Work Text:
Adrien’s POV, cardigan:
Adrien never liked tea. It tasted like dishwater to him, if he had to guess what dishwater tasted like, tea would be his best guess. It was something his father always tried to force on him, even going as far as buying vintage so he’d change his mind.
How does 20-year-old tea make it better tea?
This was one of the many reasons Adrien had never fit in with those people. Sure, he could smile and act the part his father had wanted, but it hadn't been him .
He hadn't even been sure who that was, so Model Adrien it was.
Another reason he hadn't fit in was that everything had to be the newest thing . Everyone wanted the newest car, the newest fashion trends, the newest phone, the newest house. It was all just madness. Never satisfied, always looking for the best new thing. But since when did new equal better ? Adrien had many old collector's items from various anime that could attest to that.
Adrien knew better. Those people wanted the newest thing because they thought it would stop that ache from happening inside of them. After all, it never stopped for Adrien after his mom died and his father always made sure he had the latest phone, wore the newest clothes, and arrived at school in the most luxurious cars.
One of his fondest memories of his mother was the sound of her high heels clicking on the cobblestone in the mansion’s garden. The clicking was so loud because she was practically sprinting to get to him and his father, both equally transfixed by her utter lack of care for the grace that was expected of a woman of her status. Maybe that’s why his father could never accept his mother being gone.
Nobody so full of life and joy should leave this world with so much regret and pain.
Despite what people may think, Adrien wasn't stupid. Sure, he could be oblivious to certain social cues and he had been only 15 when his father was alive so obviously he hadn't known everything, of course.
But…there’s this annoying assumption that if he was under the age of 18 (which is another strange concept, why would he suddenly know everything from one age to the next?) he knows nothing about his own life. His own feelings, his own ambitions, his own desires…
Adrien just wished his father had understood that he didn't need protection from everything, especially himself. If he never got to follow his own path instead of his father’s, how was he ever going to grow up?
He had felt as if he was frozen in time forever, an ageless trophy rather than a son.
He couldn't have stayed the way he was really, when there was so much to learn from other people.
Those who put on a facade have this fascinating ability to act like they love someone when in reality, they are plotting to ruin their reputation. They could shine so brightly like jewels one moment, with their blinding smile, and spew black venom the next. He could never imagine doing such a thing. Adrien had this thing, others saw it as a weakness, but he saw it as his strength, to always wear his heart on his sleeve. He already had to pretend to be someone else because he was Chat Noir, so he wanted to be as genuine with his intentions towards others as possible.
Adrien knew his father thought he was oblivious to it all. And not just the kind of people he invited into their home. He knew his father was hurting from the loss of his mother and that he probably assumed he was protecting Adrien from Marinette hurting him in the end, just like Emilie.
But… Marinette .
How could he have kept himself away from her? Even if she had been a flame out to kill his moth, he would still gladly fly into her light. Because he knows her. He knows what she looks like when she’s intoxicated with love, dancing carelessly in the faint glow of Paris’ streetlights. He knows what it feels like to have her sizzling hands under his sweatshirt in his car when it's 30 degrees outside because she was trying to kiss his pain away.
Marinette knew how Adrien really felt about himself. How he felt discarded, and used up by the media’s image of him. But Marinette saw something in him that he doesn’t know if he ever would’ve figured out without her. Despite everything, his flaws, his history, his hangups, he was her favorite everything. Her favorite story, her favorite person, her favorite soul.
It makes Adrien so angry when he thinks back on everything. How Natalie and his father kept him in the dark about his mother. But he knew something had been going on between the three of them from the beginning. He remembers when he was eleven and he accidentally opened his father’s office door without asking. His father and Natalie were standing so close that he was sure Gabriel could count the flecks of colors in Natalie’s eyes. And the way they sprung apart the second they heard the creak. His father’s roaring angry shout to get out! and Natalie’s head hanging in shame.
His mother’s face when they made eye contact in the hallway. The shouting as soon as that creaky door closed once again.
Natalie staying in their house instead of her apartment after Emilie disappeared. His father’s anger at his suggestion of Natalie becoming a new woman in his life. His father becoming more distant from him than ever. Natalie’s relief when his father passed away. Natalie’s grief when his father passed away.
When Adrien wanted to forget all of that, he and Marinette would play hide-and-seek on the rooftops of Paris, they would stay in their own little world on the weekends in her bed, he would listen to Marinette’s heartbeat and marvel at its existence, he would relish in her giggles that would follow from him pushing his ear against her chest, they would stare in wonder at the stars up on her balcony, wonderous that they even existed in this vast universe at all, he would cry once again at her whispers that he was her favorite star.
All he needed was her. Her kisses in his car when they wanted a few minutes of alone time before they would have to deal with their friends sounds of playful disgust, her drawing the most beautiful designs for their future wedding, her laughter as she drew stars all over him and him relishing in the same attention that she gives to her own designs, her turning out to be a jewel covered in black venom….
