Archive of Our Own

The thing about Sunwoo… he’s a romantic.

It’s always been the way he viewed things. It’s the little moments within big imaginations. Sitting in a cafe and wondering if whoever passes by his table was actually the one, someone who he’d be spending the rest of his life with and he just didn’t know it yet. Roaming the streets of a foreign country during his occasional travels and having a passing thought about meeting eyes with destiny amongst the crowd. Meeting a familiar face and wondering where he’d seen them before, if past loves in past lives were possible in a universe so big and mysterious.

He used to get made fun of for it. Back when Sunwoo was still a bit too young for the alcohol in his system, his friends would always slap him on the back with a loud laugh whenever he talked of never wanting to mess around. When asked, he’d always answer he was dating for love and perhaps even marriage. Because why not, right?

Who wouldn’t want to find something like that, someday? Sunwoo was a romantic, but he wasn’t one for planning out his entire wedding in advance or anything like that. More of, he’d have daydreams of such a day. What’s more desirable than finding a love so genuine and potent that he would even be walking down the aisle for it?

His friends loved to joke about this side of him. Too much of those shoujo mangas, they’d say. You’ll have a hard time finding a perfect match at this point, they’d say. Sunwoo doesn’t really care, not really. In reality, his standards aren’t that high—he just appreciates daydreaming and some of his stray thoughts.

Sunwoo just… never thought it’d go this far.

Through the mirror, he spots Chanhee walking towards him. His hyung stops behind him, smiling and shaking his head as he adjusts the collar of Sunwoo’s suit.

Chanhee was dressed up just like him. Formal, as it always is for weddings, but with a different shade of blue. Dark blue was for bridesmen like Sunwoo, light blue for the rest of the guests. Sunwoo has to give Chanhee some credit, though. Even with the unified dress code, Chanhee still had some unique flair to his own outfit. The observation makes him smile as Chanhee finishes tidying him up, leaning forward to rest his chin on Sunwoo’s shoulder. 

“Are you ready for today?”

Sunwoo snorts. “You’re acting like this is my big day.”

“Yeah, it’s not, but I know you’re a crybaby,” Chanhee says, smiling as he raises a hand to pinch Sunwoo’s cheek. Sunwoo tilts his head, trying to avoid Chanhee’s fingers. “When your sister makes it to the end of the aisle, make sure not to steal the spotlight, alright?”

If Sunwoo’s honest, the thought already makes him cry. He just never thought he’d see this day so soon. His little sister getting married and all that. This was Sunhee they were talking about! It definitely wasn’t an impossible thought in the past, but his rowdy, loud, but lovable sister? He feels like time has been going too fast, that his younger sister has been growing too quickly. It’s as if it was only yesterday when she was roughhousing Sunwoo in their Seongnam home, and now he’s going to watch her walk down an aisle and build a whole new life with someone else.

The husband is alright, at least. Sunwoo won’t be needing to threaten him any time soon. (Even if he did, Sunhee would certainly threaten Sunwoo back immediately.)

The thought makes him laugh, shaking his head. “Yeah, hyung, whatever.”

Chanhee tilts his head, shooting Sunwoo a careful look. Sunwoo sees this through the mirror and raises a brow.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

Chanhee’s eyes flit elsewhere. “Nothing, it’s just…” He sighs, meeting Sunwoo’s gaze again. “Are you gonna be okay?”

Oh. He already knows what this is about.

Sunwoo was a romantic, sure. But certain things about this entire wedding were definitely out of his comfort zone as one. Things like seeing your childhood ex-(boy)friend that you were once insanely in love with after a few awkward, contactless years.

The notion was ridiculous, when Sunhee had first laid down the idea to him. The idea was crazy to him: Sunhee wanted to invite his ex-boyfriend of all people to her wedding. But as soon as Sunhee had that glint in her eye along with a firm stance as she stood up to tell Sunwoo off, Sunwoo knew thereʼd be no changing her mind. 

He only really softened at the idea when Chanhee came around mid-argument, reminding him gently that it was his sisterʼs day, not his. Nothing stopped Sunhee from pointing out: what was Sunwoo going to do? Pick a fight? She had brought up the fact that Sunwoo reassured her in the past that their breakup had been mutual and civil.

Sunwoo hesitated at first. The breakup had been civil, indeed. A calm talk between two people who had known each other since diapers. The split was inevitable, after all, with how they had gradually been drifting apart due to their circumstances. They both knew things would change after it, hence the years of no contact. It had been set in stone, and they were somewhat accepting of their fate.

Even so, it was awkward, wasn’t it? Meeting your ex (boyfriend, friend) at a wedding, of all things? Sunwoo loved weddings. Sunwoo dreamed of weddings. Sunwoo thought of missed connections and past relationships often. Put the two together and, well, it just wasn’t his thing. 

But Chanhee was right. He agreed to this in the end, he agreed to being civil because it was his little sister’s day. He loved her dearly and had to respect the fact that she had nothing to do with the breakup. She had grown up with them, too, when they were kids. She was still on good terms with Sunwoo’s ex. Even with Sunhee’s eventual understanding towards Sunwoo’s dilemma, Sunwoo ultimately wanted to prioritize her original sentiments.

He gets it. He’ll be civil. 

“I’ll be fine,” Sunwoo says, giving Chanhee a smile. 

Chanhee only sighs at that again, hinting at his doubt. 

Sunwoo rolls his eyes. “Don’t tell me you’ll be hanging off of me for the rest of the night.”

“Can I not?” Chanhee pouts. Sunwoo almost cringes. Do special occasions make Chanhee this clingy? “What am I gonna do? Younghoon loves keeping your nephews and nieces occupied more than spending time with me.”

“My mother wants me to join her to greet guests.”

Chanhee shrugs. “I’ll tag along.”

It’s Sunwoo’s turn to sigh. When Chanhee gets like this, all clingy and worried, he knows it’ll be hard to put a stop to his doting attitude. It’s funny how Chanhee doesn’t know how much he cares sometimes.

