Work Text:
“BREAKING: ALEXANDER CLAREMONT-DIAZ SEEN TAKING YET ANOTHER PLANE TO ENGLAND. HOW HIS CO2 EMISSIONS HAVE INCREASED DOUBLE THIS PAST YEAR by Miguel Ramos”
Alex stopped playing with Henry’s hair. “Petty little bitch” Henry heard Alex curse while closing his laptop suddenly. On the sofa sat a very angry Alex. He only got this mad when one particular journalist wrote about him. Henry left the comfort of Alex’s legs and sat up.
“What did he write this time?” Henry set down his book and sighed. Miguel’s blog posts had gone almost unread for the first few months after the scandal, five minutes of fame and all that. Had he not been employed as a full time journalist by The New York Daily (“irrelevant newspaper for republicans,” had said Alex), Miguel would have stayed as irrelevant as he had always been. “Let me see”
Alex opened his laptop and passed it onto Henry. He didn’t even look Henry in the eye. He just crossed his arm and grumbled. Henry peered through the article once. It was almost identical to one he had written five weeks ago. They had gone to a red carpet event in L.A. and the paparazzi had snapped a few pictures of them leaving the airport. This time, they had gone to England for Bea’s birthday. Both had been planned trips. “What’s his deal?” asked Henry.
Alex looked at him, but he was visibly frowning. “It’s not like I’m killing pandas and tigers cold-blooded and broadcasting it on live TV for everyone to see,” said Alex. “He never cared about how much I travelled when we…” Alex didn’t finish the thought. Henry knew Miguel and Alex had had a fling during his mother’s campaign. It did not bother him in the slightest. Miguel was writing petty articles from his mother’s basement and Henry was reading Jane Austen while Alex was playing with his hair. Now, Henry was enjoying sweet bliss and the little journalist was writing keyboard smashes and sulking. If anything, he pitied Miguel. How could he have fumbled the bad so hard? “It just rubs me the wrong way”
“Hey,” Henry had an idea, he knew it would make Alex happy. “Do you remember when we went to that Karaoke bar? How I sang ‘Don’t stop me now’ and you fell irrevocably in love with me?” Alex smiled and nodded. “There’s that smile I love. How about we go to the one Pez recommended?” Henry knew how much Alex liked shouting lyrics to a microphone while Henry watched. Alex thought about it and agreed.
“Then, up, up, up Diaz. We have to get going. Can I ask you a favour?” Henry asked. Alex looked at him. He seemed to put on a happy face but Henry knew how much this news affected him. “Can you put on the black jeans?”
Alex seemed confused “Why?”
“Because I’m sure that the lights in the bar will make your ass look spectacular, and I want to be there in the first row, enjoying the show” Henry winked and left. From what he gathered, Alex had cursed and went straight to the bottom drawer. That was the place where he kept his jeans.
—
The bar was a bit crowded, but not too much. Alex knew a few people there so it was safe to say that he would put on a show. They ordered their drinks and sat down after Alex requested his song. Henry always asked “What song did you pick?” and Alex always answered with a hint about what the artist might be. It was a fun little game they liked to play.
This time, Alex answered. “Think female rage and TikTok trend and cheatin–” Alex stopped dead in his tracks. He spotted someone a few tables from them. Henry knew immediately who he was. Alex continued after swallowing hard. “Miguel is here” the rage he felt was visible from his tone. “He is in for it, I picked the right song.”
Henry did not have the heart to stop Alex from ordering three more drinks. It was his night and he was entitled to blow off some steam. Henry only drank one gin tonic and called it a night. If he had to take Alex home, he would need to be sober. Alex, on the other hand, was inebriated enough for the both of them, and drunk Alex was always a pleasure to be around. He got talkative and flirty, and he sweated a lot more. The glow of Alex’s skin was Henry’s favourite part of Drunk Alex. He always looked ethereal, like one of the statutes at the V&A.
A voice went through the speaker, taking Henry out of his spell “This is a call for...” there was hesitation in the woman’s voice “Henry’s husband?”
"That's me!" Alex stood up and kissed Henry briefly on the mouth and whispered "Remember, baby. I always take the high way" It left Henry light-headed. He often wondered when Alex would stop having that effect on him. “Fuck yeah, it’s my turn. ENJOY THE SHOW, BABY” While Alex climbed the stairs to the stage, he was laughing and getting into character.