Adrien should've known. Should’ve known his heart would bleed the second she told him her lies. Should’ve known she would leave on that train when he couldn’t look her in the eyes, should’ve known it would hurt more than her lies, or his father’s for that matter ever could, should’ve known that he was forever claimed, forever stained by her, should’ve known simple words wouldn’t fix this.
Should’ve known she would leave him, just like everyone else. Just like him .
Marinette and his father underestimated him. How much pain he could take. Adrien could handle not being human. He could handle his father treating him as such, and then leaving him for his dead mother. He could take all of it. Just because he was young, didn't mean that he had to be broken at the slightest facts of the universe.
Adrien was a sentibeing.
Adrien was an orphan.
Adrien’s father had been Hawkmoth.
Adrien had been responsible for his father’s death.
He could accept all the realities that came with this universe, except one.
Marinette had lied to him.
Adrien just couldn’t accept this for the longest time. But he supposed one of the downsides to being young was that while you certainly know more than nothing, you also don’t know everything . He didn’t know what the price would be for putting Marinette on a pedestal that he had. Didn't know how much it would hurt him, like a tattoo being ripped from his skin to be without her, didn't know that he would be haunted by the look in Marinette’s eyes on that train, didn't know he’d spend every waking hour running what-ifs through his head while Plagg watched, worried. Didn’t know the odor of her betrayal would linger bitterly in the air, like smoke.
But what he did know was that Marinette was cursed by the thought of him, that she was being chased by his image in the grocery lines, and that she couldn't possibly leave him forever, because he was just as cursed as she was. Cursed by this card his family was dealt, cursed by the lies and betrayals between them, cursed by their inability to stop loving each other.
He knew Marinette would be back. And she was.
Adrien knew Marinette would come back because of the way her spine tingles when he kisses her. Come back for their ability to see past their perfections and love each other’s flaws too. Come back for the way no one could love each other the way they did.
And Adrien would come back to her because she still whispered that he was her favorite part of herself.
Marinette’s POV, invisible string:
Marinette remembers daydreaming of love at the Place des Vosges with her parents.
They would set up a picnic blanket and watch all the other children run around the big fountain, screaming in laughter. Marinette always looked up at her parents in curiosity, distracted from her book at the look of contentment on their faces.
Why would a couple enjoy watching something so simple? Why not go somewhere more exciting like the circus? When Marinette asked her mother, she gently explained they simply loved to watch children experience true joy, the kind they strive to give Marinette and each other everyday.
Marinette, at just 5 years old, yearned for a love like her parents for the first time.
*****
Marinette was confused. Gabriel Agreste had a son ? How could she, his biggest fan, not know that? Sure, she knew the man was secretive, but he definitely would’ve brought that up in one of his interviews. Then again, most of them were older interviews. She may vaguely recall him mentioning a young model for his brand, but she had no clue it was his own child.
This should’ve been her first clue, a man who had such little regard for his child as to not even mention him in passing, was absurd to Marinette.
I really wish I had known sooner , she despairs as she cradles a sobbing Adrien in her arms.
*****
It came with no warning, no signs.
Marinette remembers what it was like to fall for Kim. It had been a gradual thing, something she could process and be content with over time. Despite the cruelty it was ripped away from her, she remembers falling for him was quite the opposite experience. No fear, no sadness.
Marinette remembers what it was like to fall for Luka. It had been a peaceful thing. Which had surprised her, considering her history with boys thus far. Something about being with him had given her a calm feeling she had never known to exist for someone as chaotic as herself. She had thought it was love. She didn't want to believe love was something to be scared of, to have anxiety for.
Until she discovered there was good anxiety .
Marinette remembers falling in love with Adrien. It was nothing like the others. It came with no clues, it was fast, all-consuming, nauseatingly good anxiety love.
She never expected to fall in love at only 13, some would even argue it was too young to know what it even means.
But as she stood there in the rain, enraptured by those green eyes, she knew she had an invisible string tying her and Adrien together.
After all, the Red String of Fate didn't care about something as meaningless as age. She remembers Adrien’s glowing smile when she told him the legend of the Red String of Fate and he told her he was in awe that they had created a folklore story, just for them.
And who was she to argue?
*****
They were on their three year anniversary trip when it happened. She and Adrien were eating at their favorite restaurant and the waitress said it.
You guys look just like Ladybug and Chat Noir.
Ten years. They had gone ten years without being recognized. The waitress's eyes had bugged out at their panicked faces. She had played it much cooler than them and had whispered their secret was safe with her. And then she continued taking their orders as if nothing had even happened.
Marinette had a panic attack at the table. Adrien comforted her, reminded her that his father was gone, that they didn't have to worry about the danger of identities anymore. They only really keep the secret from strangers now, rather than family and friends. They agreed it was better for them to be left (mostly alone, considering Adrien was still stopped for the occasional autograph) alone as their civilian selves, to get a break from the pressures of being a “perfect superhero”. Marinette especially believes that it would shatter the fantasy. Their fantasy of her .