He gives Chanhee a firm look through their reflections. “I’ll be fine, okay?”

Chanhee merely smiles at him for that, stepping back and away from Sunwooʼs shoulder.

Later on, when theyʼre finally standing by the entrance to the ceremony area, Sunwoo feels his nerves trying to take over.

It was a beautiful day outside. The early afternoon sun was bright enough to assure a lovely ceremony. The tent set up in the rented estateʼs outdoor area designated for the ceremony seats and aisle was perfectly in place. Guests were arriving at a steady rate with Sunwoo and his other family members standing by the lobbyʼs entrance to greet them and gesture for them to head inside, pass by the registration table, and find their seat within the ceremony area. 

Everything was going according to plan. Sunhee was nearly ready, and so was her husband-to-be. 

And yet, even with the dozens of reassurances heʼs given Chanhee about being perfectly fine, Sunwoo still finds his foot absentmindedly tapping against the gravel of the entrance pathway, impatient and unsure. 

Sunwoo only snaps out of his momentary faze when one of his aunts (on his fatherʼs side, if his memory serves him right) comes up to him with a loud, overexcited greeting. 

They hug and exchange pleasantries, all while Chanhee stands next to Sunwoo, watching on with a polite smile. Sunwooʼs mind is still elsewhere during this and he canʼt help but feel like he was on autopilot. 

When his aunt finally stops gushing over how tall Sunwoo has gotten, she turns to Chanhee with a knowing smile.

“Is this your boyfriend, Sunwoo?”

“Oh, no,” Sunwoo says, letting out a nervous laugh. “Chanheeʼs a friend. He helped out with the planning after Sunhee and Hyungseo hyung’s nagging.” 

At the disappointment in his auntʼs eyes, Sunwoo finds himself clung onto by Chanhee, his hyungʼs arm immediately wrapped around his shoulder.

“Donʼt worry, auntie,” Chanhee starts, smiling sweetly. “Iʼm still in charge of taking care of our Sunwoo.”

It amuses Sunwooʼs aunt with ease. The rest of the conversation is short before they exchange their temporary goodbyes, his aunt and the rest of her companions heading inside for registration. Even with them gone, Chanhee doesnʼt back off. 

“I told you Iʼd be fine,” Sunwoo mutters, voice low enough for only the two of them to hear, as he looks back down at the ground. 

“I donʼt know why you even try to pretend around me, Sunwoo.”

Sunwoo is not pretending around Chanhee. Heʼs pretending for… Sunhee. For everyone else involved in today. He lets his shoulders relax as he stops tapping his foot on the ground. He looks to the side, and Chanhee’s still got his head near his shoulder, looking at him with an attentive stare.

“Okay, sure, I’m nervous.” At Sunwoo’s admission, Chanhee calmly backs off and reverts to simply looping his arm around his. “I haven’t seen him in a long time. No matter how I look at it, it feels weird. Even if we were…civil.”

Chanhee hums. “I get that. Do you wanna hang back? I can take over until he comes around.”

“I don’t wanna run away too much.” Sunwoo sighs. “If not now, or today, when am I gonna face this?”

Chanhee tightens the link of their arms for a moment. “That’s cute.”

“Sure, hyung. My anxiety is cute.”

Chanhee steps in front of him, moving his fingers to the corners of Sunwoo’s lips. He drags them upwards, forcing a smile out of Sunwoo. The younger groans, trying to swat away Chanhee’s hands, but all the latter does is smile and continue.

At the sound of gravel crunching on the ground, Chanhee pulls away, clearing his throat and putting on a proper smile. Sunwoo clicks his tongue, fixing his appearance.

Meanwhile, next to him, Chanhee looks up and lets out a small gasp. “Juyeonie?” 

Sunwoo freezes, glancing up. It is. It is Juyeon.

He hasn’t seen him in a while. Once upon a time, they used to all be friends. Well, they still are, but just not as close. After the breakup, Juyeon and Sunwoo weren’t close enough to keep their bond, at least not as close as Juyeon and Sunwoo’s ex were. Sunwoo doesn’t have any hard feelings towards him. He and Juyeon were amicable, even freely interacting online—through stories, small interactions, and whatever else.

Chanhee steps forward, going in for a hug, which Juyeon willingly falls into. Sunwoo studies him, all the while smiling at Juyeon smiling at him over Chanhee’s shoulder. He’s grown to be more handsome, Sunwoo notes. He hasn’t physically seen him in a long while, but when Sunwoo did see his pictures online, it’d be met with thoughts of, Juyeon looks different. And he does. He’s tall, even more handsome than before if that’s even possible, and he wears thick rimmed glasses now. He knows how to style himself, too, the light blue waistcoat over white long sleeves surprisingly looking classy on his figure. Sunwoo feels his heart sink a bit at the lack of familiarity towards someone who was, admittedly, part of his childhood.

When Juyeon pulls away from Chanhee with a wide smile, he goes to hug Sunwoo next. They opt for a side hug, and it’s less awkward than Sunwoo thought it’d be. Chanhee comes by Sunwoo’s side again when they pull away, Chanhee lopping his arm with Sunwoo’s again. Sunwoo tries not to notice the way Juyeon glances at their linked arms.

“It’s been so long, Juyeon-ah,” Chanhee says, smiling. Sunwoo knows he means it from the tone of his voice alone—he’s happy to see an old friend. “How have you been?”

Juyeon shrugs. “You know how a thesis can be.”

Chanhee laughs. Next to him, Sunwoo clears his throat. “I’m glad you could come, hyung. Sunhee will be happy to see you.”

“I’m happy for her,” Juyeon says, glancing away with a sparkle in his eye. A brief moment of reminiscing. He looks at Sunwoo with a smile. “When I got the invite, I couldn’t believe it. Sunhee getting married was a real shock.”

“Well, me too,” Chanhee says, lightly laughing. Sunwoo resists the urge to look at him oddly. “I couldn’t believe it myself until she finally asked me to help out, and—ah, have you met the guy? The husband-to-be?”

