And the person who does is supposed to be Alan? The garage owner with the rough hands? The stoic chatterbox? The guy who insists on calling Jeff kid? That’s the one who kisses with an amount of care Jeff didn’t think possible?
Breaking the kiss, Alan leans his forehead against Jeff’s now free one. His smile is unlike any Jeff has seen on him before, utterly satisfied and beyond happy. Future-Jeff leans forward to connect their lips more, this time catching Alan by surprise who seems absolutely ecstatic. Jeff can’t blame his future self, in that very moment he would’ve done the same thing if he could.
“You really don’t like being touched, huh?” Alan says, pulling Jeff out of his vision. Alan pulls his hand back slowly but Jeff wraps his fingers around it quickly. “No, it’s okay. It just took me by surprise.” The image from the future must still be wrecking his mind because usually, Jeff would not allow anyone to hold his hand, no matter what or who they were. But now, he just intertwines their fingers and continues walking. And if he walks past a shortcut to take the long way home and stay a bit more with Alan, well then that is for him and him only to know.
IV
He knows he’s going to forgive Alan eventually, that he is going to eat out with him and even kiss him in his office. He has seen it in their future after all. But right at this moment, he can’t imagine ever being able to do just that. He is furious, furious at Way for accusing him, furious at Dean for making up some kind of evidence, and furious at Alan for not believing in him.
Babe’s car crashed in a race. Luckily the racer got out mostly unharmed, thanks to his older brother, but that doesn’t diminish everyone’s worries. Not only is Babe the best racer on the team, Alan had also once told him that he is everyone’s favourite despite being rather rude at times. So really, he understands why everyone is scared and worried, he is too. But does that excuse accusing him of doing something so malicious?
Of course, he is the newest addition to the team, but that doesn’t prove anything. He knows Way doesn’t like him, he also knows it’s not exactly personal. Way hates everyone who isn’t Babe, always has. Alan said not to worry about it, Way simply let a crush fester for too long but despite that, he’s pretty alright. Jeff isn’t surprised Way accused him, even if a little hurt.
He also isn’t surprised by Dean and his so-called evidence. The young racer is envious of anyone and everyone who gets attention from Alan. He always orbits around Alan, begging to be allowed to compete in the next race. Begging to be allowed to train just a little longer. Begging to be anything more than he is. Jeff is in no way a threat to his position as an up-and-coming star, but he gets attention from Alan so Dean despises him.
What surprises him though, is that Alan believes them. Of course, they’ve been in the team for longer, Alan has known them longer… but still, hasn’t Jeff proven himself trustworthy over the last weeks? Hasn’t he proven that he is willing to give his all and more to X-Hunters? Hasn’t he improved their cars and done more than some other mechanics combined?
Had none of their moments meant anything to Alan?
Charlie comes in to defend him, revealing one of their secrets in doing so. Jeff can’t find himself to care. Alan thinks him capable of toying with someone’s life. Charlie shows them some other evidence, real this time. Alan thinks he could intentionally hurt someone. On autopilot, Jeff defends himself one last time. Alan thinks he’d be willing to risk Babe’s life. Jeff storms out of the garage, Alan calling after him. Alan thinks he’s a mole.
A hand wraps around Jeff’s arm, stopping him from running away.
Alan sits on a couch, looking extremely comfortable in his sweatpants and loose sweatshirt. He plays something on his phone but quickly looks up when someone else enters. Jeff wants to look away, doesn’t want to see who gets to be in Alan’s presence like that. Another downside of his ability is that he can’t ever look away.
To his utter surprise, the person walking towards Alan is his future self. Alan immediately puts the phone away, looking expectedly at Future-Jeff. His back comfortably rests against the couch, his legs slightly spread and his arms are incredibly inviting. If he wasn’t so mad and if he could keep his future flashes at bay, Jeff would want nothing more than to cuddle up against Alan’s chest.
His future self seems to share the sentiment as he slowly lowers himself, sitting between Alan’s legs, his back pressed up against Alan’s chest. He breathes in deep and slow, exhaling full of concentration. Alan cards a hand through his hair, seemingly helping Future-Jeff to calm down and relax against him.
When Future-Jeff nods slightly and leans his head back to rest against Alan’s shoulder, Alan wraps his legs around Jeff’s. It captures him fully and forces him to stay pressed against Alan. Usually, Jeff would hate the moment, try to run away, free himself from the touches that have become so unfamiliar. The future version of him only hums happily and lets Alan continue playing with his hair.