That night, Adrien had gently whispered that she was his true fantasy, mask or no mask.
*****
Time was a mystical thing. She cursed it and adored it all at once.
Because time decided exactly when Marinette was privy to such information like Adrien being Chat Noir .
She frantically goes through this daily process of searching for signs that she hadn’t seen. Adrien gently teased her when she did this, that she wasn't meant to know then but was so happy she knew now.
Damn his optimism.
Because Marinette thinks maybe, she could’ve known. It should have been in the way he smiles sadly. It should have been the way he was with children. It should have been his terrible puns. It should have been his love for anime.
It should have been something .
Adrien always just laughed and expressed his gratitude for time catching up with what his heart already knew, that she was everything. His favorite eyes. His favorite silhouette. His favorite soul.
His fate…maybe his optimism wasn't so bad.
*****
It should’ve been harder.
Why hadn’t it been harder to lie to him?
Those sweet green eyes had looked at her with adoration and trust everyday, it should’ve been the hardest task in the world.
But…when you had a person that means everything to you, you couldn’t imagine being the person that destroyed everything around them. But she did. She destroyed his spirit. His hope for his family. His trust .
Marinette thought the worst day of her life had been seeing the light die in his eyes when she told him.
But no, the worst day of her life had been her first day, without him .
Ever since that day she left on the train, she had been haunted by the look in his eyes. She could’ve sworn everyday that she could see his shadow in the grocery line.
Marinette thought she would never see him again. She didn’t think she had the privilege to. She deserved that pain. That torment.
But that gold thread…
That thread she always believed was between them kept telling her she needed to go back. No matter how much she didn’t want to see the look in his eyes again when he saw her, she knew she had to come back to him.
So she did.
Marinette explained everything, why she lied. How she was 14 years old, scared out of mind of his father. Haunted by his image in her dreams. Scared of Adrien being sad again. Of getting akumatized into Chat Blanc again. Of losing him forever .
To her shock, he had just smiled with tears in his eyes. He had crushed her into a hug and he whispered they were going to get through it.
Marinette beated herself up day after day after that (much to his dismay). Because even with all her complicated demons, he managed to wrap her worries in a blanket of warmth. It would’ve saved them so much heartache if she had just told him the truth. Adrien had quietly reminded her of his own mistakes of the past. How he used to pressure her as Chat Noir constantly. How he could never see the girl that sat behind him was in love with him. They both had flaws. Demons. The important thing here was realizing despite all that, they loved each other, and they could never give up on a love like theirs.
Demons be damned.
Marinette swore she saw gold twinkles surrounding them the day they embraced again.
*****
Marinette remembers how scared she was to fall in love after that day with Chloe and Kim.
How she thought she would absolutely never do it again, because she subconsciously had made it impossible for herself.
How Luka revealed what it was like to fall in love with no convoluted plans at all.
Marinette thinks back on Luka with puzzlement. She remembers going to his house to give him and his wife Marissa a present for their new baby girl, Lily.
Marinette had been sitting on the couch, watching him play with his new child with that sparkle that never left his eyes for how long she had known him. She remembers tentatively asking him why it had been so easy to fall in love with him after everything that had happened with Kim and at the time, Adrien as well.
Luka had smiled and believed she was already ready to give up her fears when they were together. That she had really been prepared to pursue her true love with Adrien once she met him. It had been difficult to believe that about herself, but she had appreciated his sentiment all the same.
With all that reflection of the past, Marinette decided to take Adrien to the Place des Vosges to sit and watch the children play, just like her parents did.
She was content to just be in his arms, not worried about the future for once in her life. Or since she was 5 years old.
“You know, I used to think love was simple, if you can believe it.”
“Hmm?” Adrien hummed against her ear. She sat up.
“When I was little, I used to come with my parents to this park. They would teach me the simple joy of watching the children play like we’re doing now. And I would think, I want a love like theirs .”
Adrien was quiet for a moment. “So, did you?”
Marinette smiled. “I didn’t know it at the time. What falling in love would really be like. How my parents actually went through my grandpa’s disapproval of my mom because she was an Asian woman. There is so much more to love than my five year old self could have ever comprehended. It can be hell. It can be heaven. It can tear you apart. It can put you back together. It can be the worst anxiety you’ve ever felt in your life. It can be the best anxiety….”
Adrien looked at her intently now. “Is that how you feel about me?”
Marinette looked at those green eyes that could stare straight into her soul. “Yes. I thought I wanted love exactly like my parents. But the truth is, no two loves are exactly the same. It can make you feel all those conflicting emotions and sometimes people break up or stay together but the truth is, I don’t think we’re like anybody in this world. I think we’re inevitable.”
Adrien kissed her then. “I think you’re right as always, my lady.”
Time was a wonderous thing.