“He’s an okay guy,” Sunwoo jokes, and it gets a laugh out of Juyeon. Sunwoo smiles. “Did you come with anybody, hyung?”

Suddenly, a subtle shift in Juyeon’s expression. He glances away, and back. He points behind him with his thumb, and Sunwoo hears the light crunching of gravel. Juyeon looks at them with a small, sheepish smile. “Actually, uh, I’m with—”

It’s so subtle, so quickly how Sunwoo loses all the air in his lungs, how his eyes widen ever so slightly at the sight of—

“Eric.” The name feels dry on his tongue.

Eric walks up from behind Juyeon, and the first thing Sunwoo registers about him is that he’s blonde. For the occasion, he’s got it slicked back, showing a few streaks of black through the bleached hair. It suits him. Too well, in fact.

Heʼs Eric, but heʼs grown up. His features seem sharper, and he has a mature air to him. Sunwoo feels nervousness stir in the pit of his gut. He doesnʼt know him anymore. What is there to think?

When Eric smiles, different from the way he used to before, a little part of Sunwoo feels like running away.

“Hi, guys,” he greets, sounding unsure. He straightens up, smile wobbly. “Itʼs been a while.”

“Erigie!” Chanhee rushes forward, pulling Eric into a hug. Eric reciprocates, laughing. When Chanhee pulls back without stepping away, he expresses shock openly with wide eyes and curious pokes to Ericʼs cheek. “Who even are you?” 

“What does that mean?” 

“You look different,” Chanhee says, humming.

“I haven’t changed that much, hyung,” Eric says.

“He’s being modest,” Juyeon says. “Ah. He’s been working out lately.”

Eric hits him on the shoulder, a playful whine coming out of him. “Hyung!”

After the laughter dies down, Eric and Sunwoo’s gazes meet, and it’s silent from there. Next to them, Chanhee and Juyeon exchange glances.

“Sunwoo,” Eric starts, and he sounds so unsure, and Sunwoo kind of hates it. Eric’s loud, self-assured, not whoever is standing in front of him. Eric gives him a small smile, nonetheless. “It’s been a while.”

“Yeah,” Sunwoo says. He doesn’t know if he sounds like himself. “Yeah, it has.”

Chanhee takes a step back and links his arm around Sunwoo again, clearing his throat. Eric glances away from Sunwoo. “You two should go ahead and register. Find your seats, too,” he tells Juyeon and Eric. Next to Eric, who’s still looking a little dazed, Juyeon nods in understanding. “We’ll see you after the ceremony, hm?”

Eric nods, giving Chanhee a small smile. “Sounds good, hyung.” Sunwoo thinks of how laidback he’s gotten, or maybe it’s because of Sunwoo’s presence.

Juyeon smiles before walking off with Eric, heading inside the lobby. When they’re far past them and no longer in sight, Sunwoo lets out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding in. Next to him, Chanhee lets go of his arm and crosses his own.

“I’m one step closer to forcing Younghoon away from your relatives,” Chanhee says, huffing out. “That was the most awkward moment of my entire year.”

“Can you not, hyung?” Sunwoo mutters. When a few relatives walk up to them with greetings, both of them act as normal as can be. Sunwoo’s smile drops after they walk inside. A part of him sinks into realization. This night was going to be a stressful one for his heart.

“I am serious, though,” Chanhee tells him, right before they make their leave for the ceremony area. Sunwoo stops walking, looking at Chanhee with a neutral expression. Chanhee sighs. “If you need to back out, or if you need an excuse. Just come to me. We can run away, or I can make up an excuse for you. You know I’m here, right?”

It takes Sunwoo a beat to give Chanhee a slow, understanding nod. “Thank you, hyung. I know.”

Taking a moment to study Sunwoo’s sincerity, Chanhee lets out a sigh of relief before dragging Sunwoo by the arm.

Sunwoo complains, but Chanhee rushes them forward, unstoppable. “Hurry up, Sunwoo. Kevin’s going to kill me if you aren’t there on time as a bridesman.”

Okay, he’s right. Sunwoo wouldn’t want to incur the wrath of Kevin, who’s already as stressed out as can be.

The sky’s still blue and the sun still shines with a proper gentleness by the time Sunwoo finds himself standing in front of all the pews meant for guests, waiting alongside the bridesmaids on the right side for Sunhee to arrive.

Focusing is… hard. He’s not sure what to feel. He’s nervous, foot tapping against the ground. Next to him, Sunhee’s best friend from college smiles at him encouragingly, but he can barely return the expression with confidence. He’s a nervous wreck, that’s what he is. His sister is finally getting married.

A part of weddings can feel weird when it involves someone you’ve known your whole life. To know they’ll be starting a whole new life, breaking away from the point of where your lives had been intertwined all this time. Sunhee will always be a call away, but to Sunwoo, it’s difficult to digest. It’ll change everything: their time together, the visits to home, the space between them. 

What puts Sunwoo’s heart at ease is a quick glance to the middle of the line they’ve formed, the spot of the aisle’s end where Sunhee’s fiancé stands. Well, fiancé for now, husband later. He’s a good man. A little introverted, which all the more compliments Sunhee’s rowdy and outgoing personality. It gives Sunwoo relief to know that Sunhee will live the rest of her life with someone she deeply loves, and someone who loves her just as much. The way he stared at her when she wasn’t looking—it was more than enough for Sunwoo to give him his silent approval, even during his very first meeting with the family.

Growing up, Sunwoo would joke about it with Sunhee. How he had a hard time thinking of who she’d end up with, who would complete her other half. Now, he was here, having seen his little sister find forever in someone.

Sunwoo exhales, subtle and soft. His eyes eventually drift over to one of the pews, and there he is. He’s so easy to spot, and Sunwoo doesn’t know if it’s got something to do with old habits that never truly cease, or if it’s the particular shade of blonde.