Eventually, the tangling and untangling of his hair turns into Alan gently scraping his scalp. He switches between gentle scratches and carefully pressing his fingers down in chosen spots. Jeff can see himself relaxing further, basically melting into Alan’s hold. Has he told Alan that he loved getting his hair played with? Or did Alan just know?
“You did very well today.” Alan suddenly speaks up, interrupting the comfortable bubble of silence. “Not just with the cars, even though you did amazing with them as well. North said you chose to eat with him and Sonic today instead of by yourself.” He continues, as if lost in thought, his penetrations on Future-Jeff’s scalp never-ending. “I’m proud of you. I know they can be a lot but you still endured their shenanigans.”
Alan acknowledging his difficulties with basic human interaction? Where did the Alan from the presence go? And Jeff? Willingly eating with the arguably loudest people on the planet without being held at gunpoint? What on earth happened between the now and this point of their lives?
Alan begins to dive into stories of his day, talking as if Jeff isn’t in most of them. So he really came back to the garage, back to Alan. Alan talks about Way slacking off another round of training in order to go see Pete. Jeff files this information away for later, wanting to find out who this person is that can pry Way’s attention away from the circuit and isn’t Babe. Alan talks about Charlie’s improvements and although Jeff isn’t quite sure how his brother has become a racer as well, he is incredibly proud. The same pride seems to be mirrored in Future-Jeff’s face because Alan laughs and presses a kiss on his nose. He tells more stories about Babe and Charlie, about Way, North, Sonic, and this mysterious Pete. Even Kim steals himself into Alan’s stories. It takes Jeff a bit too long to realize that Dean isn’t in any of them. Interesting.
He lets Alan talk, the early happiness he felt at Alan’s wish to apologize quickly washed over by his accusations and his blame. Oh how badly Jeff wants the Alan of his visions, not the garage owner telling him in a soft voice and firm words all the ways in which he seems untrustworthy. Not even his powers are cruel enough to force another future vision onto him when Alan grabs his arm once more.
“Does that mean I’m wrong?” He hears himself say. “I’m sorry.” He’s not. Not for acting the way he had to protect himself. He’s sorry because he placed his trust in Alan. And maybe a bit because he disappointed Alan as well.
“It’s not like that, Jeff.” Alan insists and Jeff wants to scream at him. How is it, then? He doesn’t want to listen to all the reasons making Alan think he isn’t trustworthy. Once more the one way he knows how to protect himself is turning against him, leaving him completely bare. An easy target for Alan’s accusations.
“The problem lies with me,” Jeff tells Alan and that’s what it always boils down to, after all, isn’t it? It’s always Jeff’s fault. When he leaves for good, Alan doesn’t run after him anymore. He lets him go because Jeff is the problem. A single, traitorous tear jerks itself from Jeff’s eye. He can’t tell if it stems from pain, from anger, from disappointment… all he knows is he wants the Alan from the future to engulf him in a hug once more.
V
Life without the crew should be normal. He had only been part of them for a few weeks after all and he never struggled being by himself before. However now, when it is too silent, he secretly waits for North and Sonic to start bickering, even though they are in the garage and he is at home. Now he catches himself wanting to argue with Way about the state of Babe’s car. Now he misses Dean’s shouts of frustration when he loses at the simulation once more. Now he yearns for Alan to call him kid again and wrap his arm around him once more.
He thinks about Alan a lot more than he would like, a lot more than he admits to Charlie and even to himself. His brother keeps him updated on garage gossip and while he used to roll his eyes at it, he now impatiently waits for Charlie to come home and tell him about Babe’s recovery and Way’s eagerness and Sonic’s attempt to cut North’s hair and Dean’s fury. He even tells him about the one time Kim visited the garage to ask about Babe’s well-being. He talks about a certain Pete - the name feels somewhat familiar although he can’t quite place it - that hangs around the garage more often. The only one he doesn’t mention is Alan.
Jeff tries to convince himself that he is fine without them all, that he should simply find another garage to work at and move on. However, even thinking about it feels like an utter betrayal. He doesn’t want to work for another race team. He doesn’t want to work against X-Hunter’s success. He doesn’t want to work against Alan.
Finally, Charlie has enough of his moping and forces him out of their home. “Go get some food”, he told him and handed him some money. “P’Babe doesn’t want to admit it, but he worries about you too.” is all he says when Jeff asks where he got the money to spare.