“This song is for a little bitch who thought writing things about me was fun. Hit it!” Alex flipped his invisible long hair off his shoulder and put his right hand on his hip. He had the smug look on his face, like a child that had just gotten away with something they knew was wrong, but did it anyway and no one found out. Henry started sweating.
The first sounds of drums appeared. Henry did not know the song. It was upbeat and catchy. Henry was at the edge of his seat because Alex was swinging his hips and twirling his invisible lock of long hair. Henry was having a bodily reaction that he didn’t know how to control.
Alex started singing then calmly and quietly, “ Who the fuck do you think I am? ” Henry went still. It was Beyonce’s Don’t Hurt Yourself.
Alex kept on singing “ I ain't married to no average bitch, boy” the change in lyrics took Henry by surprise. Alex’s gaze was stuck on one specific table. Not on Henry. Henry turned his head and saw a very uncomfortable and sweaty Miguel.
“ You can watch my fat ass twist, boy. As I bounce to the next dick, boy. And keep your money, I got my own” Alex had a pointed finger and was suggestively dancing and making faces. Henry knew, he knew, he had made the right call on marrying him. But this spiteful wench, his spiteful wench, proved that he had gall and guts.
The song continued and it picked up strength and Alex was putting his whole body into the song. He was swaying his hips and pointing at the little dude sitting behind Henry. He was moving his index finger from side to side and was smiling wickedly. Henry was watching only Alex. He couldn’t get his eyes off of him. “ When you hurt me, you hurt yourself. Don't hurt yourself. When you diss me, you diss yourself. Don't hurt yourself. When you hurt me, you hurt yourself”
As long as the song was suggestive, he was looking at Henry. He decided to play with Alex and point at himself and mouth “ me?” or bite his lips. Or just let himself stare at Alex as if he were devouring him. Alex was visibly flustered and Henry loved it.
The song picked up again and Alex left Henry’s games and looked pointedly at Miguel. He sang while pointing at him. “ Let it be, let it be, let it be, baby. ” A pang of jealousy went through Henry’s chest when the word baby left Alex’s mouth. It soon disappeared when he heard the way Alex sang the next stanza full of poison and hatred. “Hey baby, who the fuck do you think I am?” Henry was mesmerized by the sheer power Alex had, how unapologetically him he was.
Alex turned around and slapped his ass as he sang “Just give my fat ass a big kiss, boy” He screamed into the microphone, his voice coming out like a growl. “ Tonight, I'm fucking up all your shit, boy ” Alex was getting heated, Henry could see as much.
The end of the song was near. Alex slammed his knees on the floor. He sang the last stanzas while pointing at Miguel and not breaking eye contact. “ Uh, this is your final warning (don't hurt yourself). You know I give you life (don't hurt yourself). If you try this shit again (don't hurt yourself). You gon' lose your life ” Again, Alex had changed the lyrics. He kept on looking at Miguel. He stood up and did a fucking mic drop.
Suddenly, the bar erupted in chaos and screams and claps. Everyone was cheering for Alex. Very professionally, Alex took a bow. His shirt was loose, so from Henry’s seat, he could see the distinct shine of the key around Alex’s neck. Alex got down and went to the table. Henry started speaking “Well, you did put on a show fo–”
Alex interrupted him at once with a kiss. This time, more passionate, possessive and lustful than the previous one. “Let’s go home. I might be worked up and in a mood for fuckin’ you senseless”
Henry’s face reddened, but he was quick on his feet. “Your wish is my command, love”
Alex took him by the waist and they left the bar. Alex whispering dirty, unspeakable things in Henry’s ear, and Henry imagining all the things Alex would do to him.
–
“BREAKING: ALEX CLAREMON-DIAZ’S WILD NIGHT OUT by Miguel Ramos”
A comment by @Davidsmyparent : Yeah yeah we’ve seen you can you write something other than hate mail to acd?
A comment by @godblessgaymerica : this seems very pointed for a little song and a few drinks do you want to tell us something miguel?
A comment @startyourenqueergines : what a petty little piece you should write fanfiction. I can’t recommend the angst tab enough.
Henry laughed at every comment on that article. He typed quickly before Alex got out of the shower.
A comment by Anonymous: Alex did nothing wrong, he was just having fun. Don’t take it personally if you cannot have fun. The fact that you chose to sit down and write this little article shows a clear path of obfuscation. You should be more careful about what you write. You are a public figure after all.