A part of weddings can feel nostalgic. He hasn’t seen half of these relatives in such a long time. Some remain to be familiar faces, carrying parts of his childhood he hadn’t thought of in a long time. Some, he doesn’t remember at all. A part of him feels saddened by the idea, but that’s the joy of weddings. Reconciliation. Unions, not just meant for one pair.

Eric is an outlier. 

When was the last time Sunwoo had seen him? Their last moment together hadn’t been one of goodbyes. The goodbyes came much later, and in an entirely unexpected manner. He remembers. Their last meeting, their last touch, had been one with the intent of spending time together before Eric had to fly back to LA for his studies, which prompted the long period of separation between them. Separation that led to… a growing rift, and eventually, the end.

Sunwoo does not like to dwell on it. Two years later, he’s drowning in more papers, more stress, more obstacles over graduating. He hasn’t thought about his freshman worries in a long time, and that included… Eric.

Sunwoo looks away, cursing at himself for staring too long. A part of him wonders if Eric had been the same. If he had pushed back the thought of their sudden separation, too, and if he ever had stray thoughts of… them. What was Eric up to, these days? He looks different—more grown up, which Sunwoo meant at the time of the thought.

A part of weddings can feel so sentimental.

When a soft tune begins to play in the air, Sunwoo straightens in his spot and focuses his gaze forward. He takes a deep breath, a smile naturally making its way up to his lips. It’s Sunhee standing at the end of the aisle, holding her bouquet. Her dress is gorgeous—Sunwoo had been there for the initial selection, and his opinion hasn’t wavered since then. His sister looks gorgeous, absolutely glowing on her day.

Right at the other end, her fiancé tries his best to hold in his tears.

Sunhee starts walking down the aisle. With style, of course. Every few notes to the song offered a skip in her step, a twirl in her walk. The guests, all standing, chuckle at the approach. Her fiancé laughs through the near-tears, and Sunwoo wills himself not to cry. His sister’s being silly as always, making expressions and trying to cheer her loved one up through the only way she can during the walk. Even when Sunhee’s on the verge of tripping over her dress’ long waves of fabric, she continues on with a laugh, which her fiancé returns. Next to Sunwoo, her bridesmaids cheer loudly in her favor.

It’s a daze from there on out, with everyone else taking their seats up front while the bride and groom stay in the middle of it all. Sunhee does not stop smiling all throughout the ceremony proper, and every now and then, she finds himself locking eyes with her fiancé, sharing a look only the both of them can understand. More than ever, Sunwoo feels admiration and happiness, but a tilted sense of disconnection to the moment.

It’s lovely, isn’t it? Finding your other half, taking part in a ceremony that binds you for the rest of your lives. Through thick and thin, sickness and health, whatever else. A part of Sunwoo… thinks selfishly, as bad as it sounds. A part of him asks no one in particular, when will I find a love like this?

It seems so… once in a lifetime. He hasn’t been through enough relationships to find the one. The one he feels like spending eternity with, enough to speak words of promises in front of everyone as a testament of their bond. Their love.

It’s the type of thinking that comes with attending these unions, he supposes. He doesn’t let his mind wander too far, in lieu of being the support he needs to be during his sister’s big day.

When the vows roll around, the atmosphere shifts, even if ever so slightly.

The couple face each other, a shine in both of their eyes, signs of tears threatening to spill over. Sunwoo feels the same, needing to wipe his eyes with his sleeve, quickly enough so it isnʼt obvious. He feels Chanhee, from the pew behind him, tap his shoulder three times in comfort. 

Sunhee has always been good with words, but itʼs one of the things Sunwoo can proudly say that not a lot of people knew besides him. Sunhee was into poetry and stories in their childhood, and the interest carried over to the flow of her words and poetic nature of her vows—it brings Sunwooʼs relatives to tears, an aunt loudly sobbing, and Sunheeʼs almost-husband-to-be letting out more tears at her heartfelt promises.

The vows end as quickly as they started, though with a lot more tears shed. When the magic words happen, Sunhee is the first to move forward into a sweet kiss with her now-husband. People stand and cheer, Sunwoo even letting out a whistle or two.

It’s so easy, or at least it seems like it. To seal your fate through words of promises, and choose to hold someoneʼs hand through it all from here on out.

The guests eventually move into the building, entering the ballroom area meant for the reception. While Sunwoo waits for the grand entrance walk alongside the bridesmaids and groomsmen, he finds himself pushed forward as arms wrap around him from behind. 

It’s Sunhee, wearing a relatively shorter dress for the reception. Her hair is down, flowing freely and more familiar to Sunwooʼs eyes.

She beams at him, leaning back. “Iʼm married!” A little behind her, her husband chats with his fellow groomsmen.

“I can see that,” Sunwoo says. “Your vows were great, by the way. But I definitely didnʼt cry. Definitely not.”

Sunhee laughs, so loud as she always has been, and Sunwoo smiles at that.

“Glad to know my overnight writing session wasnʼt a waste.” Sunhee crosses her arms, looking at him with mischief. “And you? How are you holding up?” 

Sunwoo sighs. “What ever could you mean?” 

Sunhee points at him, narrowing her eyes. “Chanhee told me about Eric. And how youʼve been an awkward mess so far.”

“Donʼt listen to Chanhee,” Sunwoo says. Then, he takes a moment to think about things, glancing away. “Iʼm fine, actually. It could be worse.” 

Sunhee doesnʼt question him, unlike Chanhee usually does. With things like feelings, they were quite in touch with each other in such things. Were they the closest siblings around? Sunwoo doubts it, but he knows they understand each other, which is what mattered.

Instead, Sunhee hums, going for his hand. Do weddings tend to make siblings more affectionate towards each other? 

“If you say so, big bro,” she says, looking forward. “I feel a little bad about it now, in case you wanted to know.”

“What?”