Sitting down in his favourite restaurant he suddenly thinks back to a vision he had about him and Alan in the very place. He knows for a fact that didn’t happen yet and he also knows that his visions will come true. He never once questioned it even in his attempts at going against them. Now, for the very first time, he genuinely wonders if his glimpses in the future are flawed and won’t come true after all. How on earth is Alan going to forgive him? How is he going to forgive Alan? Alan who hadn’t trusted him? Who’d been ready to believe that he endangered Babe’s life?
As if reading his thoughts, Alan suddenly stands in front of the window he’s sitting next to. He shows him a sign reading “I’m sorry kid.” There he goes again with the constant infantilizing. Jeff knows he is younger than Alan, younger than anyone in the crew. He doesn’t need the owner to constantly rub it in. He averts his eyes away from Alan and looks at the coffee in front of him. Better to focus on the drink than on Alan’s hopeful eyes or the beating of his heart. He refuses to simply falter at this poor attempt at an apology.
Not taking the hint, Alan materializes in front of Jeff and sits down in front of him. It is eerily similar to his vision, but Jeff tries not to think about it too much. The present takes enough of his focus as it is.
“It wasn’t you.” Alan begins, a hint of relief in his voice. Jeff just looks at him incredulously, his face portraying his exhaustion and annoyance. “Are you here to tell me how I was still suspicious again? Cause I got it, thanks.” He deadpans, desperately trying to ignore the hurt washing over Alan’s face. If anyone has any right to be hurt, it is Jeff.
“No. I came to apologize, fully and properly. I behaved like an ass and you deserved- you deserve better.” Alan stills for a moment as if waiting for Jeff to say something but when that doesn’t happen he continues. “You did nothing wrong. The garage should’ve been a place where you felt comfortable being yourself, in silence or loud. We should’ve tried harder to understand you and not make you comply with our ways. I should have been more mindful of you. And most of all, I shouldn’t have put the blame on you when it was on me to understand and trust you. You’re important to me, N’Jeff.”
“You thought I’m capable of endangering someone’s life.” Jeff retaliates matter-of-factly. He is used to others disliking his way of behaving, of blaming him for things due to his cold face. But that? That is too much. No one has ever thought that badly of him. And now Alan claims to care for him?
“I was wrong. I know better than that and I shouldn’t have let my worries cloud my judgment. I’m really, really sorry. We all want you back, I promise.” Alan seems sincere but still, Jeff can’t allow himself to simply accept those words. Who’s to say Alan won’t change his mind down the road when he gets worried about his favourite again? Jeff knows he’ll never be as important to Alan as Babe is, he tries to not let that knowledge hurt him. But it is ever-present.
“Because I’m good with cars?” Jeff asks, trying to get to the bottom of Alan’s actions. “That”, he admits, “but mainly because you’re you. You’re an important part of our team and I feel terrible that I failed to acknowledge that earlier. It hasn’t been the same since you’re gone. And I- I miss you Ai’Noo.” For the first time, Jeff doesn’t hate the nickname.
Alan carefully reaches forward, this time Jeff is fully aware of it. Unlike any other time before, Alan is clearly portraying his intentions, allowing Jeff full agency over this moment. Jeff doesn’t move his hand, mentally preparing for the future to hit him. Then, Alan’s hand lies on top of Jeff’s.
Jeff doesn’t quite recognize where they are, the purple lights unfamiliar to him. It doesn’t really matter either though, as Alan smiles at him. There’s something mischievous in his expression and if it was anyone else, Jeff might be slightly worried. Alan, though, is mostly trustworthy. Absolutely ridiculous but trustworthy.
Alan comes to a halt in front of him and it is only then that Jeff realizes they’re wearing rollerblades. Just what are they doing? The only wheels Jeff likes are those of a car, even motorbikes and bicycles have a vendetta against him. So why is he standing on rollerblades? Is that the cause of Alan’s face?
“I’ve got something for you.” Alan beams and Jeff rolls his eyes, despite being a bit curious about the object in the garage owner’s hand. “Close your eyes. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna touch you.” Jeff feels like he wonders that every time he sees glimpses of Alan’s future, but just what happened between the current and the future he is seeing?
His future self obediently closes his eyes, clearly trusting Alan. Interesting. Jeff wonders how they got to a point at which the instruction to cover his sight isn’t anxiety-inducing and he trusts Alan enough to do something like this. Especially on wheels. It is as if he completely relies on Alan to keep him steady should he sway while also believing that he will not touch him without permission. Have they managed a way to avoid Jeff seeing the future?
Alan carefully wraps a silver bracelet around Jeff’s wrist, pointedly careful to not touch Jeff as promised. His future self seems totally at ease being handled like that by Alan and not for the first time Jeff can’t believe he should be so lucky in the future.