“About inviting him,” Sunhee clarifies, looking at him with a soft smile. “I know you guys parted with no hard feelings, but I also know it can feel weird. So, I’m sorry if—”

Sunwoo interrupts her with a shake of his head, “It’s a little too late for that now, Sunhee. Besides, it really isn’t that bad. It’s your day, and he was part of your childhood as much as he was part of mine.” Sunwoo shrugs. “It’s whatever now. It’s your night, you shouldn’t be worrying about that.”

Sunhee puts a hand over her mouth, holding in a smile. “So mature of you.”

Sunwoo punches her on the shoulder.

When the organizer tells them to get in line properly for the walk, Sunhee leaves him with a squeeze to the hand. Everything else goes well—there’s funky music playing to the event of their walk down the middle of the ballroom, and everyone claps along to the beat until the couple show themselves, wide smiles on their faces and amusing antics along the way.

During dinner comes the speeches. Sunwoo had found himself seated at a table with Chanhee, Younghoon, and a few more of their close mutual friends. Kevin’s work is a much clearer picture around these parts—Sunwoo spots him running around, talking to catering, the sound system team, and such. Chanhee, on the other hand, is on his phone and pays no mind to Kevin’s struggling figure. It’s a little funny, Sunwoo thinks.

Eric and Juyeon are seated elsewhere. Sunwoo doesn’t have time to think of where they possibly were, instead focused on the way the spotlight shined on him, prompting him to give his speech of the night. The mandatory and heartfelt speech. If he’s honest, Sunwoo hadn’t prepared for this. He taps his glass, and suddenly, all eyes are on him.

“Who knew we’d get here, huh?” Sunwoo jokes, and it gets a laugh out of the crowd. Somewhere up front, Sunhee yells a word or two at him, and he shakes his head, smiling.

He goes on to tell the brief and summarized story of their childhood, how their relationship had evolved over the years—how they bickered, fought, but eventually found understanding and comfort in one another. Eventually, he gets to the part of warning Sunhee’s husband about her habits, jokingly of course, and it makes everyone else laugh along. You’re meant for each other, he says, even though he hasn’t seen their dynamic in its entirety. Glimpses are enough, however, to reassure Sunwoo that his sister was in good hands, and as was her husband.

When he’s finally concluding his speech with words of love for his sister, and a mention of their serious talk when Sunhee had broken the news of the engagement to him, he feels the tears incoming. “Ah,” he says, leaning his head back and blinking. “Just got something in my eye.” There’s enough humor in it for people to laugh, Younghoon slamming his hands against their table and laughing loudly at Sunwoo’s denial. Next to him, Chanhee shakes his head with a smile.

At this point, Sunwoo just tries his best to power through his words of honesty. Sunhee looks like she’s about to cry, too, gripping her husband’s sleeve like a lifeline. It makes Sunwoo feel a little less embarrassed, a little more comfortable about crying in front of so many people.

But he manages to hold off until the applause, until he finds himself sitting back down and sinking into his seat. There, he’s silent and tight-lipped, letting a tear or two stream down his cheeks. He says nothing, and the rest of the ballroom move on to the next speech, probably from one of Sunwoo’s parents.

Across him, Chanhee has his phone held out, openly snapping pictures of Sunwoo’s misery. “I told you he’d cry, Younghoonie,” Chanhee says, eventually lowering his phone when he gets enough good pictures.

Sunwoo sniffs, wiping his tear streak away with his sleeve. He looks away, avoiding Younghoon’s teasing gaze, but that leads him right to the stare of another. In a flash, Eric looks away, and it’s as if their eyes had never met in the first place. Sunwoo tries not to mind it, looking forward again with a frown.

“You didn’t film that, did you?”

Chanhee shrugs. “Definitely not sending a video to Changmin right now.”

Sunwoo groans, getting up. “I’m going to order a drink.”

Younghoon laughs. “This early into the night, Sunwoo-ya?”

Sunwoo turns around, waving a hand at them over his shoulder. “I’ve had enough of your judgement.”

He gets to the bar where a few other people are seated, listening to the speeches as they wait for their drinks. He greets an uncle or two before settling down, calling the assigned bartender over for his order. A part of him listens to the ongoing speeches, smiling to himself when his father makes a joke about their sibling dynamic.

He sips on his drink, something more on the sweeter side, as his train of thought drifts away for a few moments. He almost misses the movement beside him, how someone else steps up and onto the vacant barstool next to him.

He holds a sign in, the blonde in the corner of his eye immediately recognizable. It’s Eric, of course it is.

Sunwoo turns his head, and so does Eric. He looks nervous, so Sunwoo smiles.

“Hey,” Sunwoo greets him.

Eric looks at him, smiling back. “Hey,” he says back. “I wanted to check up on you. If… that’s okay.” 

Sunwoo shakes his head. “It’s fine, Eric. You can stay.”

Eric nods at his words, looking away. “Your speech was good, man.”

Sunwoo laughs lightly. “Thank you. I’ll never hear the end of it from Chanhee hyung, that’s for sure.”

Eric laughs. Eric laughs, and it sounds the same, oddly enough. Sunwoo blanks out for a moment, shaking himself out of it. He looks down at his drink, swaying the glass a bit. “How have you been, Eric?”

Eric opens his mouth to respond, but stops when the bartender comes over to slide him his drink. He smiles and thanks the man behind the bar, taking the glass of what seemed like iced tea. Sunwoo hides his smile. Some things never change, he supposes.

“It’s been alright,” Eric answers, taking a sip of his drink. “Busy. I’m sure you get it, though.”

“Indeed,” Sunwoo affirms. After the wedding, he’s got a huge chunk of work to think about. An exam and a term paper or two. It is what it is. “How’s the baseball thing going?”

“Oh.” Eric leans back, stretching a bit before he leans over again, looking down at his drink. “The baseball thing isn’t really… a thing anymore.”

“Ah.” Sunwoo is shocked. It must show on his face, because Eric laughs, all free and familiar.

“Things just got too busy,” Eric explains. “I was sad to give it up, but it didn’t feel good to be on the team with everything I had going on. You know how the third year gets.”

“I didn’t think you’d—” Sunwoo stops himself. They haven’t seen each other in a good two years, any accurate guesses as to Eric’s decisions wasn’t really assured on his side, right? “I mean, that’s unfortunate. Sorry to hear that.”

Eric shrugs. “Stuff happens.”

Some things never change, but some things do, even to the point of unrecognition. It’d been his first question to Eric, considering how much of it was… his life back then. Growing up together, Eric had big dreams. They both did, having had intentions of achieving and reaching for them together. Baseball had been one of Eric’s. As soon as he moved to LA for his studies, it’d been a goal of his to join his university’s baseball team. Succeeding tryouts had only strengthened Sunwoo’s belief in him—that someday, he’d be able to bring it to international heights, something that could grow bigger than whatever he had been aiming for academically.

To hear these sentiments is a shock to Sunwoo. But he catches himself, thinking deeply for a moment: a lot of things change, even unexpectedly. Isn’t it like the two of them? Sunwoo had once thought Eric would be his forever—his whole life, really. But look at where they are now: chatting at the mini bar, at a wedding Sunwoo didn’t think would happen so soon, opening about what’s changed in their lives.

There are remnants of the past, sure. Eric has certain habits. His habit of pouting, he’s got the same laugh, he’s got the same speaking habits. But his smile is different, a little more jaded, a little more mature. His path is different, and he couldn’t have felt farther away from Sunwoo than he does now. They speak so differently to each other, keeping a stilted air between them. Things aren’t the same anymore—that much was clear.

It’s an odd clashing of ideas, how someone you’d grown up with can suddenly be such a stranger at some point in your life.

Sunwoo gulps. “It’s still unfortunate,” he says. “You were good at it.”

Eric smiles, genuine. “Well, thanks,” he says. He clears his throat. “And you? How have you been?”

“Oh, you know,” Sunwoo says, “just organizing programs, voting on flowers, trying out suits.”

Eric laughs. “It was that busy, huh?”

“It really was,” Sunwoo looks around, at the extravagant decor and the lights and the smile on his sister’s face as one of her friends shares a funny anecdote about the beginnings of the couple’s love. “It’s worth it, though. It’s worth all the backlogs I’ll have to deal with.”

Eric snorts. “I’m happy for your sister, though.” Eric hums. “I know you really must be, too.”

“Yeah,” Sunwoo says, a whisper. “Yeah, I really am.”

A small silence washes over the both of them. They mull over their drinks, and somehow there’s a pinch of comfort in the quiet. Something that Sunwoo thought he’d never feel again when it came to Eric.

Some things change, but some feelings don’t. A part of Sunwoo still feels the comfort of home that Eric used to bring him. Is it nostalgia speaking through him right now? Leftover feelings, something else? Or is it Sunwoo’s belief in love and how some things may never bend—how we’ll never really stop loving certain people in our lives.

Or maybe it’s just the alcohol speaking.

“I’m writing again,” Sunwoo says, and Eric looks at him with curiosity. “Just a little update. I’m writing songs again, you know, in between work at uni. But it’s not—nothing much comes out of it, at least not anything like a full song.”

“That’s amazing!” Eric exclaims, and he’s got a sparkle in his eyes as he grins at Sunwoo. But it isn’t anything spectacular, Sunwoo thinks, shying away and looking down to hide the possible blush on his cheeks. “That’s so cool, Sunwoo. Will you, though? Make a full song someday?”

Someday, maybe. A little thought in the back of Sunwoo’s head that reminds him of all those promises they’d made years ago. How Sunwoo wanted to do music, and Eric wanted to pursue baseball. How Sunwoo said he’d stand in the bleachers, yelling Eric’s name until his lungs gave out during Eric’s very first international game. How Eric says he’ll tell every single person about Sunwoo’s words and very first creation, how he’ll stream it to no end.

How Sunwoo promised Eric he’d write a song about him someday, and it’ll be a testament to their love. What used to be of it.

A part of Sunwoo feels sick at the thought—how things like this could make him question his view of love, how love isn’t always the silly and carefree image that he’d had in his head. Or maybe he’s known this all along. It’s better to be optimistic and to stay by the side of safe daydreaming, is what Sunwoo thinks.

“Maybe,” he answers. He downs his drink in one go, spinning around on the barstool. The host announces the couple’s first dance, which makes Eric turn in his seat, too. As a sweet song starts to play, they watch as Sunhee and her husband step onto the dancefloor.

They begin to slow dance, an air of intimacy between them even with all the eyes watching their first dance as a married couple. Sunwoo and Eric watch in silence, until the song almost reaches its end and Sunwoo speaks up, a little lower than usual, “Maybe someday. I have some promises to fulfill, after all.”

He can feel Eric’s curious gaze on him, willing him to look back and answer a query or two. But Sunwoo resists, focusing on Chanhee’s approaching figure, waving at his hyung.

“Hey,” Chanhee says, smiling at both of them. “Kevin’s pestering me to start dancing. Encourage people to join in and all that.” He turns to Eric. “Do you mind if I take this guy away from you?”

“Oh, no, not at all,” Eric says, waving his hand dismissively. “Have fun out there!”

Chanhee drags Sunwoo onto the dancefloor, not even waiting for Sunwoo’s acceptance or rejection. He groans, but raises his arms and places his hands on all the appropriate places, beginning to sway along to the music with Chanhee.

“Thought you were getting a drink,” Chanhee says between them. Around them, people begin to flood the dancefloor.

“I did,” Sunwoo says, clearing his throat. “It was a good one. A good drink.”

“What was it called?”

Sunwoo blanks out. He huffs. “I don’t know. It was blue.”

Chanhee hums, looking over elsewhere. Sunwoo follows his line of sight, spotting Eric dancing with Juyeon. They’re in close proximity, just like Chanhee and Sunwoo, and Sunwoo can’t help but wonder if…

“They aren’t together,” Chanhee says. Sunwoo looks at him, frowning.