“Open them.” Alan instructs, looking giddy. Jeff carefully inspects the bracelet. There are two charms adorning it, a sturdy ‘A’ and half a heart. It is subtle in a way that no one who doesn’t know them would know what the A stands for but obvious enough to anyone close enough to them to know that this is Alan staking his claim. The heart completes it as it is a clear line, not a broken heart. It is simply half a heart waiting to be completed.
Future-Jeff still stares at it when Alan lifts his own arm. The same silver bracelet dangles on his arm, except the ‘A’ is replaced with a ‘J’. The heart perfectly completes the one on Jeff’s bracelet as Alan proves immediately by bringing them together.
“I want to belong to you, N’Jeff”, Alan says, all mischief having left his voice, “just like you belong to me.” Jeff can see a slight blush creep on the cheeks of his future self and it is not like he can blame himself. Alan seems so honest, so earnest.
“You’re mine.” Future-Jeff confirms. Quite a few people have wanted Jeff to belong to them in the past. No one has ever wanted to belong to Jeff. Alan truly never fails to amaze him, to make him like Alan a tiny bit more.
“Don’t run away again, okay?” Despite the joking tone, Jeff can still tell there is a certain underlying fear. Is Alan talking about his present? About blocking his number and disappearing from the garage? He really hopes so, the idea that they made up and he ended up ruining it once more breaks his heart just a little. And it is not the clear cut of the hearts on the bracelet.
Future-Jeff shakes his head and smiles sheepishly as if the idea is absolutely ridiculous. “Where would I go?” Alan must really have done a great number on his heart, Jeff thinks, as he watches his future self interact with Alan. He’s been on the run for years now, the only one staying with him had been Charlie. And now he is promising Alan a future together? He hopes Alan realizes that’s what the promise is. Judging from the bright smile on Alan’s face, he might have an inkling.
The expression on Alan’s face is just a tad too similar to the one he had - will have? - when he gave - will give? - Jeff the bracelet. Honest, caring, open, loving. Maybe it is what gets Jeff to nod eventually.
“You’re coming back?” Alan almost seems like a kid who’s been told they can eat two portions of ice cream as dessert. Jeff is not above appreciating the irony of Alan always calling him a kid in this situation. “Don’t make me regret it.”
“I won’t.” Alan immediately promises. Seconds later his face once again portrays a mischief Jeff is becoming all too familiar with. “Just as an employee or…?” Alan stretches the s and Jeff has to try his hardest in order not to blush. “Don’t push your luck, uncle.” The ‘uncle’ ends up sounding more affectionate than what he was aiming for. Jeff can’t find it in himself to care.
“You could at least try opening your heart and really getting to know me.” Alan sulks, causing Jeff to fight a smile. He already knows he will eventually, there is no need for Alan to possess the same knowledge.
+ I
They’re sitting in Alan’s kitchen, home-cooked food in front of them. Neither of them are great cooks, but they make it work somehow. It took them a lot of coordination and dancing around each other to create something edible but now that they are sitting together at the table, enjoying each other’s company it isn’t half bad.
Jeff’s mood is only damped because of an incident that happened while they cooked. While preparing the dough, Alan had reached around him, trying to hug him as if they were characters in a silly romantic movie. Jeff had dodged him and Alan hadn’t been quick enough to cover up the hurt in his face. Of course, Alan always claims it doesn’t bother him that Jeff avoids physical affection but Jeff knows better.
“It’s not that I don’t like hugs”, Jeff cautiously admits. “In fact, I quite enjoy them. However anything concerning physical contact comes with a rather unfortunate side effect: I can see the future of the one I touch.” Admitting his best-guarded secret is everything but easy, however, Alan, his boyfriend, needs and deserves to know. It is not fair to either of them that Jeff keeps shying away, denying them both what they want. “I don’t know how to stop it, if there is even a way. But it is incredibly overwhelming, can be painful and if I’m not careful, messes with my mind.”
Alan simply nods and holds his hand out. “So, if you touched my hand now, you could see my future?” Jeff nods, confirming Alan’s question. “I could. I don’t know which aspect of the future, it could be in five minutes, tomorrow or in five years. It could be the happiest day of your life or the way you die. I’d rather not.” Alan nods, silently in thought. “What did you see all the other times I touched you?”
“Us being at a race, cuddling on the couch, your stupid letter board apology, our second kiss, I don’t know. You touch me quite a lot.” Alan chuckles at that, nodding. “I guess I do. So, has it always been you in my future?” This time it is Jeff who nods. “Good, because I don’t want a future without you in it.” Jeff groans, leave it to Alan to turn his most vulnerable state into a cheesy pick-up line.