“Hyung. I wasn’t—I wasn’t thinking about that.”

Chanhee scoffs. “Don’t lie to me, Sunwoo,” he scolds. “I know you. You want to catch up with him, right? More than you already had earlier. But you’re curious about them too, right? I can tell you right now, they aren’t together.”

“Great, because I don’t care,” Sunwoo says. “I don’t know why you think I would.”

He doesn’t. But the idea of upsetting Juyeon by talking to his boyfriend wasn’t a good image, wasn’t it? It isn’t impossible—the thought of childhood friends getting together. It happened to him and Eric, after all. And, sure, a part of Sunwoo does want to reconnect. He wants to learn more, hear about what he’s missed in Eric’s life. But a part of him thinks it’s weird, too. Isn’t holding onto the past a bad thing?

Chanhee rolls his eyes. “Sure, Sunwoo,” he says. He hesitates for a bit, before talking in a softer tone. “It’s okay to do that, you know? You guys had history together. It can’t be that hard to erase.”

“At a wedding of all places, hyung?” Sunwoo laughs, shaking his head. “I don’t want to make it about me.”

“Stupid,” Chanhee says, not seriously but it makes Sunwoo gasp in fake offense anyway. “You aren’t making it about you. In fact, Sunhee told me to see if a reunion would be possible today.” Sunwoo raises an eyebrow at that, but Chanhee doesn’t stop. “She was right, you could be such a tsu—what was the word? Sometimes, Sunwoo, you have to be honest. It’s annoying.”

“I am honest,” Sunwoo says. This influx of information is a little overwhelming on his heart. He takes a deep breath, and decides to tell Chanhee about his recent thoughts. “It’s just weird. I think it’s weird.”

“Do you still love him?” Chanhee asks the question like it’s nothing, and Sunwoo almost laughs in disbelief.

Sunwoo drowns himself in the music to think for a moment. Then, he slowly shakes his head. “I… I don’t think so, not anymore.”

But what? There’s a but on the tip of his tongue, and he can’t quite understand it. He doesn’t know what holds his answer back, though there’s truth to it. Chanhee senses his hesitation and confusion, and speaks up.

“If you’re unsure… love isn’t always so hard to get rid of, you know,” he says, sighing. “I can’t believe I’m the one telling you this. Haven’t you been informed by your mangas, or whatever you read these days? You can love someone in different ways, Sunwoo. He was a big part of your life back then. I’m unsurprised, even if this might be a revelation to you.”

When the music fades to nothing after a moment of Chanhee frowning at him, they find themselves standing by the edge of the dancefloor. A part of Sunwoo is in deep thought.

He’s always thought of love as something unbreakable. If it breaks, perhaps it isn’t fate. Second chances are last resorts—love shouldn’t come with hesitation, should it? We don’t need second chances if it was all meant to be.

But a part of him knows that maybe it truly wasn’t that easy. It’s a complex little thing. It transforms through time. Maybe the longing he feels could be the alcohol, or the symptoms of the occasion, but it could also just be… love. In a different tone.

“Are you done thinking?” Chanhee asks. Sunwoo looks up at him. “I’m going off to drag Younghoon onto the dancefloor. If Kevin wasn’t lying to me, my song’s up next.”

Sunwoo gives him a gesture, shooing him away. “Go on, hyung.”

Chanhee sighs, raising a hand to flick Sunwoo on the forehead. Sunwoo groans in mostly faux pain. “Don’t think too hard about it. If you want, enjoy the night, actually. Forget about your ex. Eric isn’t going anywhere.”

Sunwoo nods, making a face of whatever, go on, uh-huh. Chanhee scowls and takes his leave. Sunwoo stops all trains of thought and reaches out for some champagne from a server, clutching it as he goes to make his leave.

Air. He needs air. 

The sun had set a little while ago, he finds, as he enters the back area of the building. It’s devoid of life around these parts, but the clear glow of blue from the illuminated pool is enough to make him squint, sipping on his champagne as he does.

What a night. Your sister gets married, your ex-boyfriend comes along and starts a conversation with you like it’s nothing to him, and now you’re questioning everything you’ve known about love and whatever else comes with it.

Their parting had been abrupt. Maybe that was the reason for Sunwoo’s leftover love. In the midst of starting their separate journeys in university, the calls became more infrequent, and honesty about their situation had become a second thought compared to the stress.

They were apart from each other, and maybe that’s what worsened everything else. The lack of reassurance. The thought of better and closer people being around Eric. The thought of all the things Sunwoo could be holding him back from—how Sunwoo was the rope holding Eric back, a permanent attachment to his past. And for someone like Eric to be in LA with endless possibilities and opportunities coming his way, what could Sunwoo ever offer him?

If you love someone, they deserve the best from you, right? Back then, Sunwoo thought he couldn’t give such a thing to Eric. He never told Eric about this thought of this. Letting the rift between them grow and fester had been easier.

It’s a silly part of their history to be sulking over. In retrospect, it’d been a little ridiculous how they’d broken away from each other, even with the hard feelings that the distance would inevitably bring. Years of childhood memories and friendship, thrown away by distance and dishonesty.

But Sunwoo gets it, too. Love changes things when it’s involved. He knew it would, the moment he’d started to view Eric differently, all those years ago.

And… closure never did come. After that last visit from Eric, times got busier, tasks got harder. Then… nothing. No wonder a part of Sunwoo feels this way.

But a part of him thinks it really was just love never reaching its end. A part of him thinks he’ll never stop loving Eric, even if it means something different.

He hears the glass doors slide open, the brief boom of music making its way outside, and it makes him turn, a little startled.

It’s Eric, but he’s got his back to him. Once he does turn around, he spots Sunwoo’s obvious figure by the pool, eyes widening.

“Oh, sorry,” Eric says, pointing behind him. “I can go back, actually, if you want—”

“Eric,” Sunwoo calls, distantly. Eric shuts his mouth. “No, Eric. Just stay.” He finds himself saying the same words, clear reflections of his true desires.