Helped by the underlying honesty in Alan’s words, Jeff decidedly grabs Alan’s outstretched hand. He can handle seeing a few seconds of the future if it is for Alan still holding him close and keeping him in his.
The first thing Jeff registers is a little child, maybe three years old, running around in their living room. The second thing is his own voice calling after the child. “Stop running! You know you’re not supposed to run inside.” Huh? Are they babysitting? Maybe the child is Charlie’s, he always loved children and wanted one himself.
Alan expertly steps in and lifts the child up in his arms, effectively stopping them from running. “You little devil, didn’t you hear your papa?” Not babysitting then, Jeff realizes in slight shock. He and Alan will have a child together?
The child grins happily and rests their head against Alan’s shoulder, grinning happily at Future-Jeff. He returns the smile before he walks up to the pair and presses a kiss first on top of the child’s head, then on Alan’s cheek.
“Someone’s late.” Alan rolls his eyes and sets the child on the ground. “All I’m saying is Sonic.” Both chuckle and even the child on the ground seems to know just what that means. It truly seems like North and Sonic will never stop causing trouble, no matter how old they get.
“You know who’s also late?” Alan asks, pretending to be deep in thought while looking at their child. “Late for bed? I’ve got an idea.” Following the parent’s exchange, the kid immediately begins to whine, clinging onto Alan’s leg. “Not sleep!”, they complain, “not tired! Play!”
“I’ve got it.” Alan mouths to Future-Jeff, who smiles and promptly disappears. Alan crouches down so that he is on a similar level to the child. “You’re not tired at all?” They proudly shake their head, beaming up to their father. “Not even a teeny tiny bit?” Again, Alan is met with a shaken head and a toothy grin.
“Alright”, Alan says and Jeff wants to scold him immediately, only barely remembering that he can neither be seen nor heard. The child needs a proper sleeping schedule!
“How about we play a game of battle with the monsters?” The child immediately claps their hands and nods excitedly. “Alright, little one. Did you know that there are a lot of monsters inside your mouth?” The child gapes in surprise and Jeff breaks into a grin of his own. Well played, Alan, well played.
“Let’s go defeat them”, Alan prompts and pries their hands off his pants. He takes their hand in his and carefully leads them into the bathroom. “We have arrived at the battle ground. Time to pick our armour and weapons.” Continuing the game, Alan gets the child to change into pyjamas and brush their teeth carefully. “What a brave knight!” Alan praises the child who giggles happily.
“P’Alan? Mo? Are you done?” Future-Jeff reappears at the door frame, watching the scene lovingly. The child - Mo - nods happily and walks quickly, on the brink of running, to his father. “Won the monsters!” They explain, still grinning proudly. Future-Jeff reacts with the appropriate amount of pride and amazement as he lifts Mo up and brings them to their bedroom, Alan following suit.
“Does the brave knight want a bedtime story?” Alan asks while Future-Jeff lowers Mo in their bed. The bedding has cars printed on it and Mo wraps their arm around a plush car. Looking around the room, Jeff can detect more and more racing elements littered everywhere, ranging from the carpet on the floor portraying a race track over the box of toy cars in the corner to the night light shaped like a racing car.
Mo immediately agrees to the bedtime story, calling Alan over to them so that he can start reading while Future-Jeff keeps arranging the blanket on top of the little body. He sits down next to Mo’s pillow, his hand automatically tangling into the hair of his child. Alan turns off the big light, only keeping on a smaller one to be able to read the book without the brightness keeping Mo awake. They look like a practiced team as if they put Mo to bed in a similar way every day. Jeff already can’t wait.
Soon after Alan begins to read, Mo already drifts to sleep. Soon enough their breathing evens out and the fluttering of their eyelids stops. Future-Jeff’s hand is still placed in Mo’s hair but Alan takes his other one after putting the book away. Jeff can’t see any signs of him getting a vision of their future, so perhaps they have figured that problem out as well. Seeing the future play out in front of him like that, he certainly wouldn’t be surprised.
“You know who comes after their father?” Future-Jeff whispers in order to not wake Mo up. Alan just tilts his head, waiting for Jeff to explain. “I spoke to the kindergarten teacher earlier, he said that Mo always insists on playing race with the other kids. And that they always win.”
“So, how is our future?” Alan asks once Jeff has returned to the present. Jeff smiles slightly, leans up to Alan, and connects their lips in a sweet, short kiss. “Good. Really good."