Eric looks unsure, but eventually makes his way over.

Can you call this the unexpected? On his way towards Sunwoo, Eric trips on thin air, yelling out as he stumbles forward. He’s losing his balance, and he’s by the pool, so Sunwoo acts with instinct. He throws his glass into the water where it’ll be safer, and he holds his arms out, yelling along with Eric.

He nearly falls over, too, at the act of supporting Eric’s weight. But after a brief struggle with gravity, they find themselves both falling over and on their asses, right on the stone floor of the pool’s edge.

They’re breathing for a few moments, until Eric lets out a laugh. Sunwoo looks at him, his heart pounding with adrenaline, and eventually, he shakes his head with a grin, hiding his face in his hands.

“Jesus,” Sunwoo mutters, and Eric only laughs harder. Sunwoo looks over at the pool, at his floating glass so clear in the middle of the blue glow. “How the hell are we going to get that?”

Eric spots the glass and lets out a yell. “What the hell! How’d you let it get over there?”

“I didn’t want to break it,” Sunwoo says. “How’d you—how’d you even trip?” A part of his brain reminds him: you underestimate Eric’s clumsiness. All those years of bandages and wounds from bike rides were not to be forgotten.

Eric shrugs, and it makes it all the more silly, this entire thing. They spend a moment more in laughter, in disbelief.

When the laughter nearly subsides, Eric looks around. “What do you call it? The net they use for leaves? There should be one around here, no?”

“I don’t know, Eric,” Sunwoo says, sighing as he pulls himself up by the hands. He extends an arm for Eric, who mutters a thank you as he takes Sunwoo’s hand without hesitation. Sunwoo looks around, too, but doesn’t spot anything. “I hope you’re fine with a little bit of night swimming if we don’t manage to find one.”

Next to him, Eric laughs. It quickly dies down, but Sunwoo’s too busy looking around for a way to fix the problem to notice anything odd about it. Eventually, Eric clears his throat next to him and speaks the next few words Sunwoo had been so hesitant about the entire evening.

“Sunwoo,” Eric calls out, and Sunwoo hums. “I’ve missed you.”

Sunwoo turns his head, eyes slightly wide. And Eric… he’s being serious, lips slightly downturned and expression void of humor. He means it, and Sunwoo…

Sunwoo smiles. He lets out a small laugh, glancing up at the dark sky. It’s so easy for Eric to admit. It lightens the load on his heart, telling him that he can be honest too, right?

But next to him, Eric’s face falls ever so slightly, glancing away. “I’m sorry if I shouldn’t—if I can’t say that.”

Sunwoo immediately realizes he’s taking it the wrong way and fully turns to Eric, waving his hands. “Eric, no, it’s fine. I just—” Sunwoo tries to hold back another smile, but fails. He fails horribly. It’s pathetic. “I just missed you, too.”

At his words, Eric beams. It’s an expression that slowly takes over his features, and it only makes Sunwoo smile harder.

“You’re okay with that?” Eric asks, so quiet and unsure of the reality he’s presented with. Sunwoo nods, unable to hide anything any longer. “I know it’s been so long. We haven’t talked in years, have we? But I want to catch up with you. I don’t know.”

“The chat at the bar wasn’t doing it for you?” Sunwoo teases.

Eric slaps him lightly on the shoulder. That’s more like it, Sunwoo thinks to himself.

“I want to catch up. Like, really catch up.”

“I’m afraid we’re moving too fast.”

“Yah. I’m serious!” Eric yells out, but he’s laughing anyway, shaking his head. “And I’m not—I’m not looking for anything out of this, just so you know. I just… I genuinely missed you, Sun. And I donʼt want to seem eager, but itʼs the truth.”

His words make Sunwoo’s heart skip a beat. A part of him soars at the thought of Eric wanting to do the same as he’s been thinking all night, how he could perhaps still mean something to Eric.

It isn’t love, Sunwoo tells himself, at least not the love we’re all so familiar with. Love twists and bends and changes meaning, and it never really ends—it never really stops telling its truth. Perhaps that sort of love can come back. Be rekindled by honesty, and whatever else helps it grow, but for now, this was Sunwoo’s truth.

He’ll always love Eric. He doesn’t know if that’ll ever change.

“If you think youʼre being eager, then what am I?” Sunwoo says, smiling. “I missed you, too, you know.” Eric looks at him and returns the smile, almost cheeky about it, and Sunwoo huffs. “Or maybe that’s the alcohol talking, you never know.”

Heʼs joking, and Eric knows it. “You’ve had two drinks.”

“And how do you know that? You been watching me this entire time?” Sunwoo jokes. Eric lets out a laugh, in joking disbelief. “Eric Sohn, LA has turned you into something else. You little weirdo.”

Eric just laughs, hitting Sunwoo on the shoulder as a reaction. Sunwoo’s grinning at his reaction, satisfied and relieved. This feels better. More familiar, more normal. Like two years of silence had never gone by. Like all the years before that were strong enough to conquer whatever they had faced, and well, the truth is that it was.

“But… yeah. I do wanna catch up,” Sunwoo says, smiling. “I think we left things a bit…”

Eric openly cringes, waving him away. Sunwoo laughs. “Can we unpack that elsewhere? Later this week, maybe? I don’t want to remember. Not here, of all places.”

“Agreed,” Sunwoo says. He dusts the front of his pants, looking around. “Before you ask me out on a date, I believe we should get to solving the problem.”

Eric glances at the pool. At this point, the champagne glass is fully submerged, not easily visible through the water. 

“Crap. Right.” Before Eric turns around to split up and look for the appropriate tool, he looks at Sunwoo with a raised brow. “And was I ever going to ask you out on a date? Who’s moving too fast now, huh?”

Sunwoo turns on his heel, heading the other direction. There seems to be a shed in the distance.

“Just two bros hanging out, then,” he calls out, and Eric laughs at that.

“Sounds better!”

It feels easy again, Sunwoo thinks. Like it always has been.